LIII
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Crystal's POV***

[Flashback- six months ago]

"Crystal. It's June. Summer just started. There will be plenty more times for us to-"

"That's what you've said every time. I just don't understand why you have such a strong need to hate all things happy and fun! You always have to act so miserable when we're with other people," I cut him off, and he rolled his eyes, leaning back on the bed.

"It was fucking beach volleyball. Why do you care so much?" He spoke back, and I crossed my arms.

We were all at Scarlett's beach house, where me and Ashton had been sharing the guest house, but would probably not be doing so tonight.

"Because I'm really getting sick of having to do all the fun stuff by myself. If you're not in the mood or having a bad day then that's one thing, but if I ask you to do something as stupid as beach volleyball with me, and clearly really want you to, then once in a while it would be nice if you put your grumpy ass attitude aside for a minute to do that stupid little thing with me," I complained. He sighed and rubbed his face, sitting up against the headboard.

"I'm not exactly used to doing stupid fun shit like that, C. I'm technically still new to this whole dating thing, but I'm trying," he grumbled. "Cut me some slack."

"I've been cutting you slack since day one, don't give me that shit," I glared, "I mean like, what the hell more can I do?!"

"It's not you," he growled, trying to keep himself calm and swinging his legs off the side of the bed, staring up at me from under his brow, "I would have fucking played if I knew you'd be this pissed about it."

"That's not the point-"

"I'm fucking trying, Crystal. Can't you see that?" He asked both irritatedly and exhaustedly.

"Not really, no." I replied. "Do you know how many times I have to apologize to people for your angsty-ass? Spoiler, it's a lot. So no, I don't really see this 'trying' of yours."

"Just, ugh," he grunted, "what are you saying?" He said and pinched the bridge of his nose, making it too obvious that he wanted to be done with this conversation. I crossed my arms again, anger and hurt twirling together in my mind.

"I'm saying that I feel like I'm tied to a heavy rock that's staying at the bottom of the ocean even though I'm trying to swim to the top and have fun up there with all our other rock people that are having a good time on a boat without us," I tried to put it into a metaphor, obviously not being successful.

"So you feel like I'm weighing you down," he more so just rephrased my words than asked for clarification, glaring at me slightly.

"Sometimes, yeah," I replied honestly, looking him up and down.

"You know, it's great and all that you're finally happy again and can do normal shit or fun things without faking your smile, but I'm not there yet, and I thought you understood that," he burned into me.

"I'm not there yet either!" I gaped at him, "but I'm trying to be! And this is how we get there, by trying."

"You can't just suddenly be happy again by wrapping a blanket of okay-ness around yourself! You're being goddamn delusional," he exclaimed back. For some reason, those words really stuck with me, and I felt a few tears come to my eyes.

"You said you're trying, and I'm trying, too," I choked out, and his eyes widened a little bit when he heard my shaky voice. He locked his gaze with mine again. "I'm not fucking delusional. I'm trying to move forward with my goddamn life. And I thought that you understood that."

"What's your point?" He asked, and I paused, looking over his face. A tiny ping of sadness squeezed my heart.

"Maybe we should just try our own ways for a while and see what happens," I spoke, and his confused expression fell.

"What?"

"Maybe we should just take a break. I think it might be good for us," I used the excuse, trying to convince myself as I said it. He looked frozen.

"Fine then." He muttered.

"Cool." I replied.

"Great."

"Rather superb."

"See you around then." He looked between me and the door.

"Unlikely," I snarked and turned on my heels, grabbing my phone and a few clothes before stomping out of the guest house and to the main one. I startled Scarlett when I opened the door to her room, and saw that Eli was in bed with her and that they were.. well.. you know.. so I cringed and shut the door quickly.

Not wanting to risk it with Vanah and Justin #1, I made my way to the room Kevin was in. When I got there, I hopped onto the side of the bed that Eli was supposed to have been on, and Kevin jumped a foot in the air, yelping but then realizing that it was just me.

