VANESSA

I pace back and forth in front of my father's office in the CIA building. I'm a little early, but I wouldn't want to be late and hold the team back.

My hands fiddle in front of me as I repetitively move. I wonder what it's going to be like in England. Will it be similar to the U.S., or will I feel like I just stepped into a whole new world?

I'm in the middle of thinking about the huge bag of clothes I packed that is leaning against my dad's door when someone steps out of a nearby office and eyes me.

I glance up, realizing the person is Aubrey. She has her orange hair pulled back in a pony tail, and she wears a doctor's coat with soft blue scrubs underneath. She smiles when she sees me, her freckles shining in the light.

She moves closer to me, letting her country accent ring throughout the hallway as she says, "I haven't seen you in a while. What's been going on, Vanessa?"

"Uhhh..." I let out a breath and clasp my hands in front of me. "Well, nothing much... Just been busy with Jerome's team, doing their mental health assessments and training."

"Oh, yeah. I heard the news." Her smile widens as she lunges forward and gives me a huge hug. "I can't believe you are a part of their team. It's a whole new level for doctors."

I can't help but feel a little weary. "What? How have you heard of this? I only got approved yesterday."

"I know." She nods. "Word gets around fast, though, when it's interesting. You're like the CIA's crash dummy. If you work, everyone gets to drive."

My heart sinks. Jeez. No pressure. "Well, let's hope I succeed, then, for the sake of all the doctors."

"Eh." She lets me go and shrugs. "You can do it. And if you don't succeed, which I highly doubt, the world won't end."

I was already nervous, but now I'm feeling ten times worse.

She must see it in my face because she sympathetically smiles. "I promise."

"Thanks." I say, but no tension is released. "I was already nervous because the team and I are walking a thin line and I don't want to mess everything up. I think I've just gained their trust."

"Have they gained yours?" She queries, shifting her weight comfortably.

She is so interested with me and my life that I feel like we are already good friends. Which is silly. I have little to none of those. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."

Maybe one has gained a lot more of trust than the others, since I did make out with him.

She hesitates. "Wait... Are you blushing?"

My eyes flicker to her as I feel my face growing hot. "Oh, God. I don't mean to. I was just thinking about..."

"Hold on." Her voice rises and I put a finger to my lips to gesture for her to quiet down. She doesn't listen as she exclaims. "Are you thinking about one of those hunks?"

I feel like I should probably deny it, but who else am I going to talk to about Ethan? "Yeah. Me and one of them may have kissed."

Aubrey's small mouth drops wide open. "No way! That's crazy." She shakes her head and looks me up and down. "What lead up to it? Hot moments where you'd brush against him?"

"The opposite." I say smoothly. I've thought about the kiss all night long. I've never lost so much sleep thinking about a boy. "It was an emotional connection."

"Oh." She sound slightly disappointed, but her smile is still grand and genuine. "Well, I'm happy for you."

Then, she glances down at the floor. "What's with the bag?"

"My first mission is today." I tell her, even though I am not sure if I am supposed to. "England."

She nods. "Nice. Have fun."

She hesitates and winks. "I mean it. Have a bunch of fun."

I roll my eyes. I know exactly what type of fun she is talking about. And I'm not planning on that anytime soon. I don't even know what to call us... are we even "a thing" yet?

We talk for a few more minutes and I get her number so that we can hangout some other time, and then I am left alone in the hallway again.

After a few minutes, I begin pacing the floors again. I twirl a curl around my finger as I think of how many different ways I could ruin the mission or screw up and say the wrong thing to one of them. Then, I think of Ethan and how scared I am to move forward and how fearful I am of moving backward.

My heart is in knots by the time my father arrives. His dark skin is smooth, his goatee perfectly shaved and sharp. His brown eyes narrow, and he pulls his sleeve up to eye his watch. "Um. What are you doing here so early?"

"I didn't want to be late." I tell him, gnawing into my lip. "I normally get places early."

"An hour early?" He questions with perked eyebrows.

I nod, and I can tell he doesn't believe me. He shrugs anyway and unlocks the door to his office. When we enter, he casually walks behind his desk, drops his briefcase onto the floor, powers up his computer, and sets a bunch of mail on top of his huge desktop.

I sit across from his desk and watch all of this. Once he finally gets settled, I reach over and grab a file I had stored in my bag. I pass it over to Jerome, his brown eyes narrow. "What is this?"

