Part 1

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Freshman year orientation. New school, new friends, new teachers. I wasn't scared because I've never been a shy person, if anything I'm always the one to make jokes in order to make friends. But honestly I didn't know what to expect.

My favorite memory about that day was walking through the hallway of Charles Academy in front of two beautiful girls who were trashing my old school, Weston.

The girl on the left with the caramel skin and long silky brown hair said "I can't believe how many people from Weston are coming here this year. No one wants them here they should just go back."

Seeing as this would be the perfect time for me to introduce myself as the class comedian, I turned around and said "I know! They really are annoying."

Both girls didn't recognize me and the pretty brunette said "My bad, you must be new, and from Weston. I'm Andee, this is Peyton."

I smiled, and moved back so I could walk next to Andee. "I'm Sabrina, but you can call me West."

"West, that's cool, where'd it come from? Is it because you went to Weston?"

"It's my last name actually. One of my best friend's names is Sofia, so over the summer when we would hang out with friends, people just started calling me West."

"That's cool. So um, do you forgive me for what I said about Weston?"

I chuckled, and said "Yes of course, I don't like it there either. I left for a reason."

Just like that, we were called out onto the field for some games and food. Andee and I stuck together, and she introduced me to a ton of people who I ended up having classes with that year. And that's when I saw him. Carter Lance. He was gorgeous in a strange way. He was about 5 foot 4, with dirty blonde hair, and despite the fact that it was 80 degrees, he was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Something about him just drew me in, and I could never let go.

I leaned over to Andee and said "Who's he? He seems nice."

I really should have known better to judge someone before I ever heard them speak because what he said to the girl standing next to him, was not nice at all.

"Bitch, move you're in my way."

"Oh Carter shut up." The girl said as she saw Andee and I watching and giggling from a few feet away. "Hey Andee! Who's your new friend?"

"I'm West, nice to meet you."

"Cool name, I'm Deels, that's Sydney, Sophia and uh Carter, he's trouble let me tell you."

Andee and I laughed, and I said hello to everyone. Carter and I glanced at each other, but I didn't think anything of it. After all, he was just another school yard crush right? Well, I've never been more wrong in my life. I could never seem to get over him.

Later that night when I got home, I was Snapchatting Andee and asked her about Carter. Her reaction was not what I thought it would be.

A: He's charming yes, but don't be fooled. He's a player and will definitely use someone as pretty as you.

S: Really? I mean he seems like a goofball but I wouldn't have labelled him as a player at first glance.

A: Just wait and you'll see. But promise me you'll be careful with him.

S: Yeah, of course.

I made the mistake of not listening to Andee. I'm such a curious person that no matter what anyone said to me about Carter, I wanted to find out for myself. I happened to run into him on the first day of school because we ended up having crime together. After a class of glancing at each other from either sides of the room, I decided to walk with him in the hallway on my way to advisory.

"Hey, you're Cars, Carter right?"

"Yeah, and um, you're... Sabrina."

"Yeah, uh a lot of people call me West, but you can call me whatever."

He smiled, and it was so breathtaking. He just lit up my heart in a second! I watched him nod and then he said something I've never forgotten. "Your name is almost as beautiful as you, you don't need a nickname."

Slightly blushing, I looked down, and then made eye contact with him. Right as I was about to thank him, Andee came running up to me.

She pulled me away and started telling me a funny story about her teacher, or something, I really don't know. All I know is that I couldn't stop thinking about Carter. His deep raspy voice, his smile and bright blue angel eyes had me in an inescapable trance.

Later that day, Andee texted me to tell me Carter had asked for my snap. Of course I said she should give it to him, because I didn't want to ask him myself. He was the first boy I was ever really shy around, well except for my seventh grade crush Alex. I looked down at my phone to see a notification that Carter Lance added me on snapchat. I waited a few hours to add him back while I went to tennis practice.

After 2 hours of being out in the hot sun trying to get my forehand down, I went home and ate dinner with my mom before I even looked through all of my notifications that were blowing up my phone. 

