Chapter 34: Love?

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Lou's POV:

I took the tunnel to get back to the house, hoping that Ryan would be asleep. But I knew, damn well, he wasn't, because I was obviously missing.

As soon as I arrived, I immediately shut the metal door slowly and carefully trying not to make a sound and I succeeded.

"I'd so be great if I was one of the girls in totally spies!" I whispered to myself as I turned back and made my way out of the door to climb the stairs on my tip toes.
But I froze when I saw him, Ryan, sitting on the couch watching me, like he was looking into my soul. And he didn't even need my answers to know where I was.

"You were with him weren't you?" His voice was so calm and void of emotions yet scary and disappointed too.

"Y-yes..." I sighed shamefully, not wanting to lie to him anymore and not able to say anything else. And with that, I went upstairs and locked myself in the guests room, in which I was asleep for the first few days when he found me in the woods.

        ***

I haven't had a proper conversation with Ryan in two weeks, and today was the day Simon gets out of the dungeon.

I was getting ready and ate breakfast before Ryan could enter the kitchen and make it even more awkward. I rushed outside towards the cells. Yes I know now where the cells are located in the territory, they're on the West borders.

On my way, I couldn't stop thinking of how Simon, Maya and I were going to spend our day. We told Theo to join us but he insisted to keep Ryan company because they had some unfinished business with the other packs.

As I arrived to the dungeon I saw Maya and Theo waiting outside.

"Yes it's today. He's on his way." I heard Theo say to one of the guards, and when I approached them they all looked at me, then behind me, then back at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning to see if someone was behind me.

"Where is the Alpha?" Maya asked me.

"Like I know." I said sarcastically. I didn't want to talk to him, I was giving him the painful silent treatment to let him think about what he has done.

'Here you are, sounding like his mother. And how did he respond to that "treatment" so far?'

He's awfully quiet too, it's like he's also giving me the silent treatment but with glares that show how pained he is.

"You do know we need him to free Simon, right?" Theo said in a tone of obviousness.

And stupid as I am, I didn't know any of that.

'I'm not surprised. You're too naive.' Can everyone stop saying that?

"WHAT?" I ask shocked. And then it hit me. That's why he didn't wake up early like he usually does.

"Motherfucker..." I whisper to myself as I literally turn around and head to the house without even telling them a thing.

A little moment later and here I am, barging myself in, smacking the door to the wall and looking furious as ever. If I was in a cartoon, you'd be seeing some steam coming out of my nose and ears.

"Come on! We need you." I say as loudly as I can and see him sitting on the couch calmly, watching the plain wall, probably daydreaming because no normal man would find a wall this interesting.

But then I remembered, he is no normal man.

"Finally you talk to me after two fucking weeks?" He huffs and manages to turn around and face me.

"There's no time for talking, you need to keep your promise and get Simon out." I say very rudely. Yes I know I'm sounding really rude and bossy, but he imprisoned Simon in jail just because we hugged. I might've kissed him on his head, and that's my fault, but hugged! Can you believe that?
I do hug a lot and love hugging people, but in order to keep my friends safe, I might need to take it slow on the touching around Ryan...

"We need to talk!" He answers firmly, like he didn't hear what I just said.

"OH MY GOD!" I whine loudly as I roll my eyes, flail my arms around me and stomp my foot on the wooden floor like a little kid.

"I'll do whatever you wish after Simon gets out." I insist and look at him with hope filling my eyes. I just need to see my best friend again!

"Fine..."

            ***

We were all happy when Simon was released, I'm not kidding. He had the biggest smile ever and Maya was holding back her tears, like she was looking at her child graduate or something.

We couldn't hug him though, which made things more awkward, but we weren't going to risk everything all over again because of a stupid hug. He'd be destroyed.

After we got out of the underground cells and Simon saw the sun for the first time in two weeks, we directly took him to the city where there was a small carnival  happening in the park.

He was eager to win all of the game booths, just like a little kid, which riled a competition between him and Maya. Seeing them both compete against each other brought back memories, even though they looked like excited children and were embarrassing me with all their screams of victory.

"Jesus fucking Christ! There are some rubber duckies over here! Maya bring your fat ass we're hunting these motherfuckers down!" Simon shouts very loudly which causes parents to stare his way angrily because their children heard all of that.

Maya rushed towards him and slapped the back of his head in an instance and stared at the -this time REAL- rubber duckies in front of her with eyes sparkling like the ones of a child opening his present on Christmas as Simon rubs his head with tears in his eyes.

