'Let me die first or I will die twice.'

My head felt heavy and my throat felt dry as I slowly pried my eyes open.

Blinking a few times to adjust my eyes to the bright light, I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My wrist had a white bandage wrapped around it and a wire was connected to my arm. There was a machine next to me which was beeping quietly in the background and a door in front of the bed, which I assumed was the bathroom.

My mind was hazy and I couldn't recall anything. Looking at the bedside table, I noticed a bottle of water, I slowly reached out towards it and finally grabbed it, unscrewing the cap and gulping it down as if I hadn't had water in days.

It took me a few moments until I finally recalled what had happened.

Luca.

Tears streamed down my face as I remembered what had happened and I forced down another panic attack that was threatening to happen.

I needed to make sure he was ok.

He had to be ok.

Wasting no time, I flung myself out of the bed and ran towards the door, nearly bumping into the person standing behind it.

'Sof! Is he ok? Where is he?', I frantically signed, trying to get out of the door which she was blocking. She didn't budge and used her arms to cover the exit. My head began to feel dizzy again but I refused to give up. She had to let me go and see him.

'You need to be checked up first and then I'll take you to him, I promise', she signed back worriedly, taking my hand and leading me back towards the hospital bed. My wrist throbbed and I couldn't find the strength in me to pull out of her grasp and make a run for it so I reluctantly allowed her to take me back to sit on the bed.

She shut the door and took a seat next to me, making sure I was ok.

I was fine, I just needed to make sure he was.

'I need to see him! Please! Let me just see that he's ok, then you can get the doctor to check up on me.'

'Please Lily, I just need to make sure you're ok', she signed, mustering up a small smile, not taking away the prominent tears in her eyes.

We sat there quietly, the only noise coming from the beeping machine behind us and the faint ticking of the clock hanging up on the wall.

I was so grateful that she cared so much for me but I'm not the priority. The small cut on my wrist was nothing compared to the injuries I've had before and I didn't need a doctor to tell me how to keep it from deteriorating.

I needed him.

I couldn't let another person get hurt because of me.

If I had just persuaded him to let me make dinner, he wouldnt have gotten injured, it would have been me instead and I wished that was the case; no ones life would be affected and he would be safe. He has a beautiful family that love him so much and I would gladly switch places with him in an instant if that meant that he would be back in his family's arms.

My mind immediately went into overdrive, trying to think of any ways I could get to him so I could make sure he was ok.

'Could you get me some water please?', I signed to her, noticing that the water bottle on the bed side table was empty and that she would have to leave the room to get me another.

I felt terrible for lying to her but if she wouldn't let me see him, I had to take matters into my own hands.

With a nod, she got up and opened the door, looking behind to check that I was ok, before walking down the corridor.

I waited until she was definitely out of sight and then made my way in search of Luca's whereabouts.

I didn't know where I was going until I walked into a kind nurse who asked if I needed any help. I opened my mouth to ask for help but I couldnt get my words out. I tried and tried again but I couldnt speak. Tears rolled down my cheeks in frustration but I couldnt say anything.

Shes a nurse. Shes here to help you.

She wont hurt you.

'We can speak in sign if you want?', she signed to me and my eyes gleamed in appreciation.

'I'm looking for Luca Rossi', I signed, hoping she would be able to help me locate him.

She gave me a small smile and search his name up on the iPad she was holding, giving her access to see which room he was in.

'Can I ask what relationship you have with Mr Rossi? Only his family members are allowed to see him at the moment', she signed, waiting for me to give her a reply.

What do I tell her?

I'm not related to him. I don't even know if Im anything to him.

'I'm his girlfriend.'

Before I could even comprehend what I had just told the nurse, she gave me a sympathetic smile and told me to follow her.

My heart was beating rapidly and my palms began to sweat. She led me across the corridor and eventually we were standing in front of a door.

'Mr Rossi is in here. Hes in a c-'

But before she could finish, I opened the door and practically ran inside and the sight was heart wrenching.

I had to lean against the wall to stabilise myself. My hand flew to my mouth to hold back my sobs as I stared at my Luca.

He had a thick white bandage wrapped around his head. Little cuts littered his body and you could see some tried blood near his wounds. His fluffy curly hair was untamed on top of his head and his rings were scattered on the bed side table. He had a breathing tube in his nose and an IV wire connected to his arm.

The brown eyes which I grew to admire were closed, and the only indication that he was still alive was the robotic beeping of the machine next to him.

It should have been me.

The pain of seeing him like this felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. My chest was aching and tears ran down my cheeks.

Would he even want me here?

I felt so guilty and embarrassed that even though he was the one that was injured, he still made sure that I was safe.

I don't deserve him.

I slowly made my way towards the bed and sat down on the chair beside it. Cautiously, I moved my hand closer to his and placed his in mine.

One day, he'll realise that I'm not worth it. He'll notice that he can do so much better. He'll find someone who isn't scarred, who isn't damaged, who isn't used. He'll find someone who is able to give him what he wants and deserves and to be there for him instead of him having to worry about them. But there's something inside me that's willing to be selfish and wanting to be that someone important, just for a little while, until he finds someone better. I found myself not caring about taking the risk, simply wanting to do what I wanted for once. To block out what my head was saying and to finally listen to my heart.

"I-I think y-you need t-this more than I do", I whispered to him whilst unclasping my necklace and leaning over him to put it around his neck.

Just as I was about to put it on him, I noticed something on his chest. It was a sunflower tattoo right above his heart with Liliana underneath it.

Thats all it took me to break out into hysteric sobs.

"Y-You can't l-leave me! P-Please just o-open your eyes", I whispered between my cries, gripping his hand tightly in mine, hoping it made him feel as protected as I did when he held my hand.

(Flashback)

I was lying down on my mother lap, she was stocking my hair and feeding me some food. We only had a little bit, but she would always make sure I was full. She never ate much herself but I was too young to understand why.

I was always a curious child, constantly asking my mother all sorts of questions and she always used to know the answers to them. It was one of the things I admired the most about her, she was patient and wise, always giving me advice and keeping me on the right path.

"Mamma, what does love mean?", I asked curiously, looking up to meet her motherly smile.

"What's got you curious about love, la mia scimmia sfacciata (my cheeky monkey)?", she asked, tickling my sides, making me burst out into giggles.

"I heard someone say it at the park today", I said shyly.

She laughed softly and thought about her answer before replying.

"Well, I love you. That's why I gave you that necklace", she said as my hands fiddled with it.

"But true love between soulmates is something so magical, it's impossible to put into words", she said, staring into space with a sad smile on her face.

"What's it like? Try to explain it to me mamma!", I said, interested to know more.

She gave me a heart-warming laugh and began to speak; "Love feels like butterflies are constantly erupting in your tummy. Love is when your mind is always clouded with the thoughts of them. Love feels like your finally home after a long journey. Someday, someone is going to look at you like you've never been seen before; they'll look at you like you're everything they've been looking for their entire life. They will be there for you even when life is tough and messy and will love you harder on the days you struggle to love yourself at all. The truth is, no matter what happens, you will always find your way to the person who is meant to hold your heart. But most importantly, love is protecting the ones you love more than yourself."

(End of flashback)

"I-I think I'm s-starting to fall i-in love with you."