Part 2

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About a week after Drake and I broke up , Ronnie and I started talking again. You know, the one who cut me off in April? Yeah him. I forgave him, but at the same time it took awhile for me to trust him again. In my opinion, forgiveness and trust are two different things. When I forgave him I was able to talk to him again without being mad. But it was what I talked to him about that changed. Sofia was actually the one who convinced me to give him another chance. In the end, he ended up being my first real heartbreak. But that story will be told over time.

The first night I was at Sofia's we had a deep conversation about Ronnie.

"So he's talking to you again?"

"Yeah, I don't know if I trust him though."

"But do you like him? Because you should be the bigger person and give him another chance if he's apologizing."

"How am I supposed to give him another chance? He just cut me off for no reason."

"You do that to people all the time. Because of Carter. Maybe he has a reason, you should listen to what he has to say. And what about Drake, you need to show him that you're done with him and ready to move on."

"That's true. I've been done with him since we started dating. He's insane."

"I mean, you're not wrong. I hope no one finds out why you dated him. Everyone will think you're a user and even more crazy than him."

"For real. Don't worry though, no one will find out. I can keep a secret."

Sad part was, I could keep a secret and I could lie. I could lie about my feelings and thoughts and I could lie about being sad even if I wasn't. It's not something to brag about, but it was helpful when I wanted to get close to people without actually getting close. 

"Well then let's talk to Ronnie, see what he's up to."

We texted him to see if he wanted to Facetime. He said yes and immediately called my phone. We ended up talking for hours, and he even had his own concert singing Justin Bieber and his favorite song, Your Man. Every moment I spent talking to Ronnie was a good one. He made me laugh, smile and I just loved the little things he did. As much as I liked Ronnie, there was only one problem. I never could stop thinking about Carter. Sofia convinced me to message him on Instagram to see if he would unblock me.

"Hey Carter."

"Hi?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I never wanted us to lose touch."

"We may have lost touch but you didn't lose me."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, we still can talk. I've missed hearing your voice and seeing your beautiful face every night before I go to bed, and when I wake up in the morning. I love you Sabrina, and I miss you."

"Carter..."

 "But hey, I heard you broke up with that rapist. What were you doing with him anyway?"

"I was trying to figure something out."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, will you please unblock me on Snapchat? I miss you too."

"Yes of course."

I was beyond happy. It was crazy that he made me feel like I was floating on a cloud. But even though he gave me countless amounts of butterflies, I still wanted to make things work with Ronnie.

A few days later, Sofia and I went to a party at a girl named Caitlyn's house. When we were there, she introduced me to all the really sexy Long Island boys. I had my eye on one of them, Tony. I knew I had at least get his snapchat before I left.

"Sof...SOF!"

"Yeah what's up"

"How's that Tony kid?"

"Huh?"

"He a good kisser?"

"Ohhh. Yeah." And just like that she was being that friend. The embarrassing one you sometimes don't want to be around. "Hey! Tony come here."

What the fuck Sofia!

Confidently Tony walked over seductively looked me up and down, and then focussed in on my lips.

"You know my friend Sabrina right?"

"Yeah, what's up wanna go get a drink?"

"Sure, so are you a freshman too?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Nah, I'm a sophomore."

"Yo no way. So you're driving soon huh?"

"I wish, I'm only 14."

"With a body like that, damn boys at your school are lucky."

"You think?"

"Hell yes. Come here."

Before you know anymore, I have to clarify a few things about Tony. He was a sexy bad boy Latino. His hair was black as night and his eyes were a beautiful shade of bright blue. I knew one kiss with a kid I wasn't going to see again wouldn't affect my slowly but surely forming relationship with Ronnie. Like I said, I can keep a secret.

I looked back at Sofia as Tony took me by the hand into a room. We were making out for about 10 minutes before his friends busted in to tell him that someone dropped off bud. He pretty much closed the door in their face and turned back to me.

"Let me have your snap, maybe I can see that body sometime."

"Yeah, you can see it in your dreams."

We both laughed and decided to exchange snapchats. He kissed me one last time before we both left the room and continued on with the night as if nothing happened. Sofia and I left the party around 9:30, and went home to watch Netflix and talk about what had just happened.

