Chapter Forty-Nine: Dilemma, Part III

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Fab Four group chat:

Victoria: Luke didn't get into U of T

Melanie: Aw, I'm sorry. How's he doing?

Dylan: punching holes in walls, apparently. You don't have any spackle lying around, do you Gav?

Melanie: yikes, poor guy

Gavin: Have a tub in the garage

Melanie: from Darcy's teen years 🙄
Ophelia is going to be devastated

Victoria: Let's chat later, in crisis mode rn

Melanie: call when you get the chance

Victoria: talk soon

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Ophelia:

I'm standing in front of the island Friday after school, waiting for the kettle to boil for some tea and letting my thoughts carry me away, when my phone starts vibrating from the back pocket of my jeans.

Luke's name pops up on the screen and my heart clenches really tight in my chest.

I haven't seen him since Wednesday when he told me about Waterloo. We've been texting a little, but we've both been so distracted, waiting for more news.

A small bubble of hope forms in my gut. Maybe he's calling because got into U of T, maybe... "Hey, Luke," I answer softly. I can hear his heavy breathing through the line and the anticipation churns and wriggles in my belly, a gazillion and one possibilities running through my mind.

"Hey, Feelz." No, no. Something's wrong, I can tell from the gruff weakness of his voice, the resignation in his tone. Oh, no, Luke... "I..." He pauses, I can hear him swallow back the dryness from his mouth. "I didn't get into U of T, Ophelia. I just got the email."

My chin starts quivering and my whole body suddenly feels ice cold. "I'm sorry," I breathe. I press my eyes shut as something heavy settles in my chest, over my heart, making it hard to breathe. "I... I just..."

He lets out a low hum that vibrates through the screen, tickles the shell of my ear. "I know. I'm still... shit. I'm gonna come over soon, okay? We can talk about it and figure it out. I'm just talking to my parents but, I'll be there in a little while."

"Okay..." I can tell he's trying to stay strong, so I pinch back the wetness from my eyes and try my best to keep it together too. We'll work it out, right? He's coming over and we'll talk about it and... it'll be okay, it has to be okay...

"I'll see you soon," he repeats quietly.

My throat feels parched and achy when I echo, "See you soon."

And then we both hang up. I shove my phone back into my pocket and lean forward against the island, my forearms pasted to the cool granite.

So, in September, he's gonna have to move away.

He won't live around the corner anymore.

I won't be able to see him, except maybe on weekends.

I hug my arms around myself and try to take deep breaths. Luke loves me, and I love him, so, that means we can do it, right? Together?

I think about how busy he's going to get during the school year. Since Darcy started university, he's had so much studying to do. It never ends. He complains about how there's never enough time outside of school and work to have fun or relax. Even on the weekends, he's always working on school stuff. What if Luke has too many assignments and he has to stay in Kitchener, and he can't come home and see me? I've heard everyone say that engineering is like, the hardest and most tiring undergrad program ever, and...

I need to talk to him, so we can... talk, and plan and...

I can hear the door to the garage open, can hear Mom and Dad's voices as they both get home from work, apparently at the same time today.

They come into the kitchen, hang up their keys on the rack. Dad's carrying a plastic bag. Thai food, from my favourite place. They both have these looks on their faces as soon as they see me, like they know.

For some reason, the sympathy and worry filling their expressions just... annoys me. I feel so frustrated and helpless and, why are they looking at me like they think I'm gonna break down or something? Like they don't think I can handle it?

I can handle it, I swear I can. Luke and I will, together, we...

"Hey, sweetheart." Dad tosses me a crooked half-smile, Mom's mouth curves up on one side, wry and tender. "How was school?"

I bite into my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. School? Really? I barely paid attention to anything in any of my classes today, because I was too busy thinking about me and Luke and about what's going to happen to us in the fall. "Fine, I guess," I mumble.

I can hear the whoosh of steam coming out of the kettle behind me so I turn my back to them, focus on pouring hot water into my mug, even though I don't feel like having tea, or dinner, or anything.

I just need to see Luke so that I know everything's going to be okay, and so that we can... so we can...

"Ophelia," Mom says softly. "Aunt Vic told me, about U of T. I know it's... probably not the news you wanted, but..."

I chew on the inside of my cheek and blink my eyes a few times, my lips pursed into a tight line.

I listen as my mom continues, "But honey, Waterloo is an amazing school, and it's not too far away at all." She lets out a gentle sigh. "Let's... try to keep in mind what's... best for Luke, right?"

My eyebrows scrunch together and my eyes blur with frustrated tears. Best for Luke? Seriously? Of course I want what's best for Luke. That's all I want. Do they really think that I'm selfish and that I can't think about him? I'm his girlfriend, and his true love, I know what's best for him...

I can hear both of their footsteps approaching, rounding the island towards me. My shoulders tighten defensively as they get closer. I sniff to clear my stuffy nose and whisper, "Of course I want what's best for him, Mom." I use the back of my crooked forefinger to brush angrily at the wetness pooling in my eye. "How could you think that I... that I don't know that? I know that."

I still can't bring myself to look at them. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see them in their work clothes, Dad holding onto Mom a couple feet away from me, both of them watching me.

There's heavy silence for a moment before Mom says, "Okay..." She takes a breath. "Let's have some dinner, pumpkin. We can talk about it more later once everyone's had some more time to process it, maybe."

I stare at the grey tiled backsplash between the counter and the cupboards, my skin flushing. I've been processing this non-stop for days. Why do they have to treat me like I'm stupid? Like I don't fully understand what's going on?

