51• Mistake

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AJAX

Drake, Tony, Felix, and I get out of our lift, and I immediately grab a smoke and light it up. Felix sends me a look, and I notice out of my peripheral vision, but I ignore him.

"So, what are we going to do for the rest of the day, amigos?" Tony asks, cracking his knuckles in front of his body. His brown eyes are glittering with curiosity, his steps full of enthusiasm.

"Nothing." Drake mutters, running his hands through his hair which is freshly wet from a shower after our workout at the gym. "I'm going to sleep."

"Really?" Tony frowns. "We have a whole afternoon ahead of us."

Tony peers at me, and I just shrug. He then glances at Felix, getting him to say, "Well, maybe Ethan will have an idea."

"Maybe." Tony says, but I can tell his hope is squashed.

"I'll catch up with you guys." I say when we reach the front door of our apartment building. I'm prepared to take ten extra minutes to finish my cigarette.

I lean against the side of the building, and as the group filters inside, I realize Felix is staying behind. I groan on the inside, flashing him a smile on the outside.

"What has been going on with you?" He asks when we're alone. He swats his hands, causing the smoke that rolls in his face to swirl around his fingers.

"Nothing has been going on with me." I tell him, lifting an eyebrow. "What's going on with you?"

Felix glares at me. "Really? Something is going on."

"No, something is not." I explain, turning away from him and leaning my shoulder against the building.

"Yes, something is." He argues firmly. "That's your fourth smoke today."

I shake my head. "No, it is not."

"Yes, it is. I counted." He tells me, getting in front of me and crossing his arms over his chest.

My eyes fall down to my cigarette, and the smoke bellowing from it mocks me. I grumble. "I don't think so. And even if it was, who cares?"

"Me." He counters, his eyebrows snapping together angrily. "So, tell me what's up."

I shrug my shoulders. "Nothing is up."

Felix reaches forward, taking me by surprise. His fingers coil around my cigarette and rip it from my hands. I gasp, but he drops the item onto the ground and crushes it beneath his foot.

My heart twists and my jaw clenches. "Really?"

He nods. "Yes, really. I'm your brother, man, just talk to me."

"I don't know what's up, okay?" I groan, shifting my weight to rest my back on the building.

"Fine, but I know what's up." Felix informs me with a scowl. "You're carrying around weight from a blame you've laid on Vanessa. You know, you could just forgive her and move on? You don't have to feel that anger and resentment."

My lips part, but Felix continues. "Really, man. Just forgive her. I'm the one who hesitated on pulling the trigger, and so what if she swayed my opinion on the matter? If it was really her fault, she wouldn't be on the team. If it was really her fault, I'd blame her, too, but it's not. It's not, man."

"But,"

"Nope." He cuts me off, raising a hand up. "You either get over yourself and forgive her, or continue to be stressed out about something that is in the past and out of our control."

I open my mouth to say something, but he's already entering the building and leaving me outside huffing.

The door closes in my face, and I nearly lose my marbles. How dare he talk to me that way when I'm the only one trying to protect him? How dare he rip out my cigarette? That was a shitty thing to do...

Frustrated fumes roll out of my ears as I begin pacing back and forth in front of the building.

I have been pretty shitty to Vanessa...

But I had a reason to be. She almost got my brother killed.

But she didn't. She just made a mistake. Like I have millions of times...

But this wasn't an easy mistake. It was one that could've ruined all of our lives.

But she only meant well...

I don't care. I don't want her recklessness around my brothers.

But, she's rarely reckless. She just has a good conscience.

Fuck it.

I storm toward the building, thinking that maybe I should just give it up. I mean, she already knows how I feel about the situation. She is learning. She is trying. She told me she loved me, and she said that I will never be alone.

Yeah, I think she deserves an apology.

No, not an apology. Just forgiveness.

I step into my building's elevator and think of when I can catch her alone, and as I get onto my floor, I let those thoughts diminish. I don't want to stress about it. I'm sure I'll see her soon.

I enter my apartment, and I realize that I'm seeing her much sooner than I expected.

Wearing jeans, a white shirt, and a brilliant smile on her face, Vanessa is standing in my living room. She is amidst hugging Tony, commenting on his wet curly hair. He is saying something cheesy in return when I shut the door behind me and grab both of their attentions.

Vanessa's smile fades slightly, her caramel eyes fluttering. "Hey, Ajax. I was thinking we could watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith and educate these boys."

I grin in return as Drake grunts from the kitchen and Ethan plops down on one of the two couches in the living room. Felix follows his lead, Tony after.

Drake still hasn't sat down. He's actually standing behind me, sort of, and that makes me feel like no matter what I say, he will have my back.

I clear my throat. "Yeah. I think watching the movie is a good idea, Vanessa."

The relief that flows over her stings my heart.

I really have been a dick to her.

Drake moves in front of me, stealing a spot on the other couch, and I join them. Vanessa pulls out the DVD case, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stirring up my memory of the old action movie.

Vanessa slips the disk into our DVD player, and soon it is displayed on the screen. I watch her as she slides beside Ethan onto the couch, in the only space left. And she doesn't glance at him or the screen. Instead, she meets my gaze.

I half-smile, nodding to her.

That's enough to have her grinning back at me. There's so much kindness in her caramel eyes. So much doubt disappearing.

Yeah, I'm done being a dick to her.

We both turn to watch the movie, and throughout the scenes, I realize that more weight lifts off of my chest as I relax more and more. I never understood what holding a grudge does to a person until now.

Shit. It feels good to let that grudge go.

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