'I think you just became a babysitter Lou. All my condolences.' Hey! I'm not dead yet so show me some respect.

'I love how you mentioned "yet". You know these two are gonna be the end of you so I guess we're on the same page!' You just can't wait to see the day of my funeral can you?

'Don't worry honey! I'll throw the biggest par-...Funeral ever...' Yeah funeral my ass! I'm still eighteen and have plenty of years to live so you'll eventually grow old and die with me.

'Whatever makes you sleep at night...' You die too, right? 'Maybe...' Oh come on!

      ***

The day ended. It was currently 8 pm and I was standing in front of the door, afraid of what might happen next.

Just as I was about to knock, the door slid open and Ryan was at the other end of it waiting for me to come inside. He obviously smelled my presence.

"We need to talk!" ."I'll do whatever you wish after Simon gets out!" And now I know exactly what's going to happen.

"Hey..." I say very awkwardly and wave at his face, more awkwardly than ever.

Ugh I'm always nervous when something like this is about to happen. And when I'm nervous I'm very awkward and overthink a lot. I also talk a lot and mention some unnecessary things that I'm actually not supposed to say! And here I am rambling in my head- I should stop.

'Yeah, you should.' Yeah I should...

"Hey..." I say, again. Goodness, what am I doing?

"Is everything okay? You look stressed." Ryan says calmly as he places his hand on my arm and rubs it up and down soothingly.

'Of course she's fucking stressed! She's stressed because of you, smart ass!'

"What's wrong?" He asks genuinely while he stares right at my empty soul.

'Your dark, empty, dirty soul...I want to see how slutty you can get!' Oh my god! I can't believe you just said that! I'm not a slut!

'You just have to choose the right person to act slutty around him. And now you found that right person...' I didn't find shit okay?

"N-nothing." I stutter, searching for my escape.

"Lorraine, we need to talk." Ryan adds as he sounds surprisingly calm and kind.

I can't answer, and he notices that. So he leads me carefully to the couch and makes me sit on it while he sits next to me but turns his body around to face me.

I obviously look away seeing as eye contact is one of my many weaknesses...

"Look at me." He orders softly as he places his fingers on my chin and lifts it gently so I was looking straight at his eyes. His beautiful ocean green eyes...

There is a small silence between us before I decided to speak first.

"I'm sorry." We both say at the same time, and look at each other again with confusion written all over our faces.

"No. I'm sorry Lorraine, because I reacted so angrily at Simon and possessively at you. I shouldn't have lost my shit and screamed at you and for that I am sorry." He said, his face suddenly facing his lap and unable to look at me.

"No, Ryan. I am sorry for still hugging and touching people after you gave me many warnings. I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously and did whatever I wanted to do, and provoked you on purpose...But you have to understand that this is my life, I'm not your posession and besides...you know...we are not together so you can't boss me around whenever you feel like it." I say and hope that he respects my choice.

"You know, having your parents being slaughtered in front of your eyes when you were still sixteen isn't something easy to take in, that's when I became so possessive, they were the only ones I had, I wanted to have them with me forever, yet they were taken away. That's why I became this ruthless cruel monster, I'm used to boss everyone around and get things done my way but if it wasn't for Maya and Simon who stuck by my side, I would've probably turned into a real demon. I forgot you were my mate and equal, I forgot how to treat someone right, I forgot who I was...Will you forgive me?" He said calmly, with a little sad smile as he recalled the events of that horrible accident.

"WHAT?" I asked shocked. "Did you see your parents get slaughtered in front of you?" I say in disbelief, what world were we living in? He just nods.

Ryan is truly a strong person. Well werewolf...Whatever. If I happened to be in his situation I would've lost it and broke hell loose! I could maybe be in a psych ward right now.

"How can you?...Oh my god!" I say and wrap my arms around his neck pushing him downwards so his head is laying comfortably on my shoulder, his nose directly in the crook of my neck where he likes to smell me the most.

And nothing felt more comfortable than him wrapping his arms around my waist and drawing circles with his fingers on the skin showing from my shirt, sending a tingling sensation as he does so.

I wish we could stay like this forever as I played with his messy soft curls.

At this very moment I realized that I'd probably die if I lost this special guy hugging me back. And at this very moment I finally accepted that I'm in love with him. And it's not because he's been through so much. I've been focusing on all the wrong and bad things he did to others and forgot about the amazing things he did to me. He did many beautiful things to make sure I know that he loves me. He loves me and I love him.

I love him.