On my last night with Sofia, she added Drake on snapchat. He told her how much he missed me, and begged for me to unblock him. Touched by the bullshit "true love" story he was telling, Sofia said I should at least unblock him. Not give him a second chance, but just hear him out.I decided to unblock him, but I never listened to a single word he said. You know when someone is talking to you and you just smile and nod, I pretty much did that but over text. I knew I wanted Ronnie, not someone like Drake who was not at all loyal or trustworthy. Honestly, I knew I wanted Ronnie the entire time I was making out with Tony. 

When I got home, all I could think, breathe, and talk about was hanging with Ronnie. He seemed so right for me, and I felt like I was right for him too. But every time we went to make plans, it didn't seem to work out. I started to get the same feeling I got with Carter. He was busy, his parents worked, I was home alone a lot, and things didn't seem to be pointing in our direction.

To this day I still remember when Ronnie sang a song to me and told me he loved me. He was playing music while talking to me and put on a song called "I think I love you". It was a tad goofy and tacky, but that's what I loved about him, he was someone I could laugh with even though he was basically proclaiming his love for me. Of all the times we talked, certain conversations just stuck out.

"Ughhh Bina."

"Yes?"

"You're so gorgeous."

"Ronnie!! You're so sweet. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I couldn't imagine a life without you." He sat there smiling and decided he was going to tell me about our first date. "So I was thinking that for our first date I'll pick you up in my truck, and we can drive around to look at the stars."

"That sounds magical. Where did you think of this?"

"Well I know that you believe stars are everyone's souls once they pass away, so I figured I'd bring you to see them. And then I'll hold you close as we cuddle under blankets, and give you my sweatshirt if you need it."

"You know me so well Ronnie, but when are we getting together to do this?"

"I wish I knew, and I hope it's soon. Football has me so drained. Plus I really want to meet your parents."

"Aw I'm sorry. And same, I'm sure they'll love you."

"My mom will definitely like you. A singer, who is smart, sporty and on top of all that you're beautiful." Ronnie glanced down, and then back at me. "You know, I love you Bina."

Part of me was shocked, and the other part of me was happy. A smile took over my face as I looked at his messy black hair. "I love you too Ronnie."

Two weeks before my birthday party, I was home alone while Face Timing Ronnie. When I answered the phone, I was giggling and smiling. 

"Bina you're always so happy. Does anything make you upset"?"

This made me laugh even more, and under my breath I said "YES. Sofia sending nudes to Drake." I was hopeful that he didn't hear me, because I hadn't talked about it to anyone since I found out at the beginning of the summer. 

"No way, like you're best friend Sofia?"

"Ronnie you weren't supposed to hear that..." My entire expression changed. I went from being happy to scared. For some reason I knew something bad was going to happen. "You can't say anything to her Ronnie, please."

And just like that, I saw him go on his phone. "Oh come on baby it won't hurt I'll just make a joke."

This was my worst nightmare. I was so afraid I was going to loose Sofia. Just as he sent the message to her, she sent one to me. 

"Really Sabrina. You told Ronnie?? What the fuck kind of friend are you. I thought you said you didn't care?"

I couldn't hide the warm tears that were rolling down my face from Ronnie, who immediately regretted not listening to me when I told him not to say anything to Sofia. 

"Sofia I'm sorry. We were just having a conversation, I don't even care about it anymore." 

"Well I do. Now everyone at your school is going to think I'm a slut"

How selfish was this? Not only was I offended that she was insinuating that Ronnie or I would tell people, but the best part to me was that she thought people here would care. She lives 3 hours away, nobody has time for drama like that. 

"I can't believe you. You send nudes to my ex boyfriend and it somehow is my fault?? If you want to be mad at me go ahead but just remember that I forgave you for something much worse. Whose the one who broke my glasses and threw Joey in a pool? When you were acting like a spoiled brat I was by your side the whole time right? Don't turn this around on me when you should be the one apologizing."

I read this out loud to Ronnie as she continued to argue with me. He had enough of it. 

