VANESSA

We get Felix safely in the van, and Tony hops in the driver's side, ready to take off. He's yelling, though. He's yelling into the coms, trying to get Amelia, Drake, and Ethan's attention.

He doesn't want to leave them, but we might not have a choice. Felix is dying. It doesn't take a genius to realize that.

The blood transfusion will definitely help, but the bleeding won't stop until the bullet is removed and until organs, tissues, and muscles repaired. There's no telling what is damaged, and I can't go digging around. It'll just make things worse.

Felix is unconscious, Ajax holding his head in his lap. There are tears swimming in his eyes.

Tony is flooring it, leaving the rest of the team. I don't have coms in—there weren't enough for all of us—so I have no idea where the rest of the team is.

Next to Ajax and Felix, I sit, holding the bag of Ajax's warm blood, watching as it flows into Felix's veins.

"You know this is your fault, right?" Ajax says in disgust as a tear slips from his eye. He sniffles, looking dead in my gaze. "I saw the video."

I forgot he had a contact in. Hesitantly, I ask, "What happened?"

"He could've shot her. He had the perfect opportunity to, but he didn't. And you know why?" He grits his teeth and growls at me. "Because of you."

He bows his head, his fingers shaking as he strokes his brother's cheeks.

I turn away, unable to look at them. He's right. This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have been so ignorant and stupid, none of this would've happened. Felix would still be smiling like the kind guy I know.

Tears sprout in my eyes and slip down my cheeks.

When Ajax turns his face up again, he sees this and shakes his head.

Like even crying for Felix is wrong.

Something in the pit of my stomach feels out of place. I try to block it out, but it doesn't work. I feel sick.

Tony gets us to the nearest hospital in under five minutes, and when we get there, the boys carry him into the emergency room, yelling for help.

It's a nightmare.

I pass over the blood bag to a nurse before they wheel him into the back. And when he disappears behind doors, Ajax starts breathing really heavily.

I can spot a panic attack from a mile away. I move to Ajax, but he shrinks away and rushes out of the building.

My hand—once extended—falls to my side. Tony steps up to me and says, "He's just scared right now. Don't let what he says get under your skin."

"This is my fault." I tell Tony, my heart in a wreck. Then, I shake my head. "But that's not what matters right now. What matters right now is Felix. We can talk about how it's my fault later."

Tony stares at me like I'm not making any sense, and maybe I'm not, but I leave him and go to the restroom. Once I'm inside, I go to the sink, shoving my hands under the water.

Felix's blood doesn't come off my hands. Not until I scrub and scrub and scrub. And by the time it does come off, I'm bawling.

Poor Felix.

Karma better work it's magic because it's Felix, and he has a lot of good working in his favor.

••

Tony leaves the hospital to return to the cabin to make sure Ethan, Amelia, and Drake are okay. He leaves me alone with Ajax in the waiting room. Other patients' family members are here, looking worried like we are, but they're not nearly as scared.

Ajax looks like he is the one who is supposed to be in the hospital bed. His hands shake and he rocks back and forth, his expression as hard as a board. His greenish hazel eyes are narrowed and staring at the floor as if it might give him all the answers to any question he has ever had.

I want to comfort him and to be his friend, but not once has he looked my way. He's pissed, and I get it. If I wouldn't have run my mouth about saving lives, we might've saved one of our own. I'm such an idiot.

Tucking my fear away in the back of my mind, I approach Ajax, who leans against a wall where no chair resides. He's too restless to sit.

"Ajax," I say, my voice sullen.

"Shut the fuck up." His eyes throw daggers at me. I'm surprised I'm not dead. "Why are you even here? Just stay the hell away."

"Blame me all you want. I just wanted to tell you that you might have just saved your brother's life by giving him blood." I say, but my insides are melting. Everything inside of me feels like it is rotting, and I'm scared to breathe in case my lungs might collapse.

I never meant to hurt anyone. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"Just don't talk to me right now." Ajax says, his eyes losing only a bit of anger as they look into mine. "Please."

"If you want me to go," I say, and Ajax stares at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. "I will."

He nods. "Do that."

Anger flares inside of my bones. I blink. "Okay. I get that I made a mistake, but you don't have to kick me out of the hospital. Felix would want me here."

I say this all to Ajax as a reassurance to myself, but he shoots me down. "Felix wouldn't want you here because you might've just gotten him killed."

My heart cracks down the middle as Ajax's voice breaks. He looks away from me, tears in his eyes.

