A/N: Not Edited.

This chapter….  hard.

Chapter 36b – Chris POV

“She – how did she or any of them survive?” I asked no one, myself, Logan, Lucy even my mom, my voice dazed. The things she named to avoid, that was – those things you see without even batting an eyelash much less think to avoid them.

“Rainy held on for one of you – she said she didn’t bring the outside in. she didn’t want him to taint her memories of your – everything else he used against her, sullied it. She refused to let him sully you two,” Mom said thoughtfully and hope bubbled in my chest.

“In case we found them one day…” Logan said looking at what I was, the children cuddled up and safe but much too restless. Sarah, Hannah and Lily curled up together on one of the larger wall beds, each holding onto their plush – toddler sized – wolves.

In the far corner I could hear Michelle making gurgling noises, but her lack of crying kept me still. I glanced down at Lucy; she was uncharacteristically – for her – quiet, haunted.

“You okay Luce?” It was a stupid question given what we just heard but there wasn’t much more I could ask.

“She blames herself,” She responded, not at all what I was expecting though, but I nodded agreeing anyways. I heard her words murmured. I felt it which was bad enough, but for a moment Rainy hadn’t blocked her thoughts form me as her mate, and she shared that visual with me, a glimpse of her nightmare.

A wave of anguish ran over me. It was too much, too fast unexpectedly and I was thankful for the wall I had already sagged on. I inhaled deeply, making sure my legs remained planted, my knees buckled, and I released the breath I took.

I don’t dare look at Logan right now, not sure anyone could help him other than his mate. No one spoke, mom nor Lucy left and I wanted to know what they were thinking, if this was all too much too handle. It wouldn’t be as easy as they might be thinking now. Not at all. A cell phone ring, breaks through my thoughts and the silence around us, we all turn to Logan who answers immediately, thankfully not waking the children. Ignoring him I went to what really mattered, the children.

“Get the fuck out!” he said after listening, and I focused on Logan, the phone call but all I heard was the person telling him ‘Nope just wanted to tell you,’ and Logan ended the call. His face stunned. I face him, waiting expectantly curious to see if this was about Rainy.

“Someone ousted shape shifters it’s all over the news…” How… what the hell was going on here? I was so shocked; my mouth opened three times only to shut right back up again three times.

“How is this being handled?” Mom asked clearly more level headed than I was at this point. It was a big deal but not compared to my life now. The Elders would probably fuck this up or stand by and do nothing; they had a real gift for that.

Turning back to the babies listening to their heartbeats, sighs and even a few grunts of restless sleeping, one heartbeat was beating erratically. Zeroing in, I knew it was Kayla, pushing off the wall I went to her side, looking at her machines, unsure and assuming that she’s in pain I give her another dose of morphine. I stand waiting for her numbers to regulate but that never comes, instead Kayla begins panting and I hear the telltale sign of a shift starting. One of Kayla’s bones breaks just snaps on its own, her eyes snap open, her mouth as well and I expect a scream to come but it doesn’t. Her eyes widen and instead of sound falling from her lips, she closes her mouth and bites down on her lips. When I reach for her she flinches, “I’ll get your momma,” I say before walking backwards, knocking into my mother and Luce in my haste to get Rainy.

Barging in, first I notice that Rainy looks worse than when I left, but I push that aside, getting to why I came in without bothering to knock. Putting my hand out for Rainy, the two of us rushing back to Kayla.

“Chris pick her up, we need to go outside,” Logan instructs but all I could think of was her flinching and Shavon and Juliet saying we need to teach by modeling.

Ignoring his words, I bend down until I’m eye level with Kayla, “I need to pick you up since you can’t walk, and we need to go outside,” I said as calmly as possible knowing fear was something she could sense, see immediately.

“You’re shifting into a wolf; you have to go outside…” I stopped speaking when I heard another bone crack and it hits me that I shouldn’t have given her another dose of morphine, or the first one. It would slow this already long and painful process down, dragging out the pain.

Then I thought of Kayla’s injuries, her already fractured ribs, collarbone and broken wrist… when it was time for those specific breaks I knew it would be excruciating. She wasn’t ready for this, not right now, when her body was at its weakest, no prior training in or knowledge for what was to come.

I watched her, noting that she held tightly onto her new plush wolves, her knuckles white against the gray toy, “We’ll bring your wolf too sweetheart,” I murmured, waiting again for a nod, or whisper, something.

Another crack, she pants, but doesn’t make a sound; two blinks. I sigh back, carefully picking her tiny breaking body, holding her closely to me, following Logan from the room to the backyard, not going straight to the surrounding woods just yet.

My mother, right behind Rainy, spreads Kayla’s blanket on the already soft grass, and I lay her on there, purely instinctual – I tell myself not to get my hopes up, she’s doing so because she’s in pain – Kayla,  she reaches for a piece of my pants holding onto it tight and pulls her head over to my lap.

