43• Three Seconds

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TONY

"You called me, sir?" I query to Jerome as he types away at his computer.

He glances up to meet my gaze with his brown eyes. "Yeah. Vanessa called and said she wants to know when you'll be free to do the mental health assessment, and if two o'clock is okay?"

"Sure." I nod, my heart skipping a beat. It'll be so much fun talking about all the shitty things in my past. So much fun.

"She said to meet at the place you've been to before." He replays this information with a furrowed brow.

"Okay." I smile, recalling the bar we've visited previously.

"Okay." Jerome says, sending me on my way.

Before I get to the door, though, Jerome says, "Hey, I have a quick question."

I lift my head and he asks, "Do you think it was Vanessa's fault that Felix got injured?"

"No, sir." Is my firm response. "And even if it was, that girl is an Angel. She would never mean to hurt him."

"Okay. Thank you." Jerome replies before clearing his throat and going back to typing.

•••

I get to the bar early to order my favorite nachos, and I'm chomping them down when Vanessa arrives ten minutes early.

She smiles and slides into the seat. "Hey."

She looks beautiful today. Her brown hair is pulled up in a bun, but only half of it is. The other half is in curly waves down her shoulders, and two strands near her ears cup her caramel face nicely.
She wears a black outfit that looks like a jumpsuit, except fancier.

The article of clothing makes her legs look really lean and long, heels helping with that. As she gets in the seat, I can tell the back of her attire is open, showing off her back sexily. I almost want to tell her she is beautiful, but I recall how she has been cozying up with Ethan, and I stop myself.

"Hola, amor." I say instead with a grin. "Lovely evening, isn't it?"

"It is." She says with no conviction. Actually, she seems a little tired, owning dark circles under her eyes she tried to cover up with makeup.

I go to ask her about it, but instead she says, "Those nachos look delicious. I'm going to have to order myself some."

"Do so." I grab another cheesy chip and pop it in my mouth. "You won't regret it."

She grins. "So are you ready for this?"

"Of course." I smile. "When am I not ready for something?"

"Alright." She pulls out a file from her large black purse and opens it up, taking out a pen from the folds of the leather bag. "First question. How have you been feeling lately?"

"Okay." I reply truthfully. No point in lying here. "I've been feeling kind of restless."

"Do you know why?" She queries, a thin eyebrow of hers perking up.

"Umm..." I munch on another nacho. "I guess because I feel like since Felix was hospitalized there should be something to do, something to make it better, but only time can, I guess."

She nods quietly.

I find the silence sweet, but I'm sure that's not what she is going for, so I fill it with words. "I am glad he is okay. If he wasn't..." I pause to shake my head. "I don't think we would've continued being a band anymore, and that scares the piss out of me."

Vanessa's perked eyebrow doesn't rest. "You think all of you would've split?"

"I'm sure of it." I tell her. I've already thought of this. If Felix were to die, Ajax would probably do something crazy like attempt suicide, and he'd either succeed or end up in an asylum or on drugs or something. Drake would probably cut himself off from the lot of us and go back to his old job, and Ethan would pursue his own career in the CIA and be with the top guns.

I'd get the hell out of dodge and travel to a different country. I find solace in travel, if not in family, and without them, I wouldn't have one.

Vanessa frowns. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah," I shrug. "Well, it's going to happen one day. Where one of us gets killed and we all crumble to hell."

Vanessa's caramel eyes flicker up to me, bewilderment glowing in them. "Why such a pessimistic view?"

"Because I know it will happen one day." I tell her. "It's inevitable. I just hope it's not any time soon because I love those guys to death. And I'm surely glad Felix is still alive. If anyone dies, he's the most innocent of all of us."

"Why do you say that?" Vanessa pries.

I find myself pondering the same question. "Well, to be frank, I think he's still a virgin."

Vanessa rolls her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. I cackle. "No, really. I think he is. Me, on the other hand, am not so innocent. I've been across the world and had all different flavors of women."

"Flavors?" Vanessa stops writing on her paper just to glare at me. "Really?"

I raise my cheesy hands in the air innocently. "I didn't mean that disrespectfully. You know that. I'm not a player. I make sure they want me, too."

She rolls her eyes once more, and I continue trying to defend myself. I don't want her thinking I'm a player. I just have some fun with women who also want to. And, it's not like I sleep with a different girl every night--I have a little more respect for women and myself to do that.

"Every once in a while I just find an amazing girl who I'd like to become intimate with. I remember all of their names because they're all special to me in my heart." I tell her, but I don't think I'm helping my case. I sigh. "Nevermind. Just forget it."

"So, you've traveled?" She questions, and I nod.

"I mean, I feel like I've seen it all, but I really haven't." I explain as I take a sip of the beer I've had sitting in front of me for a while. Vanessa watches my Adam's apple bob up and down, suddenly making me self-aware. She doesn't think I'm a slop, does she? I mean, I am kind of chowing down on the food without hesitation...

