...............................................

You think I am a good man if only you knew my past,
If only you knew what all sins I have made and which all families I have destroyed.
When I can't look at myself and say I love myself, then how can you smile at me and say you love me?"

....................................................

Every person has some secrets.
Some not so important and some life-destroying.
Every friend keeps a secret if not then no one would trust friendship again.

Behind every face you see and every word you hear are secrets meant to be kept.
Some for good, some for bad.
But again they are called secrets because they are meant to be kept till the time a person is lowered into their grave.

23 years back

It was a rough night.
With winds howling and trees shaking.
Thunder was lightning the deserted road.

Sounds of heavy footsteps were heard as someone was running through the puddles at the side of the road.

His tiny feet were running to safety.
He wanted to reach home at any cost, to rush into his mother's arms away from this scary night.

His innocent soul has been tainted with the sight he had just seen and his breathing was coming out heavy.

He kept on looking back to see that no one was following him.

Focussed behind him he didn't see the car coming from the front.
The car was flashing its light on him and by the time it was close enough to his notice he couldn't do anything.

Honking sounds were heard and he stood at his spot frozen.

Screeching of tires was followed by a loud bang.
His scared eyes opened to see two cars in his view.

One was gone while the other one had collided on the nearby tree.

Smoke was coming out of its bonnet and he feared it will catch fire very soon.

He was in a state of dilemma
At one side was his safety and on the other theirs.
But he had caused this accident, he was at fault as the car had dived to save him.

Without wasting a second he ran towards the crushed car.

The first thing he saw as he peeped inside was blood.
His body started shaking in fear of seeing it.

The dashboards, the steering were all covered in blood.

His eyes fell on the driver side to see a lady looking at him.
She was badly injured with blood everywhere on her face.

Her blood-stained fingers pointed to the passenger seat as she called to him in desperations.

"Pl...please save my ....child"

It was then that the boy looked at the passenger seat to find a 1-year-old child wrapped in blankets.
The seat belt kept her safe from the impact.

"Pl....ease.....tak...e. her"
The boy not knowing what to do decided to follow her instruction.
Opening the passenger seat with great difficulty he picked up the child and ran towards safety.

He pressed the little child to his chest to keep her safe from the rain.
He was just 5 years of age but still he managed to save her.

Placing the child on the seat of a bus stop, he turned around to save the lady when the car blasted in flames all of a sudden.

Shielding the child with his body and placing his hands on her ears he faced the impact of the blast.

He felt his heart to sink at the rock bottom when everything was followed by silence.
Someone just got killed because of him.
He had killed someone.

The blast was loud enough for him to go in a state of shock.
Tears were running down his eyes as he looked into the little girl's brown eyes.

Unaware of everything ,the girl smiled at him.
The little being was unaware of the fact that she had lost her mother because of him.

Another sob broke through his lips as the little girl placed her fingers on his face and traced it.

Her tiny hands moved over his eyes, nose and finally settling at his lips.

He was amazed at the child's bravery, he could see a small cut on the girl's forehead just above her eyebrow.

But to his surprise, she was smiling instead of crying.
He couldn't believe this.

Police sirens were heard in the background.
The little boy panicked and started finding a place to hide.
Kissing her small hands he left her to see her starting to cry.

Making sure that the child does not fall from her seat he moved away from those teary brown eyes.

Standing behind a nearby tree he decided to hide before anyone sees him.

The very next minute police officers and an ambulance rushed in.
The child was now in safe hands and he moved away from the scene.

It was his biggest mistake in life.
He just wanted to buy a pack of gummy bears for himself.
He defied his mother's order and went out alone to buy them from a nearby shop.

Not knowing that it will turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life.
He never told anyone of what happened that night.
Not even his mother.
He couldn't just tell them he had killed someone.
They should not see a murderer in him....they should only see Ashton in him.

That one day he had seen the hub of illegal business of drugs.

He had caused the accident of a lady known as Anna Hamilton Knight

And that day itself he had managed to save the life of an innocent girl called Elle Hamilton Knight.

...............................................

He returned back into his room at 4 am.
She was peacefully sleeping while hugging her pillow.

Moving closer to her he sat down on her side of the bed and stared at her face.

His handkerchief was wrapped around his knuckles and it had turned red now.

His cold eyes moved over the cut on her forehead.
He traced his finger on it to only get reminded of that night.

She doesn't know why she has astraphobia but he does.

She doesn't remember how she got this cut be he clearly does.
The reason behind the ignorance of her family is fully known to him.

He knows each and every secret that she doesn't know.

He is the answer to all her unanswered questions.

But sadly she doesn't remember him as clearly as he remembers her.
Just how can he forget those brown eyes that gave him light in the darkness of that night.

You don't protect anyone with your life just like that.
There are history and chemistry both involved.

The night she had a car accident and he went to save her.
That night was a redoing of what happened all these years before.

A man like him doesn't just lose his sanity easily.
He doesn't plead to people.
He doesn't show his vulnerable side that easily.

Unless it is worth it...and the girl sleeping in front of him was worth much more than that all.

The face he calls ugly duckling reminds him of that night every time.
Unknown to her he was the one that was ugly and she was a beautiful duckling.

He will never admit this to her.
He will never let her see his soft side.
Just how can she be able to love the man that killed her mother.

He only deserved hatred from her side but this silly ignorant girl was only giving him love.

Love that alone is enough to destroy her.

She was digging a deeper hole by doing what she did last night.

When his family arranged his marriage to her ,he found those brown innocent edes oddly familiar.

And when he gathered information, he wasn't astonished.

She was indeed the same girl.

A living nightmare of what all he had dreamed every night for last so many years.

He knew how her family treated her.

What all they made her feel and he couldn't help hate himself for it.

If her mother would have been alive, all this would not have happened.

She would have got all the love she deserved.
He was the curse in her life who had ruined it all.

How could he marry the girl whose face will remind him of all the sins of his past?
How could he love a person whose life he had destroyed?

Fate has a twisted way of taking its revenge and maybe them marrying was a part of it.

He was ready to burn in hell alone but he didn't want to drag this angel from heaven to his kingdom of hell.

"It's difficult to understand me you say Elle...if only I could understand myself, if only I knew what you are doing to me"

With a last kiss on her forehead, he moved out of the room trying not to shadow the brightness of her soul.
................................................

"You see only what they show, but you feel what their hearts bestow."
..................................................