Chapter 66- Neon sign.

"Girl." I heard Matt's voice come from the door way. I turned around quickly, in only a pair of shorts and a bra with a fleeting look of panic on my face.

"What? What is it?" I asked as I looked to him. He was looking at my stomach.

"You are growing big, and fast." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Of course I am." He chuckled before throwing himself on to the bed.

The guest room I was currently staying at was a bright, pale yellow and was incredibly light and spacious. I didn't know why I was staying here now, even after the couple of weeks I had been away from kyle, I knew I could go home now, but I didn't want to be alone.

As each day went by, I began to feel worse and worse. Of course, I just wanted Kyle back. I missed him more than anything in this world and everyday just seemed to be a drag, everyday seemed to get harder than the last.

I've hated how much I've cried without him at night. I've hated how lost and alone I feel without him.

I've never wanted to be so dependent on someone, my feelings solely relying in them, but that was too late now. I already felt broken.

Every day I've thought about him; wondering what he's doing, what he's thinking. He likes to keep my updated sometimes, texting me or leaving voice mails for me to wake up to. He's told me he's fine and that he's trying to help himself and us, and I want to reply to him so bad, but I just couldn't. I was too scared.

"I can't believe you are making me come to your maternal class." Matt said as he laid his head on his propped up elbow. His eyes were twinkling with humour and his face was light with a smile. I wish I felt as happy as Matt looked.

I knew he was trying to make sure I lived in a happy atmosphere, knowing that a depressing one just wasn't going to help in these circumstances, for me or the baby.

"I'm not going alone." I replied back before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"But Cali, you fail to realise that I chose my kind of lifestyle so I didn't have to go through things like maternal classes." I couldn't help but laugh at him. He had a point there, but no way was it going to get him out of it.

I wanted Kyle to come, hell, I hated knowing that he couldn't. I knew he would loved to have come, he wouldn't want to miss it for the world, but I just couldn't phone him. I just couldn't do it.

Call me a coward, whatever, but I was just too afraid. The way I left him, the way I ignored him when he needed me the most. I couldn't help but feel terrible, even though he was to blame aswell.

"I don't care what lifestyle you chose, Matthew, you're coming whether you like it or not." I pointed his way. He scrunched up his nose and sighed before flinging himself back down on the bed.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes at his attitude before throwing on a t-shirt big enough for me and the little bump that was starting to grow. Matt was right, I was growing and fast too.

Matt got off the bed as soon as I was dressed.

"Are we going now?" He asked. Matt and I had spent most of the day in lazy attire whilst we ate and did nothing. It was early evening now, and we only had half an hour to get down there.

"Unless we want to be late." I gave him a look just as he was about to open his mouth, and wisely, he closed it in reply.

We grabbed our things before walking downstairs. Fortunately, the house was quiet and nobody was home. Infact, during my stay I had only seen Matt's parents a handful of times.

Matt lead me over to his car before getting in himself. Soon, the car was on the road and we were on our way.

After a couple of minutes, we drove past my street. I looked longingly over, hoping Kyle would be there, somewhere, anywhere, just so I could see him. Even if only once. I knew it would break me even more, but I really needed to see him.

"Cali, he's okay." Matt's voice came out. I snapped my head sideways to look at him.

"Is he? Really?" I sighed. "How could he be okay? I'm not."

"He's not okay in that due respect, but he's getting help for his problems." Matt replied. He kept his eyes firmly planted on the road. "You've got to give the man credit, he's determined to get everything the way it was before. Persistent too." Matt shook his head and smiled as if he was thinking back. My eyebrows furrowed.

"I just want him back." I stated truthfully. Ever since I left Kyle behind in that hotel, I hated really talked about him much to Matt. I hadn't really told him what I wanted.

"You can get him back whenever you wish Cali, take your time if you have to. I don't want to see you hurt again."

Just as Matt said this, he stopped the car. I looked out of the window to see the small, brick building.

The car park was only small too, so we were parked between two cars quite tightly.

I opened the door and got out with Matt doing the same.

We both made our way to the building and up to the automatic doors.

Once inside, and our feet set onto the dark green carpet, we walked through the doors and into a room which was instructed by numerous different signs.

It felt like a maze, and for such a small building, it confused me and even Matt. I wasn't sure we were going to make it at all, but finally, we made it and to the right room.

Matt opened the door, and I followed in after him.

I knew as soon as I stepped foot inside the room, many eyes snapped over to us. Call me paranoid, but everyone knew that feeling of being watched.

"Sorry we're late." Matt apologised to the lady at the front loudly. He pulled up a chair which squeaked all the way across the floor as he dragged it, and in complete silence from others, the sound was deafening.

When I thought he was done, he pulled up another one, letting it squeak louder than before. After that, he motioned me to the chair closest to the group and then sat down himself, with his leg across his other and his arm across the back of my chair, casual, as if nothing had happened.

But it did happen, and now all eyes were on him. 5 or so pairs of women and men, their eyes on him as they looked to him with curiosity.

"It's nice of you to join us." The lady at the front said, who must have been the speaker today, the guider or whatever you wanted to call it.

She had a long skirt on which flapped against her ankles, a brown long sleeved top and her long blonde hair was plaited down her back. She had a very hippie style to her, original.

I smiled her way before she took her eyes off Matt and I. With that, slowly, the others also trained their eyes on to the woman up the front.

"Do you have to be so loud?" I leaned over to whisper into Matt's ear. He rolled his eyes.

"It was only the sound of a chair."

"Scraping across the floor loudly, Matt. You're in a room full of hormonal, pregnant women who, like you and I, most probably don't want to be here either." I lifted my eyebrow his way.