I love you Ryan Ganzhorn.

"I love you Ryan." I whisper very quietly that I didn't even hear it, but Ryan sure did.

"What did you say?" Ryan all of a sudden tensed and looked at me seriously.

"D-did I say something wrong?" I stammered not knowing why he reacted this way.

"No! Just repeat what you said."

"I-I love you." I repeated just like he demanded.

Ryan looked at my chocolate brown eyes and suddenly smacked his lips gently yet aggressively on mine. I felt sparks running down my spine as our lips connected, his smooth plump lips all over mine...

And suddenly I found myself laying on the couch, his body on top of mine and kissing passionately. I didn't know I was waiting for this my whole life, I didn't know what I was missing.

His hands slid under my shirt and started caressing my belly slowly. Ryan placed the fabric of my shirt between his fingers and removed it carefully above my head so that it was now laying on the floor, and I was just in my bra.

I felt so ashamed, so exposed, so embarrassed of their size too that I crossed my arms over my chest and tried covering them.

Ryan noticed my move, he scrunched his brows together then looked at me. He removed himself from above me and stood up searching for my shirt.

I knew it! I knew they were going to disgust him. I'm disgusting after all, there's nothing attractive in me.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you into it. It won't happen again..." He said as he gave me my shirt back.

"What? No! You didn't do anything wrong, it's me..." I can't tell him that-

"You wanted this?" He interrupted me quickly and his eyes glimmered with gold.

"Yes...I think...But I disgust you!" Here, I finally said it. And I hurried to put my shirt back on to not repulse him any longer.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ryan said loudly and rather aggressively.

"Uhm...I disgusted you...I'm sorry." I couldn't face him. I just admitted that I loved him, I couldn't stand loosing him because of this.

"You did not fucking disgust me Lorraine! What are you saying? You succeeded at turning me on even more!" He announced while taking a step incredibly closer to me.

I stayed quiet, of course I didn't know what to respond to that. Was it even a compliment?

'Let me help you dear, say what you fucking think in this dirty mind of yours because I, myself, never thought you were nastier than me!' Oh no...

"I'm in love with you Lorraine. And to assure you, that's not only the mate bond. My feelings are real and you're a fucking goddess!" He declared, now standing in front of me, an inch separating us.

"Do you want this?" He asked slowly, looking straight at my eyes.

"Y-yes..." I answered my face turning extremely red that I had to look at my feet.

How the tables have turned... Two hours ago, if someone said I'd finally end up with Ryan and admit my love for him, I'd laugh my ass off and make fun of his insanity. But right now I don't think I ever wanted something more than I want this.

"And please, don't cover yourself up, because you're gorgeous, and you're blessing my eyes with the sight of your amazing body." He said with closure.

           ***

After we finished, I felt amazing, well mostly sore but it was amazing. He was very gentle to me...and I liked it...

He suddenly got up and went to the bathroom. Is something wrong?

Ryan came back with a wet cloth and some lotion, I didn't know why when suddenly he sat on my side of the bed and removed the sheets away from my body, leaving me exposed again. And that's when I saw it.

A huge stain of blood on the mattress, guess who made it?

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I'm going to clean that." I said as I tried covering the stain but failed miserably because he caught my hand and kissed it.

"No, it's okay it's not bothering me. Let me pamper you..." Ryan whispered calmly and smiled his cute little smile that looked perfect with his disheveled messy hair.

"What do you mean?" I asked but he separated my legs slowly and to my surprise, my...feminine area...was also covered in blood.

'Of course, because you only bleed from your vagina you idiot!'

"Oh my god!" I closed my legs but he opened them again and started cleaning between them. I held my moan back but failed when he spread the cold lotion on me, and it obviously turned him on even more.

"You're so beautiful you know that?" Ryan whispered as he looked into my chocolate brown eyes and had a very genuine expression on his face which made me melt even more.

"Thank you..." I smiled before falling asleep in his arms.


             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Lovely readers! I missed you so much!

You don't know how terribly sorry I am for disappearing like this and leaving you without an update! But we can say I've been really busy lately. And I was kind of depressed, but that's okay!

How are you all? How did you find this chapter?

I'm not going to put smutty details in it because there are eleven years old who are probably reading this and I would not want to be the cause of ruining their virgin mind!

I'm also sorry if this chapter is short. It literally took me three days to finish it!

I miss you so much and I'll try my best to finish the end of November!

See you in the next chapter!! Byeeeeeeee.

-Your fabulous author. XOXO

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