It takes us a week and a half to arrive in Nakakanai despite the fact that it should have merely taken us a week. We had made a slight detour for me to leave a package with some of Saiko and Emi's contacts, which ended up taking far longer than I had planned.

Because of this, I am grateful that I sent those of Shigeru's men who had been abandoned on the field of battle with us ahead to the Fujiokas. Least to say, seeing the ginkgo trees that marked the edge of Nakakanai fills me with relief.

Ryuu is silent beside me, the only noise coming from his direction that of his horse's hooves crunching the dry leaves. He has grown more withdrawn the closer we have drawn to our destination and his looks at me more contemplative.

A courtier is waiting for us once we arrive at the stables in Shogun Fujioka's fortress. He bows to both of us politely as we return the gesture. "Lord Amachi Junichi, Lord Igarashi Ryuu, the shogun bids you welcome. You are expected for the evening meal, but my lord asked that you be shown your rooms immediately to refresh yourselves after your long journey."

"We thank you," I say, a dark feeling coiling in my stomach at his words despite the pleasant tone they are spoken with. For the shogun not to wish to see us at the moment of our arrival bodes ill for us. Not to mention the fact that for the few minutes we have been standing here to gather our belongings, we have seen neither head nor tail of Lord Fujioka or Lady Fujioka Rika.

Our group of three makes its way through the simple but elegantly decorated hallways of the fortress. Flowers abound everywhere, little reminders of the late Lady Fujioka despite her being deceased for nearly a decade.

The further we walk, the tighter the darkness seems in my body. My lungs ache with the effort of drawing air from around the pain. If Ryuu notices my distress, he gives no sign of it.

"These are to be your rooms during your stay, my lords," the courtier informs us as he opens a door. Before our minds have finished processing his words, he bows to us once more and all but flees down the hallway.

My general's face darkens as he stares after him. "Lord Fujioka looks to insult us, Jun. For to place us in the same rooms seems to imply that he believes the rumors that have sprung up, those that we are lovers," he nearly snarls. "Pity he can't know the truth without more consequences arising for us."

I don't even try to defend myself, realizing that it is better for Ryuu to vent now rather than when we are called before the shogun. Besides, I cannot say that my own mind is not racing with the implications of our sleeping arrangements.

"I'll take the floor," I say at long last once his words have ceased to flow. "If there is no sign of us sharing the futon, they will not believe the rumors. It may yet allow us some chance."

Expecting Ryuu to ignore me yet follow my advice, I am surprised to feel his gaze upon me as I make a point to look anywhere but the space he is occupying.

"Jun," he whispers, voice strangely soft after the outburst, "I am sorry. My anger should not be pointed at you, yet you have bore the brunt of it since we returned from battle. In order to survive this, we must be a united front; I have only served to drive a wedge further between us."

I look towards him then, and his amber eyes are swirling with hundreds of thoughts. I can feel waves of remorse coming off of him, but I can also see he has no idea how to proceed in this newly-awkward relationship.

I swallow the words that threaten to choke me before forcing out, "I well deserve your anger, Ryuu, as I should have entrusted you with my secret long ago. I have continually lied to you about what I was, which may yet damage our relationship beyond all hope of repair. You may choose to leave the service of the Amachi clan after our business with the shogun has concluded."

My general opens his mouth as if to protest, but I shoulder my bags and walk through the door, effectively putting a halt to the conversation. The space is simple, much like the rest of the place, but if it weren't for my suspicions as to why we are sharing it, I would consider it comfortable.

However, even now, the presence of Ryuu behind me makes me ill at ease. This man, whom I had trusted in everything except for my true gender, has no idea what my ulterior motive for coming to Nakakanai is. There is no simple way to set my feet to the beginning of the new path I must travel.

Yes, I had suspected that Saiko, that shameless shinobi, harbored secret plans from the beginning. Even though my general was unable to trust anyone of that trade, I knew that there was a reason beyond what he was telling that had Saiko seeking me. And I had known for a long while that the lady Fujioka had been waiting for me to seek her hand in marriage.

It is awful that I must destroy her hopes of that and plead for her help within the same conversation. I have no fear that she will expose me to the others before I am prepared, but I worry for what the admission will bring upon us all.

Ryuu is restless, moving about the different rooms as if seeking something that continues to evade him. I manage to ignore him even though my body aches for the feeling of his arms about me. Pillowing my head with my arms, I lay down on the floor with the lure of sleep close at hand.

My mind manages to quiet its worrisome thoughts long enough for my eyes to drift shut. Then, over so gently, I feel a blanket settle over my body and a hand run across my cheek.

"No matter what happens, there will always be a part of me that belongs to you and you alone," my general whispers, breath gentle against my face. "My life has been bound to the clan for nearly two years under your command, and our lives have been intertwined far longer."

I am tempted to peek at him, to see his face as he looked at me, but I knew that whatever emotions were crossing his features could only end up hurting us both more.

I don't know when my body finally gave into the tug of sleep; I awake to a voice outside of the door. Looking up through bleary eyes, I see the courtier has returned once more, presumably to escort us to the meal. Ryuu is speaking to him in low tones, clearly not pleased.

The courtier notices me sit up, and a relieved look crosses his face before he bows politely in my direction.  "Lord Amachi, I have been sent to escort the two of you to the evening meal.  Are you presentable?"

Before I can stop myself, my eyes drift towards my general in a silent question.  Ryuu merely nods as if he, too, has forgotten the awkwardness between us for a moment.  Only then do I rise and say, "Yes.  Shall we proceed?"

The sound of our footsteps resound against the stone floor, only slightly more muffled than my heartbeat against my chest.  The closer we get to the sound of voices and laughter, the more tense I feel.  There is no sign of what awaits us behind those doors, tonight or any night to follow.  It matters not that I have always found Shogun Fujioka to be fair in his dealings; a part of me cannot be convinced that everything will be all right.