“Kayla I need you to listen to me okay, I need you to breathe very deep, hold it when you feel like another bone is going to crack, your body gets really hot, right sweetheart?” I say looking down at her, amazed that she isn’t crying out in pain, and I feel anger course through when I think that it is that way because she has experienced worse things that a first shift. A first shift that I have seen others, older than her short nine years, cry from beginning to end.

Two blinks, and when the next bone cracks, she pants, holding it in, releasing the air inside of her tiny lungs, whooshing heavily. “That’s it,” I encourage her, trying to fit what most are coached for in terms of shifting, for more than a few months in the moments between breaks. Logan, Rainy and Mom surround us, I can smell Shavon and Juliet nearby but they don’t come too close, probably not wanting to crowd Kayla.

I listen to everything, and I know that her fractured ribs haven’t broken yet; her wrist is lying limply on her wolf toy, the other holding onto my pants tightly. “Kayla relax… you can’t fight this sweetheart,” I tell her when I notice her body is tensed up and only becoming more stiff, the opposite of what will make this easier. She’s doing what she knows, how she’s dealt with pain before. We can’t order her to relax she isn’t in the pack yet, so I start to hum the same tune I did when she woke from her nightmare, and so that’s how the night goes, Kayla whimpering, my mother and sister crying and me humming.

“You’re so brave cucciola,” I whisper keeping the anger from my voice, but I continue talking especially when Rainy, looks on frightened.

“When your momma was a little girl, maybe six or seven years old, she would play a game called make over. She would fix my hair, color my face, and even paint my nails… she wanted to make me the prettiest doctor,” I start telling Kayla who her mom was before everything, memories, stories on whatever came to mind until I have a memory of Michaela.

“I had a little sister, you remember me telling you about her, Michaela, that’s how you got your name but it’s spelt differently…” I rambled, hoping that by occupying her mind, it would ease or bring her comfort in some way.

“She was very sweet, looked just like Sarah, Hannah and Lily, she loved being in the forest, climbing trees… she liked to watch the stars…” I pointed up, making sure I only told her of things that were easily explainable, pleased with her eyes glazed over and her body lost all of its rigidity. The bones still broke but I never left her side. I couldn’t.

“Kayla sweetheart… have you been hearing your wolf? Like a voice that’s talking in your mind but only you can hear her?” I asked when Juliet and Shavon came into my line of sight, sitting on a bench near us. Far enough not to disturb Kayla but close enough to see her response, the blinking or body tensing whichever it may be. Her silence, it had been going on since after her nightmare, and now I wouldn’t rule out that she experienced a trigger at all. With further thinking, it’s crossed my mind more than once, that her undoing was my fault, I picked her up and what I thought was progress really turned out to be the opposite.

So looking down, I wait for her replied, and she blinks twice, ‘Yes.’ Nodding I glance at the women, then back to Kayla, “When you’re a wolf… you’ll be able to join Uncle Logan’s pack... and you won’t have to continue blinking, we can see each other’s thoughts,” I smile down at her, and notice something passes over her face, before it’s quickly blank, the same time her heart races and she tightens her hold on my pants. Another bone breaks, but the process isn’t finished, we have much time to go.

When she exhales frantically, “Won’t that be great, hearing what each other thinks?” and I say it in a very excited, approving tone but Kayla neither blinks once or twice, but she turns her head imperceptibly her eyes darting away before linking back to mine.

.

.

.

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 ~ + ~ + ~ Kayla POV ~ + ~ + ~

 I hurt everywhere but Papa was humming and talking soft, “When you’re a wolf… you’ll be able to join Uncle Logan’s pack... and you won’t have to continue blinking, we can see each other’s thoughts,” Papa said, and now I know I’m going to be in trouble, get punished.

~ + ~ FLASH BACK (One year, six months ago) FLASH BACK ~ + ~

Momma was getting big again, but it had been a long time since Seth came down; a new bad man was coming each time. This new bad man, was bad just like Seth, hurt us and didn’t give much food.

Momma moaned, and turned to her side and the mat is wet, momma is crying and breathing fast and the door is opening it’s only bad man not other bad man Seth. I sit in the corner with Momma, the other babies are in the big room.

Momma cries and falls back and “Sit up you stupid bitch!” bad man shouts at momma, “Push!” and momma cries shaking her head but pushes and pushes and screams and falls back and her eyes go shut.

The baby comes out and bad man pokes the baby with a poker, and the baby doesn’t cry like the other babies cried, “is – is it okay – why – why isn’t it crying?” Momma asked still on her back, “Because you’re useless, couldn’t even keep that one alive-” bad man says but momma screams again and sits up again and bad man screams over and over… until there is another baby coming. Bad man pokes the baby again with the poker and this baby doesn’t cry either. “This one is dead too, you useless bitch!” bad man shouts, and stands up kicking momma in the chest and head. Bad man picks up the babies and the poker and closes the door, and I go closer to momma, not a lot because momma said stay there before.