"Sabrina I need to say something to her. It's my fault that you're in tears and about to lose your best friend. I'm so sorry I should've listened to you."

"It's fine. You're not the one who went behind my back."

He ended up sending her the most caring and supportive message I could've asked for. Although I blamed him for me losing my best friend, it was easy for me to get over it because of what he said. The part that I remember the most is at the end when he told Sofia "So I would stop now because you're the one who fucked up. You're hurting a girl that I love and it needs to stop." 

That was brave. About 30 minutes later he was at my doorstep ready to dry my tears. 

"I'm so so sorry." He said to me as I cried in his arms. Again and again I heard him say it, and then he said "I love you and it's my fault that you're hurting" . 

He spent the rest of the night with me, goofing around and being there for me cheering me up. Ronnie was someone I knew would protect me at any cost. Even if he came off like a douchebag, I knew he had my back for a long time. At least I liked to think that. I asked him countless times to come to my Quinceañera, something I was looking forward to for years. When he didn't come I was a little heartbroken. He told me he was nervous which I understand but as brave as he was, I discovered he could be a coward. I think after 3 months of talking everyday, and catching feelings for his fun filled personality, that's why it hurt so much when he left. I tried and tried to get together with him again but it never worked out. One Saturday night, when it felt like we were drifting apart, I texted him to see what he was doing. Honestly, I was worried about him. He was sending pictures of his face and he looked fucked up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm just not in the best state of mind right now."

"What does that mean."

"I'm high, I don't wanna talk."

"Ight then."

I started to give up on us after tennis started at the end of August, and I remember Ronnie would ignore my texts and never FaceTimed me anymore. Every time I saw him though, he gave me a sorry look, but I never got an explanation. Then right before school started, I sprained my ankle at tennis practice and he seemed to care about me again. As if he wanted to make sure I was okay. He ran over to my car after he was done football practice to ask what had happened.

"Are you okay Sabrina?"

"Yeah, it's just a sprain. Thanks though."

"That's rough. Didn't you just make varsity?"

"Mhm. I'm honestly so pissed."

"I know this doesn't make a difference, but if theres anything I can do let me know." I nodded my head and he started to walk away but turned around to me. "Funny thing is I knew it was you because of the braids and bright orange shoes."

"Oh gosh really? That's embarrassing."

"Yeah, that's why I had to make sure you were okay. Don't be embarrassed, I care about you. I'll text you later Bina." He leaned over, kissed me on the forehead, and walked away to his car.

"Bye Ronnie."

Later that night, after I assured him I was fine, he told me he would always love me. But a few days later things started to change again just like they did before. It took me three weeks of wondering what happened before I manned up and called him to see what was going on, but when I got the answer it was not what I was expecting.

"Hey Ronnie."

"Hi Bina. How are you, back at with tennis?"

"Not quite yet, soon though. Um, hows football going?"

"Good, playing varsity." He awkwardly looked down and scratched the back of his head. "Mind me asking why you called, you said you wanted to talk about something?"

"Well yeah, I mean it just seems like we're losing touch, as more than friends."

"I'm sorry, but there just isn't an us anymore. I love you, but not like that."

"I get it. Uh, I'm goona go, i'll talk to you later."

"Bina, come on don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, we're friends, that's what I want."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Not your problem anymore, goodbye Ronnie."

"Wait Bi.."

I don't know what he was going to say, but "I'm sorry" was not going to change how I felt. The fact that he still called me Bina broke my heart. That was a nickname I hated, but when he said it I smiled. For weeks whenever I saw him in school I got so sad, and kinda angry honestly. My life felt like it was falling apart. Carter hadn't been in school, I couldn't play tennis, and when I did I was really bad, and there was a lot going on. No matter how many people I talked to including Carter, no one made me feel like Ronnie did. 

As you can tell by now, Carter and I were as on and off as it could get. One week we're having loving conversations talking about a future with each other and FaceTiming every night, and the next week things are over complicated and we lose touch. Honestly, the whole month of August I didn't even talk to Carter. All my time was spent with Ronnie. Well, not with him , but thinking about him. But then again, not matter what I always found myself talking to Carter. At the end of the day it was always went back to him. 

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