Chapter 13

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Skylar's POV

Today I woke up in a shity mood. Do you know that feeling when nothing's really wrong but nothing's really right either? It happens to me a lot. There are days where I just feel so bad about myself and want to just stay at home and cry. I try to be strong but being strong for too long is so damn tiring. Pretending that everything is right and putting a fake smile on your face every, fucking day.

I try to be that happy person who always smiles no matter how bad my day is, but I feel like my soul is sad and broken. It's weird. I'm fighting my own shit in my head and nobody even knows about it. But like we all do. That's why we have to be nice to people and smile because we don't know what that person is going through right now.

I hate it when people look at me. I feel uncomfortable and always wonder what they are thinking about me. That I look fat? Or this dress doesn't really suit me? Pain changed me a lot. Sometimes I wish I could be the old me again. I miss that Skylar.

My thinking was interrupted by Flynn who was trying so hard to make me smile.

"Oh come on! That joke was really funny."

"Flynn, not today okay?"

I sighed and went back to making notes. Or rather doodling.

"Skylar, what's wrong? Maybe I can help." He said with a sad expression on his face. God, I hate when people are sad because of me.

"I'm just having a bad day, that's all. I think everyone has every right to feel like that sometimes."

"Quiet!"

Our teacher said, casting us that look which was supposed to be intimidating, I guess. I hope she knows that she looks like Edna Mode from 'The incredible' movie. I glanced at her and the corner of my mouth quirked up a bit. I rested my chin on my hand.

"I know that something is bothering you and I wish you could just trust me and let me help you." He whispered.

That's the thing. I've become very private person and don't like to share my problems or feelings with anyone. I don't trust easly. Sometimes I think that I even don't trust at all. Even if I did trust, I would prefer staying silent because no words can explain the shit that's going on in my head.

"Flynn, I'm fine. I promise." I smiled at him tiredly and turned my face towards our professor. He sighed but dropped it eventually. He knows how stubborn I can be.

After that, I wanted to go to the bathroom before my next lecture. I heard my phone ringing and I started rooting around in my back, when I suddenly bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going!"

I lifted up my head and saw Chloe.

Just perfect.

"Sorry." I mumbled and walked past her quickly. I don't have the energy to deal with her right now.

When I reached the bathroom, I saw that it was Laura who was calling me earlier. I decided that I would call her back when I finish. I did my business and started washing my hands.

"How are you, Skylar? We haven't seen each other for a while."

Ugh, what does she want now?

I looked at Chloe's reflection in the mirror. She was dressed all in pink as usual.

"Uhm I'm fine, I guess."

She came closer to me and crossed her arms over her chest. Her plastic boobs on full display.

"I've heard that you and Ace have a thing."

Well, it's not your goddamn business, bitch!

"Yeah, we are together. How do you know him?" I asked when I finished washing my hands and turned around to face her.

"Oh you know, we just fucked a few times." She shrugged, as if it was a totally normal thing to say.

Her eyes bore into mine, watching closely me and my reaction to what she just said. I felt like, my heart just broke. They were together?

"You two...uhm w-where together?"

I tried to act casually, as if it didn't brother me at all, but I think she noticed that pain flashed through my eyes.

"No." She chuckled "Ace doesn't date. He just has some fun. When he gets bored of you, he will get rid of you as always..." she came closer and eyed me up and down. "and when I look at you, I can tell it will be soon. I mean, look at you. So pathetic."

My heart fell a little and my breath halted. I could feel tears in my eyes but I tried to hold them back. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. She was just telling the truth but it still hurt.

"Ace likes elegant women with unusual beauty and you are just so common. Nothing special. But I don't blame him. You're an easy target, probably still a virgin." She smirked smugly "He just wants to fuck you, and nothing more."

She was looking me in the eyes for a few seconds, and left the bathroom. I couldn't stop my tears anymore. I quickly wiped them off my face and ran out of the university. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go home and forget about everything. God, and I thought that this day couldn't be worse.

When I reached my flat, Laura wasn't there. I went straight to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and went straight to my bathroom. I closed the door and took off my jeans. I sat on the floor, crying and holding a knife in my shaky hand. I haven't done it for a while. I thought I had it under control but today I just couldn't. With tears falling down my cheeks I took the knife and made a small cut on my inner thigh.

I hate myself so much. There are plenty of scars on my thighs, reminding me how weak and pathetic I am. I don't deserve happiness in my life. I don't even know why God put me on this fucking planet. I'm just a burden. I didn't want to cut myself on wrists because I didn't want everyone to know, especially my parents. I couldn't be able to look my mum in the face. It would be hard for her to find out that her child that she brought to this world, doesn't want to live in it anymore.

Besides, I hate it when people throw me that look of pity. I don't need mercy. That's why I've chosen thighs. No one can see them. Just me.

I heard the door open and I knew it was Laura. I quickly turned on the water so she could think that I was taking a shower. I washed my face and dressed in my fluffy robe. I went to my room and saw Laura, sitting on my bed.

Just great.

"Hey." She said softly. Worried expression on her face.

She knows.

She must know.

"Hi. Why so early today?" I asked casually and put my clothes on the chair by the desk.

"Flynn told me that you weren't feeling okay today, and I wanted to make sure everything's all right." She said and approached me.

I smiled slightly.

"No, I'm just a little tired, I didn't sleep well and he's just overreacting. I wanted to go home and have some sleep." I said and went under the covers.

"You sure? You know you can tell me everything."

"I know Laura, I really do. Now, please can you leave? I'm tired."

I sounded maybe a little too rude but I just didn't want to have this conversation right now. Or never, for that matter.

