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-&-

Chapter 18

        "She's going to be fine. Go get something to eat."

        "No."

        "You've been here for two days, you need to eat something."

        "I'll eat when she fucking wakes up."

        I heard a heavy voice sigh before something that sounded suspiciously like a thick door clicked close. I wanted to open my eyes, to look around, but my eyelids felt so heavy and there was something funny sticking in my nose.

        I wanted to jump in fright when I felt the familiar feel of strong and calloused fingers gently entwining with my own, but I couldn't move my own body. All I could do was breathe and listen.

        "Roza, wake up now. Please wake up, it's time to come back..." The voice was so soft, so gentle. It reminded me of hot chocolate and warm blankets, or of promises of long days staying in and watching movies. It was so familiar... but why?

        "Roza, baby flower, I'm so sorry." The pain in the familiar voice was so sad it made my heart clench. I didn't want that voice to be sad, it deserved to be happy. It deserved to be shining and laughing brightly. It didn't deserve to wallow in my pain.

        The fingers that were wrapped around mine squeezed slightly before the strong hand dragged my limp one from my side and brought it to a set of full lips that kissed its back softly.

        "I'm here, Roza. I'm right here. I won't go anywhere."

        Roza...

        Rex.

-&-

        The first thing I noticed when I woke up again was that I could wiggle all of my fingers except one. Something rather heavy was clamped onto my right pointer and it was extremely hard to move. The second thing I noticed was the uncomfortable pinch in the crook of my elbow, and the third was that there was a weird tube like thing stuck in my nose that kept blowing cold air into my nostrils.

        My head felt heavy and my body felt drained but that didn't stop me from trying to open my eyes. I blinked slowly for what felt like an eternity before my somewhat blurry vision focused on a dimly lit room with cream colored wall paper.

        It was scarily unfamiliar.

        I glanced down at my pointer finger and saw the weird pressure was in fact that oxygen thingy they put on your finger and the uncomfortable pinch in my arm was an I.V.

        Needles...

        Something beeping softly to my left increased its tempo as my heart raced. Was I in a hospital? Why was I here? What's going on? Where's Luce and dad? Where's Rex-

        A soft almost feather like thing brushed my finger tips as I glanced around frantically, the beeping machine only growing louder and louder as I did so. I looked down at the soft object and nearly jumped in surprise when I saw a dark head of hair laying on the bed against my hip. Rex was fast asleep beside me, his large body fitting into the crappy hospital recliner with his beautiful head resting in his arms on my bed, his feather like hair only centimeters from my fingers.

        I didn't know what drove me to reach my hand up and wrap in his deliciously soft hair, but I'm glad I did. The knowledge that he was here with me quickly calmed my nerves and the feel of his silk like strands gently wrapped around my fingers was enough to turn me into a plate of goo.

        I tried to smile as a soft moan escaped his lips but mine were so chapped it hurt when they moved. I gently ran my fingers through his hair as my foggy mind started to drift off to sleep once again... but then his head moved. He rubbed his crazy beautiful face against his arms before red, almost blood shot eyes looked up at me. Despite the poor condition of my lips I smiled slightly down at him.

        "Hi." The sound that left my mouth was so disgraceful I was ashamed to call it my voice. My throat was so dry and sore it felt like I had swallowed a whole sand storm... but that didn't stop his red eyes from widening.

        "Roza, you're awake!" I don't think I've ever seen that boy so excited before in my life, it made my heart flutter in my chest. My eyes were getting to heavy to stay open so I gave him the only smile I could muster before letting them gently close, my hand falling softly from his hair.

        "No, no! Roza, come on. Stay awake girly, okay?" Rex's hand shot out and grabbed mine before it could hit the bed again and he pressed it to his cheek like it was a life line.

        I liked it.

        "I'm going to get the nurse, okay? Just stay awake a little bit longer." I felt Rex quickly stand from the bed and let go of my hand, much to my disappointment, and I let out a painful whimper as his absence reached my mind.

