Ryuu is staring off at the horizon with anxious eyes, the missive from the shogun crumpled in his left hand.  His other is resting upon the curve of my waist.  "Emi was supposed to be back days ago.  And I cannot delay going off to the shogun's side any longer than I already have."

I reach over and gently unfurl his fingers to remove the letter.  "I will be fine, Ryuu.  I am sure that Emi will be back any moment now, and if she is not, Yori will be nearby."

"I hate leaving you with our child's arrival so near," he whispers, turning me so he can look me in the eyes.  "And there is no guarantee that the traitor is among the men that I am taking to the battlefield with me.  Taro has not been able to pin down their identity any more than I have.  This would be the time that they would seek to hurt you."

The babe kicks me in the ribs, and I swear that I can feel the breath whoosh out of my lungs at the impact.  "You need to go; there is no other option.  I will be fine.  I just ask that you not linger longer than you need to once the battle has reached its conclusion."

He tilts my head to touch his lips to mine.  "Of course, Sakura.  If Emi does not return within the next couple of days, I want you to stay with Yori and Taro or get Yori to come stay with you.  You are too close to giving birth to be alone."

"Yes, Ryuu.  We have had this discussion before, and I promise that I will not stay here alone," I say, shoving him lightly.  "Now, go gather your men and go to battle.  The sooner you get there, the sooner you can return home to me."

Ryuu steals another kiss from me before bending to kiss my protruding stomach.  Pure love shines from his eyes, stabbing me deep in the gut as surely as the babe kicking me in the ribs again.  "I love you, Sakura."

"I love you too, Ryuu," I return, watching my husband take up the reins of his horse and turn down the road to where part of the Amachi retainers are waiting to follow him to the shogun's side.  As he vanishes from sight, I rub my lower back, my body aching, before walking back inside.

The house is the quietest that it has been since our return to the clan about four months ago.  Emi had disappeared three weeks ago, her only explanation being that she had some business that she needed to take care of.

So alone I wander, the pain centering in my back dulling and sharpening in intervals.  When I reach our bedroom, I awkwardly reach for my knives, needing something, anything, to distract me.  I touch one of the hilts, grateful again that Emi had convinced Ryuu that it was all right for me to continue knife throwing and archery even in my condition.

Pain wraps around my midsection, and my fingers tighten about the smooth handle of the knife as my free hand rests against the slope of my stomach.  "You all right in there, little one?"  I ask gently.

The slight movements of the babe within me reassures me that there is nothing wrong even as the pain dulls to nearly immeasurable levels.

Knives in hand, I make my way outside to the sheltered courtyard.  The targets that Emi helped Ryuu hang in the trees sway in the breeze, and I secure the knives to my upper left arm, unable to wrap the belt about my waist.

Deep breath in, fingers curled around the knife as my focus narrows on the nearest target.  With my sharp exhale, I release the weapon from my hand, barely acknowledging the sound of it striking the wood, before moving on to the next one.

With each knife that smoothly leaves my fingers, I realize that I miss this.  Not the war, not killing people, but the feeling of freedom, the ability to pick up a weapon without someone questioning.  Satisfaction in knowing that I can handle a katana, a knife, a bow, just as well as any man despite the fact that I am a woman.

As soon as the thought enters my mind, it is driven out by another wave of pain, this one seeming fiercer than its predecessor.  My nails dig into the skin just above the knife belt, and I clench my eyes shut.

When the pain abates once more, I manage to take a breath, my lungs screaming for air beyond what little I had inhaled.  Reaching for a knife with shaky hands, I try to push my worry away.

Where is Emi?  She would know what was going, and despite what Ryuu told me, I am not planning on going to Yori.  There is only one healer that I trust to look at my body without worry that it will reveal my secrets.

"Please," I whisper to the quiet air.  "Please send Emi back.  I am frightened and worried.  And I do not feel that I can trust anyone else.  Please help me."

