Still on crutches, and attempting to get over Ronnie, I was searching for attention from anyone. Carter wasn't at school much anymore, which made it hard for me to want to be with him. Everyday was the same. Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast on the bus, go to school sit out at tennis practice, and go home. There was no excitement, no adventure, no risks. That was all until a boy in my gym class named Cory started talking to me. 

Thing is, I assumed he had a girlfriend. In fact, he did. One Tuesday at the end of September I posted a picture of pizza I had made with the caption "get you a girl who can cook". Cory, decided to slide up and start a conversation about how good it looked. After we started talking, the first thing I asked was if he was still with his girlfriend, you know, a reasonable question.

"So are you single or...?"

"Yeah I mean, we're on a break but I'm hoping it turns into a break up."

"Oh well I really don't wanna be in the middle of anything."

"You're not."

I was struggling to find things to say. Carter was in my mind, and my notifications 24/7, at first, I didn't want anything to happen with Cory. 

"Okay. So ummm are you excited for spirit week?"

"Yeah it should be fun. Let's get a picture together in the morning."

"Yeah maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah if I see you in the breezeway or whatever."

"Oh okay. Wanna go back to snapping? I like seeing your beautiful face."

"Funny, I like it. And yes we can."

Now, even though I liked talking to Cory, I didn't trust him for some reason. Something about his current relationship seemed off. So the times that I was talking to Cory, I didn't feel bad talking to Carter as well.

Don't get me wrong, as hot as Cory was, Carter was hotter. As nice as Cory was, I thought Carter was nicer. He just had me under his spell, and lust or love, I had feelings for him. At first the feelings were physical, but recently as I got to know him more, it was clear that I wasn't giving him up anytime soon.

I had known Carter for over a year at this point. And finally, I got him to open up to me not just about going to the gym. After what happened with Ronnie, I was ready for something new. I was ready for someone to actually care about me and not leave me for no reason, or choose when they want to be with me. I was ready for something to be real, but I wanted that to be with Carter. 

Monday was the start of Spirit week, which came and went without any pictures or interaction with Cory other than gym class. That Wednesday I missed school to go to New York City with Emelia. We had the most amazing day, eating New York Pizza, and seeing one of the most iconic American shows, Hamilton. But later that day, Cory sent me a text that didn't surprise me at all.

"Are you having a good day?"

"Yeah, the show was amazing. Emelia was so surprised when she saw me.And after I got to meet a ton of people in the cast. Best day of my life."

"That's good. I don't want to ruin the fun."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I still have feelings for Riley, so I don't think we can talk anymore. I'm sorry I hope we can be friends still."

"It's okay, I saw this coming anyway."

"I'm so sorry, I hope you're having fun though."

"Yup."

"I'm going to go."

"You do that."

Was I surprised? No. Was I hurt? A little. One minute I was trying to get over Ronnie, catching feelings for someone new and opening up my heart, and the next I feel like I can never trust that person again. This felt like the universe telling me to give Carter yet another chance because he was the one. He never left my side. He didn't choose someone else over me.The universe was saying, Sabrina, it's him. It will always be him. You will always go back to him. And I did. I went back to him.

I never told Carter that I was talking to Cory because I knew that it would be a bad idea. If he found out, he would have called me a liar, and a cheat even though we weren't dating. He asked about my day because he knew that I was in New York, and he seemed like he cared, honestly. 

"Make sure you text me when you get home safely okay?"

"I will, don't worry."

"Sabrina I am worried, you're driving 3 hours home at night, anything could happen."

"Oh yes I know, but it will be fine. Just keep texting me and you'll know I'm okay."

"Sounds good babe."

I made sure to let Carter know when I was home and snug in bed. He called me to say goodnight, and a few other really sweet things. The more we talked, the more I wanted him to be mine. 

The next day, Cory and I had gym together and it was beyond awkward. Well, I was really just trying to make it awkward. See, if you fuck with me, I fuck with you. If you don't like me, I don't like you. And if you lie to me, rest assured I will lie to you. And I can honestly say that plan was working until I saw him with Riley at a football game later that day. The same football game I was supposed to hook up with Carter at. But no, instead Carter had to be at home playing video games with his friends. He claimed he loved me, but he never did anything for me. 

