My past has come back to haunt me again.

Six years ago ...

"Tara, come out! See your friends have come to take you out for a movie," Chachi calls out to me by my pet name.

"I am not in the mood Chachiji. Please tell them I am not feeling well."

"How long will you continue in this state my dear child? It is going to be nearly six months since your parents' death in the accident. You have to move on." My aunt shakes her head at me, before leaving my room to convey the message to my friends.

Sitting on the window seat, I look silently outside my bedroom window, doing what I have been doing for the last six months. Wishing with all my heart that my parents had not attended mom's client's wedding in Kashipur, or I should have gone with them...

After the accident, my neighbours contacted my dad's elder brother Mahendra, a retired bank clerk, who came along with his wife, Kesar and their younger son to take care of me. I had never met them before this, as my parents were not on talking terms with their families. My cousin, Manav, was a few years older than me, having completed his graduation two years ago.

My relatives were kind and they understood my pain. They let me grieve alone while they took care of the house and the business. I was so dead inside, I honestly have no idea how I managed to give my intermediate board exams as well as clear them with decent grades.

Chacha enters the bedroom with a plate of food. "Beta eat something, you have become so thin and weak. People will think we are purposely starving you," he says pushing the plate towards me.

"I don't have an appetite chachaji," I reply in the same monotone that I have been using for the last six months.

Uncle sits on my bed, placing the plate on the bedside table. "You need to revive your energy, finish your studies and live your life. You have to run your father's business someday. Manav and I can only look after it till you take over," he speaks in a kind, fatherly voice.

When I don't reply, he continues, "What have you decided about college?"

"I haven't decided anything," I answer blandly.

"Take my advice and go to Delhi for further studies. Maybe you need a change of location to help you get out of your depression. Staying here makes you sad. I have spoken to a friend of mine who can arrange college and hostel admission for you there."

"Whatever you say chachaji," I reply, agreeing with his suggestion. Perhaps distancing myself from everything that reminds me of my parents, will help me overcome my grief.

"Alright then, I will make arrangements for your travel to Delhi, tomorrow itself," Chacha says exuberantly. "We have no time to waste."

"But..but tomorrow is too early Chachaji. Maybe I can travel next week?" I plead, startled with his declaration.

"Child, colleges have already begun long ago. We have to pull a lot of strings to get you admission in the college of your choice. We cannot waste any more time... I will start right away to get everything ready," uncle remarks with urgency, almost running out of the bedroom.

By next evening everything is arranged for my travel. My relatives worked double speed to ensure that I was ready to leave in a day's time.

"Chachiji have you seen my phone?" I ask my aunt, entering the guest bedroom, where uncle, aunt and Manav are staying, "I haven't been able to find it since this morning."

It's nine at night, my small suitcase is packed, and the taxi is due to arrive soon. Since last evening, my relatives have been fussing over me, helping me pack or clean my room, not leaving me alone or giving me a chance to call or inform anyone, even the neighbours, of my imminent travel.

"No my dear, I haven't seen it. Perhaps you kept it in the living room," she answers without looking at me, arranging her cupboard.

"I have looked all over the house, but I couldn't find it.. I called it from Manav bhai's phone, but it's switched off. Even our landline is not working. I want to call my friends and inform them."

"Your phone should be somewhere in the house. When we find it, we will send it across to you. You can call your friends once you reach Delhi but right now, we have no time to waste. The taxi will be here any minute," aunty replies. My glance casually falls at the cupboard, as she was putting clothes in. I am surprised to see my mother's favorite maroon banarasi saree in there. Before I could ask, a car honks its arrival outside the house.

"Oh! I think the taxi has arrived! Come on! come on! you should leave now. You have a long way to go," Chachi has a wide smile as she hurries out the room. I take a closer look in the cupboard and sure enough it's my mother's saree. I grab it and stuff it in the backpack that I am carrying and head out the door.