"Where have you been?" She asks me softly.

"Spain, Italy, France, Romania, Russia," I barely get a handful of countries off before Vanessa cuts me off.

"Never mind. Which countries haven't you been to?" She giggles softly, and it brings bubbles to my stomach.

"I haven't been to Australia, but hopefully during the summer I could visit." I say with a shake of my head. "And I haven't been to Hawaii, but that doesn't count as a country. I also haven't been to a several countries in Africa and a few in Asia."

"And you've been everywhere else?" Vanessa's jaw drops, and I smirk.

"Yeah. Once I was recruited in the CIA, I was sent away." I inform her. "I picked up a lot of new cultures and information. I landed the CIA some great contacts who have helped on hundreds of missions. I've completed some missions myself overseas, solo in undercover, and if I didn't know the culture, my cover would've been blown."

"Oh, really? You don't think people could go straight into undercover business unless they were enveloped in the country's culture first?" She jots this down on the side.

"Correct." I affirm. "Certain things people just need to know, and they won't unless they scope out the place for a while. For instance, if I were to tip in Spain, I'd be flagged as American. In Spain, they don't tip. Make sense?"

"Makes sense." She nods. "This is interesting stuff."

"I'll take you to Spain one day, mi amor." I tell her with a broad smile. "We could dance on the roads of Madrid in white. People would think we were angels."

"That's a little romantic." Vanessa's cheeks redden, and I can't help but laugh.

"Well, I mean, you and Ethan can, but he doesn't know how to dance like I do." I wink, and she rolls her eyes.

"So, which country was your favorite to visit?" She crosses one of her legs and sits back.

"I'd have to say Bora Bora." I close my eyes and remember the clean, salty air back at that beautiful place. "Majestic freedom is what that is. I could live on the beaches there in a cave if I had no adult obligations."

She laughs with me as we both imagine me wearing only a leaf and fishing with a stake. Oh, what a life that'd be.

"What's your least favorite country?" She asks, and my heart sinks in my chest a little.

"Hard to say." I lie. As soon as she asked, my mind went to Antares.

"Tell me." She says to me, her voice smooth and kind.

"Well, you know me." I tell her, losing my appetite. "I make friends easily..."

She nods as I continue. "I have made many, many friends whom I've lost over the years, but there was this one man named Salud who was really close to me."

"But," I hold my breath. "He lived in Antares, a place on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. It was a horrible place. And when I say horrible, I mean just plain pitiful. It was full of crime and violence."

I clear my throat after wiping cheese off my fingers. "Well, Salud owed a bunch of money to some guy."

"What'd he owe money for?" She asks the right question, and I find myself wishing that I could turn my emotions off and erase Salud from my memory.

"He owed money to the guy for a loan he lent Salud." I say. "The loan was used to take his kid to the hospital to be born."

"He paid that damn loan off, but the guy he owed it to said his interest rate was high and he needed two thousand more dollars than Salud had." My head violently shakes. "So, the man killed Salud, killed his wife, and murdered their kid."

Vanessa stops writing and stares at her paper with wide eyes. "He killed them all?"

"And he broadcasted their deaths as a warning to others." I tell her. "So, I watched my best friend and his family get murdered. And they were all good people. Would've paid off that loan in the next year or so."

Vanessa's bottom lip trembles. "And I'm guessing he's not the only friend who died horribly?"

"He's not the only friend who I watched die, too." I add, letting out a breath. "It just sucks. Like, I feel as if I should do something for the little people. I want to save them all, but I can't. I can only do one thing at a time, and in the meantime, people are dying. Innocent people are dying every day. Good people..."

"You've done a lot for people." Vanessa explains. "And those people won't forget you."

I nod, my heart filling with a little bit of warmth. "You know, one time I wanted to help a person who was trapped, but I couldn't save her. And it was her who did the trapping. Nobody else."

"Who was that?" She asks.

"Her name was Aline. She was selfish, but I ended up loving her and that flaw when I shouldn't have. You know, when you fall in love it's hard to climb back out of it." I explain with a furrowed brow. "When I first met her, I bailed her out of jail because I was in the same city visiting my friend who was a cop. I took the girl home, and for the next week I helped her through withdrawals to try to get her on her feet."

"I'm guessing that was hard." Both of Vanessa's eyebrows lift.

"Yeah. I watched her visit hell and back, but she was beautiful and I wanted to help her so badly." I close my eyes. "That was my mistake. Always trying to help people--it's hard to differentiate between those who want the help and those who don't."

Vanessa's eyes flicker with understanding and I say, "We were lovers for a few months, but after a while she stopped coming home to me and would come home with long sleeves on. Now, in Brazil, long sleeves in spring is not a thing, so I decided to lift her sleeve one day and found needle marks in her arms."

"I left her." I say shortly. "And she overdosed the very next week."

Vanessa curses.

I just sigh. "Can't save everyone, sadly. I wish I could've. Although she was selfish, she was so smart. She could've made a real difference in this world, you know? So could've Salud."

