A/N: Not Edted.

Chapter 41 – Rainey POV

I was questioning myself, who I knew I wasn't. I wasn't a good mother, not all the time, I knew that, but sometimes, when I really quieted my head I could see the truth. The same truth I had been telling the babies in the basement, it's not our fault. It wasn't my fault.

So sometimes I knew that.

When we learned two babies were out there, I didn't know that anymore. What type of mother doesn't know she has two babies out in the world? I – we were all out of the basement, but now there was a slight hurt, an ache in my chest, when I saw the babies eating and wondered if the other two were being fed regularly?

My mind was in total chaos, comparing, remembering, wondering, he would starve us all, but never physically hurt the babies until they were three or four. What if the babies were with someone worse than him?

Or worse maybe they – they were no longer with us... each thought worse than the previous.

Then Logan went away and one day turned to two, and then a next, slowly I was shutting myself in, preparing for the worse new possible not sure which that was really. On the flip side of it all, I felt different on the outside, lighter on the inside. I had finally told Chris all the horrible decisions I made.

Shaking my head, I fixed the thought, despite how hard it was to think it. The horrible decisions they forced me to think I made... I never had a choice to begin with. I never had a damn choice. Not once.

But with so many around, everyone could see I was 'internalizing what was happening,' taking blame when I shouldn't, that's what Shavon and Juliet said.

What they explained was right, but it helped when they did that. Put how I felt into words, then explaining to me so I knew how to express exactly what I was feeling.

They weren't just doing that with me, they were doing it with the babies. Giving them words. Day by day they were getting more words. I smiled a small smile when I thought of the fact that they were learning positive words, not just words to explain how sad they were, how worried they were because they didn't know if they were all collectively having one nice dream but would wake up soon. Be back in that basement.

"You ready for a girls days?" Grace kind as ever said from the right of me. I wasn't sure I wanted a girls days, I could remember going to malls and having our nails done, and our hairs and stuff when I was little but being around so many didn't seem to have any appeal to me, but I was so sick of being inside that going out for just a bit was welcomed. Plus I had Abby, Lucy, Grace and three of the women from the plane going with us as well. We were doing much though, just going out for a short time, Shavon and Juliet would be coming too, incase I needed them. They were doing so much more than what Chris and I had even thought to add to their contracts when we hired them, offering more than just their expertise and listening ear.

Still I nodded, preparing myself, clutching a small handkerchief of Chris'; it had his scent on there, I liked having it, just to keep calm. He didn't know I had it but he left it on a table.

"Don't worry dearie," she said reading me clearly, a small knowing smile on her face. So I followed, entering the car and trying to remain calm and hoping that I didn't embarrass myself in Logan's pack. I was sort of excited too... I had a small purse... wallet that Logan had given to me, with my own money. He said he's been investing mine so I had plenty, enough to take care of my babies and everything. I didn't have to do anything to get it, it was mines all along and that made me happy.

Logan, Chris and everyone else had been buying things for us since we got back, even got the babies toys but I wanted to get them each something special from me. Things that when I was alone with them, I would imagine getting and giving. It wasn't that they needed to be expensive, sometimes I thought about how different it could've been. Especially when Kayla was older, not a baby anymore, I wished I could make a doll with her.

I could remember doing that with Grace, it didn't look as perfect as the dolls in the store, but I loved it because I made them. The eyes were made out of buttons or sometimes beads. They were never level, one eye always lower than the others, mouths too big for their faces, arms or all limbs longer than the other.

When we finally parked at our destination, we were in town, but the shop appeared to be closed, even though it was only five in the afternoon. Waiting near the doors were Juliet and Shavon, both smiling the knowing smile Grace donned earlier.

Glancing behind them, I see an older woman come to the door, unlock and open it up, greeting everyone, "take your time, dear," she said before quickly disappearing, locking the doors behind us.

Eyes the door one more time I see the sign says that she doesn't close until 7pm, but clearly it was closed now.

"I – I" sounds coming out, no words, at least not coherent ones.

"You wanted to come shopping for some clothes but this place is normally very busy, so for the next hour only we are going to be in here. You can pick out what you like, go try them on over there and you don't have to worry Rainy, you don't have to be self conscious or afraid. We know the world isn't like this but for now, so you're not overwhelmed, we thought this would be best, if – if you not happy or would rather we return home we can do that, it's up to you," Lucy rambled on, gesturing with her hands while I squeezed the hell out of the handkerchief in my pocket.

I really couldn't speak then, I did want to venture out, but the fear of so many people all at once, all the staring sent my stomach in unpleasant tumbles. I didn't want to cry but their kindness and thoughtfulness was overwhelming, different. A drastic change from what I had come to accept. "T – this is perfect," I sighed swallowing; I knew this wasn't normal, not by far but Logan had this kind of pull here.

I knew I would branch out further, around more people but as everyone branched out looking at clothing giving me some space to recover and calm, I felt a bit equal to everyone here. For a minute I wasn't the captive, I was just a regular 21 year old, like the ones I would see before I was taken.