But the world works in mysterious ways. If Carter went to the game, I really would have just rubbed it in Cory's face that I was doing just fine without him in my life. But even though Carter decided to leave me feeling bad for myself, I still wanted to talk to him every second of every day. So I did. We talked nonstop, had conversations at midnight about how much better our lives were with one another, and made plans that fell through every time.  

After about a month of treating Cory like I had never even met him in my life, I finally felt like I could move on. I never thought about Ronnie anymore, Cory was irrelevant and Carter was a blessing in disguise. That was until a few days before Halloween I was in the car and I got a text from an unknown number.

"Do you hate me?"

"Who is this?"

"Oh well you do hate me then. It's Cory." 

"Oh hi? And no I don't hate you, I just didn't have your number in my phone."

"Ah okay."

"So why are you talking to me? I don't hate you but I sure as hell don't love what you did to me."

"And I'm sorry for that. Trust me it was a huge mistake getting back together with Riley. I'm done with her for real this time."

"Okay thanks for sharing I guess."

"No, like I want to be with you, but I need to break up with her first."

"Then break up with her? It's simple."

"I wish it was, she doesn't take it as an answer. She always wants to talk things out."

"Then talk things out and tell her you can't be with her."

"Well once I do that, will you please talk to me again?"

"I don't know."

"Come on at least add me back on snap?"

"Fine. When I get home."

I knew what I was doing was wrong. My heart belonged to Carter, but who was I lying to if I was with Cory. Little by little I cut Carter out of my life without telling him why. But for the next couple of weeks it was almost as if I had two boyfriends. One, Cory, who was someone I could be with physically, and have fun with at school and when he came over. On the other hand was Carter who still gave me butterflies and made me smile whenever I got a text from him. 

But decisions had to be made, and I chose Cory. I always chose the ones with baggage and drama. Carter was simple, but in a complicated way. I decided he had his own issues he needed to work out before being with me. And even after what happened the month before, I still wanted to be with Cory. And when we started dating in November, I knew I had to tell Carter. 

"Hey, before I say anything else, I just want you to know I'm sorry. And I was never playing you, I do actually love you."

"Okay?"

"I honestly just can't talk to you anymore."

"Why? Where is this coming from? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything Carter. You're great, I just need time to figure things out."

"So that means we can't talk?"

"For now, yes." Bite the bullet Sabrina. If this is how it has to be, it'll be like this. 

I don't know how to describe the pain and sorrow I felt when he texted and called me again and again trying to figure out what he did, or why I was "leaving" him. To everyone around me, I made it seem like I didn't care he was out of my life, when really I cried every time I saw his name or even thought of him. 

After a few days, I felt like things had died down with Carter, and things were becoming more real with Cory. But even though I blocked Carter on Snapchat, that didn't stop him from texting me. 

"And now you block me on Snapchat. Really Sabrina? I don't even understand what's going on."

"Carter, why do you care so much."

"Because I care about you, is that such a big problem?"

"Right now, it is."

"How." The little dots came and went a few times. "Oh right, I hope your boyfriend doesn't get mad."

"Too late for that."

"Who are you even dating? And why, you had me, all of me. My entire heart."

"Cory. But that's not the only reason I wanted to cut you out of my life. I'm sick and tired of your bullshit Carter. I need something real, that's not on and off whenever you want it."

"What bullshit? I never even did anything." I wasn't sure how to respond to this, and I was almost waiting for him to say something else. "If all of this is because we never hung out, I'm sorry. I'm scared you won't like me, and it kills me to see you going behind my back and fuck around with people like Cory who aren't good for you. I was always loyal, and never did anything but love you. I wanted to be with you 24/7 Sabrina, but it didn't work out like that. And instead of trying or waiting you just moved on to the next person."

"I told you countless times that I liked you, and I never went behind your back. We never, ever  were officially dating. Honestly Carter I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry."

"I trusted you. And I thought you trusted me. I thought you were smarter than this. Clearly you don't remember but I do. When we face timed last week I asked you out, and you said yes." 

The thing is, I did remember saying yes. But I didn't think he would remember, or even care. Everyday it was someone new telling me that he was asking a new person for nudes, or asking out someone else. 

"Carter, how am I supposed to trust you when all  I hear about is how many people you ask for nudes."

