FIFTY-ONE: FAITH

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She sat in her kitchen, the box of cereal placed in front of her. All it required was one simple motion. Reach forward and pour it into the empty bowl. But Faith couldn't bring herself to move. She couldn't bring herself to do anything. Her stomach felt nauseous, her head was heavy. And it was all because of what she was about to do.

She had been contemplating it since last night when the inception of the idea was first planted in her mind. It had come as an utter surprise at first. She was taken back. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was right: this needed to happen.

Faith turned her head and glanced at the phone which sat on the wall. She looked at the box of cereal, then looked at the phone. Fuck, she thought. She needed to do this. It had to be done.

She didn't want to break Sebastian's heart. Especially over the phone for that matter. She felt like a cowardice bitch for doing something like this, but she also couldn't bring herself to invite Sebastian all the way out here just to break up with him. This was the only way.

The walk towards the landline felt like ages. She walked slowly, contemplating each word she would say. Her heart was racing, beating through her chest. She was a terrible person. A terrible girlfriend. Sebastian didn't deserve this. He deserved better. She didn't want to hurt him, but she also knew that she couldn't stay with him. Not like this. It wasn't fair to him.

She picked up the phone and dialed his number, waited. Her heartbeat grew louder after each ring.

"Hello?" she heard his mother's voice.
"Nancy, hi," Faith said, caught off guard. "It's Faith, how are you?"
"Hi Faith. I'm good, just cleaning the house. How are you?"
"I'm fine. I was just wondering if Sebastian was in?"
"He is. He's just getting ready for work actually."
"Oh, Iā€“"
"I'll get him for you, hang on."
And then Nancy was gone and she could hear her calling for her son in the background. Fuck, Faith thought. He was about to have his heart broken right before work.
She could hang up, call back later. But the result would still be the same. It was inevitable. She needed to do this now, get it over with.
"Hey babe," he said once he picked up the phone.
"Seb, hi," she said, but her voice cracked, faltering the perfect illusion that she was trying so hard to portray.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said, but all of a sudden her throat became tight and it hurt to breath. She was crying, she realized. When was the last time she had cried?
"What happened?" he was concerned now. She could picture him gripping the phone with both hands, waiting to hear about some meltdown or tragedy.
"I'm so sorry," she broke into a sob. "I'm so so sorry."
"What happened? What did you do?"
"I can't do it Sebastian. I can't do this anymore."
"What are you talking about? Did something happen?"
"I can't see you anymore," she said, and tried to stop herself from sobbing any further.
It was quiet for a long time. He waited until she had collected herself. Then finally, he spoke. "What are you saying? You're breaking up with me?"
"I never wanted it to come to this," she said. "Please believe me. But I couldn't bring myself to have you drive all the way here, only for me to do it in person. So I apologize for doing this over the phone, but just know I'm doing it because I care about you. So much ā€“"
"Yeah, clearly."
"I know you'll be angry. I know this. But I can't keep doing this. It's me, not you, so please don't ever think that you did anything wrong. You are the most amazing person and the best boyfriend, Sebastian Copeland. Please know that. But staying in a relationship with me... it's not fair to you."
She waited. Could hear him breathing. Thinking. All of the words in the world swirling through his brain.
Finally, he said, "Do you love her?"
"What?"
"Do you love her?" he repeated.
Faith bit her lip. She knew exactly what he was talking about. "I..." she stuttered. "I don't know."
It was quiet again.
"Best of luck, Faith," he said, and then the line disconnected.

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