FIFTY-TWO: HOPE

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She waited at their spot by the lake. The sky was overcast and Hope knew that soon enough, it would start pouring rain and she would have to run into the coffee shop to take cover. She hoped that Faith made it there before that happened.

She had arrived home from camp and only begun making her snack when the phone rang. It was Faith, asking to meet. They agreed on their spot, four o'clock. And now she was waiting. And hoping it didn't rain.

"Hey," Faith said when she arrived, sitting down on the grass next to Hope.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay. How was camp?"
"It was good. Crazy how there's only two weeks left."
"There you go again with your counting down."
"Sorry," Hope said. "Can't help it."
Faith looked at the water. It was quiet.
"So what did you want to meet about?" Hope asked. "Sounded urgent."
"It is. Sort of. Well, not really." Faith took in a deep breath. "I broke up with Sebastian."
Hope's eyes widened and she sat up straighter. "What?"
"I had to. I couldn't keep stringing him along the way I was."
"Are you serious? Please tell me this is one of your practical jokes."
"I'm not joking, Hope. It felt wrong."
Hope looked towards the water and tried to breathe.
"What?" Faith said. "Why are you upset?"
"Because," Hope said, snapping her head towards Faith. "I never asked you to do that. I never asked you to break up with him."
"I know you didn't. I made that decision on my own. I thought you'd be at least a little bit happy."
"Why would I be happy, Faith?"
"Because..." Faith started, then stopped. But Hope knew what she was going to say.
"You know we can't be together," Hope said to her. "I'm marrying Matthew."
Faith didn't respond, so Hope continued. "Why did you have to go and do something so stupid?"
"How dare you?" Faith said, her voice raising. "I did this for you! And no, you didn't ask me to. But unlike you, I know where my true feelings lie. I couldn't keep dating Sebastian, lying to him and pretending to be in love with him when I clearly have feelings for you!"
"Shhh!" Hope said, cupping her hand over Faith's mouth and looking around to ensure no one heard.
Hope removed her hand and sat back, looking at the ground.
"I'm not sorry," Faith said. "It's my decision. You can be mad all you want. But at least I'm being honest with myself. You can't say the same, can you?"
"You don't know what it's like. You'll never know what it's like. To be me. To live my life. To have my family or practice my religion. And you don't know what it's like to truly and honestly believe that you've found your soulmate. To be so indebted to them and willing to do anything for them. And to all of a sudden have that change. To have your entire life tipped upside-down and be scrambling around, trying to figure it all out. Okay? You don't know."
"We may come from separate worlds," Faith said. "But you and me, we're not that different. I, too, was in a loving, committed relationship. And I, too, had my entire world flipped upside-down, if you recall. I didn't choose this. I didn't choose to fall in love with a girl. I just did. And instead of only thinking about yourself, think about how that affects me."
It was silent between them, the only sound being Faith's exasperated breathing and the waves crashing into the shore.
Finally, Hope spoke. "You're in love with me?"
"I don't know what to think anymore."
Hope stared at Faith, who was staring out at the water. She stared at the back of her head, the side of her face as she looked anywhere except at her. "I think I'm in love with you," Hope said.
That's when Faith turned to her. Hope could see her blue eyes, the look on her face. Confusion. Desperation. Anger. Relief.
They stayed like that for a long time, simply staring at one another, not saying a word.
Finally, Faith said, "What are we ever going to do?"
To which Hope replied, "I don't know."

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