Chacha and Manav are loading my suitcase in the back of the SUV. Walking around the car I see there is another serious looking man seated next to the driver. He gives me a look as if sizing me up, before looking straight ahead with his jaw clenched. An eerie sense of foreboding envelops me, and I look apprehensively at the people around me. An instinctive gut feeling is growing that I should not be getting in the vehicle. But uncle and aunty's encouraging looks and reassured that Manav is with me, I push aside my trepidation and sit in the back seat with my cousin beside me.

I wave goodbye to uncle and aunty, as the car moves away, looking longingly at my house and the memories that I am leaving behind, little knowing this is the last time I will ever see my house.

No one speaks in the car. For the next two hours or so, I try making conversation with Manav, but he seems to be preoccupied, answering only in yes, no or a grunt - constantly looking out the window. I don't even have my phone to occupy myself. We are driving through a thick, forested area with no habitation around. It's too dark outside to see anything anyways, only ghostly looking trees lining both sides of the road.

Giving up trying to strike up a conversation, I rest my head against the door frame, clutching my backpack as a snuggle pillow and close my eyes. Normally I can fall asleep anywhere and at any time, but strangely today I just don't feel drowsy. Yet I stubbornly keep my eyes shut, hoping eventually to fall asleep.

After about thirty minutes, the man next to the driver asks in a low voice in Tamil "Avaḷ tūṅkukiṟāḷa?" (Is she sleeping?)

The driver replies with a 'hmm.'

I have this strong urge to tell them I am not sleeping and thanks to my Tamilian mother, I understand a bit of the language, but my gut feeling tells me to stay quiet. I hear the sound of cloth rubbing on vinyl as the man in front turns around in his seat.

He speaks very softly to Manav, "We want the money now, before we carry out the job. We charge extra for disposing the body."

'What job? what body? Did we hit an animal on the way?' my mind is sounding alarms. Something does not feel right. I open my eyes, just slightly enough to get a glimpse of what is going on, without letting on that I am awake.

"Sshhh! yes, I have the money. Just do it quickly now, before she wakes up. We have already wasted too much time," Manav replies in an agitated whisper, drawing out a thick envelope from his bag and handing it to the man.

Are they talking about me? Surely I have misunderstood the context. My cousin could not have hired hit men to kill me. Why would he do that? Granted we have not become the best of friends in these last six months, but we were cordial with each other, and I always treated him with respect. I cannot recall anything I did to draw out his ire enough to plan my death.

"No! not in the car. We will take her out and finish her in the forest," says the guy in front to Manav.

"Avaḷ aḻakāka irukkiṟāḷ (She is beautiful)," whispers the driver, to man beside him.

"Āmām! Eṉakku teriyum. Avaḷuṭaṉ uṅkaḷukku vāyppu kiṭaikkum (Yes I know! you will get your chance with her)."

My blood freezes in my veins, as I start piecing together what is being planned for me. Everything within me is shrieking in terror, yet I make no movement, continuing pretending to be asleep.

"See ahead? the small road going into the forest. Turn the car there," the man, I figure is the leader, whispers to the driver. Turning back again, the leader instructs Manav, "I will give you a cloth. Hold it over her mouth till she falls unconscious. We both will take her into the forest and finish the job, while you wait here and keep watch."

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!! My head is pounding with fear, but my hands and feet have turned to jelly, trembling at the thought of the catastrophe that awaits me. The hairs on my neck are standing, cold dread is coursing through my nerves, screaming the need to escape from here.

The car turns inside the forest and comes to a slow halt. The boss gestures to Manav not to make any sound. He conveys to him in sign language to hold my mouth while the other two will carry me out.

What occurred next, happened within a few seconds although it felt like it dragged out in slow motion. Manav is getting out of the car from the other side, the driver is putting the car in parking mode and the leader has bent down, to get something from under the seat, a weapon perhaps. I open my eyes, catching Manav off guard. He freezes in place, his face a mixture of shock and guilt, giving me the just the opportunity to open the door, stumble out of the car and sprint out of there.

