It has been almost a month, and when the heat of the day does not drive us to find shade, I show Rika how to properly hold a dagger.  I have found that the exercise distracts me from the questions that have flooded in since Ryuu rode off to battle.

Now, in the darkness of night, I lay on the futon that I should be sharing with him, and the press of those questions dig themselves into my mind.  They drive sleep away and frustrate me all the more with the knowledge that I cannot prove solutions to any of them.

When sheer weariness forces me to stop thinking about the future and its many possibilities, I roll onto my side, considering the idea of walking down to Rika's rooms.  However, if this is one of the nights that she has actually managed to find the embrace of sleep, I do not wish to wake her.  The separation between Junichi and her has been just as hard for her to handle, and I worry every day that if he does not return soon, Rika will fade away to nothing.

The scent of wisteria blossoms drift through the open window, and their innocent smell triggers the memories of fingers digging deep into my throat.  With a cry, I jump up and wrap my robe tighter about my shoulders.  Hands shaking, I reach for a candle and light it, the faint circle of light driving away the demons that have returned in vengeance now that Ryuu is no longer there to shield me.

The candle trembles in my hand, spilling melted wax on my skin, but I do not even feel the pain.  Rather, I stare at the mess with dull eyes before sitting down on the futon.  I remember the light in my hand and stand back up to set it on the low desk.

I am picking at the hard wax on my hand when I hear a thud in the hall.  Reaching for the dagger on the floor, I rise and approach the door, the memories still rushing through my head with every step that I take towards the hall.

I open the door and fling myself out of the room, figuring that whoever was out there would know that someone had to have heard them by now.  My mind barely registers the figure before my dagger is pressed against the soft flesh of their throat.  However, instead of fighting like I would have expected, the person turns their head to study me in what little light there is.

"Amachi Junichi?  What are you doing here?"  His voice confirms what I suspected, and I remove my dagger from his neck.

"I am not Jun," I answer.  "He is currently on the battlefield with my husband, Igarashi Ryuu."

Fujioka Ichirou nods before gesturing towards the room I had vacated.  "You must be Sakura then.  Would you mind retrieving the candle from your room?  I would like to see my sister, but I fear that she might attack me as well if she cannot see who I am."

I retrieve the light as well as set my dagger next to the futon again.  When the faint glow of the candle falls across the eldest son of the shogun, I can see the strain of battle in his face.  He must have ridden hard without stopping to shave or likely even to rest.

He does not question my perusal, likely expecting it from someone that he believes has never met him before.  In fact, his eyes are tracing my features just as intently as I am his.  "You do look remarkable like Junichi.  Father had mentioned the similarities between the two of you, and now that I see you, I can hardly believe that you are not related in any way."

"It was a simple enough mistake to make in the dark, milord.  Shall we make our way to your sister's rooms before daybreak beats us there?"

Ichirou takes the candle from my hand.  "You need not call me milord if you will allow me to call you Sakura.  I am Fujioka Ichirou, the shogun's eldest son, and Ichirou is fine."

"Very well, Ichirou."

He smiles kindly.  "I can say that I am surprised that you have not asked me about Ryuu and the fact that I am here instead of on the battlefield."

I stare down at my moving feet for a moment before replying, "Honestly, I was more concerned about who was lurking in the halls at the moment.  But, now that I no longer have to worry about that, how is my husband?"

"As far as I know, riding as fast as he possibly can to return to you.  Neither Jun nor him were happy about being torn from their brides' sides so soon after they were married.  They are likely about a day behind me as long as they did not run into trouble."

My lips quirk at his words, my heart feeling lighter now that I know that Ryuu had made it through battle.  "How is that you were able to arrive so quickly?"

Ichirou pauses outside of Rika's door.  "Father sent me with one of the shinobi the moment that he felt that I was not needed on the battlefield.  He was as upset that Rika married Junichi without telling anyone as he was pleased that the two clans had been joined in marriage.  I am to reassure her that Father bears no ill will towards her because of it and to tell her that he hopes that the hasty marriage did not arise out of other circumstances."

