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Chapter 14

       There was a bus station about thirty minutes from my house, walking at least, and I was actually looking forward to some fresh air before being stuck on public transportation for an hour.

       Luce said she didn't want me hanging out with Rex again, before I 'went to bed', which only hurt my heart and head. I would have argued with her about it too, if dad hadn't stepped in and said he liked the boy.

       My dad saying he liked anyone besides Luce and I was different, but I wasn't going to argue. I highly doubted Luce was going to tell me not to hang out with Rex anymore after that. I mean, dad never even said he liked Tate—and Tate lived with us.

       I had to force down the bright smile pulling on my lips as I wandered down the deserted street. I felt guilty for being happy dad shot Luce's scolding down. She was the only one who ever cared enough to punish me. Honestly I felt like she was the only one who ever cared about me at all.

       It was late out, and so dark that slipping out of my window unseen and onto the roof before shimming down the porch railing had almost been too easy. Luce and Tate were still awake and watching some horror movie in the living room when I left, dad was probably sleeping, and I knew no one was going to check on me for the rest of the night. I was home free—for a while at least.

       The cold night air brushing across my face was a sweet relief from the heat of stress constantly scorching my cheeks. I lifted my face towards the sky and smiled before pulling Rex's jacket tighter around me. It still smelled like him, and I was the freak that kept lifting it to my nose to breathe it in.

       I had Rex Turner's jacket. And he said I looked cute in it. My stomach let out a wave of butterflies every time I reminded myself of that fact.

       My footsteps faltered when I glanced back and saw another person walking through the quiet neighborhood. My heart beat a little hard than was normal, my mind instantly jumping to insane conclusions. Breathe Rose. A lot of people that lived there jogged late at night or early in the morning. I shouldn't be nervous.

       This was a good area, dad made sure before he moved us here. He claimed that he had to get me away from all the bad that had been forced down my throat. He never could understand that I was all of that bad. I was all the things in the world that even God couldn't fix.

       I tried to shake my head of those thoughts as I turned towards the entrance of the neighborhood. The sound barriers that surrounded the area just within reach, before my eyes caught sight of that other walker quickly crossing the street.

       Okie dokie... That was a little weird.

       Relax, Rosalyn. It's fine, you're fine. Just breathe. You've walked these roads all the time by yourself and nothing's every happened. You're okay.

       I hurried quickly onto the sidewalk that led out of the neighborhood and towards the main intersection oh-so-far away—and out of the other walker's view. It's not like they would leave Briar Oaks. I was the only weird one walking to a bus station at ten o'clock at night.

       That was the only thought keeping the panic from forming in my chest and crushing me to the ground. I hadn't taken any medicine all day, and not because I didn't want to. Every time I reached for the bottle all I saw was Rex's glare and angry dark eyes. He would be disappointed in me. He... He wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.

       The panic hadn't tried to strike yet though, not even when I was waiting for the angry tornado that was my family. Even now, I was doing okay—until I was a quarter of the way to the intersection and the other walker turned out of the neighborhood. They were closer than before, so close I could hear their footsteps.

       Not good. So not good.

       I wasn't trying to be paranoid, and I tried to always find the good in everyone. Even before, even with... them, but those footsteps were definitely closer than before. I let out a shaky breath and huddled further into the hood of Rex's amazing smelling jacket. I went for walks all the time, and so did other people.

       Not everyone is out to hurt you, Rose.

       That was something the therapist had tried to drill into my head every session, something I repeated over and over again whenever I started to overreact. But then there were situations like Jason where he did want to hurt me. I was so bad at assessing my surroundings. It always made Jax roll his eyes and get all 'macho-man' on me, as he called it.

       I had either slowed down during my inner ramblings, or the person behind me started to walk faster because those footsteps sounded a whole lot closer than before. My breath began to grow shaky in my lungs, and my hands started to sweat with nerves.

       Relax, relax, relax. I chanted over and over again as the main street's intersection came into view. It's just another nighttime walker, all I had to do was get towards the busy street lights. Just another minute or two.

       I was quickly reaching the end of the large sound barrier that wrapped around my entire neighborhood, and there were only a few lone houses to pass before I hit the main road—and I really had been oh-so-very close.

       "That's far enough."

       I really shouldn't have been surprised at the dark, and rather angry, voice that reached my ears, but I still gasped like a deranged hyena when that thick tree-trunk arm suddenly wrapped around my waist and yanked me back against the dark hidden corner of my neighborhoods outlining wall.

       "Ow!" I squeaked when that large body shoved my smaller one up against the rough, gritty wall behind us and pinned both my hands at shoulder-level with their hard, gruff, bear-sized ones.

       "I didn't hurt you." His voice was a deep, dark grumble, his face barely inches from my own.

