CHAPTER 36c

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A/N: Not Edited.

Chapter 36c – Kayla POV

Shifting. Papa said that was what was happening now but it hurt badly, but I stayed quiet, real quiet just in case bad man came with Nico. We were outside, and the sky was all dark with pretty dots, Papa said they are ‘stars.’ I liked them, so I listened to him talk and watched the stars.

Then the shifting, it hurt and hurt, all in side, my arms and I bit my lip, to hold in the noises, “Kayla don’t hold your breath sweetheart, it’ll hurt more,” Papa said and I thought of before, he had gave me a poker and it didn’t hurt bad but now, no poker. He wanted me to hurt, and momma watched, she’s a pretty wolf, not like my Kayla wolf, different. She whined and made noise but no one hurt her, papa’s momma and sister cried, but no one hurted them either. I wanted to open my mouth and scream but, but bad man would find me. Quiet is better. No noise is best. Then it hurted more, in my front, the chest, my hand and I bit my lip harder and warm, blood – blood – blood. I didn’t like the blood. On the side of my mouth, choking me – and I – I needed to move. Blood couldn’t get on Papa’s pants it would make him mad. Mad. Angry. Yell.

I close my eyes, the water making it hard to see, and I need to move but my head is too heavy, but slow I can move it so blood doesn’t come out. I close my mouth, even though it taste bad, so no blood makes a mess, it stays in my mouth until I move my head is off Papa pants.

Blood in my mouth, I don’t like it, I close my eyes and open them again, Papa is gone. The pretty stars gone.

Bad man is back but I hear Papa, “Kayla! Kayla!”

‘Open your mouth!’ I hear bad man shout and think of what momma said. ‘Do what he says,’ so I do it. ‘You bit and hurt someone little girl!’ Seth says and bad man comes he has things in his hand. Seth puts the thing in my mouth and it keeps my mouth open and man comes with the other thingy and its cold when my tongue touches it, then bad man pulls my teeth with the thing, I scream. It hurted but Seth and bad man laugh and bad man puts the cold thing on my teeth again and pulls again. And again. Seth is holding my head and bad man pulls. I can’t breathe and I can’t scream; wet is stopping it, making me cough.

‘Don’t let her blood fucking get on me!’ bad man shouts. Blood. Blood is the wet making me cough.

Seth lifts my head and pushes it hard to the side and blackness comes. I like it.

“Cucciola, open your eyes,” Papa says loud but not sounding angry, someone is touching my face trying to make me open my mouth but I can’t let blood get on Papa pants. I bite harder to keep it shut, “Kayla stop, you’re hurting yourself, open your mouth,” Papa tells me again but it’s a trick, momma makes three noises. Wet falls from above me, over me on my forehead, “Kayla scream, it’s okay to shout – it will feel better, don’t hold it in, I know it hurts, I know you’re hurting sweetheart! Please, don’t hold it inside, you’re safe, Kayla. You’re safe, no one will hurt you, I swear – p – please,” Papa whispered.

“Rainy shift back,” someone says, and “Kayla, Cucciola, open your eyes, you’re safe, Momma is here, you’re safe,” not safe thought, bad man is going to come, we have to be quiet.

“Sweetheart, Kayla, I love you, so much, please open your eyes from me,” Papa say he love me? Like momma love me?

 “Turn her head to the side Chris,” someone else say, I think it’s momma’s Bubba. I feel my head turn, but then someone holds my nose and I open my eyes and mouth together and hurt all over gets worse, new women are near me,  it’s not dark sky now, and I see blood, bad taste and I see momma she held my nose but now she let go. Hurt gets bad. Bad. Bad. And then black. I liked it now too.

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Chris POV

I’ve never in all my life hated what I was, what my children would be, more than I did right now at this very minute. Watching my daughter shift was excruciating beyond belief, listening for hours on end, until every bone broke in her body. Something that should’ve taken two hours, three at the most stretched out over six agonizing hours instead.

I remember my own shifting being painful, but while I shifted, everyone was smiling, even I was happy, in pain but because I knew that it was an honor, I couldn’t wait. When Lucy shifted, my mother remained tensed but stayed strong for her daughter, holding my father’s hand, silently waiting.

Shifting was always a boisterous affair, those selected to watch, encouraging the youngin’s first shift. It was the one time where, you saw most young men and women at their weakest, before you saw them at their strongest physically. Onlookers didn’t cry, they smiled, waiting to welcome their newest pack family member.

Kayla’s shift… those last two hours, I – I can’t – I look down at this little wolf the size of a two year old toddler and my tears won’t stop.

 When I shifted I screamed bloody murder for 45 minutes, begging for it to be over. Lucy would shout during pants, catching her breath only to lose it again as she rolled in pain. Groups of young men, friends bet on who can remain the quietest during individual shifts, always losing out because it’s painful, it’s sharp, and there are no drugs. They cry, howl in undiluted pain.

