Y/N

Silence ruled the atmosphere in the room. I was staring at the wall blankly while he was sitting on the sofa of my apartment.

The time was ticking but noone had the courage to start.

It's sad how the world keeps on moving no matter what happens. It's sad how you have to run along with it because you can't face to be behind it. You have to keep up with it anyhow, anyhow...acting like the pain was subsiding and the scars were healing.

But truth was they weren't....while everything was moving so fast, you would still be the same.

Every day passes trying to breathe, and not trying to live.

"Why?", Before I had the chance to think over my question, I let it out.

Why? It's such a big word.. Blame it to human nature but we are always seeking for reasons. We believe everything has a reason, a purpose otherwise they wouldn't happen, they wouldn't exist.

"Was this all a game to you?", I asked him surprising myself with my choice of questions but I was too hurt to even give a damn about it right now.

He finally looked up and I inhaled a sharp breath. His eyes were shimmering with the emotion of hurt and something else which I couldn't decipher.

I should be the one who is hurt right now....

"You did this all to stop me from leaving right?", I asked him, my voice breaking with each and every words.

His eyes held anger now and he finally said.

"Do you think so low of me?"

I didn't speak. How could I think low of him when I had high expectations with him, expectations of being together. Expectations that he wouldn't disappoint me.

Dad was right. He always was. Don't expect from life. But I forgot...and now it was punishing me, my soul, my heart.

"You can't expect me to be okay when I see you bringing a fiancée all of a sudden. No, I am sorry.... It isn't my right to question you when we didn't even have a relationship in the first place.... When your feelings could have been untrue all the time...."

He got up from his seat and knelt down in front of me. He held my chin gently and our eyes locked.

It's amazing how when you are so hurt right now but still you can get lost in those galaxies that are swirling in those eyes.

"Don't you dare jump into conclusions about what my feelings are.", He said, his eyes blazing with fury and hurt.

It's me who should be hurt, not you...

"Then, what are we? I am sorry, Mr Park but as far as I am aware, I am the one at fault here...I am the other woman because you have a fiancée right now."

"I don't have a fiancée. I haven't even gotten engaged to her.", He said.

"Soon to be fiancée.", I added.

"I don't care what your relationship is with her. I just want to know....Were you honest with me? Did you ever mean anything when you confessed to me? Should I have believed you?---"

The questions left my mouth, the questions I had been seeking answers for all day and truth be told, I was afraid to listen their answers.

I don't think I would ever be able to rejoin those pieces of my heart again if everything was an act for him.

He suddenly put his finger in front of my lips indicating me to be quiet.

He closed his eyes and opened it looking at me. His vulnerable state pained my heart.

"I know why you doubt my feelings for you because I faked stuffs before so that you won't leave me."

"But, the past is past. What I feel for you now is important. I like you Miss Kim and not only because you are Miss Kim, but because you are Y/N, simply Y/N. My feelings are sincere and I am telling this honestly. Whatever I have told you before, they aren't lies, they will never be. And even if this was a game, then I am the one who lost because you captured my heart. Don't, Don't ever doubt my feelings for you...."

He said this with so much sincerity that tears started brimming in my eyes.

"What about her?"

"She is my dad's choice. His friend's daughter who he wants me to marry. She used to be my childhood friend."

The heavy tension once again settled among us.

"I-I saw you two walking together.... Did you kiss her? ", I stuttered, wanting to be clear about everything.

"No, why would I?", He asked with a shocked expression.

"I saw you leaning closer to her....", I  said hesitantly.

He seemed to be recalling something and realization hit him. "No, No, Her eye was burning with dust. So, I was just checking it."

Oh...

I am such a fool for crying over a misunderstanding. But...She is his soon to be fiancée.

Things haven't changed. She is going to marry him...Somehow the things have turned even worse than they could have ever gotten.

"Jimin, we need to sort everything out.", I said.

He looked at me in daze. His eyes gleamed with light, the moonlight seeping through the window illuminated his face making him appear even more gorgeous and a small smile played on his lips.

"Say it again.", He said

"What?", I asked not understanding.

"My name.  It's the first time you called me Jimin.", He said smiling.

"oh...",  Realization dawned on me and I became a nervous wreck. I have never called him Jimin, I realized.

"What does this make us? What are we?", I said to him.

"Truthfully, I don't know...", He replied.

I know I loved him and I would do anything to stay with him.

Yes, he has feelings for me but are his feelings strong enough for me to stay?

At the end, it's  me who is gonna be hurt.

I don't want to experience this aching feeling...this heart break that pains every part of me.

"You are going to marry her right?", I asked him.

He didn't say anything and in his eyes, I could see hesitation in them.

And in his hesitation, I found my answer....

He is my first love, one who is going to be in my memory forever.

But for him, I might be just another woman.

What happens when one day his feelings for me go away?

He will walk out of my life....but I, I will dwell on it.

I can't do this. I am scared of the heart break.

I can't make it shatter anymore.

Atleast his feelings for me were genuine. I was happy because of it. I can be satisfied with it.

Sometimes we don't need to stay with someone we love...we can live with the fact that their feelings for us were true, are true...