"So you're liking tennis honey?"

"Yeah it's super fun, but I have to tell you about this boy Carter."

"A boy huh? Show me a picture."

I tried to find his instagram but there were no recent photos, so I promised my mom I would show her later.

"He's really nice, we walk to class together after crime."

"Oh he's in you're class, do you guys sit with each other?"

"No we actually sit across from each other."

"Well you know what I'm going to say, if he becomes a distraction move your seat."

"Yes mom, I know."  

After dinner I finally added Carter back. I was so eager to open what he sent me 3 hours ago, and quickly clicked on his name.

"Hey, I know you're new and you're probably going to hear some things about me that aren't so great, but before you listen to other people I want to get to know you first. You seem really cool."

"Hi! Uh yeah, Andee said some things but don't worry, I always give people a chance before judging them."

"Good, because you're really pretty and I'd hate to lose you to rumors."

"HA! You're so nice"

"lol, so what's up?"

"Not much, just got home from tennis, about to jump in the shower. Hbu?"

"Yeah same, just chilling. I'm kinda bored bc I don't have any good shows to watch on Netflix."

"Oh!! Okay well Shameless is super funny, I don't know you that well but it seems like something you would like. I'll be right back I'm going to jump in the shower."

I placed my phone on the charger, and walked to the bathroom. Before jumping in, I made sure it was steaming hot, even though I was sweating like crazy. You know when you're in the shower and you start thinking about random things that won't ever happen, but because you're human, you start an argument or plan an entire date while washing your hair? Yeah that's what I did. All focussed around Carter.

When I got back in my room, I picked up my phone and saw I had three notifications from Carter, two from Andee, and my a bunch of DM's of memes from my friends. Obviously I opened Carter's snap chats first, which was a good idea because I saw why everyone was trying to get my attention.

He had a picture from my Instagram posted on his story, I was tagged in it, and he wrote

"WCW to the new princess in my life. Stay gorgeous"

What. The. Hell. WHY DID HE POST THIS?!?! From that point on, I knew he was going to be trouble. I knew I would be walking on eggshells with him but this never changed my feelings for him. I knew that no matter what he did, I would always go back to him because I wasn't even mad that he posted it. 

I decided not to say anything other than how sweet it was. I mean, sure I just met him but it was still nice. I tried to ignore the people blowing up my phone for the rest of the night and I watched Netflix and told my old friends what was going on. When I was texting Sofia, she said she wanted to FaceTime.

"So you really like this kid Carter huh?"

"Yeah, he seems really nice, I just met him a few days ago. But he gives off a vibe. Maybe that's just because I've just been hearing things about him around school."

"What kind of things S?"

"Things like he cheated on this girl last year, and he always asks for nudes, and he's not loyal. Just little things."

"S, those aren't little things... if you're questioning him, just ask him."

"Sof I can't just be like: hey are you a cheater?"

"No you idiot. You just ease into his past and see what he says. You can read people like a pro, just read him!"

"Okay, okay. I will. We normally walk together after class so I'll talk to him then."

"Good. Make sure you text me and tell me what happens okay?"

"Yeah of course. Hey I meant to ask, how Vince?"

"He's fine I guess, but we haven't talked much lately. I feel like he's moving on, and maybe I should too."

"When did you break up?"

"Like a month ago."

"Bad blood?"

"Nah, I don't think so. It's just not the same as it was before obviously."

I realized what time it was, and remembered I had some homework to do. I said goodbye and grabbed my computer for school.

All of my teachers were really nice, except for Mrs. Massett. She was a bitch. Homework every night, online assignments, and she was the worst teacher I'd ever had.

The only class I looked forward to on blue days was crime, because I got to see Carter. Our conversations went from being about sports, to TV shows, to celebrities. All this "talking" but he never asked me out or made a move. It was just so frustrating because I liked him sooo much, and he seemed to like me too, but part of me didn't trust him. I would hear people whispering behind me, or I'd get texts from people I didn't even know telling me things that he's doing behind my back. Sure it hurt a little, but was it really behind my back if we weren't dating and never hung out outside of school? No. Therefore I always got annoyed and really just wished people would stay out of my life.

