AJAX

"You can't blame this on her." Ethan's words flow into my ear as my back muscles tighten. "She's just a good person who was trying to help."

"Did we ask for her help?" Anger flourishes in my tone. "She almost got my brother killed, man. I can't believe you're defending her."

"Ajax-" this one word is all he can get out because I frustratedly hang up on him.

Every single awful feeling I have ever felt is mixed together in my stomach, circling and circling around like an endless whirlpool. I wish I could run to the restroom and vomit it all out, but I know the pain is deeper than that.

I rub the bridge of my nose.

If my brother would have died, I would've killed myself.

No doubt about it.

I didn't tell Vanessa that. She'd end up diagnosing me with some shit when all it is is strong brotherly love.

I turn on my heel, prepared to keep my expression as hard as steel, but when I face the room, I see my brother's brilliant smile.

I rush right through the open doorway and am embracing him within mere seconds. I hold him so tightly he wheezes. I look up to see if he is okay, and a reassuring smile is placed on his lips.

"Shit." Tears suddenly stain my cheeks, and embarrassed, I bury my face in his chest. "You would never believe how happy I am to see you smile."

Everything inside me is changing, and it's overwhelming. The awful feelings drop from my stomach like they were never there. Joy, love, gratefulness, relief, and thousands of other amazing emotions roll in waves over me, bringing warm tears to my eyes.

I just want to pick him up and hold him above the world like he's Simba off the Lion King.

"No, shit." He sounds like he is suffocating, so even though I'd rather not, I let go.

He chuckles. "How long have I been out?"

"Only a day." Vanessa informs him smoothly, and I send her a look.

"Can you just give my brother and I some time alone?" I ask her, but my tone is more demanding than questioning.

Her mouth snaps shut, her jaw clenching. She looks like she is about to argue, but Felix steps in. "She can stay in here."

"No. I'd like some time alone with you." I repeat, staring down Vanessa.

She holds my gaze for a moment, standing up to me for as long as she can. After a minute or two, though, her caramel eyes fall to the floor.

"Sure thing." She says, retreating from the room. She shuts the door softly behind her.

"What happened?" Felix questions, an eyebrow lifted.

"You don't remember?" My insides twist.

"No, I do. I meant between you and V." Felix asks, wincing as he gradually gets in a sitting position.

I glare at him. "She almost got my brother killed."

Felix frowns. "What?"

"She's the reason you didn't pull the trigger right away." I am almost yelling now. Nobody is on my side. And my own brother is looking at me like I just came from the loony bin.

"No," Felix rests a hand on his stomach. "I chose not to. That was my decision. Don't blame her for that."

"And how did you make that decision? Huh?" I throw my hands up. I shove them toward the door. "She influenced you. She made you feel guilty for killing people, but that's what we do. That's how we stay safe."

"Ajax-"

"Does nobody see that?" I just want to rip my eyes out because once again they're tearing up. I've never cried this goddamn much in my life. "It's her fucking fault. I mean, your heart almost stopped beating. The bullet could've easily been embedded in your heart."

"Hey," Felix says, but when he sees my tears he says it louder. "Hey! Man, stop it. I'm okay."

"I'm okay!" He yells, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into a hug that takes away all of my worry.

Shit.

"As soon as I get back, I'm going to get Jerome to fire Vanessa." I growl, and at the sound of my sentence, Felix lets me go.

"What?" He asks, eyebrows snapped together. "I told you this isn't her fault. I know you want someone to blame but things like this just happen sometimes."

"No." I shake my head. "They can't just happen."

His eyes are sad as they peer into mine. "I get that you're angry, but—"

"Fuck angry." I say, louder than I would've liked to have said that. "I'm pissed. I'm furious. I-I could do unimaginable things right now."

"I'm never going to let anyone ever hurt you ever again." As the words roll of my lips, I promise the same thing to myself. "I mean, Vanessa is nice and probably meant well, but damn it, she almost got you killed. This wouldn't have happened if she wasn't there."

Felix opens his mouth, but I firmly nod. "I've made up my mind, so don't try to convince me otherwise."

Felix stares at me for a long moment, but then he nods. "Okay. Whatever makes you happy."

I hesitate. "It won't make me happy, but if it keeps you safe, it's worth it."

"Okay." Felix's one word sends guilt through me. He doesn't agree with me one bit, but his safety is something I'm ready to argue ages over.

Because he's my brother. And he's a saint. And there no way in hell I will watch him be put in danger.

I nod. "Okay."

••

The week goes by slowly. It actually feels like the longest week of my life.

I avoid Vanessa as much as possible, but every now and then she'll slip in a few conversations. She watches my brother when I'm sleeping, and when she sleeps, I take over. I help my brother shower, and we both keep him on his toes about his medicine and icing.

Soon, he's pretty healed up. On the very last day, he gets his stitches removed from where they worked on him.

He's still bruised, really sore, and needs to take his meds and ice on a regular schedule, but he's a lot better than the first day. No more minor scratches or bruises, and no more feeling like he needs to sleep all the time.

He's cracking jokes after a while, both Vanessa and I sharing some laughs despite my anger toward her choices.

"You know," he says on his last day as he paces back and forth on the marble flooring. He is in the middle of scooping out chocolate pudding from a hospital dish. "This isn't so bad. I thought hospital food would be worse."

Vanessa opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off by telling him, "Nothing can be as good as Tony's cooking, though."

"Oh, no." Felix chuckles. "It's not that good."

Vanessa lets out a breath. Anger flashes in her caramel eyes, but fortunately a distraction occurs. The doctor walks in, clipboard in hand.