"I'm fine." I can feel the frown lines etched into my forehead and I know I sound so grumpy and mad but I just... feel so angry and irritated all of a sudden and I don't know how to make it stop. "Luke's coming over soon, he and I are gonna talk about it and figure it out together."

My dad makes a small, low sound that rumbles from his chest, and my mom inhales some air. I pull out a teaspoon from the drawer in front of me and then shove it shut again, the cutlery clanging and rattling from the force of it.

Mom hesitates before slowly suggesting, "Ophelia. Luke..." She pauses and then decides to rephrase whatever advice she has for me. "This is... a big decision for Luke. It might be... important for us to, well. Give him some space, to talk with his parents about it and... make a decision for himself?"

I narrow my eyes and swirl around to face them, my throat ragged and stinging. "Luke is... he's..." How come they don't understand? I can't believe... Ugh. They're acting like I don't matter, like this decision doesn't affect me too, like I'm not important to Luke? How could they think that? "You guys just don't get it," I choke, hoping they can see how hurt I am and how ridiculous they're being. "Why are you acting like... I don't... like Luke doesn't have to... like, like I..." My breaths are coming out in shallow bursts, and I can't stop these feelings...

"Ophelia, honey—"

"No!" I cry. "Luke's my boyfriend. He cares about me, he loves me, and I love him, and... He's going to come and talk to me about it because I'm important to him! You guys are so..." They stare at me, looking kinda shocked and taken aback but I don't care. I scrub my eyes with the heel of my palm and accuse, "So condescending, because you don't think that Luke and I are serious. You don't get it. He's the love of my life..."

My chest heaves. I rest my tired body back against the counter, wrapping my arms protectively over myself.

"Fee, baby," Dad grumbles softly. "All your mother is saying is that... We should all take some time to think about it, okay?"

"I've thought about it!" My voice sounds squeaky and breathless and hoarse. "I've thought about it... so much. You guys don't ever take me seriously." My shoulders shiver as I hiccup back a sob. "You don't get that Luke and I are... real, and his future is my future. It matters to me! I matter, and you guys don't..."

Through my blurry vision, I can see Darcy walk into the kitchen, arching a curious eyebrow, looking at me like I'm... crazy or something. He's such a butthole.

"Ophelia," Mom says, forcedly calm. "We know that you and Luke are serious. We know. We're just saying that..." She exhales a heavy sigh, struggles to come up with what to say next.

"I love him," I croak. Why can't they just understand?

"Fee," Darcy murmurs, running a hand through the top of his hair and shrugging. "You're... sixteen. It doesn't need to be so serious..."

My blood feels like it's actually boiling right now. My body is nearly shaking from how worked up I am. My eyes taper off into slits as I look at my stupid, moronic brother. Just because he's emotionally unavailable doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to be in love. What kind of... bullshit is that? My nerves are frayed and the strange, unfamiliar words spill like venom from lips without me even really controlling them. "Just fuck off, Darcy."

I've never seen any of them look so shocked before in my entire life. My mom gasps, Dad's eyebrows hit the roof, Darcy's ugly mouth hangs open, gaping at me. Oh my god, and he's smiling? Is he seriously laughing at me?

"Ophelia..." Mom sounds like she doesn't know what to say. Well that's fine because I don't want to hear what they have to say, anyways.

I turn away from them, dazed and feverish, hurry around the other side of the island. My arm bumps Darcy's hard as I push past him out of the archway that leads from the kitchen to the living room.

I'm about to go lock myself in my room when the doorbell rings. My heart instantly skips a couple beats, and my feet carry me in a clumsy rush to open the front door. As soon as I see Luke, I fling myself into his arms, tears streaming down my face.

He holds onto me really tight as I curl my legs around his waist, bury my head in his shoulder. With one of his arms wrapped firmly around my middle, he steps into the house, shuts the door behind him, gives my head a tender nudge with his.

"Shh," he murmurs. "Hey, it's okay, Feelz. Don't cry, please?" His voice also sounds raw, ragged, fainter.

My arms wind around his neck so our bodies are crushed together tightly. "I love you," I whimper, my tears soaking into the dark brown fabric of his jacket.

"I love you too," he promises. He kicks his shoes off, starts walking past the living room towards my bedroom.

He stops for a second near the entrance to the kitchen. My face is nuzzled into the dip of his neck so I don't have to look at them. I hear Mom greet softly, "Hi, Luke."

"Hey, Luke." Dad's voice is tired, gentle.

Luke quietly replies, "Hi, Aunt Mel. Hi, Uncle Gavin."

"I'm not talking to them," I inform him, my words falling in warm puffs against his ear.

"Oh," he acknowledges awkwardly. "That doesn't sound too good..."

I peek at his face to see him offer my parents an apologetic wince. His hair is all disheveled and he looks so worn and I just want to hold him, forever.

He carries me to my bedroom and as soon as it closes behind us, he leans back against it, hugs me super tight. His arms make me feel safe and loved.

I don't want him to have to let me go, ever.

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A/N:

I've been picturing that scene for like ages. Overdramatic teen moment, check.

The fabulous JJ suggested that every update, we share some recommendations to get us through the quarantine and isolation. TODAY'S QUESTION: Top 3 song recommendations?

The last couple days I've been obsessed with Lana Del Rey's latest album and have been binging her songs. My suggestions are: Young and Beautiful, Doin' Time, and fuck it I love you.

XOXO Ami

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