Chapter 8 - It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

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I wake up with the biggest hangover. I groan as the pounding in my skull intensifies. I roll over and feel tender in places that can only mean one thing. That's when I remember. Shit. Fuck. What the hell did I do? What madness drove me to have sex with Landon? Alcohol, I answer my own question. It was the alcohol. I would never have been attracted to that asshole without it, right? Right?

I bury my face in the pillow, suffocating my screams in it. Fuck fuck fuck. How am I supposed to face him now? Embarrassment colors my face red. As does remembering what he did to me last night. God, he felt so good. The space between my legs awakens as I think about it, and I roll over again. Yes, it was good. Hell, it was the best I've ever had. But it can't happen again. I'm not attracted to him. I don't even like him. Not to mention he's Nate's best friend. Oh for god's sake, I'm so messed up.

Realizing I need to face him sooner or later, I get up and pull on jeans, a black v-neck top edged with lace, and a thick gray cardigan over it. My hair isn't behaving so I pull it up on a messy bun, a few strands escaping and framing my face.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step out in the hall. Landon's door is open and I peek in, finding it empty. Feeling a bit nervous, I descend the stairs and follow the scent of coffee into the kitchen.

Landon is sitting at the island with his back to me, wearing a dark blue long sleeve that hugs his body. I tear my eyes from him and make my way to the coffee maker, pouring myself a cup. I lean against the counter and sip my coffee, my eyes scanning the island. A bottle of kitchen cleaner stands on one end of the shining counter. My cheeks heat up as memories from last night surface.

I guess I made some sound as Landon's head whips up and turns to me. He takes in my appearance and holds my eyes, clearly thinking about last night, as well.

"Uh," I tear my eyes away from him, looking down at the hot drink in my hands instead.

"I—" he starts but my phone buzzing in my back pocket interrupts. I dig it out and see I have nine new messages. Ten. eleven. I sigh, scrolling through them. They're all from my friends, and all some version of asking if I'm okay. Miranda filled them in on my and Nick's breakup last night so that I didn't have to.

"Your boyfriend already missing you?" Landon's cold voice cuts through my thoughts. I look up and see a contemptuous sneer on his face, but his eyes betray him. There's... guilt in them.

"You really don't think much of me, huh?" I ask angrily, hurt by his question. I might have made a mistake last night, but not on the caliber he clearly is thinking about. He just raises his brows in question.

"You really think I would cheat? That I'm that shitty of a person?"

He frowns, uncertainty in his voice. "Didn't you?"

"No, I did not," I snap and pour the rest of the coffee down the drain. It has turned to dirt in my mouth.

"So you and lover boy..." he asks, leaving the question hanging. I grip the sink and pray for patience.

"We broke up," I say through gritted teeth. "Last night at the party."

Comprehension fills his face and he nods slowly. "Right before you came home shitfaced."

I don't bother answering, instead just fixing him with a tired look.

"So I was your rebound," he nods, something unrecognizable flashing in his eyes.

"No," I state bluntly. "You were a mistake." I grab a glass of water and barricade myself into my room for the rest of the day.


By Sunday morning I have to leave my room, my stomach growling in hunger. Nate and Landon are both already eating breakfast, both glued to their phones.

I fix myself a turkey sandwich and a glass of orange juice and sit next to my brother. He raises his eyes from his phone to looks me over. I know I probably have dark circles under my eyes from two badly-slept nights and my hair is a tangled mess.

"You okay?" He's obviously heard of my sucky love life. Or rather, the lack of it.

"I would be if everyone just would stop asking me that," I answer tightly. He looks taken aback.

I sigh, reminding myself my life being a hot mess is not his fault. "Sorry," I mumble, and he nods. "Just tired of everyone asking me that." I raise my eyes and catch Landon's before he looks down at his phone again, ignoring me.

"You two fighting again?" Nate asks, noticing the tension between us.

"Nope" we both answer in unison.

"Right..." Nate says slowly, looking from his best friend to me. "I'm supposed to be going to Sophie's but if the two of you are going to blow up the house while I'm gone..."

"We're fine," I give him a tight-lipped smile.

"Just dandy" Landon quips.

"Uh-huh," my brother stands up with a disbelieving look on his face.

"I'm going to stay up in my room, anyway," I stand up and take my breakfast to go. "See you later." I stomp up to my room, frustration building up in my stomach. Why did we have to mess everything up even more? Didn't we hate each other enough before making things awkward as hell? I groan as I face plant my bed.

It's eight in the evening when I hear the front door opening and closing downstairs and footsteps coming to the stairs. Two sets of footprints. I sneak up to my door and open it ajar, peeking out. The hall is dimly lit but I recognize Landon's figure. He's pulling a giggling girl up the stairs, saying something that makes her laugh even more. What an annoying sound.

They stop at the landing and the girl puts her hand on his chest, looking up at him. I scowl as he leans down to kiss the dumb brunette. I feel like I've been stabbed in the stomach and turn away, closing my door quietly. Why am I feeling like this? I don't like him. I'm not jealous over the stupid girl he's managed to ensnare this time. He's an asshole. Always has been and always will be. So why am I feeling like this?


Monday morning I wake up early and go for a run. Landon's door is closed and I can hear snores through it. The girl probably stayed over. Figures. I push myself hard, welcoming the feeling in my muscles as I run faster and faster.