She sighed defeatedly and left my room. I felt bad that I lashed out at her like that but I can be a real bitch and ghost people when my mental health is messed up. In moments like those, I prefer to distance myslef from others.

I think I've been lying on my bed for a few hours and just staring out the window, thinking. My eyes were probably red and puffy. Suddenly, I heard my phone ringing.

Ace

Fucking hell. I didn't want to talk to him. When he apologised after that night when he left me at the party, I could tell that he meant everything he said but now...I don't know. I was so confused. He called again, and again, and I picked it up this time.

-Finally, I was worried that something happend to you.

Oh yeah, because if something happend to me, you would lost the next girl to fuck.

"People take a nap sometimes, you know?"

-Why so harshly? What were you doing today?

"Nothing interesting. I'm not really interesting in general actually. I was tired so I went home earlier."

I just wanted to finish that conversation and go back to doing...well nothing.

- What's got into you today? You're acting like not you.

"Well, maybe that's how I really am but you just didn't have time to notice?"

- Okay, Skylar. What's wrong?

"Nothing! I'm just tired and everyone is asking me if I'm fucking okay!"

A little sob came out of my mouth. Shit. I covered it with my hand but I think he could hear that.

- Skylar, are you crying?

I stayed silent. If I spoke up, he would know. More tears fell down my cheek. God, I wish I could disappear sometimes.

- Baby, please.

"I'm fine Ace. I told you I'm a little tired because I couldn't sleep at night. So now, if you don't mind, I'll go back to sleep."

He sighed.

- Okay, I'll come over soon. I...miss yo-

"Okay, bye."

And I hung up. Maybe it was a little bitchy but I just didn't know what to do or to think. I thought that my mind was going to explode because of so many thoughts running through my head. I lay down again and tried to fall asleep but obviously, it was impossible. Tears stopped falling from my eyes but my cheeks were still wet from them. My body shaking a bit.

I think I dozed off eventually because I was woken up by a strong arm, wrapping around my body. I didn't know whether to pretend to be asleep or turn around.

"I know you're awake." Ace mumbled against my neck.

God, I love his voice. But he is temporary in my life. I can't get attached to him because it's only going to hurt at the end.

"Who made you upset, baby?"

I bit down on my lip to hold in my tears but a small sob betrayed me. Ace turned me around so I was facing him now. I lowered my head, not wanting him to see my red, ugly face.

"Why are you here, Ace?" I whispered, looking down at my hands.

"Where else would I be? I told you I was worried about you."

"Oh yeah? You are worried about every girl you...hang out with?" I was about to say fuck but I remembered that we haven't had sex yet.

Yet? You should never have sex with him!

"Hang out? You're my girlfriend, Skylar. In case you forgot." He seemed a little hurt and upset but why would he?

I got up from my bed and stood in front of it with my arms crossed. Ace sat on the edge of my bed, watching me with a confused expression on his face.

"For how long? Until you get to my pants and then you will just get rid of me like you did with all those girls?!" I shouted. I couldn't bare this ache in my chest. This day was terrible.

He wanted to stood up and probably come up to me but I stopped him with my hand.

"Don't. Stay were you are."

Ace isn't really a submissive type of a guy but he saw the look on my face and I think he sensed not to mess with me right now, and he obliged.

"Skylar, I know that it may seem a little cliché but you are different from all those girls. " Came out his admission and I scoffed.

"I've never felt that way about anyone before, I promise you. I know that you deserve someone better but I want to become better for you and I will. Even when I have the worst day ever, I smile because I know that at the end of that day I will come to you. I will kiss you and hug you. I will ask you about your day and even if it was not interesting, I will fucking force you to tell me about it because I love listening to your sweet voice."

A small smile broke on my face and a few tears slid down my cheek. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I couldn't.

"Ace, there are plenty of other girls out there. Priettier, smarter, more...elegant. I'm not that pretty or cool as you may think. I have flaws, and I'm not perfect."

"But who isn't? Skylar, no one is perfect. Please, come here."

I hesitated for a second but obliged eventually. I missed him.

He spread his legs and I stood between them. He placed his one hand on my waist and his the other one was on my cheek. His thumb making slow circles on it. Ace pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes.

"Let me make you forget about everything." He whispered.

I wanted to ask what he meant but saw that he started to untie my bathrobe. I remembered that I was wearing only a bra and panties underneath so I quickly wrapped my arms around myself, stopping his actions.

"Princess..."

"No, Ace. I don't like showing my body. You'll not look at me the same way after I show you." I sobbed and I think I started crying again.

He put his both hands on my wet cheeks and lifted up my head so I was looking him in the eyes.

"Nothing can change the way I look at you. You're so perfect in my eyes, Skylar. You have no idea."

He lowered his hands slowly and started untying the robe again. I didn't stop him this time. I think I could feel my body shake from nervousness. He took off my robe gently, as if he was scared not to do something which could make me uncomfortable. My heart was beating so fast. I was only in my black bra and matching panties now. He gripped my waist and pulled me even closer to him, looking at every inch of my body.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you are." He whispered.

"Beautiful?" I scoffed "Are you blind? Look at me. I have cuts all over my thighs, stretch marks on my stomach, I don't have big boobs, what's so pretty about me, huh?"

He glared at me but in his eyes were something different now. Lust? His eyes darkened. He gripped my waist even tighter, leaned forward that his lips were inches apart from mine, and said in a deadly tone

"One- our scars are proof not that we're weak, but how strong we actually are and how much we've been through. Two- we'll talk about your cuts later. But now-" He kissed the spot on my jaw, then under my ear, making me melt completely
"I'll show you exactly how beautiful you are to me."

Oh God, please have mercy on me


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