        "Sh, sh, I'll be right back Rose, okay? Stay awake-" I didn't hear what else he said, I had already fallen back asleep.

-&-

        The next time I woke up it was slightly better. I knew I was in a hospital and I knew the beeping thing behind me was a heart monitor, but when I opened my eyes I was met with emptiness. Rex wasn't there anymore and that put a damper on my whole mood.

        I wiggled my fingers in satisfaction now that the oxygen thingy and the breathing tube were gone. I tried to groan but my throat was to dry. I wanted to squeal in delight when I saw a cup of water sitting on the little stand beside me. I quickly reached over, despite my sore body, and grabbed the glass like my life depended on it.

        I think I downed that water in one gulp.

        "Oh good, Ms. Summers you're awake." I glanced up at the door as a doctor walked in, quickly followed by a nurse while I put the glass back on the table.

        "Where's-"

        "Your father and sister are downstairs in the cafeteria if that's what you are wondering." The doctor answered without hesitation, but surprisingly I wasn't wondering about them.

        "Where's Rex?" My voice was raw and hoarse but the doctor had no problem realizing what I asked. His kind brown eyes hardened at Rex's name and the nurse beside him flinched slightly.

        "That young man, is waiting outside the door."

        I raised my eyebrows at his tone but he dropped the subject before I could ask why. "How are you feeling?" He asked kindly as he clicked his pen and wrote something down on a clipboard.

        "Drained." I answered truthfully, even though all I wanted was to see Rex.

        The doc nodded as if that was normal before asking me the next question. "Do you remember what happened?" His pen paused on the clipboard while I took a moment to answer.

        "N-not really... Did I have a panic attack?" I asked lamely. Of course I had a panic attack, what type of question was that?

        The doctor nodded again before putting his pen away and turning to face me. "You had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever seen. Your body tried to completely shut down, as if it was preparing its self for something much worse. Do you remember what could have caused such a strong mental reaction?"

        I couldn't meet there eyes and instead stared at my feet before answering. "I-I was at a party..." My voice trailed off as an image of the crowded house flashed across my mind's eye. The Mad Hatter costume I wore, the way Rex looked at me and told me I looked like a tramp. I remembered running away and falling against a tree. I remembered thinking of them, but the worst thing I remembered was the pain in my heart caused by the boy I loved.

        "And?" The doctor prompted but I just shook my head like I couldn't remember.

        The doc sighed before nodding and writing something else down on the clipboard. "Alright Ms. Summers, we will leave you to rest now." I gave both the doctor and the nurse a small smile in thanks before sighing heavily once the door closed behind them.

        Why did the doctor seem so angry at Rex? Wait, why was Rex here? I thought that moment when I woke up, when he held my hand and promised he wouldn't leave, was just a dream. Didn't he think I was a tramp?

        I didn't have much time to ponder on the though before there was a soft knock on my door. "Come in." My voice was still hoarse and my throat still felt raw but I found it easier to speak the more I tried.

        My breath caught in my throat when Rex slowly walked into the room, his dark chestnut eyes trained on me. Neither of us said a word as he closed the door quietly, his eyes trained on my face as if I would disappear at any moment. It made my heart flutter and drop.

        "Rex-" I couldn't even finish saying his name before he was at my side in a flash, his large but gentle hands cradling my face as he stared at me in worry.

        "Are you okay, Roza? Do you feel alright? Did that jackass doctor give you any funny looking meds?" His questions didn't stop and even though his eyes hardened at the mention of the doctor the worry in his voice confused my already tormented mind.

        "I'm fine Rex, really." Even though he seemed to calm down at my words he didn't release his hold on my face.

        "Why did you leave Roza? I told you not to go anywhere unless you saw Trey." My eyes widened, and no it wasn't because of his words, but because of his tone. It wasn't mean and it wasn't angry, but it was worried, panicked, and... hurt?

        I could only stare up at him with my mouth slightly open and my heart in shambles. "Y-you said I looked like a tramp..." I hadn't realized I was crying until the worry I saw in his eyes was immediately replaced with realization, and then complete and total regret. His thumbs gently rubbed the tears off my cheeks as he pulled my face closer to his.