I'm breathing heavily by the time I make it to the porch. It takes me a while to get my breathing right and only then do I go inside. I take a quick shower and dress for the day; it's the 20th and since I've been occupied with other stuff, I haven't got any Christmas presents yet. Talk about leaving everything to the last minute. Since the ball is tomorrow night, today is my only chance to go to the mall. I ring up Stella and Riley and pick them up on my way. Miranda is busy babysitting her nine-year-old sisters Mia and Meghan with Brett. Those two girls are a handful.

"I think I've got everything," I peek into one of my four bags full of presents.

"What about Landon?" Stella asks, sipping her mango smoothie. We've been shopping for five hours and are currently sitting at a smoothie bar, resting our tired feet. The mall is more crowded than usual, and it's been like hell trying to make our way through the masses of people.

"What about him?" I look away, afraid my face is going to reveal something I don't want. I haven't told anyone of Landon and our little... make-out session.

"You didn't get anything for him," she points out.

I scowl. "I never give anything to him. Nor does he give anything to me."

"But usually you don't spend Christmas together."

"So, he's not going to his father's this year?" Riley asks, not having heard. They don't really know much about Landon's family, just that he and his father have a strained relationship.

"No, Nate invited him to stay with us," I purse my lips. After everything that happened between us, I'm not ecstatic about the idea. "And aunt Melissa invited him over to the Christmas Day dinner. And apparently he's invited to the ball, as well." Not that I had any say in any of these matters. My winter holiday is starting to seem like a Landon-filled nightmare.

Riley giggles. I think she's always had a little crush on him. I can't for the life of me figure out why. "I can switch places with you, if you want," she winks. I laugh and shake my head.

"I wish," I snort. "But I think Melissa wouldn't appreciate it."

She shrugs.

I look at Stella. Is she right? Should I get something for him this year? Would it be rude if I didn't? I sigh, defeated.

"Ugh, I guess I have one more present to find," I groan and get up, tossing my empty cup in the trash. "Come on ladies, back to the war zone."

Finding a present for Landon takes forever, considering I don't really know him that well. I have no idea what books he reads, if he reads, or what movies he loves. We don't really talk about that stuff. We just... bicker. I also just don't want to buy him something stupid. I have a things with presents; I absolutely have to get everybody something I know they'll love, or I will stress myself out. So I end up buying him a men's Diesel cologne I love the smell off, as well as a gray sweater that is almost the exact same color as his eyes. I'm already stressing out if he'll like them or just will just pretend to.

It's already evening when I pull in front of our house, and my jaw drops to the ground. The house is lit up with Christmas lights, just like mom and dad used to do it. A beautiful reindeer decoration stands on the snowy yard next to the tree wrapped up in bright yellow lights. It's beautiful. My eyes water as I look at the familiar sight.

Shakily, I turn off the engine and get out. My fingers graze the lights wrapped around the porch railing, and I stop at the door, staring at the evergreen wreath hanging from a nail. My throat closes up and I try to pull myself together before I open the door.

The foyer is as decorated as the outside of the house, wreath running up the railings of the stairs with red little ribbons and bells, ornaments hanging on the windows, snow globes on the windowsills. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" is playing, coming from the living room.

I put down my bags and take off my coat, slipping out of my boots. I follow the music and come to a full stop at the open door, taking in the scene in front of me. Landon and Nate are putting lights on a tall Christmas tree, boxes and boxes of ornaments at their feet.

Nate notices me first.

"Hey," he looks up, a wary expression on his face, as if he'd guessed how I would react.

"Hi," I whisper, memories flooding my mind. I'd assumed we weren't going to decorate this year, as it used to be mom who did it. She loved Christmas, often putting up the lights the first day of December. She used to sing along to Christmas carols, dancing goofily around the house, always in a good mood.

"I figured mom would've wanted us to be happy and enjoy the holidays, like we used to," he says, leaving Landon alone by the tree and coming to stand before me.

"Yeah," I croak, smiling at him. "I'll help with the tree."

---

And hour later and we're ready. The tree looks amazing, as does the rest of the house. I sit on the couch, sipping hot chocolate, when Nate comes to stand before me.

"I have something to show you," he says, offering me his hand. Frowning, I take it and let him lead me to my room. On my bed are laid out five garment bags.

"They're mom's," he tells me. "I found them in the storage when we were looking for the decorations. I think she wore them when she was young and was saving them up for you."

I look at the bags, my throat closing up again.

"I figured you could wear one of them tomorrow," he says hesitantly.

"I—"

"I know you have a lot of dresses, but I believe mom would be happy if you wore something of hers. I really do." He squeezes my shoulder and leaves me alone.

I take a hesitant step toward the bags, and open them one by one. They're all beautiful evening gowns, each my size. My eyes can't help but be drawn to a navy blue one I know would look great against my skin tone. The sheer bodice is covered in pretty patterns of lace, and the lace even continues down the flowy skirt. A silver belt accentuates the waist.

I can't make myself try it on, but I zip it back up and hang it on my dresser, putting the rest in my closet before scrawling into bed and closing my eyes. I dream of beautiful dresses and balls and mom, sleeping better than in a long time.

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