Discombobulated
(adj.) Emotionally confused or uncertain.

For a while we just sat there, me cradling Kieran in my arms until his sobs had quietened and he had become quiet and still in my grasp. I could practically feel his embarrassment at being in such a vulnerable position, both physically and emotionally.

For his sake, I decided to break the silence and change the topic.

"Come on, let's get up. I need to catch up in the things I've missed."

He nodded silently and we both got up, Kieran still refusing to speak or meet my eyes. I sighed, thinking of a new tactic.

"Your wolf, what's his name?" I asked. He looked up, confused by the sudden change in topic but finally spoke.

"Hunter," I smiled at the name. It was quite fitting for his wolf. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes concentrated on me.

"I can't feel your wolf properly," he muttered, looking at me worriedly.

"That's because I don't have a wolf," I explained. He looked alarmed at my admission and I let out a soft chuckle at his adorable face. "My wolf and I are not separate entities like other werewolves. She doesn't have a name or separate thoughts since it's just me,"

While normal werewolves could speak with their wolves and would let them take control when they shifted, for me and other spirit wolves, the wolf and the human were one body and one mind, joined together during the ceremony. It not only made us stronger physically, but it made us more in tuned to our instincts. We were also a lot calmer and more controlled since we didn't have to fight our wolf's urges.

"Is this because of the spirit wolf thing or...?"

"Or because I was a rogue? Both actually," I answered. "I shifted from a young age and spent majority of my life in wolf form. I didn't know how to shift at will and couldn't separate my human and wolf form for the longest time."

I was hardly civilised and was downright feral with no real thoughts, just letting my instincts guide me until I found Diana.

It was only after I met her I learnt how to shift back and how to control myself. Feeling a pang in my chest, I shook those thoughts away and decided to change the topic.

"Can I see your wolf again?" I asked. He blinked down at me and I began questioning myself if it was too soon to ask such a question.

"Yeah okay," he breathed out. He took a couple of steps back, pulling his shirt over his head, looking away as he reached for his trousers. I heard the cracking of bones until I eventually heard heavy breathing.

I looked back up to see his magnificent pitch black wolf watching me, his fur standing out against the white of the snow. I carefully approached him, my hand reaching out and he stepped forward to brush his head against my hand.

My hands became bolder as he began growling quietly, pleased with my attention. His fur was softer than it looked, the locks thick and smooth, my hands easily burying in them and grasping them.

Letting go of him, I stepped back to strip and shift into my own wolf form. Once I was on four paws, I slowly approached Hunter, walking around him and sniffing. He stood still, not moving as I fully assessed him in the daylight.

It was wolf thing whereby the she wolf would assess the male wolf and see if he was strong and worthy enough for her before deeming him a suitable mate. While I wasn't ready for any kind of relationship with Kieran just yet, I knew how much his wolf was fighting him.

Much like Kieran, Hunter was trying to show me he was worthy of being my mate and wanted to make amends. So I decided to appease him, and reassure him much like I did with Kieran moments ago.

Circling back around the black wolf, I leaned in and licked his face, earning a pleased growl. I tucked my head under his, nuzzling his neck. He reciprocated and nuzzled my own neck, licking the spot where my mark should be.

After a moment of cuddling in our wolf forms, I stepped back to begin running. Hunter quickly chased me in what quickly became an intense game of tag.

We ran through the forest, rolling through the snow as we tugged each other's tails. It was freeing and exhilarating to be so carefree for a moment. Soon, we came across a heard of deer that quickly scattered as we approached.

Hunter pushed off and ran faster, disappearing ahead of me as he chased a young deer. I decided to let him hunt on his own, laying in the snow and closing my eyes while I waited.

After a moment, I heard his footsteps approach again and I opened my eyes to see him dragging his catch by his mouth. He dropped the deer right before me, giving me an expectant look until I realised what he was doing.

I sat up and sniffed the deer, the fresh meat making me hungry. I gave Hunter an approved growl, licking his face to show my appreciation. His fur bristled as he puffed his chest in pride and I quickly dug in.

After he watched me take a few bites, Hunter soon joined me in eating. We finished our meal quickly and we were both full before Hunter began grooming me. He licked the blood off my face and I did the same.

'Let's go back. We have a lot of work to do,' I mindlinked him. He seemed startled at hearing my voice in his head before tentatively answering back.

'Okay,'

And with that, our blissful moments in the forest ended as we headed to the pack house and shifted back. As much as I enjoyed the moments with Kieran's wolf and the moments where he opened up to, everything between us was far from okay.

His confession had left me confused and uncertain about my feelings for him. There was a part of me that despised him for all the cruel things he did to me and others but there was another side of me that cared for him. There was more to the silent alpha than I anticipated but I had no time to dwell on that right now.