Kayla didn’t make a sound, not one single scream, instead my baby bit down on her lip till she broke skin, refusing to utter a sound, blood mixed with saliva as she tried with all her might to move her head from my lap. Choking on her bloody spittle, tears falling but – but not a single sound, panic in her eyes, but the fear I saw is what gutted me and the faint smile I caught right before she fainted, her shift finalizing at the exact same time. I wiped at the tears that fell, missing some and looking up from my daughter, I looked at the sky, a new day but I see the sun differently. I don’t just see it, I feel it, I feel like Kayla is going to feel it today, see it today. For the first time. I don’t take it for granted. I don’t think of the heat and how I’ll have to use the air. I close my eyes and with my head back I hold myself together when all I want to do is fall apart.

I bring my head down, ducking my chin, and my eyes meets Shavon and Juliet, knowing that this is something of a first for them as well. They aren’t looking down at my child as though she was brave; their gaze was filled with pure sadness, neither bothering with a mask of professionalism. And I understand what Rainy was looking for in those we would chose to help our children, to help us as well, because I just saw it in their eyes. Land mines Chris… they were right.

When I finally look at everyone else  my family… it’s the saddest I’ve ever seen my mother and she’s lost a child, my sister I’m not even sure she is seeing anything at all, she’s as still as a statue. Not blinking. I know their emotions must be wreaking havoc on their mates, but Nico and Dad stayed away. I shift my gaze to Logan, who is on the bench to my right, he told me to turn her head from my lap, that she didn’t want blood on my pants like I would care about something as my childs’ blood on my pants. I could buy a new pair, change them or throw it away…  Howwhat did he know? I ask myself, his eyes are red and his chin is on his hands, fisted together, he’s shaking, his whole form. I’ve seen Logan cry as a child, when someone hurt Rainy, he’d cry. When she was missing, he cried and when no one helped him a piece of him died, the light in his eyes dimmed. This Logan to me appeared worse than the young child who lost his sister, Abby – his mate – put her arm on his shoulder; standing abruptly he shrugged her off and stalked off into the woods.

I hear the telltale sign of a shift, his clothes shredding, I glance down again, at Kayla in wolf form. She’s beautiful, and like her mother, the silver coat, shimmering in the early morning sunlight…

No one had said a thing yet just, remaining quiet, I held Kayla against me as she was unconscious but her transformation was over, she was just recovering, sleeping in a way. I’m sure she’d be out for a long while, “Thank you for staying,” I said softly, whispering to Juliet and Shavon. They nodded, “I’m going to let her sleep, she – she needs her rest.”

Shavon and Juliet gave each other a side glance, “We will be back as soon as she is human form, she – she didn’t seem very eager about joining the pack,” I thought Shavon’s words over glancing at Rainy, who sat to my left, her eyes only on our sleeping – in wolf form – daughter. I just nodded at the women, eyes my mother and pointing to Rainy with my chin.

I wanted to bring her out of the daze she was in, offer comfort if possible but I was torn, unable to put Kayla down for a moment, not wanting to disrupt this little moment of slumber she had. When mom came over to make her stand, I slowly stood myself, careful not to jostle Kayla and followed mom and a robotically moving Rainy.  

Instead of putting her in the room with all the other children, I carry her to a private empty room in the basement, laying her down and pulling a chair near her, resting back and waiting, watching as her little wolf body curled into itself, quietly recovering.

The door was ajar, I looked back able to see Michael and Bailey still asleep… they’re triplets – Kayla, Bailey and Michael – would that mean the boys would be shifting sooner as well? I hoped in that second that it came later, both for their sake and mine. I was afraid of the human we would be coming face to face with when she shifted back… this was traumatic and I was just an observer, much less Kayla herself.

I rubbed my hands over my knees leaning forward the blood on my knee from her biting her lips, nothing I had said made a bit of difference. I loved her, already, all of them but it was new, I just hoped it had a bit more impact. Seth – that asshole – had known what he was doing… he hadn’t succeeded to the extent he wanted, because I had my children, safe physically but he damaged their mind. All they believed were actions, words made a naught of difference.

I thought of Shavon and Juliet, their interpretation of Kayla’s receptiveness to joining the pack…  If the women were correct and Kayla didn’t want to join I was afraid we would be fighting a losing battle with her mind, in the advantage.

I just couldn’t place it, she was speaking… not to me or around me… but still speaking, now there was nothing. I sighed heavily, thinking back to exactly when this happened.

The day I brought my parents around.

What was it about that day?

What happened that we all obviously overlooked?

This wasn’t Kayla’s fault, we had missed something… I hadn’t paid attention somewhere, something happened that day.

I dropped the ball.

The question was… when?

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