"What the fuck. Everyone hates me, and is trying to get you away from me. You know this, but still you go with the other guy. You still don't believe me even when I'm telling the truth. And you sure as hell don't listen when I say I love you."

"We've tried too many times to be more than friends, and I think it's time to give up and move on. You know I love you and I always will. I'm sorry, I think it's best if we don't talk."

And for the rest of November Carter became just another boy I had feelings for in the past. Or at least this is how I liked to think of it. The sad thing was, I wanted to be with him. My mom knew it, my friends knew it, and part of me felt like Cory knew it too.

Countless times I received texts from my friends saying Carter was asking about me. He was desperate to know how to win me back, and why I was with Cory. But, this one text from him sent me over the edge. 

"Carter, I heard what you said to Adam."

"It wasn't anything bad."

"I know, but still."

"Still what?"

"I'm with someone else, it's time for you to move on."

"I can't do that."

"Well..."

"Well what? Well nothing. I love you and theres no changing that."

"You don't have to change that, just find a way to leave me alone and move on."

"You know what bitch, Fuck you. I don't need you anymore."

"Bye."

He hates me now. He did love me. And I do care about him, I love him. I've just been lying to myself this entire time... 

Things with Carter died down as the month of December rolled in. I think we both knew that we just had to give up eventually. I was with Cory, and I was genuinely happy. He made me smile and laugh, and on top of that he was an amazing kisser. But my heart knew something was off about him, and I was right.

One day, I got a text from his ex girlfriend Riley saying he wanted to get back together with her and she had proof. Now, she wasn't the nicest when saying all of this but I had to look at the facts. Screen shots of what Cory was saying to her. Screen shots that labelled him as a cold hearted cheater. He told her he loved her. He told her he wanted to be with her, that he needed her. He promised her he would be with her, once I broke up with him.

Broken. Shattered. My warm clammy hands held my phone as I read his message over and over again, tears forming in my eyes. I didn't even want to tell any of my friends, or call Cory. I only wanted to talk to Carter. So I did. I called him

"Sabrina? What's wrong?"

"It's Cory, he cheated on me..." The tears began rolling down my face as Carter sighed and I heard him turn off his TV.

"Fuck him. Where does he live?" The anger in his voice was pure and real, I knew he would care.

"No. You're not doing anything. Can you just come over please?" I began to wipe away my tears trying to pull myself together. There was no way I would let a guy break me down like this, even when I trusted him. Just like how I trusted Ronnie.

"I'm on my way."

We hung up and sure enough he was at my house 15 minutes later. What was I going to do though? I had to talk to Cory about this, I couldn't keep ignoring his texts and calls. What was I supposed to say though? Ask him how and why and get some bullshit answers like how much he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me? Try again next time.

I watched Carter's white Ford truck pull into my driveway, and he walked up to my front door. He rang the bell and I went upstairs to pull our bright blue door open. Carter walked in, looked around to see that no one was home, and then hugged me. A hug that was silent but spoke a thousand words. A hug that I will never forget, ever.

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No, I don't want to. I'm scared honestly. I don't want him to lie to me again."

"Then don't talk. Ignore him for tonight. Come on, I'll distract you."

We walked downstairs to my large but messy bedroom. Immediately he tried to kiss me, but part of me pushed him away, but once he looked into my eyes there was no going back. His strong hands grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer to him. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't want to stop him. I wanted him to be mine, and for the first time he was.There was no going back from what I did, no explaining it, no excuses. But what he said to me as I laid on his chest made me think.

"Sabrina, you're one of a few people that I care about with my whole heart. I really do love you."

"Carter, I love you to."

"I'm done watching people walk all over you. Between Drake, Ronnie and now Cory, you need someone real. I want to restart and show you I'm a different person. There's no one else I only want you."

"I want you too, I just need to think about things."

"Well think about this. Have I made you cry?"

"You've made me upset, and I've cried once or twice but you never made me feel like this before. Why?"

"Maybe keep that in mind when you break up with that asshole so you can be with me and I can treat you like the princess you are."

And I did. I kept it in mind, and I did break up with him. But two days later Cory and I were back together. Poor Carter, he probably felt the same way I did, and I considered that too late. And that amazing day when he came over was the last time we ever hung out together, both of us smiling and happy.