So I made a decision....a decision that was gonna change everything.

To my love, I did it for you.

I wiped the tears on my face. I need to do this.

"Go...."

"What?", He asked, surprised.

"Don't make this hard for me, Jimin...
Go...Go and don't come back...ever..."

"How can you do this? You can't---" He stood up.

I stood up as well and stepped closer to him. I held his hands slowly and he shivered under my touch. I was happy that I had this effect on him.

"You aren't ready to keep my heart. You aren't ready for what we have. You aren't strong enough to fight for it....You aren't, Jimin...", My voice was quivering with each and every words.

"How can you say this? We can change things....", He said taken aback.

"Then, can you tell me that you won't marry her, that you will go against  your father?"

Silence again meets me.

He can't say that to me...he can never.

To my love, I don't want to make things harder for you.

"This is it. Everything's over now.", I told him.

He had a blank expression on his face. This is for the benefit of both of us no matter how much pain it gives.

To my love, I sacrificed my happiness for you.

I caressed his hands trying to memorize every details of it while I looked in those eyes ....Whatever we had, though it was short-lived, it will be something which I am going to cherish forever.

To my love, I will let you go even if it hurts.

I slowly hugged him. I felt his arms wrap around my waist making me feel safe. In his arms, I felt at ease...I felt like I was home, like all the troubles in the world had vanished and we were the only ones here.

"I am sorry...", He whispered softly.

"Don't blame it on yourself...It's because of circumstances. I hope you will be happy Jimin...", I choked out those words and tears fell from my eyes.

To my love, I can't bear to see you unhappy.

"Thank you for everything, every sweet memories....", I love you. I wanted to say those three words but I couldn't. It would make it harder for me to leave...

To my love, thank you for loving me.

I stepped back losing the warmth that was radiating off him.

"Before you say goodbye, let go alright?", I said to him as I smiled gathering up whatever courage I had left.

To my love, I will have to say goodbye..

"But will you let go ?", He asked looking at me with glistening eyes.

"I-I will...Now go before I change my mind.", I said turning away from him hastily wiping the tears.

To my love, goodbye hurts...a lot...

"Then, change your mind damn it..." He told.

"I can't...This is for the better. Now Go...please...", I said.

I felt his hands touch my shoulder but as quickly as it was there, he removed it.

After a while, I heard the door open and I fell down on the ground as tears streamed down my face. I hugged my body closer with my body shaking.

I cried in the silence of the night quietly because he left me.

It hurts...hurts so bad knowing that he could not fight for what we had.

I walked towards my window as I looked at his figure as he entered the car. The car roared to life and he was gone.

To my love, I will love you forever...

I walked towards my study table and started writing. I had to send this to him.

And then I would be gone as well.

*****

Jimin

It's been three days I haven't seen Miss Kim. After that day, she hasn't come to the office and I thought she needed some space.

I thought things over and I came to a conclusion. I couldn't lose her.

I want to be by her side everytime, to see those beautiful eyes that seemed like they could unfold my each and every secrets. I want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. I want to be the one that makes her happy. I want to be the person who she can lean on whenever she needs a shoulder to cry. I want to make memories with her, beautiful memories that I will cherish forever. So, I won't let go...I will never let go.

And I want to tell these things to her, to make her feel loved...

But my heart sank when Soya arrived at my office carrying an envelope.

I had a bad feeling about this.

I took out a neatly folded piece of paper from the envelope and my heart dropped.

Dear Mr Park,

I am writing this letter right now and I have so many things I want to tell you which I couldn't have had the courage to tell in front of you. I don't have strength for that.

And I want to say this first.

I am leaving....

I don't think I can bear to work in the office and look at you.

But rest assured, I have already taught Soya everything she needs to know. She will do a great job at it...I know.

I have already taught her what kind of coffee you like, how many tea spoons of sugar you prefer, your favourite tie, your favourite colour, what kind of salads you prefer, what gifts you like to send to your mom, or what kind of chocolates you want to buy for your cousins and how you can't fix your tie yourself and always need help in it. How you want your schedule detailed, how she might have to wake up in the middle of the night to prepare a presentation in case. And I have made her aware about your allergies. I have also stored some medicines for you in your cupboard in case you don't feel well.  And those files you gave me on my first day, I have passed them to her. I have told her that she will have to be on guard 24/7. She will do a great job and learn a lot as well.

I will surely miss working with you. Mr Park, thank you for teaching me so many things. I respect you for everything. I want to thank you for all the things you did for me, for tolerating my mistakes. I will forever be grateful to you.

I will miss all the little things you do, those little things that make you you.

For someone who seems to be cold and ruthless, I want to say that you aren't that person. You are a person who has the heart of gold.

Though, these six years were pretty hectic, I enjoyed many things and I have to thank you for it.

Thank you for all the things. I would have never gotten the courage to say these things in front of you. But I don't have anything to lose now.

I am leaving saying that I don't have any regrets.

And I have one last wish. Please don't seek me out. Don't find me. If we cross paths again, it would be because of fate.

Farewell

-Miss Kim

She was gone......

*******

-----like our love, the moon and the stars lie on the same sky. Yet, millions of light years mark their distance apart----

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