A/N: NOT EDITED.

Chapter 43 – Rainy POV

My first date.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't be weak, and I wouldn't let my abductor or abusers get the better of me, I would win. I wouldn't flinch when my own mate reached to just merely hold my hand, and I wouldn't panic when he stared at me for much too long, because his – Chris' – intentions weren't the same as the others. He wanted to touch me to show me kindness, to be gentle and caring, to hold my hand like he would if I were normal. If I hadn't been given away like a used up toy, if I hadn't been the source of pleasure for men when I was still just a child and if I hadn't spent the last ten years only knowing the worst there was in the world.

But I wasn't that, I wasn't normal, and I was crying, falling apart which I suspect would happen more over time, because everything was different, everything was overwhelming.

"It's okay," Chris murmured as he held me, softly, probably not as tightly as he would like, but still his hands holding me in place, trying to absorb my pain, and make it his own. He wanted to do that for me, he wanted to take my pain away but he couldn't, not mine and certainly not my children's – our children's'.

"I'm – I'm-" I couldn't get my thoughts straight, I was afraid of so much, not just the world I was now thrust into, but for my children, for this entire situation. Chris pulled away, the soft lighting showing me his worried features, "What's wrong Rainy? Did – did I overstep?" he asked unsure of his reveal. I looked around at all the flowers, bushes and tree's he had found me, bought for me and what they all meant, the hopefulness it in all not to mention the beauty he was reshaping such a horrid time into. I shook my head from side to side furiously, stepping back, away from him, to gather my chaotic thoughts; appreciating that he was giving me time to find the words.

Sighing, not wanting to ruin anything here, I sat on the stone bench once again, knotting my fingers on my lap, "Just... just tell me Rainy, whatever it is, don't agonize over it all," he paused, kneeling in front of me, "Please," the whispered plea loud in the quiet night.

Nodding my head, "Do – do you worry about the kids? Like... do you ever think that they won't be like other kids?" I went with what was at the forefront of my mind.

"What do you mean? I mean... Rainy... the abuse they suffered, there's no way to say how each one will grow and turn out, but this case if you want my medical opinion-" I nodded desperately.

"Worst case scenarios?" he asked glancing away, before returning to meet my eyes, "children that have been abused suffer a great deal, right now they can bounce back because even with the triplets. With how long it went on for, we are looking at depression, them feeling ashamed, bad, dirty and long term effects are just as bad but the spectrum there Rainy, it's wide as well."

"Will – will they hurt other people like they were hurt?" I whisper my fear, my voice shaky, eyes wet, and vision blurry. Chris looked away, nodding, "But this isn't Rainy this isn't some textbook case, they were hurt, but they know love, they know caring, they aren't so far gone that they don't see what happened was wrong. You have no idea how much of an impact the little things you told them could be Rainy, I know that you feel like you let them down, because you didn't protect them... but God," his own eyes welling up, "I have faith, I have so much faith in them growing up and finding love, having a life and but I also know inside that it will not be easy Rainy. There are two of us, and ten – twelve of them, that's why I wanted my parents around, because you're recovering too, you were hurt too and you know the suffering they experienced," his voice shaking terribly.

"I think if we just take it each day at a time, setting small goals it will be easier, they are strong children; they know love from you and each other. I think that the things they will struggle with the most is trusting others, adults, men, flashbacks, and right now even when they have good days Rainy I think we need to take them as they are, but know that things can be hard for them...." When his voice trailed off I knew there was more he wanted to say but couldn't.

"I want to know Chris, don't hide anything from me," he searched my eyes for a while; blocking his thoughts from me I wasn't sure what was causing this silence and doubt in his words.

"Rainy, what happened to you and the kids, was prolonged sexual abuse, you – they've – been condition to have an abnormal and extremely distorted view of what sex is. As they grow older, we need to help them see that, right now... I truly think since they aren't being hurt, they've put it off; their brains can't deal with what has happened to them already so they've placed it elsewhere. Eventually when they have to face it, it might be like it just happened even if five years have gone by. There is a chance that Kayla will always have nightmares, that she will find triggers that she didn't even know she had," he explained, telling me what Shavon and Juliet have already mentioned many times.

I nodded, "I just don't want them to hurt others..." I said hoping he understood. I wasn't expecting or sure it would happen, but it happened to them, I don't want them to do it to others.

Chris smiled at me, puzzling me, "I'm not sure what the end game Seth had when he took you when he let them be hurt the way they were, but he won't win. Somewhere deep down, even he has taught our children a lesson. Just because the men that came in hurt them, doesn't mean all men are going to hurt them. Men hurt Kayla, but she doesn't shy away from her brothers, she knows that not all men will hurt her, because her brothers are men and they've never hurt her or anyone. She might not even realize it now, but when it does sink in for her when she's older, she'll know that not all men use their body to hurt," his smile sad.

"Sarah, Lily and Hannah... they comfort each other, they sneak off and get into one bed, Bailey and Michael would do anything for Kayla. Keith and Cole, they try their best to make Lily, Hannah and Sarah happy, even when they are injured they think of way to make each other happy. Yes, they get frustrated easily but that's because they haven't learnt ways to deal with their feelings. They will be angry, sad, and various other emotions..." again what Shavon and Juliet have said, but to me the worry wouldn't fade. Because you are their mother... My wolf answered, you want them to be safe and others to be safe around them, but you have support Rainy.

"What else is bothering you Rainy, really?" Chris probed. I sighed, he knew something else was wrong, and while those I mentioned did have a pretty high rank, my heart was hammering against my chest. "I know that the people that had our children bought them, I just wonder if we are doing the right thing by just ripping them from the only parents they've known for the last sixteen months? I just – maybe we should've had them come along?" Chris' eyebrows nearly flew off his face with how high they rose, tilting his head to the side, I couldn't read his face. Too many emotions flickering right after one another, surprise, and disbelief and from there, I wasn't sure.

Opening his mouth, and closes it right after, "I – are – you – wait. You want to have the people that bought our children, left you in the place you were, to come into our home?" he asked incredulously, his voice higher by the time he finishes.

"I don't want that, but I don't want them – Quinn and Fiona – to feel abandoned," I whispered looking away, could he understand? "Like how you felt?" my head snapped up to meet his eyes, pain and worry swimming together.

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