I was trying to calm myself, but my vision was just blurring, in my head the realization at how things had changed, where I was... it was a blow to my heart, I was getting this moment. Kayla in time would have this moment. Michael and Bailey, all the things memories that were stolen from me, they'd get them. Never would I trust blindly, putting my faith in people who could hurt me, hurt my children.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, light, with my hearing and senses I should've felt the approach but I was deep inside my head, "You okay?" Grace whispered, concern on her face, ready to race me back to the house if needed.

"They're going to get this... they were hurt, but no matter what it isn't happening again, in their minds maybe, but it won't all be bad anybody, there'll me good times mixed in with the bumps."

"They won't just have the same bumps, Michelle and Nicole, they'll never be hurt like the others, but they still won't be like me, when I was as a child. They'll learn from their siblings, be happy but careful," I spoke my thoughts, no one else approaching us. Grace just nodded sadly.

"I pray for forgiveness, Rainy," she said softly, her voice like honey, the only mother I felt I had, even though she hadn't been the family to adopt us, she was the one that showed the most love.

"I was selfish for a long time, many time I had thought you were Chris' mate, he seemed just so taken with you, with Logan as well. Caleb, he said that it was Chris finally dealing with losing our Michaela, but we had plenty of children around our pack before you and Logan."

"He had helped many children with his skills as a doctor, he would come over and he wasn't alone. I knew he was – with other w-women," she tried to avoid saying her son slept around, but I knew the truth.

"Then, you came into our life and he was taken with you, I told Caleb. I couldn't help it, I never thought anyone would get inside his heart; he protected it with work, avoiding us, being alone emotionally. So when he was so taken with you, I thought... the Goddess sent you as a child, so that when you turned out to be his mate, you'd already be so deep in his heart that he'd no longer be alone."

"Maybe Logan could've been his mate," I blurted out yet... I wasn't sure why, after my mouth forms the words, I grimaced. I had always wanted Chris for myself; I just wanted him to be nice to Logan too.

Grace just chuckled, shaking her head, "Mates normally don't have to wait so long, but there is no right amount of time for these things. I knew after my sons made that decisions that Logan would never leave you behind, forget you like they wanted everyone else too."

"It's the same reason why I never thought those two may be mates... others saw it as equal attention but I saw the hidden things, that most in the pack not living with us wouldn't have seen. If Chris ever tried to hurt you like those other men, I'd be the first to kick his butt out of the pack, but he just liked seeing you happy, it was like for the small time you laughed, all the guilt he held inside evaporated, healed the hurt that his father and I couldn't."

"But you were always the one to include Logan, he was shier than you around everyone, but if Chris made you laugh, you wanted him to make Logan laugh too. You never left Logan behind Rainy, if Chris said he'd take you for ice-cream, that meant he was taking you and Logan. If I were going to the mall, you'd convince Logan to come where I couldn't. Logan was much more introverted but you were the buffer between everyone and everything, that helped him feel included. You made plans and you made plans for him too," she chuckled, I smiled.

"You were going to find your mate, Logan was going to find his, and you were going to live on a beach, in houses right next door so your babies could play-"

"Together," I finished in a small voice.

"I know we failed Logan and you, but we weren't Alpha and Luna at the time, so we like Logan looked on our own, but now we know,"

"You'd never have found me..." I knew the truth, it made me angry but there was this override emotion where once that anger started to rise, it was quelled, I had information, proof they'd never have found me. It made it impossible to settle on just being angry.

"Now... how about we pick you out some things..." she said smiling brightly, gesturing around the room.

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I didn't want to be away from the babies for so long, but after picking out a few things for myself, then the older children, we went to a toyshop and I picked out something special for each one. Nothing big or flashy, just items I knew my babies would like. Things I wanted to give them before, that I could now.

The final stop was to a hair, nail and spa type place, I was instantly worried, I didn't want anyone touching me, still I followed, decided that maybe I'd get something small done. Just my nails painted. I used to like having that. Different colors on each nail, or other times, hot pinks and sometimes designs. No one pushed or told me to do anything but after seeing Lucy get a hair cut I looked at my own unhealthy hair deciding on a wash and cut, before heading home, eager to get back to the babies... Chris too.

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Chris POV

He had to have seen me about to asked Rainy to dinner, it didn't matter that it would be – "Wait what?" Did he just – I blinked focusing on his words.

"I found them, the woman that bought them-"

"Are they okay, were they being hurt?" Rainy whimpered out and I heard a shuffle behind us, but I couldn't pull my focus until the steps light as ever were close enough and Kayla shuffled against the wall looking up at Logan with wide expectant eyes.

"No," he shook his head, holding something back, "What aren't you saying?"

He bit his lip, "They aren't being hurt, not at all okay? They've been loved, brought up normally..." was he? Saying what I thought he was saying?

"No, Chris they are your children, they are only a year and five months old, still babies, it'll be hard but they will adjust. Your babies are coming home," he adamantly. Kayla sighed heavily, and nodded to herself, walking back to her bed, not seeking anything from us.

"W – when?" Rainy asked unsteadily.

"Tomorrow, first thing, they're arriving in California, I'm going to get them and bring them here," Logan said to his sister, his eyes focused on her.