It took a second for the men to register what happened. "Hey!" they shout in surprise, all three scrambling out of the car, racing to catch me. I screech in fright, when I turn around to see the leader is an arm's length away, about to reach me. The steely glint of a kukri in his hand, sends my mind in a screaming frenzy. I duck down to avoid his grasp, grabbing a heavy stone on the way. I turn around and hurl the stone at him with all my might, which smashes into his face and stopping him in his tracks. His cry and the yelling of men tell me that the stone, broke the man's nose and teeth and he is bleeding profusely.

The other two stop to help the leader, giving me a bit of a head start. I realise I am no match for their speed and strength, and they will reach up to me again in no time, if I run on the road. With no other recourse, I dart into the dark forest, zigzagging though the trees, having no idea where I am heading. It's a dark, moonless night with no light to show me the way.

I can hear the men calling out to each other, shouting instructions to fan out. Adrenaline courses through my veins, propelling me faster. I keep running blindly, deeper into the forest.

My chest hurts with the exertion, my mouth is bone dry and my legs are giving way. It is impossible to go any further without stopping to catch my breath. I lean against a tree, listening closely for sounds of footsteps or voices. My senses go on high alert when I hear faint voices. I see a thick line of light from torches in the far distance, moving randomly, coming my way.

I am out of breath and my legs have no stamina to run, but if I stay here, my would-be killers will find me in no time. There is a thick hedge of thorny bushes near me. Crouching low to the ground, I crawl into the bushes, biting my lip to stop the cries of pain, as the thorns prick and tear the skin on my back, hands, legs and face.

The voices grow louder, coming close enough for me to hear them clearly.

"Where is she? We have to find her! Can't let her get away." Manav remarks, panting heavily.

"That girl has made things worse for herself. I would have made her death quick and easy. But now," the leader growls menacingly, "I will make her pay. I will destroy that bitch. Teach her a lesson she won't forget. I will take great pleasure in hearing her scream and beg for her life," his voice is cold and hard. I press my hand to my mouth to stop my cry of distress from escaping. The thorns are digging deeper into my skin, drawing blood, but I cannot afford to make the slightest move.

"I think she's gone that side, I can hear some sound," the driver says.

"Let's go and catch her fast, then I will kill her!" the leader calls out. I hear footsteps running away till I cannot hear them anymore. I wait for another ten minutes to make sure they have left. Only when I am assured they have gone, do I crawl out of the bushes, adding more gashes on my skin.

I make a run in the direction I think I came from when my leg snags on a protruding tree root. I let out a loud yell, as I tumble forward, hitting my head on a rock. Something sharp pierces my shoulder and I scream as acute pain shoots through my arm. Grunting in agony, I pull out the sharp twig from my shoulder, keeping pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. The force of my fall also displaces another large rock, which starts rolling away on the sloping ground.

Certain that the men heard me, I look for a safe direction to escape. But the hit on my head, and the searing pain of the injury in my shoulder has disoriented me. Everything around me is spinning. I hear sounds of dried leaves and twigs being trampled and crushed coming closer, as the men run towards the noise.

Searching frantically, I spot a tree with a hollow at its base. I lunge into the hollow, squeeze into a ball and cover myself with leaves from the ground, camouflaging me while still being able to observe the area ahead, without being seen. The rolling rock keeps gaining momentum till it reaches the edge of the forest and flies down into the lake below, making a huge splash before being swallowed by the water. The men follow the sound of the rolling rock. They reach the edge just as the huge rock splashes in the lake and disappears under water.

"It looks like she fell in the lake," the driver says.

"At least she got saved from a painful death," the leader snarls. "Let's go, our job is done," he tells Manav. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. The moonless night had worked to my advantage, making them believe the stone was me.

"One minute," Manav says. He dials a number on his phone and turns on the speaker. The other two men come closer to the phone.