A calming presence settles around me even as I feel a slight trickle of liquid weave its way down my leg.  I touch my stomach lightly, understanding as well as remembered instruction filling my head.  The babe is on its way, and everything that I have been feeling is because of the fact that my body is preparing to give birth.

With a deep breath, I run my fingers across the curve of my stomach.  "You chose quite the time to decide to make your appearance, little one.  Your father has rode off to battle, and Emi could be anywhere.  I hope that I am brave enough to bring you into this world by myself."

I make my way around the courtyard, retrieving my daggers from the targets and tucking them back into their sheathes.  When the pain returns, I stand still and breathe as calmly and deeply as I possibly can.  Once I have all of my weapons, I continue to walking, worried that if I stop moving, the worry and pain will overcome me.

The sun climbs higher in the sky, the only thing that marks the passage of time besides the growing closeness of the spasms gripping my midsection.  I have lost count of how many times I have tread through the small garden when I hear Emi's voice behind me.

"Sakura," she calls, and I turn in time to find the healer walking out of the house.  A basket is hooked about her right elbow, and her face relaxes in relief at the sight of me.  "Sakura, what is wrong?"

I wrap my arms around her as best as I can.  "I think I am going to give birth, Emi.  I was so frightened."

Emi pulls back to study me.  "How far apart have you been feeling pain?"

"Barely long enough for me to walk around the perimeter of the courtyard."

"Well, it has been about nine months, so I am not surprised that your child is eager to make an appearance," she says with a slight smile.  "Let's get you to your room, and I will see how far along you are."

Just before the door to my room, my stomach tightens again, and I cling to her arm, barely able to hear her voice beyond the roar of pain consuming my mind.  It passes again, though I feel the ghost of pain remains with me.

Emi manages to help me onto the futon, setting the basket she still carries on the floor before kneeling next to me.  She gently smooths my hair back from my face.  "All will be well, Sakura.  This is nothing that women before you have not endured, and many of them have come through it."

"Many have died as well," I reply, a bit more curtly than meant.  She seems to take no offense, the corners of her eyes crinkling with her lips.

"Such is life.  We live and we die.  It merely reminds us how precious the moments we have are," she says, beginning her examination with careful hands.  "I find it interesting that you have not asked me what kept me away for so long; however, that is likely due to the fact that you are more concerned about other things.

"I did not mean to be gone for such a length of time.  I left to deliver Rika's babe, knowing that she was approaching her time as well."

I look at her as the shinobi sits back.  "How was Rika?  Is her babe all right?"

Her eyes dart to the discarded basket.  "Rika delivered a beautiful, healthy little girl.  Jun returned for her a few days later, and despite my adamant protestations, they left.  The babe stayed with me, out of Rika's fear that their enemies would not hesitate to kill a child if the two of them were caught."

My mouth opens to ask more questions, but a thin wail erases all of them from my mind except for one.  "Is that..."

Emi reaches into the basket, her arms cradling a child when she straightens to look at me.  "You must not have heard the news yet."

I stare at the girl, her cheeks beginning to turn red as her cries grow in strength.  Without thought, I reach out my arms, her weight settling on them as Emi transfers her to my arms.  "What news, Emi?"

Her attention is focused on the babe, a light finger smoothing down the black downy covering of hair.  Dread growing in me, I ask again, "What news, Emi?  What happened that brought you here with Rika's child?"

Another long moment passes before her sea-colored eyes rise to meet mine as the babe's wails fill the room.  "Rika and Jun, they are dead, Sakura."

Words choking in my throat, I transfer my gaze back down to the daughter I hold in my arms, unable to look at the stark agony in Emi's eyes, knowing that the same pain has emerged in mine.  Rika's babe beats the air with her tiny fist, face screwed up in anger and dark blue eyes pleading.

Two pains hit me at once: one physical and announcing that my own child is still trying to make an appearance, the other one of the heart, declaring that my friends are dead.  Murdered because of the secrets that I allowed them to help me carry.  The secrets that have now left the babe in my arms an orphan.

"How?" I ask, once my breath returns.  "How did they die?"

