Twenty One

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Alexithymia
(n.) The inability to express your feelings.

I woke up feeling strange. I wasn't sure why I felt weird, I couldn't name what felt so out of place. Regardless, I woke up in a hospital room, relatively painless asides from my stiff body.

I carefully sat up, looking around the room for a clue as to why I was here. I heard murmuring outside my door before the handle turned and a figure stepped inside.

It was Aurelius who stepped inside, carrying a coffee cup. He didn't seem to notice me sitting up in the bed as he ran a hand through his inky hair and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly.

He had a dark stubble on his face that looked days old and shadows under his eyes that were dark enough to look like bruises.

He finally looked up, his pale blue eyes wide as they made contact with my brown ones. He let out a whoosh or air before walking towards me.

"You're up," he stated.

"Why am I here? What happened?" I asked. My voice was a little rough.

"You don't remember?" I shook my head. Obviously I didn't know why I was here otherwise I wouldn't be asking.

"Well," he swallowed, awkwardly taking the seat besides me. "After the meeting in the hall, some maids found you collapsing on the floor bleeding from your mark," I blinked as I digested his words, memories finally returning to me.

I remembered the sudden pain that erupted from my neck and the throbbing pulsing sensation as blood oozed out of the wound. The intensity of the pain and the blood was all so sudden.

"You lost a lot of blood. The doctors still don't know why your mark hadn't healed or why you were bleeding," My hand instinctively went to the side of my neck, surprised to find the skin there smooth and painless.

He watched the movement, his eyes glued to the spot on my neck my fingers brushed.

"Your mark, it's gone," I was surprised, needing to look for myself. Thankfully, there was a small mirror on the bedside table and true to his words, there was no mark on my neck. The skin was smooth and flawless, no sign of anyone ever having bitten me there.

I was relieved.

"I'm glad it doesn't hurt anymore," I muttered. He didn't respond.

"How long was I in here?"

"Three days, this would be your fourth," he answered. I nodded, feeling his gaze on me. I didn't have anything to say to him so I turned to him expectantly, raising a brow at him.

He swallowed, looking at the ground before looking back up at me.

"You almost died," he spoke. I was a little surprised. I don't feel like I died. Not that I know what that felt like, but for someone who almost died I felt perfectly fine. "You were losing a lot of blood fast and the transfusions weren't working. But then miraculously you stopped. And you started healing despite losing almost four pints of blood," he continued.

I was surprised I had lost that much blood and almost died from it. Again, waking up now I felt fine, albeit a little strange.

"I almost lost you," he whispered. He reached a hand out to brush my arm and place it over my clenched hand. His fingers felt warm against my skin but something felt wrong. Something was missing.

"I didn't think you'd care," I frowned, pulling my hand away from his.

"Of course I care. I just-," he looked to be struggling to find the right words. He huffed, clearly frustrated with himself. For a moment, I pitied him. He was unable to express himself which I knew could be frustrating.

"You asked me what my problem was a couple of days ago," he began. I nodded. "Well, my mother was a rogue," he stated, as if that explained everything.

"She stumbled upon this pack much like you did and my father found she was his mate. Shortly they got together and she was accepted as the Luna," he continued.

"Everything was going well. She had three kids and everyone was happy," his lips twitched into a frown.

"But she was a rogue at the end of the day. She had never lived in a pack. And as much as she tried handling her duties as Luna, the stress got to her and her wolf freaked out. We all watched her grow distant and cold, withdrawing more and more into herself.

Eventually she became rabid; feral. She went on a rampage one night and killed any wolf in her way. She killed some of the warriors that tried to stop her and even severely injured my father, her supposed mate. That should have been impossible. It's impossible to hurt your mate," he paused.

"My siblings and I were there. We rushed outside at all the commotion. We all saw her rip apart a pregnant woman, tearing the poor woman and her unborn child to shreds," he screwed his eyes shut, remembering the vivid imagery of that horrid night. I smelt his blood from how hard he was digging his nails into his palm.

Reaching out I grabbed his fist, slowly uncurling it while rubbing his knuckles with my other hand. It was quiet for a second before he reopened his eyes, still lost in a traumatic memory.

"My brother somehow wasn't scared. He ran up to our mother who was in her wolf form and tried to calm her down. For a split second it seemed to work. He was reaching up to pet her fur.

"But then something in her snapped, I saw it in her eyes. She was pure animal with no control. With one large swipe of her paw, her claws dug into my brother, tearing at his chest," he let out a shuddered breath, pulling from my grasp to tug at his hair.

"We all rushed to help him but there was nothing we could do. My mother didn't seem to care she hurt her mate and killed her child and eventually, the warriors came and killed her," he finished.

I didn't interrupt the silence that fell over us.

"My sister was only four but she witnessed the whole thing. And my brother and I were identical twins, our sibling bond much stronger than ordinary siblings. He was only nine when he was killed," I could see the unshed tears shinning in his glassy blue eyes.

"And that's why I didn't want to accept our bond so quickly. I didn't want my pack to suffer another feral Luna, for innocents to die again," I pursed my lips.

"What your mother did was wrong and I cannot speak for her or her reasoning, but you cannot assume all rogues are feral," I softly pointed out.

"How would you know that?" He shot back.

"Again, I cannot speak for every rogue out there but I've met a great deal of rogues. Most of them are sane and normal werewolves, just looking for a home," I retorted, offended by his harsh tone.

"Yes I understand that but can you blame me for being cautious. I don't understand how she could hurt her own mate and own children. That should be impossible," I scoffed at him.

"That's awfully hypocritical of you to say," I retorted. He had the audacity to look confused by my words.

"You held me in your prisons for two weeks, no food, no water and no sunlight. You chained me with those silver cuff covered in wolfsbane, and after that you blackmailed me into staying while ignoring me the whole time I was here. Then you bit me which hurt like hell too," I argued.

"I was in constant pain not only from being in that cell but because you refused to acknowledge the mate bond, so don't come to me with that bullshit saying how could your mother hurt her mate. You're doing the exact same thing,"

As I finished speaking, I finally realised what felt so strange. The dull ache in my chest was gone. The longing in my chest where the mate bond used to tug at me painfully was no longer there.
And his touch. What felt strange about it was that the accompanying sparks that erupted on my skin where he touched me was no longer there.

This startling revelation filled me with relief but also worry. This shouldn't be normal but I was grateful for the small reprieve from the constant pain of the mate bond.

A knock on the door interrupted the silence and a doctor peeked his head in, looking surprised at me.

"I'm here to do some checks to see if the Luna is doing well," he cleared his throat. Aurelius took it as a chance to get up and leave, which I was grateful for.

I needed to speak with my uncle.

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