       "You almost did!" I grumbled right back as his hands actually tightened around my wrists, but he was right—I wasn't hurt. Even now as that large, muscled, body pinned mine to the wall, I wasn't hurt.

       This afternoon had been far too stressful to be able to deal with this situation calmly, especially since I hadn't taken any medicine. The panic should start crawling up my stomach, into my chest, and strangling my throat any minute now.

       It didn't.

       "Where do you think you're going?" His voice was practically a hoarse growl as those dark eyes glared holes into my own. There were no streetlights around the corner we pressed up against, and the darkness surrounding the space did little to hide the anger flashing across his handsome face.

       "For a walk."

       "It's ten at night, Rosalyn."

       "It's a late-night walk, Rex."

       He sucked in a harsh, long breath, and he was pressed up against me so close I could practically feel the rise and fall of his chest against my own. "The last fucking thing you need to be doing is walking alone in the middle of the night."

       "What are you doing?" I countered instead, my eyes glued to his.

       Some part at the back of my mind was screaming that I should be cowering right now, or afraid and panicky at least. Being followed and then pinned against a rough, dark corner would freak anyone out, especially me. But this was Rex, and the whole situation was doing the exact opposite of terrifying me.

       He was close—like really close.

       "I saw you leave your house from Trey's, by yourself, and I just fucking know wherever you are going you're going to get in trouble." The look in his eyes suggested I should have been more concerned about the anger flashing there, but my mind was completely focused on what he said.

       "You were... watching my house?" I wasn't sure why but there was heat creeping up the back of my neck, and a smile trying to desperately pull on my lips.

       His eyes widened for one brief moment, and I could have sworn I saw the skin on his chiseled cheekbones redden in the darkness, before it quickly disappeared and he let out a gruff breath.

       "No, I happened to look out the window as you were leaving. But that's not the fucking point." His hands tightened around my wrists, his large body leaning closer to mine—my breathing hitched in my throat.

       "Anyone can just grab you like this and rip you off the street. It's in the middle of the night, its pitch black out, and you're not some tough bitch no one would fuck with." His voice had taken on a serious tone, and his gaze seemed to grow a shade darker.

       "I-I can take care of myself..."

       Yeah right. I couldn't even say the statement without whimpering.

       He leaned closer, his lips barely an inch from mine. The heat pouring off him nearly absorbed into my skin. Wow—I felt light headed.

       "Prove it." Rex growled, his chestnut eyes hard as stone.

       My heart hammered in my chest, my breathing lodging in my throat. I knew he was trying to scare me, grabbing and pinning me to the wall was supposed to be a scare tactic—but the only thing I was scared of was leaning in that one inch and pressing my lips to his. How disastrous would that be? He would never talk to me again.

       "How?" My voice refused to rise above a whisper as I forced my head to stay pressed against the wall and not attack his drop dead gorgeous face.

       "Push me away, shove me, get me off you in any way you can. Then maybe I'll believe you." His voice was quiet too, though there was no hesitation in his breath even as mine staggered in my chest.

       I didn't want to do any of those things.

       This was the closest we had ever been, and I liked it a little too much—even if I couldn't move any part of me. My gaze rolled slowly across his face, from his dark eyes to the slightly crooked bridge of his nose, from that chiseled jaw line to the perfect arch of his lips.

       I found everything about him so... perfect. Even when he was angry at me, or yelling, or cursing, or just being brash and aggressive, I still thought he was perfect.

       And I had to force him to be my friend.

       He didn't want to, he pushed me away from him and the others from the very beginning and so often. He repeated over and over again that he wanted nothing to do with me, but I just couldn't take a hint. I knew I was broken, knew I would only bring down everyone around me, but I kept pushing myself at him.

       Those chestnut eyes suddenly widened as he took a hurried step away and his grip on my wrists completely disappeared. "Shit, I'm sorry. I only wanted to freak you out a little. I didn't mean to scare you that much."

       My brow furrowed at his rapid attitude change, and my eyes widened when those large hands were suddenly cupping my face and Rex's thumbs were rubbing slowly across my cheeks.

       "Please don't cry, Roza. I don't do well with tears. I really, really don't."

       I was... crying?

       But his hands were still cupping my face and he was stepping closer again—so close that I didn't care that my traitor eyes were leaking without my consent. "And I don't like this tremble." One of his thumbs dropped to my lips and rubbed ever so gently against my bottom one. My heart stopped beating.

       Then I was suddenly very aware of the hot, wet, streaks staining my cheeks, and the hazy blur blocking my vision when I didn't blink every couple of seconds. I didn't dare speak though, not when that calloused thump was still slowly rubbing over my lip.

