Uitwaaien
(v.) To take a break to clear one's head; to walk in the wind.

The last couple of weeks had blurred by. We had finished construction on the houses and now had space to house up to a hundred individuals. We had even marked our territories with our scents, letting our howls echo through the mountains every night to show the land was claimed.

It of course attracted attention and soon we had curious lonely wolves and rogues sniffing around. We had twenty new members from the last week alone.

My meditation was going well and I could use my powers without exhausting myself too much. Diana had prepared me for the presentation ceremony which of course meant she was preparing for her own farewell ceremony too.

Everything was going well. I had new friends and family surrounding me every night, warming me with their company but something felt off all of a sudden.

This sudden restlessness grew within me and I was overcome with this overwhelming sense of deja vu as loneliness began creeping on me.

It was not too long ago when I felt the familiar longing sink into my chest and make my heart ache with emptiness. Back then, I had assumed it was the human and wolf within me, looking for companionship since we were naturally social creatures.

But now I knew different.

I knew it was the spirit within me, the more intuitive part of me that was in sync with my enhanced instincts that identified what exactly I needed.

Who I needed.

I swallowed down a lump in my throat, the ache in my chest only growing when my mind filled with haunted blue eyes.

My wolf was stirring underneath my skin, reminding me what exactly I had to do. I couldn't continue being a coward. I had to face what I had been skilfully avoiding up until this point.

"You're distracted," a dry voice pointed out. Surprisingly, there was no irritation in her tone. The old woman was always stressing the importance of being focused and would give me an earful if I was even remotely distracted.

"I'm a coward," I corrected, shaking my head to myself. I couldn't even meet her gaze as I said that out loud.

"Why?" She enquired.

"Well I ran away from my mate," I sighed.

"I know," she hummed, silently urging me to continue.

"I shouldn't have. Not when I left everything so unclear. I was too afraid to reject him and too afraid to stick around," I huffed, running a hand through my wild hair.

"I think you did what was necessary," I whirled around to face the older woman besides me. Her green eyes twinkled in the dying sun.

"Rejecting each other would have doomed you both. I'm not even sure if you could handle the stress of being a spirit wolf with the added pain of rejection," she paused, giving me an intense look to emphasise her words.

"Staying would have only resulted in more pain. You both weren't ready for mates. He has some issues he needs to sort through and you need to find who you are," she sighed, turning away to look at the sunset.

I waited her for to continue with her wise words but she didn't. Frustration bubbled in my chest.

"So what? What does that mean?" She merely turned her face towards me, raising a white brow questioningly. "His mark disappeared and I couldn't feel the mate bond between us after that. What does it mean?"

Despite all that had occurred between us, Aurelius was still my mate and had been chosen for me by the moon goddess. I didn't want to lose something so sacred.

"Stop worrying child, you haven't lost the mate bond," she chuckled. I let out a breath I hadn't known I had been holding, my shoulders sagging with relief.

"Your wolf temporarily broke the mate bond to focus on your powers as a spirit wolf," she paused. "The conflict must have triggered your spirit wolf to emerge and disrupt that connection," she chuckled wryly.

I let the information settle in before asking my next question.

"And now? Has the mate bond been restored?" The old woman shook her head to herself, smirking, before slowly getting up from the floor with a groan.

"You tell me, Kid," I pursed my lips at her response.

"So what do I do now?" I huffed.

"Seems to me you've already decided," she chuckled to herself before hobbling back across the garden and into her cottage.

Damn old woman for being so cryptic. I sighed before getting up myself, slowly trudging back to the pack house.
I took my time getting there, walking at a leisurely pace and hoping the fresh air would help sort through my conflicting thoughts.

However, all too soon the pack house came into view and I knew all the members were in there, relaxing on the soft furnishings. I stepped into the warm space, all eyes falling on me automatically.

Except on pair, but that was another issue itself.

"I think it's time we have a proper Alpha Initiation," I broke the silence.

"What's the point? We know you're the alpha," Erica drawled, running a hand through her hair. I pursed my lips for a second before speaking again.

"Not anymore," she raised her brow at me and I felt the confusion in the air before they could voice their questions. Even the brooding figure in the corner looked up at that.

"I'm not a real alpha and I never was. I just took the part temporarily so I could bring this vision to life," I gestured around us, at the magnificent home we had built.

It was large and open plan, everything made out of wood from the forest around us. The decorations and furniture were all similar shades of brown, adding to warm and cosy aura of the place.

"But it was never my destiny to be the alpha of the Silverclaw Guardians," I continued. Their faces all looked doubtful and confused. I turned to Romeo, who sat on the sofa in the center. Despite his relaxed form, his large body rolled off natural waves of authority and power.

His dark gaze met mine steadily and I gave a small smile at my older cousin.

"Romeo, the title is yours should you choose to accept," His face was impassive, controlled and he got up swiftly, standing before me in a few seconds.

"Are you sure?" I chuckled at his words.

"Of course I am," I conveyed my sincerity and confidence with my eyes as well. He blinked down at me, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder and squeezing. It was as emotional as Romeo would get.

"What do you guys say we celebrate?" Santiago piped up. He earned a few cheers and everyone began getting up to head to the back garden for a nice barbecue.

I watched as they all piled out, until it was just me and Conan left in the room. Unlike earlier, he wasn't avoiding my gaze.

"You're leaving aren't you?" He spoke up. I didn't answer, letting him guess. He scoffed, shaking his head to himself. "You're going back to him aren't you?" He spoke more to himself than to me, and I hated how bitter he seemed in that moment.

"Why?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"He's my mate," I stated simply.

"A real mate he was torturing you like he did," he hissed back.

"I'm not going to explain myself to you but I have a duty to the Phantom pack I must fulfil," I hissed back. He startled for a second, eyes wide with fear before he quickly looked away, masking his emotions again.

Ever since that talk we had a couple weeks ago, things between Conan and I had been awkward and strained. He wanted to pursue a relationship with me and mate with each other, but I had refused.

I wouldn't lie with another man while I had a mate. My conscience would not allow me to do so.
The conversation quickly turned to Conan trying to convince me to reject Aurelius but again I had refused.

"You'll find your own mate Conan soon. There's no point in fighting this," I spoke softly. A particularly loud shriek of laughter broke the silence and I sighed before making to move outside.

"Do they know?" I paused walking, not turning around to face Conan. "That you're going back to that abusive pack?" He clarified.

"I'll tell them after the presentation," I murmured. With that, I headed back outside, seeing everyone laughing and joking by the fire pit, the smell of roasting meat washing away the tension in my body.

I just hoped the rest of them would take the news better than Conan.