I panted out of breath as I neared the small brown house on the block. It was surrounded by thinning grass and bushes with thorns sticking out every which way. My hair messily sat in a bun from being on the hot greyhound bus all the way from Chicago to Waukegan. I've been holding my pee for three hours now too and I needed to go to the bathroom. But it was all worth it. I had to get out of Chicago. I knew I could no longer stay there. I think he found out about me and Bentley and I know for sure he's not over me and Pax. I'm asking for a death bed if I stay there any longer.

Dropping my luggage on the concrete step I put on a broad smile and knocked on the door. After not receiving an answer I continued to bang on the front door. I am so tired. I just walked like ten blocks and took a city bus to get here all because Pax didn't want to answer his phone. I know he only did that to avoid coming to get me or sending me an Uber.

"Pax!" I banged on the small rented two bedroom house that Pax I go half and half on every month. The door finally opened revealing my man shirtless with tattoos scattered all over his chest. Licking my lips I leaned in to give him a kiss until a light skinned black girl with a messy brown ponytail walked out and around me. Confused as to who that was, I pointed my thumb in her direction.

"Who the hell is that?"

"I figured it was you at the door." He opened the door further allowing me to walk in with my luggage. "And that was my friend. She brought a nigga some groceries since you fail to do so."

I was taken back by his response. I started to feel guilty until he started to laugh and I began to laugh with him. Aw he's just joking. He's such a comedian.

"You're so stupid. And I need my key back mister." I chuckled handing out my hand. He took away my key a while back when I didn't agree to rob this old lady's antique store with him. Not that I didn't want to, I was just scared then. If he'd ask me now I'd be down to ride.

After I used the bathroom I returned to the living room when I asked him about my key again.

"How was your ride to Waukegan?" he flipped the subject.

"Not so comfortable as always. I hate the greyhound bus. Smells like piss and I'm pretty sure the seats are infested. Besides that it would've been nice if you picked me up from the station." I rolled my eyes following him to the kitchen where weed, and coke sat on the counter ready to be inhaled.

"Why you needed me? You here ain't you?"

"Um because you're my boyfriend. Duh." I pushed his shoulder laughing. He is so silly. His eyes squinted at me. He tended to do that. Only when I'm around though.

"Oh. Right." I didn't know what he meant by that, but I decided to shrug it off. "So what's the business in Chicago?"

Letting go a deep sigh I plopped down onto the high chair and rubbed over my jean covered knees and thighs. I've been losing weight rapidly and I think it's because of stress.

"Well as you already know Cato had some bitches to beat me up, and-"

"Wait wait wait. You told me he beat you himself."

"Y-Yeah right. Yeah he um he had his goons come into my apartment right after and that's when he left with Sunny." I nervously explained to the best of my ability. For some strange reason I believe that Pax still cares deeply about his old friend Cato. They were pretty close until our little situation happened. Sometimes I feel bad and mostly I don't.

"Oh. Continue."

"When I went to see a client, some big black ugly dude pulled up and forced me into his truck and basically forced me to tell him everything I know about Cato." I decided to leave out the part where I sucked his dick for the money I thought I was receiving.

"For what price?"

"N-nothing. He held me at gunpoint."

"So you basically just ratted out his address and his peoples for free, am I right?"

"Yeah. That's some karma for his ass huh."

"You do realize what the fuck you just did right? That nigga is craz-" he raised his hands up to me and walked away pacing. He pinched his nose then let out a shivery sigh.

"I don't understand what I did wrong. There was a gun held to my head what you expected me to do. It was either lose my life or Cato."

"I ain't gone sugarcoat shit with yo ass. You already a dead bitch walking because once Cato finds out you dropped a dime on him he killing yo ass straight up."

"But you'll protect me right Pax?" He didn't look up from his hands.

"Pax?"

"Sup?"

"So that speech about being my knight and shining armor was just a lie huh? Sweet talking your way into my head was your plan." Tears build up almost entirely blinding me.

"Don't pity yourself. You knew what the fuck was going on. You're not as naive as people make you out to be." It hurt just hearing him talk about us in that way. I feel so bamboozled.

"I thought you loved me."

"I don't know yet. I care for you deeply though."

I can't make him think he's got one up on me. I have to say something to make me look like I'm one step ahead of him.

"Okay. Well while I try earning your love, I'll be on the run. Because I can't take this shit anymore." I partially lied.

"What?"

"That's why I came here mostly. To tell you that I'm leaving. I came to sell some things to build up enough money for the road and I'm going to dip before Cato gets a hold of me."

"You ain't selling shit up outta here."

"What? Did you forget that my daughter's money paid for this?" I squinted my eyes at him. He got me messed up.

"The kid you don't take care of bitch?"

"I did take care of my daughter Pax! Don't ever fucking disrespect me like that again, ever!" my bottom lip trembled. "Besides, if you'd grow a pair and be a real man you would've been able to buy your own furniture—" My head sharply turned to the left as the sting from a slap to my face settled in.