"Hello," Mahendra uncle's voice is heard from the other end. I want to run out and call uncle for help. Tell him, what his son has done. Uncle will definitely punish Manav. But I cannot right now. Once I escape this ordeal, I will go home and narrate everything to uncle.

"Hello Papa, it is done. Tara is dead." Manav informs on the phone.

"Oh good! What did you do with her body?" uncle asks conspiratorially.

My world comes crashing down around me, as the sickening understanding dawned on me. Manav was not alone in this evil machination.

"She fell in the lake and drowned."

From the other end Chachi spoke up, "Are you sure she drowned?"

"Yes mummy, we all saw her falling down in the lake and go under. We know she cannot swim," Manav reiterates.

I don't think any knife could wound as deeply, as the hurt of betrayal that sliced through my heart at that moment. The people I trusted the most in this world, were not who they pretended to be!

"Son, make sure she is definitely dead. It took a lot of effort to get the house and business in our control. If she comes back, we will be left with nothing."

"No papa! believe me I saw her drowning with my own eyes. I am standing here, and we cannot see movement in the lake. She is definitely not coming back."

"Well done son! Proud of you. Come home now. We will celebrate our good fortune." Manav cut the call.

"What if she is still alive? or what if someone finds her?" Manav questions the men.

"We will keep a close watch around this area for the next few days. If she's alive, we will finish her and any witnesses," the leader replies ominously.

The men still looked around to ascertain I was not hiding. I tremble with fear when the driver came within a few feet from me. To my relief, he did not look too closely in my direction and walked away. They all agreed that I had drowned, and I won't be returning.

Even after the men left the area, I wait with bated breath, expecting them to suddenly spring up in front of me and drag me out. After an hour or maybe more, I let myself fall back in a crumpled heap, tears streaming down my face from a mix of anger, hurt, betrayal, and a deep sense of loss. I miss my parents more than ever and I truly wished I had died with them, instead of being left at the mercy of my ruthless relatives.

I did not dare leave my hiding place. I did not move when I felt the painful sting of ants biting me, not even when something slimy crawled over me. I was numb with shock and despair. The tree hollow felt like it was closing in on me. I close my eyes waiting, hoping even, for the darkness to take me away. I realise I can never go back home. My relatives will have me killed and next time I won't be lucky to escape. I have no idea what I was going to do next. In the blink of an eye, I am left with no house, no money and no family. I was all alone in this world.

Something nibbling my foot wakes me up. I kick the mouse away, throwing away the blanket of leaves covering me. It takes me a moment to remember why I am here.

The sun's rays pierce through the canopy of leaves, throwing shafts of light on the forest floor, signifying that its daytime, but I have no way of telling what time of the day it is. Crawling out of the hollow I look around ensuring no one is still lurking to catch me. I am caked in mud, hungry, tired and most of all, scared. My body hurts all over. My clothes are ripped in different places, I am not able to move my left arm and my shirt is stiff with dried blood at the shoulder. I pull myself up and see only trees everywhere. I need to get out of here, but I have no idea which way to go. Tears start flowing again, in fear and hopelessness. I briefly contemplate jumping in the lake and end it once and for all. But the faces of my parents swim in front of me. They have not raised a coward! I will not give up so easily. I will start from scratch and rise up again. I will make them proud of me.

With renewed determination, I start urgently searching for any indicator to lead me out of this forest. In answer to my unsaid prayer, a loud horn of a heavy vehicle sounds to my left. Gauging by the sound, it is not far. I turn around and hobble as fast as I can, towards the sound. A few meters ahead I can see the road and a bus approaching from a distance. Encouraged, I shuffle faster towards the road. I spot my backpack under a tree, which must have fallen out while I ran out of the car. Nearby are tyre tracks of the car that brought me here.

The sight of the tyre marks makes me retch. The thought that the men may be still be around, waiting to ambush me, makes me panic and almost run back into the forest. The bus horn jolts me back to reality, reminding me of my