A/N: not edited

Chapter 16 (Chris POV)

It was a tense ride down, nothing… it just… my mind was scrabbled, utterly chaotic and unable to process any more. All I could think was, fathers aren’t supposed to meet their children after years of being abused, unable to accept any kind of love in a physical way. The man that took Rainy, he wanted to hurt me deeply, and he had… he didn’t touch me physically, but he hurt me in a way that would never heal, not unless my children healed.

Different things run through my head, they’ve never been outside, Rainy was found because of a video my four year old baby was in. A video that had probably been shared a thousand times over. If there were anything left in my stomach, it would have made reappearance now.

This wasn’t how Rainy was supposed to come back to me...

I thought countless times how she would return to me and every time, she’d run to me, hugging me tightly, as she did as a young child. In reality though, she was standing three feet away from me, and if it could have been more, I’m sure she would have stood further away, when all I really wanted was to pull her closer.

It’s going to be that way with the children too, I’m going to want to reach out and touch my children,  and I wouldn’t be able to do that.

My heart ached, as I thought about their names… even where she was, she had brought a piece of our good memories.

I flicked my eyes over to the buttons lighting up as we went lower, hoping for it to be a longer ride, because I wasn’t ready.

I couldn’t bypass a lot not when all I could think was they were abused, repeatedly. I couldn’t ask how old they were. Who did they look like? Were only the girls abused? Were my sons abused? And then there would be no point to ask if they had favorite... colors? Toys? TV shows? Movies? Books? What did they enjoy eating? She wouldn’t be able to give me an answer to those questions because they weren’t allowed any of those things. Nothing.

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When the elevator leveled, and the door opened there was no more putting this off, I was going to meet my children for the first time. I would have to put everything, all things aside to deal with later. Walking I could see the employees here, watching me with pity in their eyes, I knew that look, I knew what it meant I worked in a hospital setting.

What I was coming into was nothing pleasant.

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I steeled myself, I really do. It wasn’t enough. Rainy entered the room, from the door to the right I saw two cribs, and three gurney beds, and five gurney beds to the right. At each foot on the bed, there was a name; first bed to the left was Michael, followed by Bailey, Cole, Keith and Kayla. I look at the children on the beds and I’m stuck to my spot, unable to move further. I knew the children on the right had to be younger, but the older ones, the ones that were supposed to look like they were near nine didn’t look older than a five or six year old. I run my eyes over each one, and when I get to Kayla, my eyes freeze and I hear someone sob, but then I realize, it’s me. I’m the one making that noise.

The children all turn to face me, the ones on the right gaze at me, then one, Sarah her bed says, moves her eyes over to Bailey and Michael, I follow her eyes. She shifts back to me, but says nothing, as Kayla begins to whimper, reaching out to one of the boys, and I take note that she has bruises everywhere, stitches on her face, a cast on her foot, and hand. Her leg covered with a blanket, I wonder if the bruises are there too but hidden; not taking his eyes off me, Bailey slips from his bed, wincing, alerting me that he is injured, and makes way over to Kayla, slowly getting on her bed, resting back as she molds her side to his.

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“Babies, this is Chris,” Rainy said pulling their attention, they nodded their eyes back on me, “I knew him for a long time, since I was like Nicole and Michelle,” she said with a small smile.

I tried getting all their reactions, but I couldn’t get a read on any of them, their face looked blank, “he would play with me…bring me toys and sweets… read to me…” Rainy continued but they just nodded.

My eyes drifted over to Kayla, and I knew watching her made her nervous but she just looked so much like Rainella as a child. I swept my eyes over to Hannah, Lily and Sarah, their expressive eyes, looking me over, while I did the same, someone cleared their throat.

Forcing my eyes to go to the sound, it’s Rainy, looking at me with wide eyes, nodding, ‘say hello’ she mouthed, “Hello guys, I – I’m happy to meet you all.” I said after nodding quickly, they didn’t respond, not that I expected them to.

I still hadn’t really entered the room, not wanting to frighten them, but Rainy, sighs, walks over to the cribs and lifts Michelle, wincing and I hate that I can’t help her. She turns towards me, walking slowly, measured, until she’s directly in front of me, the little girl in her eyes, watching me with her wide blue eyes, “this is Michelle… she’s 9 months old.” I nod; my vision blurry, but I blink them away.

“Hi sweetheart,” I choke out to the little girl who has a vice grip on Rainy’s neck, “you look like your momma.” I whisper hoarsely, itching to lift my hands to hold her. But I’m at a lost, not sure at all what to do. Taking all my cues from Rainy.

“Can Chris hold you baby?” she asked the child like she would get a response; she did, just not verbal. Slowly I lifted my hand, running just two fingers on my daughters’ arm, not surprised that she pulled it away. Rainy looked behind her, “Chris can you get Nicole,” she pointed with her chin; I glanced at the child in the crib, wanting to lift her from the crib, but not wanting to cause any distress.

Sensing my reservations, Rainy, nodded at me, waiting for me to make a move. Slowly I prepared myself, knowing she would cry and the others even though they could see me, would assume I had hurt her in some way. I took a step towards the crib thinking, here goes nothing… and it shouldn’t be this difficult. I shouldn’t have to worry about the millions of things I was just for lifting my own child.

I was furious, but I couldn't show that, I had to keep myself calm for them even though I wanted to go kill my brothers, Adina as well but that wasnt more important, no I was right where I had to be needed and wanted to be.

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