"No one knows that except for the ones who killed them.  The only reason that we know that they are dead is because," Emi's face pales a bit, "the killers sent us their hearts."

At those words, tears break free, and I clutch the only living part of Rika close to me.  When tears are no longer enough, my grief reveals itself as a soundless wail of pain.  My entire body aches with the loss, and I can hardly feel the hand that the shinobi lies on my head.

Eventually, though, the sharp ache dulls, and I manage to pull myself back out of the deep depths of sadness.  The babe's cries have softened to pathetic little whimpers, her face rooting against my chest.  Emi looks at me with shining eyes.

"I told Rika that if she did not return for her babe, that if she died, I would bring her to you, for Ryuu and you to raise," she whispers, her voice cracking against the words.  "The shinobi have taken in many orphans of this war, but I wanted this one to grow up with a mother and a father, among siblings that she would not necessarily know were not hers by blood.  It will keep her safer than if she remained among my clan."

I close my eyes for a moment.  "You want me to pretend that both of the babes are mine, don't you?"

"Yes, I want you to do that."  Emi runs a hand across her forehead.  "However, I can take the babe with me when I return to the shinobi.  I understand if you do not want to raise her as well."

"No," I whisper.  "I will take care of Rika's child as well as I will take care of my own.  What did Rika name her before...before she left with Jun?"

"Moriko," she says.  "Rika named her Moriko.  And I do believe that your daughter is hungry."

Moriko whimpers again, and I can feel her tiny mouth moving against my chest.  "Can I nurse her?"

A bittersweet smile caresses Emi's face.  "That you can do."

She carefully helps me situate the babe, and I watch her nurse, wonder combining with the grief that still lingers.  "I wish that Rika was here with me.  I wish that we were going to be able to raise a dozen children together."

"We can only be grateful that Moriko lives to carry on her parents' memories, that Rika was insightful enough to find a way to spare her child's life," she answers before her hand touches my stomach.  "Are you doing all right, Sakura?"

"I do not know.  I feel numb right now."

She examines me again, but I hardly notice, my entire attention focused on the now-sleepy Moriko nestled in my arms.  The babe looks so much like Jun, Tadashi, but the startling blue eyes belonged to Rika along with the slight curve of her nose.  I can see the reasoning behind Emi's decision to bring her to me, knowing that she looked similar enough to me to be considered my own child.

"I am going to retrieve my bag," Emi says, forcing me to raise my gaze from Moriko.  "It will be a while yet until you give birth, and I would advise that you try to rest as best as you can."

"Yes, Emi," I mutter, and she takes the sleeping babe from my arms, laying her in the cradle next to the futon.

I do not remember the shinobi leaving or returning to the room as my eyes were already drifting close, sleep seeming a good escape from everything that the day had brought.  However, I remember the pain that awoke me, the careful instructions that Emi told as I strove to bring my own child into the world.

And as the light of the new day breaks above the horizon, Ryuu's and my son comes into the world with a lingering wail.  The sound wakes Moriko, who joins her voice to his, and once Emi cleans and swaddles the boy, she lays them both in the crook of my arms.

One look at the two of them side by side startles a laugh out of me.  Our son favors me, Ryuu's amber eyes staring at me with an accusatory look, and it leaves no doubt in my mind that everyone will believe that the babes are siblings.

"What will you call him?" Emi says, a weary joy lighting her face as her gaze passes over the three of us.

"Kazuhiko, my little one," I answer, a cautious peace filling the gashes torn in my heart by the loss of my friend.  "And his older sister, Moriko.  Won't Ryuu be surprised when he returns from battle to find that we have two children?"

The healer giggles, and I turn my face towards the window, feeling the warm caress of the sun upon my cheeks.  The dark night has crept closer, but the dawn always drives the encroaching darkness away; thus, I must trust that life will be the same.  Even though the darkness feels more suffocating than ever with the loss of Rika and Jun and the new worries that fall on my shoulders as I look at the children I hold.