I only waited to come to see you until now because I was hoping you would have changed your mind by now about leaving. If you are reading this now, I guess you did not change your mind. I just want you to know you will be great at whatever your next chapter in life will bring you because you're Bianca. I cannot wait to watch all your games as you kick ass on the field.

I was afraid to tell you this because I end up losing everyone around me. But, what the heck? I love you, Precious, thank you so much for coming into my life. I lost my mom this year, but somehow you still made it the best year of my life.

Anyways, it does not matter. Bye and enjoy the next chapter because life is short.

Love,

Christopher James 

I stared at the letter not believing what I just read. He has never told me he loved me before. Somehow, the three-lettered words switched something in me, it was as if a part of me was yearning to hear him say it. He was obfuscating me further than I had already been, I had no idea what I wanted to do now. "Biana, open this door now!" My mom yelled on the other side of the door. I guess she had not calmed down.

She continued to yell for me to open the door, I sighed and got up opening the door. "I don't know what you are thinking, just because you are eighteen does not mean you are suddenly an adult. Stop acting like a child and what have I told you about sneaking out at night?" She did not even give me a chance to answer her.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I shouldn't have gotten out last night and sorry for yelling at you. I was just angry and I guess I passed it on to you," I told her. She was about to say something, but I gave her a sad face. She sighed and rubbed her hand on my cheeks.

"Why were you angry?" She asked me, "and what's this?" She removed her hand and grabbed the letter I was still holding unto.

"CJ and I got into a fight, it was kind of stupid. I don't know why I care," I said. "And it's from him," I said pointing at the letter she was now reading. I could see where I got my nosiness from, she was already reading the letter like it was hers. 

"That's so sweet," she said with a smile. "Why the long face?"

"Because he's confusing me, mom," I groaned that she did not understand that. "He told me he loved me."

"And?" She questioned me. "I sure hope a guy telling you they love you isn't driving you crazy. I raised you better than that, I love you and don't do anything crazy because he told you that," I sighed. She was right, I had to calm down. 

"But," I started, my mom looked at me. "What if I love him?" I asked her. I did love him, he made me happy. Even though our meeting last night did not end on good terms, I was still happy to see him. I would go through a thousand more arguments if it meant I could see his face again. 

"Then you love him, honey. What do you want me to tell you?" She asked me, "you are not a little kid, you know how you feel and I cannot tell you what to do."

"The moment I need you to?" I asked her with a frown. She shook her head no, she sighed and pulled me into a hug. "I don't think I want to leave, mom," I said. She quickly pulled away and looked at me. 

"Bianca, you need to think this through. This is your future you are talking about and you cannot give it all up for just some boy," she told me.

"But you told me I can make my own decisions and he is not just some boy, mom. He's CJ, when I am with him I'm happy, he makes me feel safe, and he makes me feel like I am the only girl that exist."

She chuckled, "that's how your father made me feel," I looked up at her. She never talked about him before. She avoided talking about the past with him. "He was married and older, but he was the sweetest guy I ever met. That's why I couldn't stay after I got pregnant. He was not going to leave his wife and it pained me to see him every day because to him it might have just been a fling, but to me, it was more. It probably was selfish of me to leave not thinking of how it would have affected you." She told me. 

"But I don't regret doing it, I chose myself and I would do it again. I did not want to be bitter, I wanted to be happy doing what I love and I think I would have been the cliche bitter, angry black woman if I did not leave. What I am saying is to choose yourself, I'll support whatever you chose as long as you're sure that's what will make you happy. So, in ten to twenty years will you still be happy with your decision?" She told me. 

"Can I just throw a quarter up?" I asked.

"Unfortunately it does not work like that. Welcome to adulthood, making tough decisions. You can choose between playing a sport you love while traveling the world and meeting new people. And it is a great idea considering you don't even want to study or anything else or you can stay here. There's not much here, you can take a few classes at the local college and you'll be near someone you love." She kissed my forehead and handed me back the letter. I watched as she left the room and went down the stairs. I closed the door and threw myself on my bed.

I had to leave here in two hours in order to catch my flight to California. I stared at the ceiling still having no idea what to do.

"You never talk about what you want to do after graduation," I said to CJ. 

"Imagine this," he told me. I removed my head away from his shoulder sitting up to see what I would be imagining. "It's the first day of school, everyone is talking about the new math teacher. He's not hot, but he's also not ugly," I laughed. "Everyone loves him and everyone loves math because he makes math fun," he finished. "I just want to teach," he said. 

"I had to do quite some imagining just to get to it," I said. "I just have one thing against it," he raised his eyebrows. "The new teacher is hot," he chuckled and pulled me closer to me. He kissed my lips gently, "I have to go, practice is starting in five minutes," I told him. I put my braids in a ponytail ready to practice, "and you have to get to work," I added. It was after school and we decided to stay a few minutes to talk.

"Yes I do," he said. He kissed my forehead and grabbed his bag.

"Say hi to your mom!" I shot to him as he leaves. He turned around giving me a thumbs up. I smiled and made my way to the soccer field.

I didn't know why I was here thinking about the past. That was months ago when everything was simpler. We were months away from graduation and I did not have to make a life-changing decision. It was then a lightbulb hit, I got up and grabbed my keys running down the stairs. "Where are you going?" My mom asked.

"To take care of something," I told her. I hoped in my car and put the address to a store that sells chocolate cake he used to talk about. It was only a few minutes outside of the city and I would be able to go and come back before my flight. I stepped on the gas, before I knew it, I was there. 

I purchased a cake and made my way to CJ's apartment. It was my peace offering, hopefully, it would make me feel better and open my eyes to what to do. Thank goodness, the apartment complex where he resided was not that far away. I knew the building, but I had no idea what number it was.

I stepped out of the car and grabbed the cake, I asked the landlord and he was kind enough to help me out. I knocked on the door and waited for him. He opened the door and was surprised to see me. I handed him the cake and walked inside without him even inviting me in. "A few months ago I asked you what you wanted to do after graduation and you said you wanted to teach," he raised his eyebrow. He was looking at me like a crazy person. "You knew what you wanted to do, you had a plan for it. You even mentioned how you wanted to make math fun, but not once did I say I wanted to play soccer."

"Because I did not even consider playing professionally until I got offered to. It was not something I was working towards, I wanted to do it because I love playing and I thought it would be a good idea."

"What are you talking about?" He asked me.

"Why did you give me the letter?" I questioned him.

"The letter?" I nodded my head, he sighed. "You were not supposed to read it until you got there."

"Why didn't you tell me you loved me before?" I asked him. 

"I-I," he was not able to answer, "I don't know, I was being a coward. I should have told you before, but I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way."

"What if I do?" I asked him. 

"Then you do," he said, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket, "you need to leave, you're going to miss your flight."

"I'm not leaving."