"Are you ready for your last checkup?" The woman asks. She brushes some blonde curls off her shoulder as she smiles at Felix.

He happily nods and moves to sit down. She checks on his healed wound, his movements, and his breathing. When everything is finished, she proudly signs her name at the bottom of the sheet on her clipboard. "You're free to go, Mr. Wess. You've been a wonderful patient."

This doctor has probably given out that compliment a million times, but it reddens Felix's cheeks. "Thank you."

••

"The doctor definitely had the hots for me." Felix chuckles as he packs his bag up for the trip home. We're inside the hotel that we've previously stayed at. We don't have many belongings, so Vanessa chills with us. She's already packed.

"Yeah, I'm sure your bloody torso turned her on when you first met." I smirk, and Felix shoves my shoulder.

"No, any girl could fall in love with your sweetness." Vanessa says.

The conversation rolls on, but once everyone is packed, and I pass out the plane tickets, Vanessa's eyebrows snap together. "This says I don't have a flight until 3."

"Really? Mine says 12." Felix's brow furrows as well.

They both peer at me, and I pretend to be stricken with sudden realization. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I couldn't find enough tickets for our plane trip at 12. Sorry, Vanessa."

Vanessa's caramel eyes narrow like she doesn't believe a word I'm saying. And she has a right to.

I shrug. "I mean, I did the best I could. I hope you're not upset."

Vanessa glares at me, and Felix has caught on to me too. "Bro, that's not cool."

"What?" I act all innocent, but I don't really care if they believe me or not.

"I know you could kick someone off a plane to get a spot if you really wanted to." Felix tells me as he places his hands on his hips. He's still pretty pale, so when he sends me a stern look it's beyond haunting.

"Sorry." I say again, this time actually feeling some guilt because of the way Felix's disappointment flourishes in his hazel eyes.

"It's fine, Ajax." Vanessa replies, running a hand through her curly dark brown hair. She stares straight into my eyes. "I understand why you're so frustrated at me. You've never felt so hopeless, weak, angry, scared, and more horrible feelings like this all at once. And if you have, then not this strongly and suddenly. So, I get why you're lashing out at me. I'll take the fall."

That might be true, but what's more true is that it's her fault. I almost tell her that until she says something that makes my heart stop beating.

"Know that you'll never be alone, though. Okay? No matter what, someone will be there for you who loves you." She tells me. "Sorry this week that someone had to be me."

I don't know what to say as she turns away and busies herself with putting her hair up. Felix says, "Goodbye V. We're going to head to headquarters when we land, but don't feel as if you have to follow suit. Alright?"

"Yeah. I'm not." She says, back still turned. "I'm going to head home. It's silly, but I miss my mom."

"That's not silly." Felix reassures her, but I don't hear the rest because I'm rushing out of the building.

My breath is hitched. Did Vanessa just say that she loves me?

The only person who has even come close to being a sister is Ethan's sister. But Vanessa? She'll never be like a sister to me.

Will she?

I close my eyes and try to regulate my breathing.

She said I'd never be left alone.

I glance back at the hotel. That's exactly what I'm doing to her—leaving her alone.

"Let's go, then." Felix mumbles, lugging his bags toward the lift I ordered.

I follow him, but my mind is still on what she said. I mean, she was right. I've never been alone. Even on my darkest hour.

And I remember it well.

It was twelve o'clock at night, and I had just told Felix that our father was after our mother. I also added the fact that I was going to stop him, and Felix didn't argue like I expected him to.

No, he tagged along on this rainy night.

Lightning struck across the skies as we found our old, beaten up house where mildew and rust covered it. I had my gun already out as Felix smoothly opened the back door for me with one of his gadgets.

We were silent as mice as we walked through the house, lurking in the shadows. My gun was heavy in my hands, and my heart, too.

I lead the way, knowing exactly where to find him. My brother followed closely behind, his breathing quick and uneven.

I froze up when I saw our father. He had his eyes closed, leaned back in his recliner. Beer bottles scattered the floor, a half-full one resting in the chair with him.

I moved until I was behind him. Felix stopped by my side.

I met his gaze for a moment, and then I lifted my weapon from my side, aiming it at my father's head.

Adrenaline rang in my ears as it coursed through my body. My heart was barely working, and something made my chest so tight I thought I was going to see stars.

I placed my finger on the trigger, just as tears started spilling over the rims of my eyes.

I shouldn't have wanted to do it, but I wanted to. I wanted to kill him and the awful memories that came along with him.

"I was wondering if you would ever come back to me." My father's gruff voice filled the air, causing me to nearly drop my weapon.

I glanced at Felix, and he motioned to the television in front of us. Our father stared right back at us in the reflection, his eyes darker than the night. He was still as scary as shit.

I saw myself in the reflection—I saw my shaking body and teary eyes. I looked... broken.

"Am I still a coward, father? Still an embarrassment? A wimp?" I had asked with a pitifully shaky voice.

He nodded. "Yeah. And this right here proves it."

A pain rolled down from my head to my feet, and I knew what I had to do. This old man would never change.

"No, father." I said, my voice strengthening. "This right here proves that I'm not."

And then I pulled the trigger.

And when blood spewed everywhere and our father's body went limp, my brother grabbed me hard and pulled me into the tightest hug there was. He made sure I couldn't see the wreckage I had just created, and he cried with me.

He made sure I didn't feel alone when I got revenge for us, and when I saved our mother.

He made sure I was okay, and although I wasn't in that moment, he was the reason I got better.