Chapter Twenty-Six: Measure

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A/N: Some of my readers specifically requested something of this nature and ngl I had been thinking about it too, so... enjoy ;)

This chapter is dedicated to Rachel, tipprs, our resident scientist. When you read it, I think you will know exactly why.

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Chapter Twenty-Six: Measure

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Ophelia:

"Was that your boyfriend, Ophelia?" Brittany, our goalie asks, as we walk into the change-room before practice.

"Yep." Luke wanted to use the rec-centre running track tonight so we got smoothies from the Booster Juice before my soccer practice.

"He is so cute," she exclaims, pulling off her coat. Her long blonde hair is done up in a messy bun today. "Lynn!" She waves to one of our defenders who's busy tying up her cleats beside me. "Did you see Ophelia's boyfriend? That tall guy? Dark hair? Isn't he so hot?"

"Yeah, I've seen him around a couple times. You go girl." Lynn winks at me. "He looks like he's really good in bed. Is he?"

"Uh..." I really don't like talking to other people about this stuff. I blush, digging through my bag for my deodorant. "He's... perfect, in general, I guess."

"Oh come on, Fee." Brittany leans in, giggles. "How big is he?"

I bite my lip and feel a familiar tingling feeling between my legs at the thought of it.

What I've learned with Celine is that if you give them some information they'll eventually leave you alone, you know? "Um. Big? I guess?"

"Give us a number, Ophelia." Lynn claps her hands a couple times. The tips of her brown hair are dyed blue right now and she has way too much energy for 7 o'clock at night. "We. Need. Details!"

"I honestly don't know, you guys. It's not like I've... measured it or something."

And even if I did, why would I tell anyone? That's like, private information and it makes me feel special that me and Luke are really the only ones who know.

"Get out a ruler next time, girl. Own it!" Brittany shakes her head. "If I had a boyfriend, I'd wanna know exactly how long it was so I could flaunt it, you know?"

Lynn giggles. "Unless he has a micropenis or something."

"I'd dump his ass real quick. A girl's got needs, Lynn."

They banter back and forth for a while, exchanging stories about their last boyfriends. Lynn proclaims that she's fed up with men and wants to give girls a try and I roll my eyes because I'm not quite sure that's how it works, but whatever.

And then I'm internally trying to work out how big Luke's dick is based on whatever mental images I can conjure. Why does it matter, even?

I mean, I know people make such a fuss about like, if it's "big" or whatever but so far it doesn't really make a difference to my life.

But I mean, I guess one day it might. Whenever he and I, you know.

Well, actually. Ugh, I shouldn't be thinking about this right now because I feel all warm and fluttery. Sometimes when we're, you know. Fooling around, in our underwear, and my legs are wrapped around him, and we're rubbing ourselves together... It feels so good. He's so big and I feel the warm pressure of it against my clit and he just feels so... full I guess. Like there's lots of... uh... stuff I can grind against to make me feel good, if that makes sense.

So maybe, size does matter.

And I mean, I guess I am curious to see how he compares to average.

When I get home I dig around through my things for a tiny tape measure that I have with some sewing stuff that I never use.

Okay, this is stupid. I'm not gonna just pull out the tape-measure while he's naked and ask if I can measure him or something... oh God.

I go online and find that, apparently, the average length for an erect penis is 5.17 inches long.  And the average "girth" is 4.59 inches around at the thickest part. Hm...

I curl my thumb and index finger in a circle about how thick I think Luke's penis is. The tips of my fingers don't touch. I try measuring that with one hand but it fails because the tape measure keeps slipping. Ugh.

I think I could tell you the diameter. But... what's the formula for converting circumference to diameter, again? Um.

Okay.

I grab an pencil and a pen and my cell-phone and write 4.59 at the top.

After some basic googling, I come up with the following:

Diameter = C / π

Diameter = 4.59 / π

Diameter = 1.46

I use the tape measure to look see what 1.46 inches across looks like. If I had to guess, I think Luke's is closer to 2 inches across.

Oh. Is that bad?

I think that's supposed to be a good thing. Right?

I remember that time that Darcy was taking a university statistics class. He hated it and made me sit there and listen while he tried to explain to me all about mean and standard deviation and bell curves and z-scores. He claims that teaching someone else something makes you learn better.

I felt kinda proud that I was only in grade ten but understood some university statistics.