"It's Drake's mental health assessment." I inform him. He takes a moment to open it up and peer at my papers.

There is a lift of the eyebrow. "Very specific."

I nod, rubbing my arm. "Yeah. It's good, though, right?"

He smiles, reading off part of my assessment. "Has trust issues, commitment issues, anger issues, and self-esteem issues?"

"He has some issues." I mumble, a little apologetically. "But, don't we all?"

Jerome shakes his head and chuckles. My face grows hot, almost unrealistically when I say, "He won't see it, will he?"

"No." He replies from across from me. "Got any others done?"

"No." I respond softly. "I'll try to do someone's on this trip to England."

"The mission is more important, so that's your priority." Jerome's smile fades casually. "But if you can, that'd be good. I wish you the best of luck."

Gee. Thanks, dad.

Wow. I'm sitting right in front of him, giving him every opportunity to apologize for his mistakes, but he isn't going to. I need to stop holding out hope for our relationship—the nonexistent one. He's not sorry. He's not sorry for leaving me and my mom.

It's sad, but it's true.

I push on the arms of the chair and rise. "Well, I'm going to wait outside. I need a little fresh air."

Jerome waves me off as he puts Drake's file away. His head is buried in his work by the time I am headed out the door, and he doesn't even glance up to say goodbye.

••

I sit on the plane, studying my new alias. I'm Elizabeth Porter visiting from New York. I'm adopted with no kids and no relationships. I have traveled, though, to countries near and far.

Ajax warned me to memorize it by heart because it will be one of the aliases I use on a regular if I'm going to stay on this team for long.

I go over it again and again. I sit in between two strangers, one being an awkward man who I swear picks his nose every five minutes, and the other being a woman who is constantly laughing at something on her phone.

I swear I'm going to lose my mind until Tony shows up in the aisle and tells the guy to my left to switch spots with him. Of course, the guy objected and only listened when he was paid twenty bucks.

I smile and thank the heavens for some company as he slides into the seat next to me. "Hey."

"Hey, Tony." I say cheerfully.

"I couldn't help but notice how lonely you looked." He says with a frown. "And it's against protocol to sit with you, but screw protocol, right?"

I can't keep the smile off my face. "Aw, you'd break the rules for me?"

"Of course, mi amor." He says smoothly. "So, I do have something to talk to you about, though."

"What is that?" I query, seeing something along the lines of excitement flicker in his eyes.

"You and Ethan." He says, scooting closer to me. "You guys haven't spoken a word to each other. It's awkward, even. And you keep glancing at each other when the other isn't looking."

It's true. As soon as we saw each other this morning, we looked away. Like we didn't know what to say, what to do.

"You saw him looking at me?" The words come out before I can stop them, and my cheeks become rosy.

"Yes. And you looking at him." Tony blinks, throwing his hands up. "What is going on?"

"I didn't think it was that obvious." I say, bringing a hand up to my mouth. I begin to bite a nail, but Tony shakes his head and removes my finger from near my face.

He moves my hand to the armrest and places his hand over it, warming my skin. It's sweet and innocent, and I have to let a smile rule my face.

"You can't tell anyone." I firmly state, glaring at him. "But, he and I kissed."

"What?" Tony presses both his hands to his face. "Ethan let you kiss him?"

"Let me?" I laugh in disbelief. "He kissed me."

"It's just a big step for him." Tony says, his eyes huge. "The only women I've known him to be with, he didn't really know, if you get me."

The thought of him being with other girls sends something uncomfortable wriggling down my spine.

"Well, I mean, he's not with me." I say, trying to clarify things in my jumbled mind. I don't know what to think.

"He is." Tony nods. "Let me tell you a little thing about my boy, Ethan."

He shifts his weight "E doesn't take women out. He isn't a romantic, and he's never gone out of his way to do something for a woman."

I hold my breath when he says, "And to get this job for you, he had to go out of his way."

I glance down at the floor. "He did?"

"He did." Tony's voice is full of joy. "You've gotta realize that you are more than just a girl to him. He... He just doesn't show it that well. He's not as charming as I am."

I lift my hand from where it resides under his and use it to shove him. He laughs, his brown eyes twinkling. "What? It's true."

I let a smile rule my face until Tony's dissipates. He says, "But on a more serious note, you two have something special."