"Look, they're pregnant, not hungover, I'm sure being pregnant doesn't automatically make your ears more sensitive to sound." Matt explained. I shook my head and sighed. There was just never a way of getting through to Matt. Even though, he did have a point.

"How does that sound you two?" It took me at least a couple of seconds before I realised the lady was talking to us.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I said.

"We're going to go around the class and introduce ourselves, how does that sound?"

"Fine." I forced a smile upon my face before we got started. Feeling relieved yet again, that the eyes were away from us.

The lady who stood up first with her partner by the side of her had short brown hair and was fully clothed in a pinstriped suit. She had looked like she had just stepped out of work, and her partner who was also wearing a suit looked the same. They were called Alison and David.

"Stuck up." Matt whispered in my ear and I slapped his leg lightly.

"Don't be mean." He only smiled in reply. 

The other couples were relatively normal. They wore jeans and jumpers, and we're all expecting a baby near to the time I was.

When it was mine and Matt's turn to stand up and introduce ourselves, all eyes were on us and I honestly felt a little nervous.

Everyone here had their partners, married or just together. I didn't have mine with me, infact I had my gay bestfriend. And that was going to be complicated to say. How could I tell them that my husband wasn't here? Wouldn't it just show that he didn't care?

"I'm Cali." I waved a little before stuffing my hand into my pocket. I really didn't know what to do with myself.

"How old are you Cali?" The lady asked.

"I'm nineteen." I said quietly before sitting down.

"And what about your partner?" I turned my head to him and panicked.

"Oh no I'm-"

"He's my boyfriend. He's nineteen too." I said with a rush and I tucked my left hand further into my pocket so my wedding ring wasn't on show. Matt looked down to me with furrowed eyebrows, yet nobody suspected a thing.

"Lovely!" She clapped her hands and before Matt could object, she had started introducing herself.

"I'm Marlene and I'm 32 with three beautiful children."

After another half an hour, we were all ready to leave. Everybody had moved their chairs back to the corner of the room and were making their way out of the room.

"The next class is next Tuesday. I hope you can all make it." Marlene smiled. She was enthusiastic, I had to give her that. And I was just bitter.

As soon as Matt and I stepped foot outside, Matt looked to me.

"Your boyfriend? Really?"

"That was almost 40 minutes ago." I said as I looked to my watch.

"A gay man doesn't forget a time where he's miraculously and some how magically in a relationship with a woman." Matt replied as he opened the door. I got into the car after him.

"I didn't know what else to say."

"How about the truth?" Matt replied. I looked to him and sighed. "And here I was thinking it would be funny to wear a neon sign with the word gay on it for everyone's entertainment, especially Marlene's, but you have ruined that one."

"Don't be so bitter. I panicked." I stated. And I honestly did panic. I didn't want them even more curious about us, wondering why my husband wasn't there but my bestfriend was.

"It's so not my environment in there, but a girlfriend? Cali I've never been romantically involved with anyone with tits." Matt let out before shuddering. "I love you, but no."

"Shut up. You just need to act, you're dramatic enough to be good at it." Matt looked over to me and gasped.

"That's wounding."

"Dramatic." I stated. Matt smiled.

"I guess it could be fun after all." Matt's eyes took on a mischievous glint and I almost regretted my decision.

"Don't cross the line. I need you to be a straight guy with a girlfriend, and you seem to have this really flamboyant acting style." I explained.

"No I don't."

"If your act in grease was anything to go by, I'm pretty sure you do." I replied. Even the thought of it made me laugh.

"I made a good Danny." Matt pouted.

"If Danny did more wrist flicks and spoke like a high pitched girl." Matt looked to me with his mouth open before shaking his head.

"You just don't understand talent." I laughed and he laughed with me. I was so happy to have Matt in my life, even when everything was falling apart, I still had him to keep me on track.

"No, I guess I don't."

Just as I said this, a phone rang from throughout the car. Matt grabbed his phone from his back pocket as he twisted in his seat.

He threw the phone at me and demanded I answered it. I didn't have time to look at the caller ID before I placed it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Cali? Is that you?" Kyle. My breath got hitched in my throat as I heard him. I was speechless. "Cali?" I missed him. I missed him so much.

"Uh, yeah, hey." I stuttered out.

"Hey." His voice was soft as if he was almost scared he would break me.

"What is it?" What did he want?

"I was just ringing Matt to ask how you were. How are you?" His voice seemed caring. I knew he cared about me, he always would.

"I'm good thanks, you?" I wasn't good, I wasn't fine at all.

"Shit." Was his word. That one word spoke volumes. Shit. That's how I felt too. Shit.

"Me too." I said truthfully. "We're just getting back from the maternal class we went to-"

"Maternal class?" Kyle asked, his voice seemingly getting sadder. "You went without me?"

"I was too scared to phone you." I whispered.

"Too scared? Cali, are you scared of me?" His voice seemed a small whisper. I hated it. He sounded broken, just as much as I was.

"No." I swallowed. "I didn't know what I was thinking."

"I should have come." Kyle stated and I knew he should have too. 

"I know, I'm sorry." I replied stupidly. Sorry? Was it really going to cut it?

"It's my baby too, Cali, don't forget that. I wanted to be the one to take you to them classes. They may not mean a lot to you but they do to me."

"I know they mean alot to you, and I never forget that the baby is yours." I stated. How could I forget? I loved Kyle, I love our baby. I would never forget such a thing and I felt bad for not telling Kyle about the class.

"Please don't. We will be a family again soon, Cali, I promise you."

"Why can't we be a-"

"I love you. I love you so much. So fucking much." And before I could reply, Kyle had hung up the phone, and my heart missed him more than it ever had before.

I needed him, so much, so badly. I knew now that I couldn't live without him. I wanted him. I wanted our family back together.

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