I google: standard deviation, penis girth

Oh, that was easy.

Mean = 4.59 inches.
SD = 0.43 inches.

4.59 inches + 0.43 inches = 5.02 inches

So, that means:

5.02 inches for 1 standard deviation above the mean.

5.50 inches for 2 standard deviations above the mean.

5.93 inches for 3 standard deviations above the mean.

I do some more googling to refresh myself. Apparently, 68% of the population should be within one standard deviation of the mean, and 95% of the population should be within 2 standard deviations. And 99.7% of the population should be within 3 standard deviations.

Okay, so:

5.02 / π = 1.6 inches diameter

5.5 / π = 1.75 inches diameter

5.93 / π = 1.89 inches diameter

Okay so, there's no way that Luke is 2 inches across, because otherwise that would mean he's like, in the thickest 0.03% of the population. Now I have to see if he'll let me measure him, I guess, because clearly my estimates are inaccurate.

Who knew math could actually be... kinda interesting?

Because I'm on a roll, I work out the same information for length.

Mean erect penis length = 5.17 inches
Standard deviation = 0.65 inches

One SD above the mean = 5.82 inches
Two SD above the mean = 6.47 inches
Three SD above the mean = 7.12 inches

Woah. I was thinking that Luke was maybe seven or eight inches long but apparently that's really... uncommon and improbable.

Luke, I have a really weird thing
I need to ask you about

Uh, okay shoot

Ok so I'm doing some research
Very scientific, mathy stuff
You should be proud

For fun?
Have we teleported to an alternate
universe by any chance?

Well you see
Some girls on my soccer team were
talking about... penises

I'm listening

And about how big they are

Mhm

So I was trying to calculate how
big yours is compared to average
Is that creepy? I'm just curious

Why whats average?

5.17 inches long
1.46 inches across
4.59 inches around
When erect

That seems... small

That's what I thought too

Maybe I'm just blessed
Aren't you lucky then

Smh Luke
So, can we, uh, measure?
So I can see how many SDs
you fit into?

How do you even know about
standard deviations, lol
I had to take AP stats in HS to
learn about those

Darcy

You should ask him how many
standard deviations above the
mean his dick size is

Uh how about not

Why don't you come over
Friday after school and we'll
do some... measuring
For science, of course

I'll bring my calculations.

Okay, Professor Stone

You know what, I think I'm gonna
have to get my english PhD and teach
university instead of high school, like
grandpa Andrew because I think
Dr. Stone suits me

Dr. Rowley would suit you too

Luke
Omg
What am I even supposed to say to that

Say: yes I'll marry you someday, Luke

Yes I'll marry you someday, Luke

There we go. See you Friday ;)

Love you

Love you too

I swear that for the rest of the night, even in my sleep, I'm still smiling.

***

"Okay, Professor Stone. Did you bring your measuring tools?"

"Stop being such a goofball," I giggle, blushing, as I hang up my jacket on the coat rack by his front door. It's a good thing his parents aren't home yet.

We hurry to his bedroom and lock the door and then before I know what's happening, he's lifting me into his arms and pressing me against the door and planting a really big, really sloppy, really wet kiss to my mouth and I can hardly breathe. He breaks away because my peals of laughter are interrupting his attempt to make-out with me.

I bat his shoulders to make him put me down. "Stop distracting me, Luke. We have a mission."

"Hey, it's all part of the scientific process," he argues, raising his hands defensively. "Aren't we supposed to be measuring... you know. An erect specimen?"

I bite my lip, blushing. "Well, actually, you're right. We have to try and make it... as big as possible, to get an accurate measurement."

He grins a mischievous smile and I know that he is definitely enjoying himself right now. Why are boys so fascinated with penises?

Well. If I'm being honest, I guess I am too.

He collapses onto his bed while I put my bag down near his side table. He pulls me between his legs and holds me by the hips and says, "Alright, Professor. So, what's the first step in this experiment?"

I rest my hands on his shoulders and lean my forehead against his so the tips of our noses are pressed together and explain, "We need to get two measurements. Length, and girth. We can use the girth to calculate the diameter after."

"How do we... prepare the specimen?"

This is so stupid but I can't pretend it isn't really entertaining.

I push him onto his back, giggling, shaking my head as I come to straddle him. "I'm open to ideas about... preparation methods. To ensure the specimen is in an ideal experimental condition."