Our guide stops at the slightly closed door only long enough to shove it open the rest of the way.  My heart leaps up into my throat, strangling any words that might have begged him to take us back to our rooms.

"Shogun Fujioka, the lords Amachi and Igarashi have arrived," he announces as the dining hall falls silent.  The courtier bows low before scurrying off down the hallway again.

The shogun is seated above everyone else in the hall though it would not be difficult to pick him out of the masses even if he wasn't.  Even with wrinkles starting to crease his face and gray creeping into his hair, the lord of the Fujioka clan is just as formidable as the day I first met him as a child of five.

"Shogun," I say once I have managed to regain my voice, "it is an honor to once again reside within your walls."  I dip into a bow befitting of someone of his power.

His sharp laugh resounds in the hall even as the others at the table remain silent.  "Junichi, you have become even more formal with age.  It is my pleasure to welcome Lord Igarashi and you back."

He gestures to the empty spots to his left, across from Rika.  She gives me a shy smile even as her father booms, "Sit down, sit down.  Your travels must have long and hard, seeing as you did not arrive when we expected you to."

I rise and see Ryuu do the same out of the corner of my eye.  Slowly we make our way through the crowded hall, passing by the livid gaze of Shigeru.  Many of those seated are the shogun's retainers, but I do recognize a few of the other lords allied under the Fujioka banner.

I settle myself as Rika quietly mutters across the expanse of table, "Father and I were fearful that Ryuu and you had run into trouble when you did not arrive four days ago.  It has already been a year of losses, and we did not relish losing yet another ally on the road."

Without the knowledge that Saiko and Emi had shared with me, I might not have realized that she spoke of more than just the death toll among the various clans.  Clearly the supposed death of her secret beloved has made her even more determined to secure a marriage with me.

"This never-ending war has taken its vengeance upon us all, Lady Rika," I answer politely.  "No clan can say that it has been totally unaffected and many more have lost leaders and future leaders in the fight."

She nods slightly before focusing her gaze back upon her food.  I study her for a moment more, wondering that if I had been born male, would I have truly considered Fujioka Rika as someone I would wish to marry.

"What delayed your travels?" The shogun asks in a voice that remains beneath the general din of the dining hall.  "Was there trouble along the road?"

I shake my head.  "No, I received a message from the shinobi Nobuyuki, whom we presumed was dead after the battle with Neji Raiden.  It required follow-up, which took longer than I presumed it would."

"The shinobi are known for having ulterior motives in their dealings.  That is part of why your fathers were not overly fond of them, but I find the one you know as Nobuyuki and his foreign mentors to be fair in their dealings," Fujioka states before reaching for his cup.

Neither Ryuu nor I make any mention of the fact that we are sharing rooms as it would appear that the shogun had no idea of our arrival earlier.  Someone, likely Shigeru, has convinced him that we are more than comrades and probably bribed some of the retainers to keep our presence unknown to him.

As the evening meal reaches its conclusion, Lord Fujioka gestures to me before rising with Rika to signal that he's taking his leave.  A few minutes later, I follow with Ryuu.  The shogun has retired to his private rooms, where he paces like a caged beast while his daughter sits formally in a chair.

"Sit," he says shortly and gone is the formally neutral voice he used in the dining hall.  His voice drips with barely concealed anger.

We take seats as Rika looks towards her father.  "Father, please think about this.  The Amachi clan has always been one of our strongest allies.  If you..."

"Silence, daughter!" He snaps before his face softens.  "I'm sorry, Rika.  Too many pieces are upon the board and adding your concerns to the mix makes it even more difficult to focus on those at hand."

Shogun Fujioka drops into the chair next to his daughter and picks up her hand gently before looking towards me.  "It has been a hard year for all of us.  Someone is looking to destroy what little progress this alliance has made towards uniting Japan.  A power is growing in the north, near where your forces overtook Lord Neji."

"I understand, milord," I say.  "What would you have the Amachi clan do about this threat?"

"Nothing against them at this point.  I have a different plan in mind for you," he answers, his gaze landing briefly on Rika.  "I must call both Shigeru and you to stand tomorrow before the others.  Nothing must be concealed, which leaves me with the problem with your general and you."

He folds his hands into his lap and leans forward with a sharp look gleaming his eyes.  "I was not informed of your arrival until after my courtier escorted you to your rooms.  Someone wishes to blind me in my own territory, and I must weed out those less than loyal to me."

The shogun rises abruptly and strode forward until I can feel his breath brushing against my forehead.  "Are the rumors I heard true?  Are Lord Igarashi and you, Lord Amachi, romantically involved?"

Ryuu speaks for the first time.  "Junichi and I have always been good friends as our fathers intended from the start.  We would trust each other with our lives, but we have never been fond of each other in that way.  The rumors are not based in truth; they have only served as a wedge between the two of us and between those around us."

His words cut a place deep within myself that I was unaware existed until this point.  It's true that I knew Ryuu had not harbored feelings for me, seeing as he had no interest in a relationship beyond friendship when he believed us to both be male.  However, some part of me had hoped that he would see me as the female he now knows me to be.

"Good," Lord Fujioka says before settling back into his chair.  "I would rather know the truth now than have a nasty surprise later.  You may retire for the night and rest before the council convenes tomorrow."

We both rise and bow silently towards the shogun and his daughter before retreating back towards our rooms.  Whatever words that I might have been tempted to say to Ryuu before that conversation have been driven away.

He looks at me in the relative privacy of the room, brushes a light hand across my cheek, and merely whispers, "I am so sorry, Jun."

I let the tears fall silently only when the lamp has been blown out and his even breaths indicate the embrace of sleep.