"Osamu stated several times in the letter that he sent me that the marriage was due to the fact that both Rika and Junichi understand that life is uncertain during war, and they believed that they had a duty to secure the future of the Amachi clan through a legitimate heir," a new voice says, and the candle reveals Masumo as he rises from his position next to the door.

He looks as battle weary as the man next to me, but a smile touches his lips as he gently takes my hands.  "I trust that you are doing well, Sakura?"

I nod slightly, and he runs his thumbs across the back of my hands.  "Emi will be relieved to hear that.  Every other word in the messages she has been sending me since you left have been concerning you.  Hopefully, my seeing you will erase what worries remain within her mind."

I notice his missing fingers again and suppress the impulse to ask him about them.  Rather, I note that Ichirou has disappeared into Rika's rooms and lean closer to the shinobi.  "Have you been on the battlefield all this time?"

Shadows flit across his face for a brief moment.  "I fight a war on many fronts, Sakura.  All of them leave me weary and longing for home, but I cannot give up until my purpose has been achieved."

"Is that why Emi and you do not have any children?"  The words escape before I have a chance to stop them.  Embarrassed, I tug a hand free and place it over my mouth.

"No, that is not the primary reason why we do not have children.  There are rules that Emi and I must abide by even when we do not wish to, and one of them states that we may not ever have children of our blood," a melancholy smile accompanies the words.  "It was the price that we had to pay to be together, and while there are times when I wish that it was not that way, I would not give up the love that I have found."

Before I can ask for further explanation, Rika all but throws me to the ground, her face glowing more than I had seen in the past month.  "Jun is coming home!"

I release Masumo's other hand and wrap my arms around her.  My friend is on the verge of tears, and I know exactly how she feels as I think about Ryuu's imminent return.  Ichirou surveys the scene and with laughter in his voice, states, "I believe that she was more concerned about her husband than she was about her elder brother.  She has not even asked how I am doing."

"I love you too, brother," Rika says, releasing me and pulling him into an embrace.  "It is just that I expect you to come home from war; my husband I had in my arms for only two days before battle pulled him away from me.  I did not wish to be a widow so soon after I married."

"I know, little sister.  At this time, I am merely a messenger, bearing the news that the one that you love has survived another venture out onto the battlefield.  And Father is pleased with the ideas that Junichi brought to the council.  They may very well be the reason why we won the battle."  Ichirou rests his chin on top of Rika's head and closes his eyes slightly.

Eventually, the men haul themselves off to get some rest as well as wash the grime of battle and travel from themselves.  However, buzzing with more energy than we should have, Rika and I settle ourselves out in the training yard as the sun rises over the horizon.  She is noticeably distracted, so rather than spar with daggers as we had been doing, I locate some bows and set us to shooting.

She shoots arrows at the target less often than she shoots her gaze towards the gates.  The moment that the retainers shout out that riders are approaching, the bow drops from her grasp, and in a very undignified way, Rika bundles her kimono into her hands and lunges for the gates.

As tempting as it is to follow her, I take the time to gather our equipment, ensuring that it returns to its proper place before making my own way to where the retainers are hauling open the gates.  At the sight of Ryuu, I forget my semblance of calmness and run towards him.

His feet have hardly touched the ground when my body hits his, knocking him against his horse.  Ryuu's amber eyes find mine a moment before our lips collide in a kiss, my lips bruising from the force.  He smells like sweat and dirt and blood, and the beard covering his face scratches my cheeks as we hold each other as close as we possibly can.

"Does this mean that you missed me?" Ryuu whispers when we break apart, his forehead pressed against mine and his hands resting on the curve of my waist.  He lifts one to touch my cheek gently, the lines at the corner of his eyes crinkling.

"Of course, I missed you, Ryuu.  I would reach for you in the middle of the night, and you would not be there.  It hurt more than I ever imagined that it could not to know where you were or if you were all right," I answer, leaning against his chest and closing my eyes.  "I have not spent so long without you since before I turned fifteen."