"You're sexy when you sound all smart," he smirks, reaching for the bottom of my sweater. I'm about to push his hands away but he explains with a quirked eyebrow, "My preparation method involves... visual stimulus."

"I see."

I let him peel my sweater and undershirt off and then I start pulling his t-shirt off, too. "Skin on skin contact is a part of the preparation process," I justify, stifling my laugh at how ridiculous we sound.

"I like the way you think, Professor Stone." He winds his fingers into my hair and pulls me down so my chest mashes against his and our lips crash together. I can't help it when our hips start moving together too. I can feel the bulge in his jeans through my panties beneath my skirt and ugh, he feels so, distractingly good.

"I think the specimen is nearly adequately prepared," I murmur breathlessly against his lips. "We don't want to... over-excite it, you know?"

"Mm. Okay, fine."

I slide off him, rummage around in my bag for the tape-measure, my note-pad and pen.

"Please disrobe, Mr. Rowley," I instruct, pursing my lips together to try and keep a straight face. "So I can examine the specimen."

His lips tilt up into a lopsided grin. "Yes, Professor Stone." He sits up and undoes his belt. He strips completely, even pulling off his underwear, and oh my, for a second I just stare at him, feeling the flames that lick their way through my insides and the rush of wetness that floods my underwear.

He sees the way I'm looking at him and his smirk deepens. "What's your hypothesis, Professor Stone? How many standard deviations above the mean do you predict the specimen will be, based on your prior calculations?"

He sounds really sexy when he's talking smart, too.

I gaze at his erect penis as it strains upwards, the tip of it big and pink and the base of it nestled in a dark bed of hair and... his strong thighs, and his abs, and... "Uh... Three standard deviations. Is my estimate."

He raises an eyebrow. "Also, is it supposed to grow any more? With age?"

"Uh, the internet said that by 18 it should be pretty much developed, but it could still grow a little, maybe."

"I see you've done your research, Professor Stone." He's enjoying himself way too much.

Biting my lip, I kneel onto my knees onto the carpet in front of him, between his legs, topless. The pen and paper are on the side-table, well within his reach. I set the tape measure onto the bed beside him and rest my hands on top of his thighs and... I think we need to get this over with soon because I can think of better uses for this... specimen.

"Alright, Mr. Rowley," I breathe. "I'm gonna need you to record the data as I read it out to you, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." His voice is deeper and gruffer like it gets when he's aroused.

A small giggle slips past my lips but I squeeze them together, pretending to be serious.

"But... I think we need more visual stimulus," he mumbles. I feel him reach around me for the clasp of my bra and my skin prickles deliciously beneath the rough tips of his fingers. "You know, to ensure we can achieve maximal length."

"That sounds wise," I agree, inhaling a breath as the fabric falls away and the air hits the hardened tips of my breasts, which are already aching for some attention.

I grab the measuring tape in my right hand and grasp onto his shaft with the other, feeling it warm and pulsing beneath my fingers. He lets out a soft groan and I have to press my thighs together because looking at him and feeling him and hearing him gets me so hot.

I decide to measure the girth first, because that's easier. I wrap the tape around the largest part of his very erect penis and use both hands to ensure I have an accurate measure.

I pull back the tape and read, breathlessly, "Five point six-two inches, for girth."

He grabs the pen and scribbles something onto the notepad.

And then he reaches for my boobs and I moan, my back arching a little, as his warm hands give them a squeeze and he swipes his thumbs over my sensitive nipples. "Luke," I whine, my heart racing.

"Just needed some more stimulus," he explains hoarsely.

Boys.

It takes some awkward manoeuvring, prodding and grasping and shifting from both of us until I manage to get what I think is an accurate measurement for his length. "Seven point one four inches."

Woah. Uh, I think that's definitely bigger than average.

"Now, I just have to do some calculations and then we can compare your numbers to the mean."

He shakes his head, holds my hands in his, guides them towards his dick so my fingers wrap around him. "Why don't we save the calculations for later?" he rasps.

"I think... that's a good idea."

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A/N:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Idfk what I was on when I wrote that but like, lmao.

Go see how your boo compares to average and comment if you aren't completely sure on how the math works.

So technically, Dylan's dick doesn't exist but, whatever. Fiction is a wonderful invention.

XOXO Ami

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