After I went home, I took a quick nap. I just wanted to escape everything but the dream I ended up having only made the situation worse.

It was right before the lunch bell rang, and Carter was in my history classroom. All of the sudden the lockdown alarm signaled, and everyone gathered into huddle in the back corner. Just as our teacher went to lock the door, a man with an AK barged into the classroom. Everyone except the shooter without a face was quiet. When I stood up with my hands high above my head, everyone including Carter started to ask what I was doing.

"I know why you're here" I said to the man as I slowly approached him .

"Oh really. And let me guess, you hate this school too?"

"As a matter of fact I do. I think I want to do some damage too. Give me the gun and I can help you."

"Sabrina what are you doing?" Carter said as he stood up to try and stop me. I gave him a look, and he kept his distance knowing I had something planned. 

He hesitated, and then handed me the gun. I took it, and just as I was about to knock him across the face, he grabbed another gun from his ankle and shot me in the shoulder.

I stumbled back, but was still able to knock him out, and he fell on top of one of the desks. After about 30 seconds, I fell to the ground as I was quickly losing more and more blood. Carter ran over to me, lifted me up and started yelling to people trying to figure out what to do. My semi conscious body was laying in his arms. As he carried me to the ambulance, he was telling me how much he cared about me and loved me the whole way there.

My alarm woke me up, and I laid in bed as I thought about the dream. I also thought about Carter, and how I never stopped liking him. The strange part is didn't tell people. You see, when you're new to a school it's easy for everyone to judge you based on who you like. I really was trying to be well known and popular for the right reasons. Andee, Cetta and Emily, my closest friends in the school, were the only people who knew I liked him. Funny thing is though, they were always the ones trying to set me up with someone new!!

Right after homecoming in October, they introduced me to Reuben, a super nice but shy kid who was also a freshman. Yes he was charming and sweet, but he wasn't really my type. I had a thing for latinos, who were loud and crazy and loved to dance and have a good time. This was Carter, he was just so handsome and charming. But as much as I liked Carter, I loved talking to Reuben. It was nice to have someone that didn't seem ashamed to be involved with me.

We started dating in November, and slowly Carter and I lost touch. About three weeks into my relationship with Reuben my friend Madison was telling me some things that Carter said to her in math.

"So you said you had something you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh yeah, nothing big just that I was talking to Carter yesterday and he said he doesn't know why you're with Reuben. He really just feels like you should be with him."

"What did you say?"

"I just told him he should've asked you out when he had the chance rather than being butt-hurt that you're happy now. And if he really likes you he should be glad you're happy."

"Oh okay, do you think I should say anything? I don't know what to do about him. I like Reuben but you know, he's really quiet and all. We have fun but I just don't feel the same connection I feel with Carter ."

"Well try talking to Carter, I mean don't cheat on Reuben but just give him a chance to explain."

"You really think that's a good idea..."

"Go talk to him right now."

We were in crime and I glanced over to Carter. He must've known that I was talking about him because he looked at me with these puppy dog eyes and motioned for me to go sit next to him. I grabbed my bag and walked over.

"Hey" I said as I sat down.

"Hi, how are you? You kinda cut me out of your life when you started dating Reuben."

"Yeah I know, and I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to, I kinda just did."

"I could see that Madison told you what I said to her."

"Yeah, and I'm going to be honest with you, I'm happy with Reuben, I just wish I didn't have to worry about you being upset with me."

"I'm not upset with you, I'm kinda upset with myself."

"What do you mean."

"I see how you look at me, and I see how you look at that dork. You wanna be with me. I know it, your friends know it, and deep down you know it too."