        "You could never look like tramp, you could never be a tramp." He spoke the words slowly, deliberately, despite what he said at the party.

        "I was stupid, so stupid, and it wasn't you I was pissed at it. It was them. Those fucking idiots looking at you like you were a piece of candy they could lick. I-I..." His eyes were closed, his breath heavy, and the grip on my face was firm. "I lost it." He barely whispered and the pain in his voice made my heart ache.

        "It's okay Rex-"

        "It's not okay!" He all but shouted and before I knew what was happening his hold on my face was gone and he was pacing the space next to my bed angrily. "I promised you I would never let anything hurt you, I swore, and what did I do?! I fucking caused your panic attack." He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

        "I thought that medicine was supposed to help that." He murmured quietly, as if me sitting here shocked like a rock was completely normal.

        "I-I stopped taking it..." I admitted softly when he raised his head to look at me.

        His eyes narrowed.

        "Why?"

        I shrugged and bowed my head so I wouldn't have to look at the terrifying worry in his eyes. "I hadn't had an attack in a while. I didn't think I needed it anymore."

        He scoffed and sat down in the seat beside my bed with a defeated sighed. "And look what happened Roza."

        We were quiet for a bit longer, Rex just sat there with his head in his hands and I just sat staring at him. My heart ached for the dark haired boy. I didn't want him beating himself up over all of this. I shouldn't have ran out into the street and let panic get the best of me. I should have known better. But that girl...

        "Who was that girl?" My voice sounded strange in the silence of the room and Rex jerked slightly in surprise.

        "What girl?" He grumbled into his hands but let his dark, red, eyes peak up at me.

        "The one at the party... I saw you two walk off after you told me to stay by the wall-" Rex snorted and racked his fingers through his hair harshly before leaning back almost lazily in his chair.

        "That was Lainy, Roza... she's Trey's sister. The whole damn fucking reason I was at that party to begin with." His eyes were staring into the side of my head as I looked up at the TV above me.

        Well, now I feel stupid... Completely and totally stupid.

        "She didn't look too happy to see you." I mumbled and a dark chuckle escaped his chest.

        "She wasn't. She didn't want us there babysitting her and she was pissed when I pulled her away from the party to find Denton and Brett." I didn't really know what to say to that. I felt incredibly dumb and as immature as a five year old.

        "I'm sorry Rex." His head snapped to mine faster than a blink and his dark eyes narrowed.

        "For what Rose? What could you have possibly done to need to apologize to me?" His voice was dark, angry even, as his fingers curled into fists and he clutched them on his leg.

        "For being so stupid... I shouldn't have gone to the party, and I shouldn't have freaked out and ran off but-"

        "God just shut up Rosalyn." I snapped my mouth shut as his head rested into his hand and he let out a heavy sigh. "I can't take it Roza. I don't understand how you can be so oblivious to the shit I do. I hate that you can never see anything wrong in me when everything is my fault.... This... This was my fault, and I'm so sorry, baby flower."

        "Rex, this really isn't-"

        "God Rosalyn! Stop! Just fucking stop trying to make me feel better alright?!" He shouted but somehow I knew the anger there wasn't directed at me. His red eyes stared at the floor and his finger twirled into his hair till we held fist-fulls. I didn't know what to say so I just closed my mouth and looked towards the slowly opening door.

        Luce poked her head into the room and smiled brightly at me when she saw my sleepy eyes. "Um... we're not interrupting anything are we?" I looked over at Rex but he was glaring furiously at the wall, his shoulders tense and his jaw locked.

        "N-no... you can come in." I mumbled as I sunk deeper into the crummy hosiptal's pillows. Luce slowly entered the room with my dad at her side, a worried frown creasing his eyebrows.

        "Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?" My father's eyes kept darting between Rex and I, like he couldn't quite figure out what was going on between us.

