Part 4

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Weeks went by, Christmas and New Years came and went with Carter trying to get in between Cory and I. I know why, but at the same time it was getting tired. After a while, I started acting like I had no clue what was going on with him, or why he was posting things about making someone understand how much he loves them. Everyone would tell me how sad he looked, and I cared I really did, I just didn't know what I could do. Days, then weeks started to go by and I thought he was out of my life, and part of me was happy about it. He was trouble and all of my problems and secrets revolved around him

"Are you dumb."

Wednesday night in the beginning of February, I was texting Adam as I saw Carter's name pop up in my notifications. Was I dumb? Sometimes I thought so, because I let him go. But was this his idea of trying to get me back?

"What?"

"I'm dating Cait, and I heard you're telling her a bunch of shit about me."

"First off I don't care who you're dating Carter, I hope you're happy. I don't even know who that is and I would never talk shit about you I have no reason to."

"Exactly like I thought, you're a lying bitch. People are telling me that they hear you saying things."

"Yeah I bet they're the same people who were talking shit about you behind your back when you weren't at school. Think about who had your back then and even stood up for you. Because the way I remember it , that was me."

"Whatever. You're a lying, cheating, whore."

"Leave me alone Carter, this conversation is done. I did nothing but show you love and kindness, and I didn't say anything about you to your girlfriend who I don't even know."

"Yeah bet. You're fucking stupid, go to the state and get certified as dumb." 

Then I remembered when he asked me if he ever made me cry. Yes, he did. Right there. That was the first time I actually truly wanted him out of my life. I couldn't think about him anymore. He needed to be gone, out of  my school, out of the state. After he said those things to me even hearing his name made me upset. 

"Cory..."

"Yeah babe what's wrong?"

"Do you think I'm a liar or a hoe?"

"Why are you asking that. Of course not, I love you and everything about you."

"I'll send you the screen shots..."

He read the messages and the little dots at the bottom of the screen continued to pop up. I wondered what he was going to say. Would he be mad at me or would he want to make sure I was okay? Cory was weird like that. If I was the victim of something it could go either way, as if it was my own fault. 

"He doesn't have the right to talk to you like that, but I already told you he's a dick. You just chose to not listen and say he was nice."

"I guess I did. I'm going to go, I'll talk to you later."

The hardest things to hear from people you love are accusations that they clearly believe. If I wanted to talk shit he would've heard it right from my mouth. Not only is it rude but it's so childish to go to his girlfriend, that's something I would never do. And honestly, that showed me how little he cared. After knowing me for a year and a half he should know that I'm not like that. 

For the rest of the month I could barely look myself in the mirror. My entire viewpoint changed because of things he was saying that I knew weren't true. He was never done coming after me. Carter thought this was a game or a joke, but not once was I laughing. It bothered me every second of everyday. 

The day before Cory's birthday we were hanging out and I could tell something was off. He was on his phone, and barely even looking at me. We were in the car when he looked up at me and said "It's Carter, he's saying things."

"What kind of things?"

"Things you don't need to hear."

"Then why would you say something, now I want to know."

"Fine, but you're not going to get upset right?"

"No promises, but I'll try."

And I did try, I really did. But once  he told me that Carter was texting him asking if he wanted to be saved because I was a crazy hoe I didn't know what I wanted to do. A part of me wanted to cry, the other part wanted to punch something, or someone. If I'm so crazy and I'm such a hoe, why did Carter fall in love with me, or was it all just a lie? Cory probably thought I was upset about what he was saying, but more than anything I was upset about who was saying these things. 

"Can you please fucking stop this now Carter. I thought we were done. This is ridiculous I have done nothing to you so please stay out of my relationship, whatever you're doing it so petty and I'm tired of it."

I couldn't help myself. There was no way I was going to sit and cry and be upset when I could stand up for myself. Like Carter told me, I should stop letting people walk all over me. 

"Nah I'm telling him the truth because you're a lying hoe I'm sorry to tell you that. So stop saying shit that isn't true."

"Please stay out of my life I'm begging you, all you're doing is causing issues that don't need to be there."

"I'm not an idiot. I'm telling him the truth about you because I don't need to you hurt other guys because you like to hoe around."

How was I supposed to respond to this? Deny it again and continue to go back and forth about how I'm not a hoe? I know I'm not, and I've cheated once but that doesn't make me a bad person or a hoe. Honestly, that doesn't make anyone a hoe.

After that day, I stopped believing in him and I stopped believing he would ever be mine, and I stopped wanting him. I realized that I may always love him, and would always have the urge to go back to him, but I never could. Because someone who actually loved me, who actually cared would be happy that I'm happy, and would wait for the right time to be with me. In the end, I lost a love, I lost a best friend, I lost him. 



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