I agreed, but I didn't want him to know that, almost like I didn't want him to win. If I couldn't have him after all the time we were talking, he couldn't have me now. Even though my heart broke every time I saw him, and thought about being with him, I knew what I had to say. I was hoping some tough love would push him away, but it did just the opposite. 

"Oh Carter, one day you'll learn."

"I could say the same for you, Sabrina."

The bell rang, I grabbed my things and we went our separate ways. The whole day I couldn't stop thinking about what Carter said. It wasn't a matter of whether he was right or wrong, it was the fact that everyone but the universe was telling me to stay away from him. Talking to him just felt so, right.

December came and went, and after a while, I realized how much I didn't like Reuben, as a boyfriend that is. He was such a sweet person, but I knew who was right for me. Carter. Part of me felt bad, but I talked to my friends who could see I wasn't living my life to the fullest with him, and they said I just needed to follow my heart.

Right before winter break ended, I decided to call Reuben and tell him how I was feeling.

"Hey I think we should talk."

"Yeah what's up?"

"I'm just not happy, with us that is."

"What do you mean? Is it me?"

"You're great, and I always have a fun time with you, I just, I don't know, I feel like I can't be with you when I have feelings for someone else."

"What can I do. Oh, wait. This is about Carter right? I had a feeling this would happen." I sighed, because I didn't want to admit that he was right. Part of me just didn't want to hurt Reuben. No matter what I said, I knew he would be broken. "You know what, have a nice life with that player. He'll never really care about you."

"If that's true, I want to find out for myself. I'm sorry to do this to you."

"I'm sorry too."

I hung up the phone and just went on with my night. It makes me sound like I have no heart, but I didn't even feel bad. Well I did, it just didn't feel like I would miss him.It wasn't even a week later when Carter found out I broke up with Reuben. I saw him in the hallway, said hello, and he turned around to start walking with me.

"Yo S wait up!"

I was honestly happy to talk to him, and I took my earbuds out to see what he had to say. "Hey Carter what's up."

"So rumor has it that you broke up with the ginger?"

I chuckled under my breath. "Yeah, I just was going through something and wanted some time alone."

He almost looked disappointed, until he smirked and said "Alone? Wanna be alone, together?" Carter looked at me again with the puppy dog eyes and nudged my arm. 

I looked at him, almost confused. See, I knew exactly what he was saying, I just wasn't sure if he knew where I was coming from.

"I mean, we don't have to. This was kinda my way of asking if you could add me back on snap?"

I laughed, told him yes of course, and carried on with my day. After I added him again, things just went right back to where things were before. I was just getting bored and tired with liking him so much and doing absolutely nothing about it.

January, February and March flew by without any drama, other than drama club that is. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved to sing and dance, and perform for anyone who was watching. So, I decided to audition for the school musical. I didn't think I would get in, but I did and it was the most fun I'd had since I went to Yale that summer.

Not only was everyone in the club super nice and supportive, since I did dance for 5 years I felt like I was able to help people while they helped me with improving my singing. One kid in particular, Kyle, was amazing. He was just good at everything. And he was pretty cute too. He was 3 years older than me, but since he was in drama club, I didn't want to start anything. I never had real feelings for him, but if he asked me out, I would've said yes.And that's the difference between my feelings for most people and Carter. He was on my mind 24/7, whereas my feelings for Rueben, and eventually Kyle drifted out the window once I got to know them. 

As time went on, Kyle and I became great friends, like super close. Like brother and sister close. We thought it was hilarious because everyone thought we were dating. The drama kids, our director, even my parents, AND Carter. It was funny though, as the months went by, the more Carter ignored me at school. This didn't stop us from texting me all day everyday though. One Friday night I went home after indoor tennis I saw a text from him. My face lit up, because I hadn't heard from him all day. 

"Hey"

"Hi"

"What's up" 

"Just got home from tennis, hbu"

"Tennis? It's like 30 degrees outside."

"It's indoor lol."

"Ahhh that makes sense lol."

"Yeah"

To me, it felt like we did a lot of laughing, but I wondered if he actually thought I was funny.

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