Rainy nodded, swallowed the lump in her throat, "T-thank yo – you so much Bubba, for this – and – and for today too," a tiny smile on her lips, her eyes still troubled but that was too be expected.

"I – I have to debrief my other guys from the trip but – but tomorrow your family will be whole Rainy-"

"Our family," she corrected smiling brightly, then winced, flinching for reasons unknown, but probably a memory. Her hands reached into her pocket immediately fisting.

"You're right, our family," Logan murmured approaching her slowly, kissing her forehead and running back up the stairs.

I sighed turning to her, watching as she calmed herself, shifting from foot to foot, I was relieved but there was a sense of dread as well. If the two children – Logan what are their names? I asked noting he hadn't said their names. Fiona and Quinn, his reply instant, my sister is nervous Chris... he added to my surprise.

"Rainy..." I said softly and even that startled her, so I waited until her eyes told me she was really with me, not in fear of me.

When she responded, I worked up my nerves again, "Would – how – I," I stammered something I had never done, but then again no other woman besides her mattered to me. I didn't want her to think this was me rushing, but I was stuck not knowing if she would feel hurt if I didn't try to move and help heal us as well.

"What's the matter Chrissy?" she asked and my nervousness went away, partially. "Nothing... I wanted to know if we – if you would like to go on a date with me?" I said slowly my heart hammering in my chest, she didn't say anything and when I tried to read her thoughts her wall was up so I continued, "We won't be far from the babies, and we can talk, I mean tomorrow where going to meet two new babies..." I wanted her and I to open up to one another, quite frankly I knew this was going to be hard. Those babies had been cared and loved for according to Logan, uprooting them, taking them from people they knew would be hard. I knew I should probably call Shavon or Juliet, have them here as well. Tell them the news.

"You want to go on a date with me?" her surprise and disbelief hurt me, but I nodded eagerly, "Yes of course..."

"N – now?" another stab to increase my hurt inside.

"Yes... if that is okay with you Rainy, you do not have to say yes if you aren't ready or uncomfortable with the idea..." I said the words hoping they sounded as sincere as I meant them to be. She was in control of all this, it wasn't some ploy to butter her up to jump into bed with me. Date wasn't code for sex here.

She gazed up at me, her head titled to the side, lips pursed, but I waited, "Yes," she whispered.

"Okay – okay – you said yes?" I asked stupidly and smirked when she gave me a tiny smile, her head nodding.

"Okay well you stay here... I need to prepare and then I'll come pick you up..." she frowned, her right hand running over her clothes, was she changing her mind?

"Should – do I need to change?"

I sighed; the frown wasn't because she changed her mind, heart still soaring I shook my head, no but Jack and Lily are almost done, I'm sure she'd love to show you what she learned before bed?" she nodded still confused but went to Lily while Jack was putting the guitars in their cases. Slipping her right under her bed where she liked it, close by.

"How about I read you a story?" Rainy asked when Jack stood, giving them space, meeting my eyes I nodded for him to come on upstairs.

"Smooth..." the humor thick, he nudged my shoulder, "well you can help me-"

I was abruptly cut off when I opened the front door seeing the truck I had been hiding a distance away was no up front and mom, Lucy, Dad and Nico were unloading it.

"What would you have done if she said no to your date?" dad deadpanned, but his eyes were full of mirth.

I shrugged, "Then I would've made it a regular activity days later," glad Rainy had said yes and hoping this wasn't too much. Her first date...

When half the truck was empty Logan came out, Masen along not speaking to me, just helping us carry in my surprise, filling the house and leaving again silently. Thirty minutes later I run to the area of the house that was mine showering speedily, and dressing in haste to get down the stairs, Rainy's favorite flower in hand.

Staring at them, as I was mid step I wondered if I should've forgone that idea, what if they weren't her favorite anymore? What if they'd only remind her of what she lost while she was locked away?

The part of myself that couldn't forgive for not trying my hardest would eat away at me for the rest of time, knowing that I had gone so far as to propose to Anna. To the person she thought she could lose me too in that video, it gutted me and there was no way to go around what had occurred while she was held. Sure we – my parents and I – had Henry on it, but we could've done so much more, helped from the beginning, prevent all this from happening.

Sighing, shoulders squared I realized Rainy was now at the bottom of the stairs, observing my minor mid stop musings. Eyeing the flowers, then me. Yet she remained silent, waiting, unsure. Heart racing as I stood stupidly, gaping at her, she cleared her throat slowly, "We – we – I – it's okay if you change your mind..." she said but wouldn't meet my eyes.

I shook my head, fix this! My wolf urged, "No I'm nervous," I blurted out but that got her attention, her eyes focused on mine.

Why? She thought, her walls going up, secluding her precious thoughts from me, "I just want you to have a nice time, I know you're worried and this is new but I just – my heart is – I didn't know I would feel this way about you. I know you have no reason to trust me, or I can't erase what happened to you for all those years, I know we have to go slow but each time I take a look at our children, at you, I'm blown away by your strength Rainy. I think of how weak I have been, hiding out when I lost Michaela, seeing how you struggle and triumph everyday, not letting your perseverance falter..." I