VIII: Hachi

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I dab a little too hard at the cut splitting open Ryuu's eyebrow, and I feel him flinch at the pain. His eyes are remorseful even though he managed to flip the other man over and beat him for the wounds he inflicted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," I whisper, dipping the cloth back into the pink-hued water and gently washing the rest of blood off. I had been the one chosen to repair my bleeding and broken general after the battle, and every time I look at his eyes, I am reminded that I ran away.

Carefully, I take up my needle and start to stitch close his eyebrow. Ryuu opens his mouth like he want to say something before closing it again. I focus more on my work but tell him, "Go on. I know you have something on your mind that you want to say to me."

"I've failed you, haven't I?" His voice is soft, and I remember that Taro had told me that he had worked for the approval of both our fathers until the day they died. "You tasked me to bring honor and victory to the clan, and instead, I allowed myself to look weak before everyone."

Unable to continue to fix his body without repairing the damage that he was doing to himself, I set down the needle and give him a stern look. "You have never failed me, Ryuu. Sure, there have been times when we have fought vainly and won a false victory. There have been times when we have nearly died, times when we suffered greatly, and times when we have made errors.

"Maybe you allowed yourself to take a beating, but it was not a loss for us. With the damage you did to Raiden's fighter, he will not be fighting in this battle while you will be back on your feet shortly. Do not ever say that you failed me because I would rather have you standing next to me in failure, knowing that we fought well, than to win hundreds of battles without you understanding exactly how much you were worth to me."

I see the guilt start to fade from his amber eyes, and I return to stitching up his cuts. Those that are not too deep, I merely bandage after spreading a salve over them. By the time I have finished with my ministrations, Ryuu has fallen asleep, and I drag one of my blankets across him before leaving the tent.

Taro is standing outside, staring off towards where the smoke from the Neji clan's fires is rising. At the sound of my footsteps, he motions for me to join him at his side. We are both silent for a while, listening to the cacophony of men settling for the night on the eve before battle.

"Your abrupt departure has started the rumors afresh," he says simply, startling me. "That was what we were trying to avoid doing, and instead, you threw kindling upon the fire."

I sigh. "Why can't you ask me something like 'How's your general doing, Jun?' or 'Where is Ryuu right now?' No, you tell me about some rumors that I put no stock in. If people want to make assumptions about my general and me, I say to let them. Our men know that there is no true basis in what others say."

"Fine, but after you tell me about Ryuu, we are going to talk about what renewing the rumors means for us," the older man informs me, crossing his arms and glaring at me.

"His wounds are taken care of, and currently he's asleep in my tent. I expect you to make sure he doesn't try to leave tonight because he needs the rest," I start. "He feels like he has failed the Amachi clan, but I did my best to tell him that he did well today despite the rough start."

Taro nods curtly. "Now, Junichi, you best tell me if there's a deeper relationship between Ryuu and you than I have been led to believe. Because the way things are going, I will look the fool if it comes out that you do, and I didn't know about it."

"I assume you are asking if the thoughts that we're lovers has any truth in it," I say, raising an eyebrow and waiting for him to affirm that I was correct. "Ryuu and I have been friends since the day that his father brought him to train with us. I like to think that we share a deeper connection because we have been through so much together, but neither one of us has made an advance beyond friendship between the two of us. Those rumors are founded on speculation and the uninformed thoughts of those who do not understand that relationship."

"They have become worse since your announcement that you won't be wedding to the clan, and some believe that you have made that declaration simply because you are involved in something with Ryuu."

I rub a hand across my forehead, knowing that if I went back into my tent to sleep tonight, it would inflame those who wished to make trouble. "I will be sleeping in Ryuu's tent tonight, Taro. I don't want Ryuu to move yet because I'm sure his ribs are going to drive him to the brink of madness. You are in charge of making sure that he doesn't leave until morning and until he's gotten a good night's rest."

"Are you sure that will be fine with him?" Taro asks, looking towards where Ryuu is sleeping.

"Yes, he shouldn't have a problem with it. If he does, then tell him that the other choices were that we shared the tent and confirmed the rumors in others' minds, or I slept outside, which he would have been even more upset about."

"Very well," he answers before disappearing into his own tent, presumably to grab a blanket to roll up in on the ground. Taro is no fool, part of why I am respecting his concerns, and he won't start any new rumors by sleeping inside the tent himself. Though I, for one, along with many of the other men, know that his interests lie elsewhere.

I trudge towards where Ryuu set up his tent, knowing that the shinobi has his close by. When I arrive at the flaps of the tent, Nobuyuki rises from where he is sitting with a few of my samurai and strides over.

"I assume that you repaired Lord Igarashi," he says without preamble before stepping closer. "He should be pleased to know that he likely broke one of the man's legs, his hand, and most of his ribs. The men are even more impressed with him than they were before."

"Did they say why?" I ask, knowing that the news of the others not losing their respect for him will pleased him more than that of the damage done to the other fighter.

Nobuyuki smiles. "Not every man is willing to suffer through blow after blow before overcoming his seemingly more powerful opponent to deal back every strike. Honestly, I can see that your youth did not impend your decision in a general. He was a fine choice."

"I'm glad you think so. Ryuu's father was my father's general before they both fell in battle. Despite his youth compared to some of the other surviving retainers, he proved himself early in battle."

"I sent a report to Shogun Fujioka as well. He, too, will be impressed with your men's performance thus far," he tells me before bowing slightly. "It will be an honor to fight alongside you for the duration of this battle. I know that my life will be in well-trained hands, no matter where I happen to be on the battlefield."

I smile. "We are honored to have you join us, Nobuyuki. Now, I best get some rest before the sun rises upon what promises to be a bloody battle."

He retreats back to the fire, where strains of laughter drift back to where I am standing. I remain there for a moment longer, wondering how many of these samurai I will lose in the impending battle, before I duck into Ryuu's tent.

It smells of him, a combination of clean sweat, earthy undertones, and something entirely masculine. Unfortunately for me, I am never quite able to detect that scent on myself, and I know that my father always considered it one of my failings.

I take off everything except for my kimono and lay down on his blankets. The scent completely envelopes me, and for one brief moment, I allow myself to imagine that I am wrapped in his arms. Remembering the rumors that were already running rampant, I shove those thoughts deep into the recesses of my mind as if thinking them would all those around me to see them.

Is my woman's heart just one more thing my father hadn't managed to destroy? It seems to be that way as the organ is bent upon beating faster at the thought of Ryuu. Somewhere between fake battles, hours in the garden, stealing sweets, and lessons, he has become more than just my beloved childhood friend.

Honestly, the thought of those rumors having a grain of truth to them makes my blood run cold. But what is the harm in pretending for one night that I am wrapped in his arms if only to give my heart a slight break?

After all, there's a chance that we could all die tomorrow, and it wouldn't matter anyway. Funny how war works. It makes everything important seem irrelevant and everything taken for granted a little sweeter.

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