        I gave him a small smile and flexed my fingers as I avoided Rex's gaze. "Better... actually I feel fine." It wasn't really a lie either. My head didn't really hurt and the pain in my chest from the attack had faded away into almost nothing. I just wanted to go home.

        His warm smile eased my nerves as he sat on the edge of my bed and rested his hand over mine. "You worried me there for a minute Rosalyn... I thought I had lost you again." My stomach dropped at his words and my eyes bulged out my head as the room went dead pan silent. Rex was in here, listening to every single thing my dad was saying... every thing I've tried my whole life to forget.

        My father wasn't looking at me, or anyone for that matter, he was staring at the wall as his thoughts took him a thousand miles away. However, I could feel Rex's eyes burning holes into the side of me head. I glanced desperately at Luce for help but she was just staring at me with a sad glint in her eyes. I knew that look, the look she gave me after mom died, the look she would still give me from time to time and I didn't like the funny feeling it put in my gut.

        I couldn't keep myself for not looking at him any longer and as I turned my head to glance at him, something dark swirled across his gorgeous eyes. "What is he talking about Rosalyn-"

        "Why did you stop taking your meds? I found the full freaking bottle I got for you the other day in your top drawer." Luce cut Rex off in mid-sentence, and despite what the subject was changed too, I was happy she did.

        I dropped my gaze back to my lap as my father finally turned his eyes to look at me and squeezed my hand tighter. "Yes Rose, why did you?" The worry in his voice was heart breaking, but it's not like they could really understand why.

        "I-I hadn't had an attack in awhile... I didn't think I needed them anymore..." I mumbled to no one in particular as Luce's face flared with anger.

        "They're the reason why you haven't had one! You know what will happen if you cut them cold turkey like this Rose! You can't just stop!"

        "I don't like them!" The words left my mouth harsher than I intended and Luce's mouth snapped closed in shock. That had been the second time in a month that I had yelled at someone, and both times were at people I cared about... I felt like crud.

        I sighed after a heated moment of silence and buried my face in my hands as my sister crossed her arms. "I-I'm sorry, Luce. I'm just tired..." The room was still quiet for a few minutes, no one daring to speak as if they were afraid I would yell again... even Rex didn't move to say anything, not that he usually does, but still.

        "W-where's Tate?" Even though I had only wanted to break the silence in the room I was desperately missing my best friend. I would have thought he would be the first one in here, even before Rex, but then again, I didn't know Rex had actually wanted to be here in the first place.

        I regretted bringing up Tate the moment the air in the room went for uncomfortable to tense in a millisecond. Rex's hands, that had been resting on the arm rests, curled into fists, making each one of his knuckles pop, and his beautiful jaw that had been set in worry clenched together in rage. I watched carefully as an angry fire lit his eyes so brightly I thought they would shoot out flames any moment. Maybe bringing up Tate wasn't such a good idea...

        "He's waiting down in the lobby Rose, along with those other three boys." My father started off carefully, his concerned eyes watching Rex the whole time. "The doctor won't let him or Rex within the thirty feet of each other, much less the same room." Luce added as her eyes flickered to Rex too.

        I watched the beautiful boy I knew I loved tick his jaw close and stare daggers into the floor... he wouldn't meet my eyes. "W-what? Why?" I kept my eyes glued to Rex as if he would magically look up at me and smile and tell me I was his again and not to worry, but he didn't, and I wasn't stupid enough to get my hopes up waiting for him too.

        "They can't keep their hands off of each other's throats, and that's about it. The doctor is tired of having the janitors pick up broken medical equipment." Luce snorted and although I wanted to laugh at her statement I couldn't find it in me. I guess that's why the doctor got so angry when I asked for Rex...

        "It wasn't my fault." Rex growled darkly, his eyes snapping up to mine. "He hit me first."

        "You didn't have to hit him back!" Luce cracked and turned to yell at him, her whole body shaking in anger.

        "I wasn't going to! But the bastard wouldn't keeping his fucking mouth shut! I know what happened to Rose was my fault and I'll take that shit from anyone but him! You don't know him like I do!" Rex had flew out of his seat, and although he