So I wait with her so momma can wake up, I hold her but she doesn’t wake up and bad man comes to take me to special room for special time. Bad man doesn’t take off the rings on my foot or lock the door after special time. He says I can go back to momma but I can’t walk. Hurts to move. I’m sleepy but I miss momma so I go slow, on arms. Slow. Slow. Slow. Get tired and rest but go again, and I leave special time room and go be with momma. I pull rings with me go slow, slow, slow. I stop by leave stairs and see the door is open up top and there is crying and bad man has the crying baby. He sees me and shouts and leaves and comes back with no crying baby just new poker “Motherfucker! The oldest saw me come get the fucking kids Linda…” Bad man shouts, he is angry, I stay I don’t move too afraid of more special time with bad man.

Bad comes and takes my hair and pulls me to Momma, dropping me by momma. She is hot and all wet and bad man takes out the poker shows it too me.

“You love your momma don’t you,” bad man says in different voice, scary voice. I nod, I do love momma.

“Good… now your momma is sick and I’m not coming back after I leave for a while, your momma might die if I don’t give her this… do you want your momma to die?” I shake my head no slowly, very slowly… it hurts.

“Good. If I give her this she will be awake… but I won’t give it to her if you don’t say that the babies died – that they didn’t cry when they were in here… understand?” I looked at momma, I didn’t want anything to hurt momma or be alone without her, Sarah, Hannah and Lily, all of us – would miss momma and – and…

I nod again, “well then… when Seth comes back and asks you what happened what are you gonna say?” I could hear the babies crying but I wanted momma okay too.

“I say b – b- babies died-d,” I say soft, bad man smile ugly, “that’s right… and then I give your momma what?”

“The poker not to die,” I say because the poker will help momma and all I have to say is the babies died and momma won’t die.

“Right and you can never tell anyone about the babies Kayla, cause if you did your momma wouldn’t love you anymore and Seth would be real mad with you, isn’t that right?” I nodded.

“So momma gets the poker and what do you do?”

I know now I understand, “say the – the b-b-babies died and – and t-t-then don’t tell momma or Seth.”

“Such a good little girl… wish I could come back and play some more…” bad man said to me giving momma the poker and his phone rings he picks it up, “Nico man now’s not a good time…” bad man says and when I turn to momma something hits my head and everything goes black.

~ + ~ FLASH BACK OVER – FLASH BACK OVER ~ + ~

I didn't want them to know I lied... Momma will be mad… I was bad, only bad people lied. I was a bad person. Momma would send me away… when Seth came back I said what bad man wanted me too but now bad man was probably around with the babies because Nico was here, so bad man was here too. Nico knew bad man and bad man was coming soon to make sure I didn’t say he took the babies and they were alive not dead.

Momma was crying now, “Shift into your wolf Rainy, Kayla watch Momma…” Papa said and patted my head softly and I watched momma turn into a wolf. She was nice, pretty, shiny but it was fast, she didn’t scream or talk loud. 

Why wasn’t mine fast? It hurted all over, but I wouldn’t scream, I didn’t want to get punished. Momma said that the bad men hurted us because they were bad and we were good. Sometimes even if we were really really good, the bad men would still come but that didn't mean we were bad. Seth lied, we weren't bad or dirty or stupid... he was bad. But now I was bad too. But what if bad man was hurting the babies like he hurted me? 

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Whew this was HARD to write! Actually it all is... i'm normally typing this story with blurry vision...  crying... but this one... was hardest!

So this is for if you are confused...

Kayla is shifting, but that's not what was bothering her at all... When Chris brought Lucy (Sister mated to Nico) , Caleb (His father), Grace (his mother) and Nico (his brother in law) she wasn't affected by him (NICO). Just his name... why? when she was in the basement Rainy was pregnant, 'bad man,' delivered the babies and took them away.

'bad man' told Kayla that if she wouldn't say anything then he would give Rainy a poker (needle/shot) to make her not die. All Kayla had to do was lie and say the babies didn't cry when they were born, but she heard them because 'bad man' was sloppy and left the door open. She had the rings (chains) around her feet so she couldn't leave the basement but she heard the babies crying.

'bad man' couldn't kill her, he'd be introuble with Seth.... he answered a call in front of Kayla, said the name Nico.

Rainy, thinks those babies are dead, but Kayla knows she heard them cry... sense of time? Where was Seth? Kayla wouldn't know... in that basement they didn't know if it was daytime or night time. She wouldn't know where Seth was but she knew that he hadn't been there in a long time. The other children? in the beginning when Masen found them, he said there were two rooms, that not all of them were together...

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