       "I have this..." His voice had softened ten notches, and those dark eyes were almost remorseful now as that thumb left my lips to run softly over my jaw. He was being so—touchy. My heart was very confused by the action, but my body loved it.

       Rex closed his eyes, let out one long, heavy breath, before casting that dark gaze back on me. "I have this ridiculous, overbearing, urge to protect you." My heart stuttered at his words, at the way his gaze followed the slow, tantalizing path his thumb took across my jaw.

       "It literally eats me alive and drives me fucking crazy. I can't help it no matter how hard I try... and I tried, Rose. I tried so fucking hard."

       I wasn't sure how to feel as the hand that was cupping my cheek dropped to the other side of my jaw. His strong fingers splayed against the sides of my neck as his thumbs continued to slowly rub along my jaw.

       "But every time I tried to ignore it, there you went getting into trouble again and needing me." His eyes darkened then, and not in anger. His gaze wouldn't leave the path his thumbs were on, but the look plastered on his face was so sad it tore at my heart.

       "And I like that you need me." His voice deepened, his eyes finally flickering up to mine. "I like it way too fucking much."

       My mind was in a whirlwind. We couldn't have been standing there for more than fifteen minutes and he already made me feel scared, hot, depressed, and now extremely confused. I knew I practically forced him to be my friend, but now he was making it seem like he liked saving me, even though he really doesn't want to like to.

        I needed my medicine. Or, at least, I needed to sleep for the next two days straight.

       "I just get very upset when I see you put yourself in situations where you get hurt, like tonight, and I know you don't do it on purpose, which only makes me even more worried, and I just..." He let out a long sigh and let his hands fall from my jaw to grip softly around my upper arms.

       "I just want to keep you safe, no matter how hard you make that for me."

       I hadn't realized my hands had wrapped themselves around his forearms until I squeezed them subconsciously. My eyes dropped down to the crinkles my fingers put in his soft jacket. "Why?" I finally forced myself to ask as his thumbs rubbed slow circles into my arms. He stiffened.

       "Why what?"

       I had to force my eyes not to roll. He knew exactly 'why what'. "Why do you want to protect me so badly? I'm not... that important to you."

       I'm not important at all. Is what I wanted to say, but that would only show him how much more broken I was. He already knew about the panic attacks, if he knew everything he would never want to be around me again. And I was selfish for hiding it from him. I would only drag him down in the end.

       His eyes snapped up to mine, that dark chestnut almost warm as he watched me closely. My gaze fell away. I didn't want him to see the real me yet—not yet. I just wanted to hold onto this for a little while longer, to close my eyes and pretend that we can actually be friends.

       "You are... more important than is safe."

       My heart skipped a beat, my stomach doing a funny little flip as his warm hands dropped from my upper arms and pulled my hands from his. "It's late, let's head back." He spoke softly, his grip gentle as he wrapped one large palm around my wrist.

       All the touching, and rather sweet words, were getting to my head—and I wasn't sure if any of this was real anymore. My senses were so overloaded I felt like I was going to faint. I completely forgot I was supposed to be visiting Jax tonight. At least I didn't let him know I was coming.

       "Next time you want to go for a late-night walk," He started gruffly as he helped me away from the hard wall and back onto the slightly lit sidewalk. "Don't." He didn't let go of my wrist as we started walking back towards my neighborhood, the moon high in the sky.

       I didn't bother answering, which he didn't take as a good thing because he was sighing and running his free hand through his dark hair after a silent minute. "At least text me if you want to. I'm usually at Trey's and I'll walk with you."

       "Really?" I had answered a little too quickly, and enthusiastically, and the raised eyebrow he shot me signaled he didn't miss the fact. The small chuckle that past his lips made my heart flutter.

       "Yeah, really."

       His answer was enough to brighten my spirits completely, but when that large hand of his dropped from my wrist and wrapped carefully around my hand—I thought I died and went to Heaven.

       I spent nearly half the walk back trying not to flex my hand or move my fingers in fear he would freak and let go, but he never did. I don't know what gave me the courage, maybe because he had been so touchy the entire time, but as we turned back into the neighborhood I very slowly—and carefully—turned my hand until my fingers could slip between his.

       I held my breath as they laced together, and kept my eyes completely diverted from him as I waited for the sure-fire rejection that would spew from his lips. But it never came. His hand actually squeezed mine a little tighter when our fingers finally entwined completely together.

       This was definitely a dream.

       Silence fell over us as we walked the rest of the way back, a comfortable silence. This Rex was completely different than the one I knew. This Rex was—sweet, almost caring even as he held my hand and promised to protect me from the world. This was the Rex I knew was always there, the one everyone else refused to see. I had been right all along.

       I didn't deserve any part of him. 

-&-

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