He chuckles.  "At least we are not like Rika and Jun.  She found him again only to face the possibility of losing him to circumstances that she could not control.  Now, dear wife, I believe that I would like to clean the grime of battle and travel from my body.  We can discuss what has occurred in the past month after that."

"I would come with you," I say, feeling bold and pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat.

"I know you would."  Ryuu's gaze smolders with promises, but he releases me reluctantly.  "I will meet you in our room before the sun has the chance to break past the tops of the ginkgo trees.  I promise."

The moment he enters the room, his eyes find me where I am sitting on the ground, sharpening my knife to a keen edge.  Without lifting my head, I say, "I'll sharpen your blades if you would like."

Ryuu kneels in front of me, and my mouth goes dry as he gently extracts the knife and stone from my hands.  "I do not need my blades; I need my wife.  Do you think that you could handle just being my wife for a moment rather than fretting about whatever is causing your face to furrow?"

Only then do I raise my eyes to find his face flooded with concern.  Ever so carefully, he tucks a finger under my chin and kisses me, this one the opposite of the desperate kiss that I had welcomed him back with.  We take our time, coaxing each other's mouths open as jumbled words escape with each breath we manage to inhale.

Ryuu winces when my hands run down his shoulder, and I pull back, studying his face.  "Are you injured, Ryuu?"

"I have had worse, Sakura," he says, his fingers touching my lips.  "It happens on the battlefield, you know that, and it has been treated."

"I still want to see it."  My cheeks turn red.  "Just so I am sure that I am not going to hurt you or tear it open or..."

His lips meld to mine for a brief moment, cutting off my words.  "You can look at it if you let me locate every scar on your body like I promised you I would before I left."

I pull his kimono open, baring his shoulder to find a scabbed-over gash running from the top of his shoulder blade to the curve of his spine at mid-back.  "What happened?"

"Shoved Junichi out of the way of a blade.  Unfortunately, I turned my back on the man too quickly, and he got a lucky shot in," Ryuu answers.  "Raiden has amassed a number of allies since we last faced him in battle.  I estimate them to be a force almost equal to that of Shogun Fujioka.  That is part of why he was not terribly angry that Rika and Jun married without his knowledge.  He is concerned that some will fear the rising power of the Neji clan and break the alliance."

Smoothing his clothing back into place, I settle myself more comfortably in front of him.  My husband's face has become drawn with weariness.  "We always knew that Neji Raiden would eventually become a bigger threat.  He has never been content with his territory as evidenced by the land that he continues to fight with the Aikawa clan over.  Whoever he allies with will be cast aside as soon as he feels that he can stand on his own."

Ryuu pulls me into his lap, arms wrapped about my waist.  "The shogun can push them back; you and I both know that.  For right now, all we can do is continue to live, continue to love, and continue to hope."

I press my lips to his as his hands move up to my hair, tangling in the strands.  Gratitude for the moments that I have been given with this man that I trust with my life wells up, and I pray that he will remain mine for all of my days upon this earth.

And I vow that I would fight a thousand men if anyone ever dared to snatch him away from me.  My identity of a woman may be obvious to society now, but I am unable to let go of the warrior that has been trained into me.

I am not helpless, though those who look at my exterior would believe me to be so, and even as Ryuu's kisses touch every inch of my skin, I tell myself that I will never become someone as fragile as flower petals and as empty-minded as clothing without his owner.

I am a woman, yes, but I am also a sharpened dagger, a wall when those around me fall, the last surviving member of the Amachi family.  And I press these truths into my husband's skin as surely as he presses his own truths into mine, making the two of us stronger than we could be on our own.

As Ryuu sleepily nestles against me, he whispers, "One day we will have a daughter as strong and brave as her mother.  And I will never fear for the two of you, for you will be just as capable as any man in the face of battle."

I lay my head on his chest, the memory of a vision of a dark-haired, amber-eyed little girl floats into my mind, and I find no reason to doubt his words.  For the same words have branded themselves deep on my heart, long before I believed that they could ever be fulfilled.