I am bathing, submerged beneath the water, the only moment when I am truly able to release everything from myself. It reminds me of when my mother would sit behind me and wash my hair, fingers massaging my scalp as she whispered how beautiful I was.

I know that despite the fact that I saved Shigeru's men, the men he abandoned, I will likely be called before our shogun to answer for my actions especially with the letters that I have sent. Right now though, I would rather focus upon the bliss of hot water easing my sore body and ignore the fact that my general will pester me soon.

Shifting slightly, the barely-closed wound in my side stings, and I wish again that Ryuu had not seen that man sweep his katana across my lower ribs. How do you explain to someone who believes you to be male that you cannot see a healer because it will reveal what you truly are?

There is no way, and there lies my problem. To tell the truth now will divide the clan between those who understand we need a leader, a strong one, regardless of their gender and those who refuse to follow a woman despite the fact she has proven her worth over and over.

"Lord Jun," my general says a moment before the door opens to reveal him. The blood and dirt that had accumulated over the past weeks has already been washed away, and the noticeably missing beard reminds me of another one of my downfalls.

Suddenly self-conscious, even though Ryuu has talked to me many a time while I was bathing, I sink lower into the water and eye him. The silence is starting to turn stale in the air as each of us waits for the other to speak.

"I know you didn't have that wound treated, Jun," he scolds, face set into a scowl. "You understand the consequences of leaving a wound untreated especially after being on the battlefield, so I did not expect to be having this conversation with you."

"I'm not going to see a healer."

He sighs, running a hand across his face. The only sign of weariness that I see appear is within his amber eyes. "If you refuse to see a healer, I insist upon looking at the wound myself. You may not think it to be serious, but if there's any sign that it will endanger your life, I will drag you to a healer myself."

I bite my lip, trying to figure out how to talk my way out of this one. I doubt I stand much of a chance though from the stubborn look Ryuu is giving me.

Closing my eyes, I whisper, "I will not be seeing a healer, Ryuu, nor will I allow you to look at the wound. That is my decision, and if you have trust in me, you will allow me this."

My general's footsteps come closer to me, and I flinch when his hand closes around my arm. "That was no mere scratch he dealt you, Junichi. Cast me out, have me killed, strip my title from me; I will look at that wound before I leave this room."

I allow my eyes to open, only to return his glare as he crouches next to the tub. Twisting my arm, I try to break his hold, but he refuses to let me, increasing the pressure on my wrist.

"I told you no!" I hiss through clenched teeth, hoping that he doesn't bodily attempt to force me out. My eyes start to sting with tears, "worthless wastes of water" as my father used to call it whenever I would consider weeping.

Ryuu's jaw clenches slightly, but he doesn't say a word, continuing to pin me both with his gaze and his hold on my arm.

"You have no right," I manage after the silence squashes all the air in the room once more. "You have no right to come in here and force me to show you what is merely a cut in my flesh. For now, I am lord of this clan, and you are under my command. If you were any other man, I would have already made sure that you remembered your place."

"Why do you refuse, milord? To hide such a "cut in your flesh" could lead to your death, and this clan has no other heir to take your place."

I avert my eyes from that honest stubborn amber gaze before muttering, "Do you really wish to know, Ryuu? Do you wish to pick up another burden whose consequences even I do not yet understand? For that is what you ask of me and that is what I must give you if you insist."

"Jun," Ryuu says, squeezing my wrist slightly, "I do not understand your words. All I ask of you is something that you would ask of any of your retainers if you believed them to be hiding a serious wound."

"Promise me that whatever you learn today in this room does not ever pass your lips," I answer harshly. "Your life and mine shall be forfeit if you reveal what you're about to learn."

He leans closer to my ear. "I promise, Lord Junichi, upon my honor, my life, and my vow to protect this clan though I do not understand."

I nod, seeing him return back to his former position. Trapping the urge to take a deep breath, I raise myself out of the cooling water just enough to reveal the swell of my breasts. My skin prickles, both from the loss of the feeling of the water and the gaze that I'm positive is coming from my general.

A moment passes before he manages to say, "What is going on, Jun? Did you finally manage to pack some muscle onto you?"

My eyes widen and before I can stop myself, I look towards him. Ryuu is still staring at the swell of my breasts like he can't believe what he is really seeing. I watch his mouth move in silent questions as he raises his eyes to mine.

"To see a healer would tear the clan apart," I whisper, begging him to understand what I was telling him. "It would ruin my family's honor, trample our legacy, and leave those closest to me shamed forever."

I see the moment his mind finally puts all the pieces together because he shuts his eyes and heaves a heavy sigh. "That's why you said you wouldn't marry. For anyone who you wed would find out that the lord of the Amachi clan was a woman."

Carefully, I lower myself back into the water, feeling warmth start to crawl up my cheeks. Ryuu cracks open an eye and slowly shakes his head before asking a question I didn't expect.