"Are you a sleep paralysis demon or are you just a pissed off Crystal? Because I'd honestly take the first over the second," he greeted me, and I glared at him for the comment.

"Your friend is a giant pain in the ass," I informed him.

"All of my friends are, you'll need to be a bit more specific," he replied, falling back down onto his pillow. "Whatever, I'm sure Ashton's inside his bed right now wishing he was inside you instead, so give him a day or two and he'll turn up. For now, just please don't wake me up tonight, I thought I was going to have a peaceful night's sleep with having the room to myself," he added sleepily.

"Why would I wake you up?"

"I'm a sleep cuddler- Eli usually slaps me awake but I'd appreciate it if you just let it happen and let me sleep, thank you," he explained, and despite my remaining irritation, I chuckled a little.

"Sure thing, Kev." I said. Of course he was a sleep cuddler. That didn't surprise me in the slightest.

"Night Crys."

"Night."

I didn't sleep very well that night.

Our little "break" only lasted five days, but they were five very long and painful days filled with endless awkward stares between us from the rest of our group and stubborn stand-offs shared by the two of us.

I'd say we were both very mature for our age... but most definitely not during those five days.

On the last day of our trip, and after trying to put up with Kevin's relentless sleep-cuddling for the last time, I carefully pried his arm off of me to not wake him up and left the room. Ashton and I had been practically going out of our way to be distant from one another, only voluntarily around each other during our group meals and the time we all spent at the beach together.

At first, our break had been genuine, and we were both somewhat upset about it. But then only a couple of days into it, it almost felt like a game as we started to purposely rubbed it in each other's faces and get under each other's skin as much as humanly possible.

And weirdly, I don't know if I'd ever wanted to screw him more than after those five days of mutual rudeness and unwarranted sexual tension.

When I pounded my fist on the door, and he opened it looking just as wide awake as me, all he said was, "Please tell me someone broke your sleeping pills again," and my lips were on his.

I shoved him backwards, slammed the door, and we all-but-tore each other's clothes off as we then had the best make up sex to ever exist.

"Let's never take another break," he spoke as he caught his breath, his voice a deep rumble under me as I caught my breath on top of him.

"I don't know, this might have been worth it," I replied against his skin. And the two additional rounds we had after almost made me believe that.

We obviously talked a lot about everything afterwards, but we weren't in any rush to finish the fun part of our making up at all.

[end of flashback]

It was safe to say that we had matured a lot more since then.

We had saved each other a year ago by relying on each other, and then slowly started learning how to rely on ourselves. And it only brought us closer together the stronger we grew individually. We each had our own ways of dealing with certain things, but that didn't really pull us apart ever again after that.

By now we really understood each other on a deeper level, and knew that our differences were nothing at all to be ashamed of, but rather embraced so that we could each become individually as strong as our relationship always had been.

However, I draw the fucking line when you mess with my French fries.

"Are you a goddamn animal?! Who even are you! You disgust me!" I freaked out on Ashton as he innocently looked back at me like a child getting yelled at my his mother. My scolding didn't stop him from slowly lifting one of the French fries into his mouth, though.

We were all out at the burger place up the street, since break was now over and a lot of us had classes within the next few days.

Christmas this year had been a million times more magical than it had been last year, if not just for the fact that I wasn't in a hospital chair this year, then for the fact that I spent it with Connor and my mom- and then we had everyone over at night for a little Christmas party. Jake and Connor played with their toys together, and then attacked Kevin after I told them to. Not that he minded, he just attacked them right back.

Everything was so amazing... until Ashton decided to butcher my French fries by drizzling the ketchup directly on top of them instead of leaving it on the side to dip them in.

"I have always done this with my French fries," he defended.

"No you haven't, because I wouldn't have dated your sadistic ass!" I tried to save a few of them from his wrath, but they were all goners- covered in the red sauce. I scowled at Layla when she started laughing.

"These are my French fries, anyway, what does it matter?"