I glare at him, about to roll my eyes when he genuinely says, "I envy it."

My breath escapes me at the seriousness in his tone. He shrugs then, mentioning, "I'm sure everyone on the team will envy what you have when they find out."

I'm in the middle of replying when he nods toward Ethan. "Ha. We're being watched."

I follow his gaze to see where Ethan sits a few rows up. He is glancing back at us, but when he sees us looking he casually runs a hand through his hair as he faces the front.

Tony chuckles. "I think I'm making him jealous."

I shake my head and wrap one of my curls around my finger. "You've never made him jealous before."

"There was nothing to be jealous of." He replies. I laugh before he says, "No really, you two weren't as close as you are now."

My giggle fades. I mean, he's right.

I can't keep the smile from my face when he tells me, "I better get back to my seat before old E gets angry. But, if you want to know any of his secrets, and I mean any, call me up."

Then, he rises and plants a soft kiss on my cheek. My face grows hot when I realize Ethan is turned around and watching.

At first, my stomach was fluttering and now it's twisting horribly.

He saw Tony kiss me.

I want to shrink back in my seat until I notice that Tony is glancing at Ethan and waving, smirking like a madman. He knew Ethan was watching.

That little rascal.

Tony walks away, disappearing into the rows behind me. I can't even believe how silly he is being.

I wonder what Ethan is thinking about what just happened.

Hell, I don't know what to think.

Movement stirs a few rows up and I'm surprised to see that it's Ethan. He is on his way toward me, his expression held in a scowl as he plops down beside me. "What did Tony tell you?"

I hesitate, and then I smile. "He told me a lot of interesting things about you."

"What?" Ethan's face seems to become a little pale. "Like... Like what?"

I shrug slightly, tilting my head and pursing my lips. Ethan's gray eyes search mine, and after a moment, his body relaxes. "He didn't tell you anything, did he?"

I fold. "No, we were just talking about, yah know, stuff."

Ethan rolls his eyes. "Then, why did he kiss you?"

"To make you jealous, of course." I say, brushing my shoulder up against his playfully. "I didn't know he was going to do it, and if I did I would've told him not to."

"To make me jealous?" As he chuckles, there is a flicker of challenge in his gray eyes. "That bastard. Kissing my woman."

That's the first time anything about us has been mentioned since we kissed last. I gaze into his eyes, loving the sound of those words on his lips. "What? Is that what I am?"

"Yeah." He nods with a huge smile on his lips. "And you're also funny, smart, sweet, independent, and the strongest woman I know." Then, he tilts his head. "Besides my sister."

I'll take it. I'm blushing so hard and smiling so large I'm afraid my cheeks are going to burst. My heart is pumping warmth, excitement, and happiness throughout me. Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach, and I half-believe that I'm in a dream.

"You mean that?" I ask, really wanting him to say it again. I admit, I love hearing all of this, especially from him. When he says these words genuinely, they seem like they've never been spoken from another human on the face of the planet.

"I do." He says, his smile fading as he stares into my eyes. I almost think that he might kiss me for a moment, but he bows his head and rubs the palm of one of his hands. "I want to let you know that I'm sorry. I never thought that in the middle of a mess I'd find a person I really care for and like spending time with."

I swear I might tear up. I have to suck in a breath to keep myself from doing so. He continues, saying, "I don't really know where we are, I mean," he laughs. "We've only kissed once, really."

I chuckle, sounding much more sentimental than I want to. He peers into my gaze, his soft and emotional. The way he is looking at me has my heart flipping. I wish he could look at me like that forever--like I'm the only girl in the world.

"We're somewhere." I tell him with a hopeful smile. "And that counts for something."

Ethan nods, and then he says, "I should probably get back to my seat soon."

"Mhm. I think you're forgetting something, though." I say, pretending to be serious.

Ethan falls for it and frowns as his eyebrows furrow. "What?"

I take a chance. I press a finger against my lips, pursing them. The seriousness on his face lessens as he peers down at them, his gray eyes darkening. He knows exactly what I want, and as he begins leaning in, I close my eyes.

It feels so good to be in this place with him.

I am expecting his lips on mine, but instead, I am displeased with them brushing against my cheek.

I open my eyes. There's a mix of disappointment and frustration that floods me, but when I see Ethan's smirking face, I can't be mad.

He rises, whispering. "We'll save that for later."