I turn on my heel and flee, every step sending a wave of guilt over me. My heart gets heavier and heavier, and by the time I am standing in the doorway of the hospital, looking out into the night, I can barely breathe.

Shit. Felix better not die. He can't.

God, if he dies...

I close my eyes and lean against the doorway.

If he dies, an angel will be taken from this earth. Felix... Felix is the definition of a person with a good heart. He doesn't deserve to die. Not now. Not this soon.

Shit.

I stumble out of the doorway and under the night sky, but I run right into someone's chest.

I pull away from the person, only to find out it's Tony, peering down at me with his big brown eyes.

I fall against him, and he basically holds me up. He asks, "Is there news?"

"No." I swallow, trying hard not to show that I'm crying because around us are Drake, Ethan, and Amelia. "He is still in surgery."

Drake and Amelia head toward the door, leaving Ethan, Tony, and I alone. I apologize to Tony for leaning against him, but as I stand up he says it's no big deal.

"I can't believe this is happening." Tony says with a solemn frown. "To our Felix."

Ethan has his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes haven't met mine. Fear sends a chill down my spine as I wonder if he is angry with me as well. If he blames me.

He has a right to.

I glance at the ground, just before Tony says, "Listen up, Vanessa, none of this is your fault. Okay? You're a good person, and any good person would try to save lives any way they could. That's what you did. You tried saving people's lives. And I admire that about you. This isn't your fault, okay?"

A little bit of warmth spreads from where Tony's hands rest on my arms as he says this to me, and I smile softly.

But—this is my fault. Felix could've killed her, and he didn't. He didn't because of me.

Tony pats my arm before turning and entering the hospital. I'm left alone with Ethan, and when he glances into my eyes for a second, I'm scared he might tell me to leave. There is a certain anger that flares in the shadows of his gray eyes.

"Damn it." He finally curses. "This is all my fault."

Not at all what I expected to hear.

My eyebrows slant as Ethan looks up to the sky, his lips tightening as if he is trying hard not to cry. "I shouldn't have let you come along with me. I... I was distracted. I was paying attention to you and not my team."

My heart shuts down as I watch a tear slip from his sad gray eyes. He says, "You should've just stayed in the van, but I let you come because my sister wanted to prove a point. And goddamn it, she proved it."

"But it wasn't worth it." He grits his teeth and shifts his weight. He looks like a broken man.

I move forward and embrace him, wondering why the hell he would think it was his fault. As I hold him and he buries his face in my shirt, I realize that this probably isn't the first time he has let guilt inside. He's the leader—I bet he blames himself for just about anything that has gone wrong.

Holding my breath, I pull him closer, wanting to take the guilt away from him. In the strongest voice I can muster, I reply. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault. This is the woman's fault who shot him."

"Well, she's dead now." Ethan says into my shirt. "I shot her in the back of the head as she was running away."

The wind is knocked out of me as if someone has punched my gut. I can hear the sound of a gun firing. It echoes in my head like a sad song.

"I had no choice." He says firmly. "She was going to get away."

He steps back, and I am forced to let him go. He wipes his tears away, saying, "And I was damned if I let her escape."

After the words roll of his lips, he watches me. He watches my expression to see if it has changed. There's a part of me that doesn't want to believe that he shot her out of pure revenge, but I know he did.

And yet, there's no part of me that wants to leave his side.

All I say is, "I know."

**

Ajax is standing against the wall. Well, more like leaning against it for support. Beside him, Drake stands with his arms crossed over his huge chest. Amelia and Tony sit side-by-side in the chairs closest to Drake, and Ethan sits by me near Ajax. The air is stiff, silence among us.

When a doctor walks out and calls out for the family members of Felix's alias name, Wess Weathers, every single one of us stands up.

The doctor comes over to us. He is tall, owning dark skin and holding a clipboard in his hand. He has it by his side as he says, "Good news. Wess is stable."

We are all hit with relief, the air's noose loosening around our necks so we can finally breathe again. In a small voice, I ask, "How'd the procedure go?"

Nobody else speaks as the doctor frowns. "Well, the bullet hit his lowermost rib. The bullet remained wedged there, but part of his rib broke off and got wedged in his spleen. We had to remove it."

"He has no spleen?" Ajax asks, his voice full of worry. "What does that mean?"

"It just means he'll be more prone to infections. And fortunately, he has an accessory spleen, which is basically like a second spleen, that will take over the spleen's duties." The doctor reassures him. "He's lucky. The bullet was a mere inch away from hitting his lungs, and if the broken piece of rib traveled a more medial, it would've wedged in his heart."