"Getcho deadbeat ass out my house." my body trembled with anger and sadness overshadowing the pain left from the slap.

"Is that it? You're just gonna throw me out after I've traveled to come and be with you?"

"You said it yourself, you only came to say goodbye and leave anyway."

"Well I lied! I lied." The tiny voice in my throat cracked. I searched his eyes for any ounce of care, but I couldn't find any. Hope replaced mine. "Why did you keep me around? Be honest."

"Honestly, just for the fun of it. And so I can eat off you. I knew the amount of funds Cato had rolling in for you nevertheless that baby, so I stuck around because I knew you'd choose me over her, unfortunately." He shrugged.

I ain't gonna lie like that didn't hurt me to the core. It was true though. I put him over my daughter. Now I don't even have a daughter to put someone over at all...

"Well, that's in the past. And now that we've established our true feelings, why don't we make a little plan?"

"I'm listening."

"Me and you get rid of Cato—for good."

"You mean kill him?"

"Y-Yeah. Yeah. We'll kill him. Together." The words became easier and easier to slip off my tongue. Kill him. He took away your life.

"Fuck done got into you?"

"Nothing. This just got really personal that's all."

"Yous a dumb brawd." I looked away. Tell me something I don't know. "But I'm in. I been kicking it with some niggas out here and they down for anything."

"Cool. Now can I get some of that. I've been doing good, but you know I can't stay away for long periods of time." My mouth watered and my body tingled at the smell of the somewhat sweet substance that sat in a pile on the tray. He pushed the tray over to me and I almost immediately began making my line.

So beautiful. So white. So pure. How could anyone sell this shit and not get tempted. I've seen loads of it one time in the house. Cato had to bring product into the house because of a change in his plans. He was so anxious and uneasy that night. But I was so tempted and took a cap full of it and tried it in the bedroom of Sunny's room. As soon as he dropped the weight off at what I'm assuming was the trap, he seemed like a weight was lifted off his broad tough shoulders and more curiosity sat on mine. Mhm.

"Lemme see that dollar." I asked Pax who sat sipping on a cup of lean and scrolling on his phone for music.

"This a Ben."

"So just give it here."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you a snake and you might try to steal it. Here." I rolled my eyes at his smart remark. Sometimes I wonder why I chose him out of all homeboys to fuck. But then I remembered that Quart doesn't like me, Herb wouldn't switch on Cato for me, I don't even know if Madman can talk and CantGetRight just straight up scares me, he has issues. Pax tossed the red straw from a cup of Wendy's juice at my head and I watched it fall to the floor. Rolling my eyes I rushed and picked it up from by my feet and bit the straw down to the height of my pinky before aligning it with my nostril and taking a swift deep inhale.

My eyes fluttered at the sensation that just overcame my body. This is what I do. It's my anesthesia. All my problems in the world just disappear with the sniff of the powder. It was almost like magic.

"Ugh," I shuffled feeling the rush of euphoria wave over my body and sit there. "Where'd you find this?"

"I told you. These niggas I met out here. They down for anything to get anything."

"You need to introduce me. Now what's the plan."

"Ion know shit. It was your idea." Shit. That's right.

"Let's fret about that shit tomorrow. Right now I need you to take off your clothes and come ride this dick."

Smirking, I began to remove my clothing piece by piece. Finally, something worth coming out here for.

I've been in Waukegan now for a couple of days when I decided to call Hari.

"Natalie bitch you must've grew a big clit to call me. You know we don't fuck with you nomo."

"I know Hari I-I just needed to hear Sunjae's voice. Is she with you?"

"Sunny is gone for good." It felt like my whole world stopped.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You would know if you were being a mother. Just know that she's in a better place now. Goodbye Natalie." click.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. What have I done?

I think my daughter is dead.

I was sitting on the couch crying when Pax walked in with a bag from Footlocker.

"What is you crying for now?"

"I think Cato killed Sunny as a way to get back at me for dropping a dime on him. It's all my fault. I left her for a guy who doesn't even love me or acknowledges her existence."

"Hey you ain't gotta talk shit about me. I'm sorry to hear about your kid, but we're still alive here so you need to focus on not joining her and makeup this plan to take the nigga out you feel me? Aight then."

"How can you just talk about her as if she wasn't yours?" He looked at me shortly before clearing his throat, tossing my bag of food from the taco place at me.

"Eat or don't eat. We gotta threesome in about ten minutes and we meeting with them niggas who sold me the coke. They hard to get when it's cold outside." he ignored the question before walking into the back room and locking the door.

Ugh. I should've picked Herb. At least he acknowledges his child.

Or better yet, you should've just stayed loyal to Cato. My conscience was right, but at this moment I can give no fucks about Cato. Him killing my child is all the reason more why I want his head on a silver platter.

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Y'all see these crackheads?😭😭😭

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