"They're not yours, they're ours," I rebutted, "We decided to only get one order of bottomless to save money."

"Yeah, and I got that order," he grinned, popping another fry in his mouth.

"You're truly insufferable." I told him, aggressively taking a bite of my burger.

"Why thank you," he grinned again, and I had the urge to slap it off of him.

"You two arguing like middle aged parents reminds me- you should totally name your kid Kevin. It would make him like already 10% cooler than all the other babies when he pops out," Kevin chimed in matter-of-factly, and both Ashton and I raised an eyebrow as we turned to look at him.

Layla started laughing loudly again, and snorted as Eli tried to quiet her down a little bit since other people were now staring. He should have known that his efforts would only make her laugh harder, though.

"Absolutely not," Ashton replied, making Kevin raise his hands as if to say 'why the hell not?'.

"You should name it something random, and then every time someone asks what their name means, make up a different crazy story each time," Savanah laughed at her own idea, and I rolled my eyes amusedly.

"Nah, that's identity crisis 101 right there for the kid," Kevin disagreed, and I looked at them all dumbfounded.

"How did we start discussing this?" I asked, and they shrugged before continuing the conversation. Ashton and I looked at each other and chuckled at them all deciding our future kid's name for us.

My smile grew a little as I looked around his face and thought about the fact that we actually would be having a family one day- well, hopefully at least. Wouldn't want to jinx anything. But for two messed up people who were usually scared of commitment or hope, Ashton and I admitting to each other that we wanted a family one day was saying a lot. Apparently I just couldn't seem to scare this boy off.

It was a few hours later when we all left, and I said goodbye to Jake and Connor as Layla brought them to her car and drove off.

"What the-" Eli watched, confused, as she left without him. "That's my car."

"I'm pretty sure she thinks it's hers," I patted him on the shoulder, but he kept looking at where the car had just driven off.

"Who let her take the children?" Ashton grunted, and we all shrugged. "I'd feel better with one of them two driving than her.."

When we said our see-you-later's, I hopped in the car with Ashton and he started driving me back to my house to drop me off. The energy in the car was comfortable and warm as we drove, his face lit up softly by warm streetlights.

"I like Gracie," he told me absentmindedly, and I looked at him a bit confused. He was just smiling a little to himself.

"Must I fight this 'Gracie'?" I joked, knowing he wasn't confessing a crush to me, but still not knowing what the hell he was talking about. He chuckled.

"The name," he glanced at me for a second, then returned his eyes to the road, "Gracie Monroe. I like it"

For some reason my heart swelled so much that I was worried it might just burst.

"How much have you thought about this?" I giggled and watched him as his features shifted to a slightly bashful smile.

"Don't act like you haven't," he went back at me, and I shrugged.

"Touché," I narrowed my eyes a little, "I like Hayden for a boy." I said, and he raised his eyebrows in approval.

"Can we both agree that the middle name will be some sort of innuendo, though?" He added, and I foolishly thought he was kidding at first.

"Ashton! No! I'm not letting you curse our child's life like that," I laughed, and he did, too.

"With us as their parents they already are," he joked in response.

"I already feel bad for your daughter, with your over-protective ass."

"Damn right. I can't just let her run around with an Eli or a Me," he shrugged, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hm," I turned my attention out the window and smiled to myself. "Crystal Monroe does sound nice, doesn't it?"

"You have no idea how nice it sounds," he replied, and I smiled over at him. He glanced at me and then did a little double-take when he saw me staring at him mischievously. "What?"

"Do you have a crush on me?" I teased, and he shook his head no, which made me laugh.

"Can't have a crush on you if I already love you," he pointed out, and I hit him on the arm for being so smooth.

"Cheese ball," I pinched his cheek, but he scrunched his face in annoyance and brought my hand down from his face, intertwining our fingers and resting them on my thigh. "You know, technically Jake was the first person to tell me you loved me," I told him, and his brows dropped in confusion.

"Huh?"

