Warning: Mature Content. Reader's discretion is advised.

Y / N 

The sound of a gunshot ripped through the air, making me flinch as the vibration of its recoil whistled past my hair, making my heart beat frantically.

"This is what he's become now." Yuna whispered to me as we stood to one side of the shooting range.

My eyes were wide with fear as I saw men-living breathing men tied to the targets, their faces bloody and eyes terrified as they waited with baited breaths to be shot dead.

I gulped and bit back a horrified gasp as one of the men slumped to the ground right in front of my eyes.

I swallowed, tears stinging my eyes.

I had seen so much violence. I couldn't take more of these thoughtless killings. The boy I had loved...the man I loved was standing in front of me as he shot the helpless men, his expressions stony and unchanging and all of a sudden I felt a tinge of hatred for him.

I had never expected that I could ever hate Joon but here I was slowly backing away as Namjoon heartlessly fired a string of bullets, never once looking in my direction. It was as if he was ashamed to face me but couldn't waver.

A small scream escaped my lips as blood spurted out of the wounds of all the dead men and I let my tears escape.

Why was he doing this?

Where was the sweet, selfless boy I had once known?

The Namjoon that I knew, the young teenage boy I had loved was not this cruel. He was sensitive and loving and every pore of his beautiful face screamed kindness and exuded radiance.

The Namjoon standing in front of me was nothing but dark, sinister cruelty personified.

His eyes were cold and his muscles tensed. He looked sinfully attractive and I'd almost have been begging for him to take me right now...had he not been a murderer.

I turned to Yuna to find her looking sympathetically at me. She caressed my hair as I tried to calm my wrecked emotions.

"He didn't want me to bring you here." She muttered, softly hugging my shaking figure.

"But you're so important to him. I didn't want to keep you under any delusions."

"What happened to him?" I cried. "Why is he like this?"

"I'm afraid that's something he himself should explain to you, Y/N." She comforted me. "I might have brought you here without his knowledge and I know you must be heartbroken..." She paused to look into my eyes. "-but know that he's a man you can trust. He loves you Y/N...he has loved you all his life but sometimes destiny is cruel and there's little you or me can do about it."

K I M  N A M J O O N

As soon as I learnt that Y/N had seen me shoot the rival mafia's men, I knew that I had to find her as soon as possible.

What good would it be to have her stay with me if she couldn't love me?

I had to ensure her that I was still someone she could love even though I knew that I didn't deserve her anymore. I wasn't the cheeky, innocent boy from ten years ago anymore but I was still the same at heart...I was still Joon.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry you had to see me like that." I muttered as I found her sitting listlessly on one corner of her bed.

Her eyes were red from crying and her body shook as she saw me approach. I could sense she was hesitant to let me come any closer to I stopped where I was, gently looking at her little body as she tightly hugged her knees.

"I know what you're feeling..." I muttered. "But it's not what you think. Those guys weren't innocent. They were rival spies and could have harmed me and my men if I didn't do what I did."

"But you still killed someone, Mr. Nam-"
Y/N began, her tone detached and I hissed, abruptly cutting her off.

"It's Joon to you, Y/N." I looked at her surprised eyes. "Don't you ever forget that."

Y / N

He stared at me, eyes burning with ferocity as he made his intentions clear.

"I don't want you to ever address me so coldly." He continued. "And I don't want you to talk to me with that detached voice ever again."

He was towering over me now as his hands pushed me back into the headboard.
"You're mine, Y/N and I don't like it when my people misunderstand me without understanding the reason." He growled softly, making me hiccup as my tears rapidly dried in the corners of my eyes.

"J-Joon, you're t-too close!" I exclaimed, throwing out my hands in front of me to cover my face. "I'm sorry for misunderstanding you." I blurted quickly, partly because I did understand his point and mostly because I just wanted him to stop coming so close.

I gasped when he pushed away my hands, his eyes directly in line with mine and couldn't dare to look away when he dragged a knuckle across my tear-stained  cheek.

My breath stuck in my throat as his eyes softened ever so slightly, as if he saw me as a very precious, soft and delicate little thing and I stared at him as he lodged his index finger underneath my chin, tipping my face up.

"I'm sure your lips taste salty considering how much you've been crying." He whispered softly.

"I-I was just scared." I muttered finally. Namjoon's thumb caressed my bottom lip as if urging me to go on.

I sighed and instinctively licked my lips but my eyes widened as I realised what I'd done.

I found both of us staring at his thumb...his thumb that I'd just accidentally licked!

"I-" I began but was cut off as Namjoon pressed his lips to mine, his breathing erratic.

Naturally, I yielded under his touch. My legs fell apart to let him move between them as I let my body relax into his explorative ministrations. His lips were soft yet his kiss was desperate and rough.

I had never felt this kind of a thing before. As someone who was always desperate to avoid being forcefully kissed and touched only to be beat up for that later, I had no idea what an actual kiss felt like.

My first kiss and it was nothing like I had expected it to be. It wasn't someone hitting my mouth with his but it was a wild play of lips and tongue and breaths.

A foreign sound escaped my lips as I felt the warmth of Namjoon's tongue slipping into my mouth and I gave in willingly, letting him in.
His kisses were fiery and full of lustful angst as his hands grabbed and rubbed my body, almost lovingly.

I didn't resist when his hand slipped beneath my blouse and played with the hem of my bra and I moaned in pleasure as he gently kneaded the skin of my midriff.

"Ah, J-Joon!" I was whispering between broken sighs as his mouth dipped to the crook of my neck.

I felt his fingers dip too but I was too busy clutching onto his gloriously soft hair as he kissed and nibbled onto the sensitive skin of my neck, making me squirm.

"I've been dying to do this." He muttered and I almost cracked a smile but that smile disappeared as soon as I felt his hand cup my sex through my soft cotton pants.

"W-where are you t-touching? I stuttered, my cheeks reddening as he smirked down at me.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." His hand moved, making my gasp and his smile grew more smug.

"I've waited so long for this. I'm not going to end this so soon." He whispered before pecking my lips quickly.

Pulling back, he immediately pushed his hand to his nose and sniffed, a devilish smile on his face.

"What?!" I glared at him.

He smirked and bent to kiss me again, ignoring my little shoves of protest.

"You already gave me your first kiss, Y/N. No use pushing me now." He smirked and pulled back. His eyes shone as he stared at my still spread legs. Blushing furiously, I closed them shut.

What a pervert!

"Looks like I'll have to ask them to give you clothes that show a bit more skin." He winked. "Even closing your legs won't help then."

"W-what? How-"

"You'll know when it happens, my love. You'll know." Namjoon muttered, his gaze dark and full of lust, a mischievous smile on his luscious lips.

But I wasn't afraid of this man, I realised.
His touch didn't feel filthy and his gaze although desirous, didn't feel vulgar.

His hands gripped me in places, I could never say but it didn't feel forced and the feeling he left behind in my heart, stunned me.

I stared at his retreating figure as he walked out of the room, completely at ease, his movements relaxed and his back straight.
I smiled a little as he disappeared into the hallway and touched my lips, reminiscing the kiss we'd just shared.

That walk...that walk wasn't of a man who'd forced himself upon a helpless woman.

That walk was of a lover who'd just left his woman in the throes of passion.