I try to swallow, but my throat is dry. Then, I hear Tony ask, "So, if we would've tried to dig the bullet out, he would've died?"

"Yes." The Doctor nods firmly. "And if he wasn't given that blood transfusion, he most likely would've bled out."

I stare at the floor, but out of the corner of my eye I see Ajax glance at me and then down at himself. His black outfit is covered in blood. When he held Felix in his arms in the van, the blood just kept pooling, but he never let go.

Felix was close to dying. So close.

But, he didn't. He's alive. He'll be able to smile again and to invent things again and to hug his brother and to live.

He's okay.

I smile at that.

The doctor continues. "But, his road to recovery might be a long one. At least six weeks."

"How long will he have to stay here?" Ethan's question hangs in the air.

"One week, unless complications arise." The doctor explains, his eyes darting over to Ethan. He has his hands on his hips and is in the middle of nodding.

The doctor nods once, as if to close the conversation, but before he leaves, Ajax blurts out, "Thank you, doc."

We all nod in agreement as the doctor smiles sympathetically. Then, he's off.

Ethan turns away to call Jerome, and as his back turns to me, Amelia walks over.

"Told yah so." She says as she glares at me. "You know this could've easily gone the other way."

"I know." I let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

Amelia frowns, but she does so while her eyes fall to the floor. She whispers, "Me too."

Her voice trails off and she has to suck in a breath in order to keep her composure. I want to comfort her, but I know that's the last thing she wants from me right now.

"I'm sorry." I say again, wishing all of my apologies could somehow turn back time. "I should've listened."

She nods. Then, Ethan returns and gathers us for a talk. He says, "Jerome needs the rest of us back in Virginia. We have more missions lined up. He understands if you want to stay, Ajax."

"I'm staying." He says automatically.

"Okay." Ethan nods. "You know we'd stay here if we could."

"I know." Ajax replies. "But we have a job to do. You guys can go on without us." He turns to Tony, his hazel eyes serious. "You remember how to turn off security cameras? I showed you a while back."

"I think so." Tony nods, his lips pursed in thought.

"Good." Ethan says aloud. "We have to leave on the next flight, but you better call us when he wakes up."

Ajax smiles. "Aye aye captain."

Ethan moves forward and pulls Ajax into a brotherly hug. They pat each other's backs, holding one another tightly like they never want to let go.

I hear Ethan whisper, "I love you, brother."

And when Ajax says it back, my heart is overridden with affection that I just want to pull both of them in and squeeze them so hard.

I keep my calm, though, and just smile at the scene.

Everyone gets together to say their goodbyes. Hugs are given, warm words spoken, but when it's my turn to say something, I say, "I'm staying."

Ethan does a double take. "What?"

I firmly repeat myself. "I'm staying with Felix and Ajax. Make sure he heals up."

Ajax shakes his head. "No way you're staying here."

I turn to him and roll my eyes. "You need sleep too, and I have a feeling that as soon as the doctor allows visitors, you're going to be by his side. I'll be there when you need to rest."

He stares at me in disbelief, and I glance back at Ethan for support. I see so much disagreement glowing in his gray eyes, and his mouth opens like he is about to argue, but he lets out a breath and shrugs. "I guess that's okay. You don't need to be alone, Ajax. Plus, Vanessa can get another mental health assessment done."

I nod, glancing at Ajax. He doesn't look happy.

He actually looks like a kid who just got told that they can't have a piece of candy. Like, it's the end of the world.

He always gets under my skin, so I guess it's my turn. "Looks like you're stuck with me, buddy."

He rolls his eyes and turns away, muttering something under his breath.

I turn toward Ethan, and when nobody else is looking, I mouth, "Thank you."

He smiles back, and since I don't see his grin as often as I'd like, I make sure to soak it all in.

His smile fades as he whispers, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I love seeing you smile." I whisper back, nobody else paying us any attention.

He grins once more, but this time he fakes it, making a silly expression that I can't even describe.

I giggle and push his shoulder gently. "Stop being silly. I'm serious."

He genuinely grins another time, but it falls when he speaks. "You know, you and I need to have a date when you get back."

"Yeah, we do." I say, unable to put into words how ready I am for alone time with him. "I think the last time we were alone was when we were kidnapped."

His eyes widen as a big huff rolls off his lips. "Yeah, let's do something that doesn't involve bruising ribs this time."

I nod. "Deal."