"The night Layla came back, he told me that he had been asking about me, and that you told him you loved me," I chuckled at his expression as he took in my words.

"I'm gonna kill that little blabbermouth when I get home," he grumbled, and I bit back a laugh.

"You should be thanking him- he was sort of like your ultimate wing man," I reminded him, and saw him remember what also happened that night. I chuckled as his lips formed a small 'O'.

"Speaking of which," he said and pulled over along the side of the empty backroad. "You're makeup looks really good tonight," he complimented, and I raised an eyebrow. "Can I change that?"

"Okay," I let out a 'pfft', "I'm tempted to say no because that was the grossest pickup line I've ever heard, but I guess I have nothing better to do," I teased, and he chuckled as he turned the car off and unbuckled both of us.

"Shouldn't we be above car sex by now?" I asked as I crawled into the backseat.

"If I'm above you, then I don't really give a shit where we are," he replied, and I rolled my eyes at him again as he joined me in the back.

"What's up with you pulling out all your lines tonight?" I chuckled, softly tracing along the features of his face.

"It paid off, didn't it," he grinned and leaned down to slowly lock his lips on mine. I smiled into the kiss as my hands felt through the back of his hair.

"Let's just make sure to talk about it before you put a little Gracie or Hayden in me, okay?" I joked when he started kissing my neck, and he laughed against my skin.

"Just stop talking and kiss me, please. After all it is the only reason I keep you around," he joked, and I bit my lip as he felt under my shirt.

"Likewise," I replied, my breathing thin. He grinned above me again, and I finally gave into my hormones, grabbing his face and kissing him hard.

He gently pushed me onto my back on the seat while our lips moved together, one of his hands on my neck and the other feeling it's way to between my legs as he brought my bottom lip between his teeth and then kissed me again deeply. I let out a soft noise into his mouth, and as if in response, he started working his fingers.

I pulled away from the kiss to lean my head back on the seat, biting my lip to hold back a moan and breathing heavily as he kissed down my neck and to the sensitive spot on my pulse point. His name slipped out of my mouth as my body arched up into his and my nails scraped against the skin on his back beneath his shirt.

I swore into his mouth when he returned his lips to mine, letting myself arch even more off the seat as I whimpered in pleasure. My hips naturally rolled towards him as he went on, wanting to be closer to him, wanting more. His other hand slid up from my neck to my hair, tilting my head to the side for easier access to my neck. I shuttered at all the different sensations he was making me feel, breathing deep.

But then he slid a finger into me, and my eyes shot open. I only felt the seat under me and the suffocatingly small space of the car as flashes of George on top of me began violently flickering in and out of my vision uncontrollably. Ashton leaned his weight down on me, still kissing my neck, and I let out a panicked sound, immediately trying to push him off of me as tears flooded to my eyes and I couldn't form words. I could only gulp in air and hope it was going to my lungs, since I couldn't even feel my breaths.

I felt, more than saw, Ashton lift himself off of me, and I scrambled up against the side of the car, gripping the seat hard to try and ground myself as I just kept seeing George's face and feeling his hands all over me. It took a few moments, but I finally snapped back to reality, now looking at a very concerned Ashton, who had been cupping my face with his hands and trying to get my attention.

A few tears fell down my cheeks as I reached up to hold onto his wrists, still gasping for air. I didn't have to tell him that I was mentally back, because he saw it in my eyes, and I let out a sob as I collapsed into him, already shaking violently. His arms wrapped around me not even a second later.

"I'm s-sorry," I stuttered out after a few minutes of trying to calm down. He gently stroked my hair as I cried into him, shaking even more now upon speaking.

"Don't be. I'm sorry- this wasn't what I meant by ruining your makeup," he replied, wiping a tear from my cheek and bringing my head into his chest. I put my hand on his and silently sobbed into him some more, my other hand balling his shirt in my fist in the front. "I've got you," he rasped softly, and I was fighting hard to keep my sobs relatively quiet.

I didn't blame