"Was your home life just as bad?" She asks me, and I hesitate.

"No. Not that bad." I explain. "I mean, my dad was never in the picture. So, I lived with my mom in Mexico for a while, but she was able to move both of us to the U.S. and paid someone to marry her so she could become a legal citizen. For her and for me."

Vanessa softly smiles. "Sounds like a woman with a strong heart of gold."

"Strong heart made of beans." I joke, and Vanessa sends me the weirdest look. "What? She used to make that all the time."

After we both laugh a little, Vanessa asks, "So what happened when you were here?"

"Well, she could never bring herself to divorce him. He was a real prick, too. Only used her for sex, cooking, and cleaning. He'd cheat and get drunk and lose jobs, so we were poor. I never considered him a father, much less a man."

"So, you've never had a father figure." She concludes.

"Jerome is." The words roll off my lips, and I kind of regret saying it when I spy the disappointment in her caramel eyes. "He's the man who has been here for me the most when I really need him. So, that's got to count for something."

Vanessa jots this down without speaking a word.

I decide to try my luck to see if I can make something of myself this afternoon. "Do you think you could ever forgive him for leaving you?"

"What's there to forgive if he isn't sincerely sorry?" She doesn't look up.

I ponder that for a moment. They must've talked, and it must not have gone great.

I should probably butt out, but I don't. "I know he wants you in his life. That's gotta count for something. I mean, my dad didn't give a shit about me. And Ajax and Felix's dad was abusive." I pause to let this sink in for her. Her eyes remain on her paper. "And Drake's dad is dead."

"Yeah." She shakes her head. "And I feel really sorry for all of them, but I'm not sure if I can forgive him for choosing his work over his own daughter and wife. Now, can we please stop talking about it."

I nod, shutting my mouth. "Sorry."

"It's okay." She says with a sigh. "So, tell me more about yourself. Tell me something I don't know."

"I... Dropped out of high school." I shrug and shove another nacho in between my lips. "I stayed out of school and mastered the art of pickpocketing."

"Pickpocketing." She repeats, caramel eyes filled with surprise. "You stole from people?"

"Ummm... Only people who looked like they deserved it." I assure her, and she rolls her eyes for what seems like the tenth time this evening. "And sometimes people who bumped into me by chance."

"One bump was all it took?" She asks.

"Yeah. I counted how many seconds it took for me to snatch a watch or wallet." I grin proudly. "It only took me three seconds."

"Really?" When I nod, Vanessa sits back with an open mouth and wide eyes. "That's impressive."

I pretend to bow, bringing a smile to her lips. Then, I swig my beer. "Actually, that's how I met your dad and Ethan. I pickpocketed the old man."

"He caught you?" She questions, and I shake my head.

"Nope. He had to find out who did it and hunt me down." My smirk is huge, my heart so light. "He found me within two days, but hey. That's pretty impressive for a nobody."

"You aren't a nobody." Vanessa immediately snaps.

I drink from my glass. "I was back then."

"Yeah. Then, we all were." She says.

There's a long moment where she flips through the pages of her folder.

She finds an empty page and peers up at me. "So, tell me a little bit about how you cope with events."

"What do you mean?" My nerves sing with fear at the sound of her deep question.

"Do you talk to someone?" She asks, her eyes falling to her paper. She has a way of relieving pressure when she does that. Like this is a casual conversation and not an evaluation.

"Yeah. I talk to Felix." I explain. "I think the whole team talks to him. He's a good listener."

"But you almost lost him. You almost lost your sounding board." She says, her voice smoothly flowing into my ears. "How did you cope with that?"

There's an awkward silence where I remain quiet and think back to the last week. I come up with absolutely nothing. "I... Haven't coped."

"You've just avoided it?" Vanessa queries gently.

I grab my beer, but I hesitate to drink it. Do I just ignore my feelings?

"I guess so." I tell her, shifting in my seat. "I guess I didn't notice."

"Do you, perhaps, try to make light of the situation and try to care of everyone else?" She asks, making a very valid point.

"I suppose." My answer is short.

"Well, you know that you need to talk to someone. You can't just sweep that traumatic event under the rug. It will come back to haunt you." She explains, sending a chill down my spine.

I lift my beer to my lips and tip it back, finishing it off. "I'll talk to Felix when he has time."

"You better." Vanessa's caramel eyes narrow as she points a finger in my direction.

She jots something down, and then says, "That's your homework. Okay?"

"Okay, Mrs. Creech." I make sure she knows I'm mocking her as she slides out of the booth and grins at me.

She tucks her file in her purse and crosses her arms over her chest. "Have a good afternoon, Tony."

"You too." I say, but before she walks away, I ask, "Are you going on a date with E?"

She glances down at herself, combing a hair behind her ear. "Yeah."

"Have fun." I tell her with a smile. "That outfit is going to stun him."

She places her hand on my arm. "Gracias, amigo."

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