twenty two | angel

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I sit by Elijah's feet in the bath, smiling at how he is talking in his sleep.

He has always done that. I remember when we would have sleepovers and I would always wake up to him talking absolute nonsense.

Once he even said he loved me in his sleep. I knew it was just him blabbering on, and I teased him about it for weeks. He went so red when I told him.

Elijah has obviously grown up. He is not the little boy I used to shower with; after seeing him naked, I can definitely confirm this. His jawline is more structured, his skin has cleared up, his hair is styled better and his clothing choices have definitely improved.

The one thing that hasn't changed physically, the thing I have always loved about him, is his smile. It always gave me butterflies and I know it still does. It is so genuine and kind.

God, I might be obsessed with it.

His eyes crinkle and his little dimples show. It melts my heart in a way I could never explain.

I glance down at the little blue pill in my hand. It is the early hours of the morning and I got up to fetch the pill from my car.

I'm sitting here, and now more than ever, I really don't want to do this.

I've never wanted to do this to Elijah. He has always been like family to me. He's always been the only family I really had. I basically lived with him for half of my life.

I know things about him that nobody else knows. Like how he used to put make up on for me when we had parties, how he used to stay up all night when he had a sports game and was nervous, how he would bite his nails when he wanted to say something but knew he shouldn't.

I still remember all the forts we made and when we would play hide and seek with his parents, not wanting to go and eat. They could never find us.

Elijah laughs in his sleep, making me smile. Is it weird to be in love with someone's laugh and smile?

I knew from the start of this job that I wouldn't be able to kill him. By becoming friends with him again, I was just stalling and I knew that. I have always cared about Elijah, even when we stopped being friends.

I think that becoming friends with him again has definitely made me care about him more, but I never wanted to kill him.

I never wanted to kill anybody. I was just scared and alone with absolutely nothing. Antonio came to me with the job offer and I thought for a second that it could be a good idea, but once I realized it wasn't, it was too late.

I keep my eye on the pill, then shake my head and put it in my pants pocket. I have to find a way out of this. I can't take another person's life. I have no right to do this to anyone.

I bite my lip, wondering how the hell my life became so messed up. Maybe if Elijah stayed in my life, none of this would have happened.

He is such a good person. He would have been the little angel in my ear, whispering not to do it. I guess there's no point wondering about what could have been different. It is the way it is, and nothing can change that now.

But I can choose to stop this. Even if it means I go to jail. I just have to find a way to make sure Elijah doesn't get hurt.

Elijah laughs again, then gasps and his eyes fly open. He looks at me, his eyes adjusting to the lights we left on.

"Hi," he greets, his voice deep and raspy. I give him a small smile in response. "What time is it?" he asks.

I shrug. "Early." I didn't check the time, but everyone was still sleeping when I went down.

"Why are you awake?" he asks. "Why is it so warm in here? I thought bathrooms would be cold."

I nod. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep 'cause of the heat," I lie.

He throws the blanket off him, revealing his shirtless body and long, tanned legs. Then he stretches his arms above his head, bending at a strange angle in the bath, and groans in satisfaction.

Is he doing this on purpose? Is he trying to kill me?

Luckily this bath is longer than average, so his tall body somehow fits. Maybe he got it made that way.

I stare at his biceps as he folds his arms behind his head. "You really have to stop staring at me like you want to lick cream off my abs, sweetheart."

He chuckles when I roll my eyes. "Are you saying you wouldn't let me lick cream off your abs if I wanted to?" I ask, teasingly.

"Oh by all means, go ahead. I have a can downstairs." He winks. "But I know you won't. You barely have the guts to kiss me."

"Kiss you? Are you implying that I want to kiss you again?" I ask.

He sits up and leans closer. "What if I am?"

Is he flirting with me?

I lean closer, too. "I'd say that you're wrong." I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling.

Am I flirting back?

"Am I? If I remember correctly, you said the kiss from last night was, and I quote, 'amazing'."

By now, our faces are centimeters away from each other.

"I lied," I whisper.

"Oh, well that's too bad." He moves away and lies back down. "Guess you're gonna have to keep staring longingly at my body, then."

I chuckle. "Don't mind if I do."

•<•>•

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