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The message comes two days later. Shigeru and Raiden are officially locked in combat once more. Despite my ally's carefully worded note that I suspect was not written by him, I crumble it after scanning through the contents.

"That's that," I say to my retainers, who are once more gathered. "We've been called to battle by Lord Shigeru. Prepare the men to move out by tomorrow at dawn."

Ryuu studies me long after the others have left for their duties. His expression is somber as he takes a seat next to me. "You don't expect this battle to end well."

At his statement, for it was a statement and not a question, I feel something akin to a stone drop in my stomach. "I do not fear the loss of the battle if that's what you're asking. I worry for those who march alongside me into battle."

"They are as ready as they may ever be," he answers. "Death is no surprise to any samurai; they expect it will happen one day just as they expect the sun to rise in the morning. All they ask of you is that their sacrifice is not in vain."

"Does the same hold true for you, Ryuu? Are you prepare to die within this battle if that was the price asked of you?"

My general studies his hands for a moment, dark lashes lowered to the point where I can hardly see his eyes. "I believe I am." His reply is lighter than the whisper of a leaf grazing the ground. "However, no one truly knows how they will react in that moment until they are faced by it. I can run those men through as many stressful situations as I would like, but until they enter battle and realize exactly what is about to happen, they will never understand what it means. Facing one's death must be the same way."

"Are you certain of what will happen to you after you die?" I press. "Do you truly believe what they say about nirvana?"

I meant to halt my words before the last part slipped out, but there it is out in the open now. Ryuu stares aghast at me as if he could hardly imagine that those words had come from my mouth. I have just insulted many of the samurai without them even knowing.

"Why would you say such a thing?"

Pursing my lips, I bend down and pluck a piece of grass from beneath our feet. "We are taught that the world had no beginning, and it will have no end. We believe that there is no higher deity. However, if such a thing is true, how do you explain the complexity of such a design? This tiny blade of grass is able to be sustained merely on rainwater and the nutrients within the soil. In the winter, it dies, but when spring returns, it flourishes once more."

"That doesn't explain why you don't believe in nirvana. Sure, you're giving evidence as to why you believe that there is a higher deity, but that does not prove that nirvana does not exist," Ryuu says, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"A higher deity means that there has to be more than our bodies disappearing. There has to be something within us that will live on even after we pass from this life. Otherwise, I have to accept that my mother died and disappeared like a vapor. I have to believe that I will never see her again," I whisper. "I refuse to think that is possible, so I will believe that there is something more beyond this life. I will believe that there is a deity that created the ground we walk upon, the sky we see arched above us, and the stars that gleam at night to light our way."

He sighs, rubbing a hand across his forehead. "I do not want to discuss theology with you at this moment, Jun. I, too, have men to prepare for the coming battle. The wise thing for you to do right now is to put all thoughts of death and what you do or don't believe from your mind."

I watch him walk away, but I can't put from my mind the words that I had just spoken to my general. Did I really believe all of what I had just said? Had I just forsaken everything that my parents had taught me as a child?

My legs give out, and I fall to the ground upon the grass that I had just used to prove a point that had been simmering in my mind for years. It did make sense, though, the argument that I had made.

"Are you truly out there, unknown deity? Have I found something that others have lost the battle trying to find? I find that I may never be alone if you are indeed what my life has been missing," I whisper, staring up into the sky as I felt something swell within my heart.

"Jun!" Taro calls, and I turn my back to find him walking towards me. His face is still merry, but I can see lines starting to appear near his eyes.

"Did you make sure that the rest of our supplies are ready to go?" I ask, standing and brushing the dirt off of my kimono.

He nods. "Just as you asked. Are you sure that the plan you devised will go as you think it will? I would hate for something that you didn't predicted to occur."

"It's not foolproof if that's what you're asking. I can't guarantee that it will work like I predict, but I do hope that it works better than I expect," I answer. "Did you happen to see Ryuu on your way to find me?"

"He looked gloomier than usually. Is there something that I should know about?"

I shake my head carefully, starting to walk towards the barracks. "I was making sure that he was ready for the battle ahead. I'm sure that whatever morose look he had upon his face was because of the challenge we face ahead. The thought of Shigeru puts me in a foul mood especially thinking about how this charade of an alliance will go in the coming days.

If he does leave, I will be pleading my case before Shogun Fujioka to break off all further ties with the cowardly Lord Aikawa. I tell Taro as much as we walk to see what his opinion upon the matter is.

"I believe, Jun, that you have every right to break the alliance with him, for Shigeru has not followed our code of honor before life. I wonder if his father truly knows the extent of cowardice because I know that the former Lord Aikawa would have never allowed his son to become a man of such dishonor."

"Sometimes, you become blind to that which happens within your own household. Lord Aikawa's father has lived a long life and brought much honor to both his clan and all those allied with him. His only wish now may be to live peacefully for the rest of his days," I reply, remembering some of the older samurai who had spent the rest of their lives within our fortress. "He believes himself to have raised an honorable son that will bring much benefit to the clan he led for so many years. I fear the truth, when he discovers it, may shatter his very being."

Taro sighs, the words causing pain within him. "I pray that it may never happen to us. Whoever you raise to be your heir, make sure that they will keep this clan strong in the fight for peace and for the prosperity of Japan. Your family and those who have fought beside them have worked too hard to allow some youth to wreck their legacy."

"As you wish, Taro. I will make sure to instruct them well and never grow blind to what happens beneath my nose." I incline my head respectfully as I answer.

I'm pleased to see a smile creep across the older man's lips, and the worries of the battle coming are forgotten for a moment. Who truly knew how much longer we would all be able to smile. I set my eyes forward to find one of our young training samurai, ten-year-old Shimizu Aiko, running towards us.

"Lord Junichi! How long until I get to go off to war with you?" He asks of me, a child's excitement lighting his voice. "I want to help unite our country and bring down the armies of those who get in our way."

I smile kindly at him, squatting slightly to look him in the eyes. "I'm afraid that you still have much to learn, Aiko. War and battles are no place for young samurai. You must be at least to Ryuu's shoulders before you can come with us."

The boy visibly wilts at my words. I know that, at best, he's only about to the lower part of my general's ribs. "I want to go with you this time."

"Why would you want to do such a thing when I wish you to remain here and keep an eye on everyone else? I could use a clever intelligent boy like you making sure no one is trying to take our home while I'm away."

As I expected, at my praise, his previous wishes are forgotten, and Taro chuckles quietly behind me. Aiko places a hand upon the hilt of the knife hanging at his waist and bows deeply to me. "I would be honored, Lord Junichi, to protect the fortress and its inhabitants in your absence."

"I will rest easier knowing that you are keeping watch," I answer. "Besides, I believe you have gotten the better deal. You get to sleep in your own bed and eat the wonderful food that Cook prepares while I'm sleeping on the ground."

"I'll be sure to eat your portion of sweets for you while you're gone," he whispers before running off, intent on whatever little boys find to occupy their time.

I laugh slightly and looks towards Taro. "How eager the children are to grow up and then they get older and realize that war is not the treat that they believed it to be. Aiko is a delightful child though and in admiration of Ryuu. He will make a fine samurai in his time."

"I do believe it is you he admires most of all," he tells me, laughter still gleaming his eyes. "From the way he looked at you when you told him that he was staying behind to keep an eye on things, you would think that you had given the boy the most valuable treasure in the world."

"Everyone like to feel useful even ten-year-old boys that can barely lift a katana. I hope that Cook spoils him well as he completes his tasks."

A look of longing fills his eyes for a moment, and he merely replies, "I'm sure she will. I'm sure she will."

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