"What happened to the true Lord Junichi? And why have you taken on his title and his place?"

"I have always been Junichi from the moment I was born. His name and identity was thrust upon me without my opinion being heard. I was Junichi, I am Junichi, and I shall be Junichi until the moment my last breath passes my lips."

My general cocks his head, analyzing me with his amber gaze. "I think you best start at the beginning, milady. Else, we will both leave entirely confused."

He intentionally stresses the "milady", showing me that he's clearly displeased to find that he hasn't served a man at all. Shame burns through my blood, and I bite my lip again, scared for the consequences that may come from this revelation.

"I am the only child of the former Lord and Lady Amachi. My father, desperate for an heir to take care of the clan, refused to acknowledge that I was a girl at my birth. Rather, I was introduced to the clan as his son, and thus I was raised as one," I say, fingers digging into my thighs as I resist the urge to scream in frustration. "I am the only one still alive who knows what I truly am. That is, I was until this very moment."

Ryuu's face has gone blank again as he hides all emotion behind that infuriating mask. "All these years and not one of us figured out the truth. Are we truly that blind?"

I shake my head slightly. "It was not anyone's fault. From a young age, from the moment I could talk and walk, my father was determined to hide everything that could reveal that I was female. Anything that was unable to be changed, he managed to pass off as one of my little oddities."

Silence descends like a blanket once more, and I peer at him through my lashes. He's clearly struggling to reconcile this new information with what he knew before. At long last, he takes my hand firmly in his before adjusting his position until he's kneeling before me.

"Regardless of whether or not you are a man, I took an oath to serve at your side and guide you to the best of my abilities. This changes nothing, but if you would prefer to make sure I will never tell this secret, my life lies within your hands."

His words chill me, and horrified, I stare at the top of his bowed head. Ryuu had just told me that I could execute him for the mere reason that he knew the truth.

I swallow hard. "I will not demand your life, Ryuu, for I was the one who intentionally revealed this to you. To kill you would make me no better than my father, who killed nearly everyone who knew I was a girl."

He blanches white, something I had never seen happen, before asking, "Who did he spare? Who else knew of this?"

"My nurse and your father," I whisper. "Both were sworn to secrecy in the matter. The day both of our fathers died upon the battlefield, they died with my true identity sealed behind their still lips."

Ryuu rises and turns his back to me. When the quiet has engulfed us, he merely says, "Get dressed, Junichi. I believe we are both uncomfortable with the fact that a barrier of water is all that lies between us."

My face flushes; somehow, I have forgotten that the truth has changed our relationship already. I am no longer just his lord, the one that he grown up with, the one that he had saved from many a fall, the one that he had cradled the day I had nearly died. I have become a woman, something that Ryuu has never truly dealt with.

Quickly, I get out of the water, shivering as I dry the last droplets from my body. Only when I'm dressed once more with bindings about my breasts does my general turn back to look at me.

"Were you ever planning on telling any of us about this?" He questions, voice cold and so unlike the boy I had grown up with. "Did you not think that those closest to you deserved to know something of this magnitude? How long did you truly believe you could hold this secret within before someone figured it all out?"

"I never chose this path. It was handed to me when I was minutes old. I have felt it like a stone tied about my neck, dragging me further underwater the longer it lingered. I didn't want to lie to you, Ryuu. You do not know how many times I was going to tell you, only to be halted by the thought of how strained our relationship would become."

I have no clue how I manage to get the words out of my mouth. My tongue is swollen, my throat has become as wide as a blade of grass, and the bindings are constricting my chest. My heart slows with every second that he stares at me, no sign of his emotions even indicated by his body.

However, he merely beckons to me. "Now that you're dressed, and we have aired the secret that lies as a barrier between us, I wish to see the wound."

Cursed blood! It rushes all too quickly to my cheeks despite my barely-beating heart. I obediently step closer, pulling aside the material right over my wound while holding closed the rest.

Ryuu gently prods at my side, seeming unaware of what his touch does to me. Every nerve in that area suddenly springs to life, flames rushing through my body. I attempt to still the thoughts in my mind, wondering when I had started to think of my general as more than just a friend and when I had began to ponder how his hands would feel caressing the rest of my body.

"I'm glad to see that you've take care of the wound. Despite your adamant refusal to see a healer, you will not likely die from infection," he tells me, stepping back at last and allowing me to smooth my clothing back into place.

"I wonder why I wouldn't see a healer," I reply, tone a bit icier than I intend and a contradiction to the fire filling my body. "I need not more people realizing the truth about Lord Amachi Junichi."

"As you wish, milady," Ryuu says with a slight bow. "Now I have my men to look after to make none of them are in the same predicament as you are."

Feeling childish, I stick my tongue out at his retreating back before I can no longer see him. Of all the men in Japan, my stubborn heart, the one my father had tried to harden into a man's heart, chose to pine after Ryuu.

If he figured that out too, I would never set foot outside my room again.