This chapter is a really short one and I'm sorry about that it's because it's a chapter about Carys talking with her voice in her head and exploring how she really felt. Hope you guys will enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading it!!

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I could barely sleep that night.

Good thing was I won't easily get dark circles and bags under the eyes, so I was still a human, not yet transforming into a new species of pandas, the last thing I wanted right now, was to be the school's mascot.

No worries, I didn't cry all night either, so my eyes were not swollen. I've got some tears, but I didn't cry, I just stayed up all night thinking about Cohen and my feelings.

Since I decided I was the only one who could bury this secret into my grave, I had no one I could talk to, I could just talk to the voice inside my head.

Calm down, Carys. Take a breath in, and breathe it out.

Done.

Do it one more time.

Done.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Now I want to ask you a few questions.

Okay..

Are you sure you are in love with him?

Was I sure I was in love with him? Yes... I guessed.

You guess?

Well, given the fact that I've never dated anyone or even been on a date before, how could I know what it's like falling in love with a boy?

Then how do you know you love him in the first place?

Oh. That's a really good question. Let me think about it.

Okay. Well. As soon as I figured out he wasn't the bad boy everyone at school saying he was, after becoming the 'first-hand witness' watching how he was around his sister, that's when I started have feelings for him.

When he wasn't only being nice to his sister and his father, he was being very approaching, nice and friendly to me and my mom, and Shelley as well, never once said my name wrong nor Shelley's. He had many good qualities inside him, not the bad boy image he always tried to impress the other schoolmates. He was an amazing person, an awesome friend, that's why I liked him.

But how did I know I love him? Seeing him kissing Rebecca hurt me, hurt my feelings, hurt my heart, after he bought me roses at the Disneyland. I guessed if I didn't love him, that kiss wouldn't have bothered me, it wouldn't have affected me that much, so that's how I knew I was in love with him.

How are you feeling now?

How was I feeling? I felt sad, of course, heartbroken, maybe? Disappointed mostly? Yes, I was totally disappointed. Disappointed at him being the one how everyone was talking about, disappointed at me having hopes on him, on us.

Are you mad at him?

Was I mad at him? No. I wasn't mad at Cohen, how could I? He did make me witnessing him kissing a girl for the first time and that made me sad, but he didn't know how I really felt about him, he was innocent, maybe not really that innocent, but it wasn't fair to him for me to be mad at him.

I was the one who always knew about him and his reputation with girls, yet still fell in love with him, I should've known better even though I never seen him kissing anyone with my own eyes, until Rebecca.

So, I wasn't mad at him. In fact, I was in no position to be mad at him because he kissed a girl, we were never anything else beside, for the unspecific statement, friends, the specific one, his sister's babysitter and his soon-to-be tutor.

Tutor.

Oh crap. I promised him to become his tutor, to help him not getting kicked out from high school.

Oh crap. Oh crap. OH CRAP.

What should I do now?

Should I call off the tutoring thing?

I could do that but I still have to babysit Amelia...

How should I face Cohen now?

How should I act in front of him?

Just act normal like you used to be.

Please define normal...

Normal means nothing's changed.

Nevertheless, the only problem right now was when you found out you were in love with someone, everything about him just became different, so different until they could never go back to the way they used to be.

Maybe you just need some time.

They said time will heal everything.

Will it?

Do you want it to be healed?

I don't know, I just know that I have to see him everyday at school and after school...

To be honest, just now when I was babysitting Amelia, I've already tried to be normal around Cohen, but it's so hard, whenever I saw his face, the vivid images of him kissing Rebecca automatically replaced everything I had in my mind.

And I was officially back to the starting point.