47.| Thru Good Times & Bad Times

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Keith Powers

The hospital room was quiet, only the sound of April's hear monitor and breathing tube filled the room. I watched as she laid there sleep. But it wasn't from being tired, she was put to sleep because it was the only way she'd be calm.

The bleeding wouldn't stop, the doctors tried everything. Her placenta detached. It's been this way since the accident, but they didn't mention it so we wouldn't panic and if she didn't know, she wouldn't stress and cause more trauma on the babies.

She didn't stress, I kept her relaxed, she was okay, we thought everything was okay.

I could hear her screams replaying in my head once the baby monitor flat lined. Her panicking didn't make things any better.

Now we're here.

No babies and heartbroken.

Ima end up losing her, I can feel it. Every single thing that has happened is my fault. I put her in a situation without even asking her if she was okay. I thought because we were married she had to deal with my baggage.

I should've allowed her to become ready on her own, I didn't give her that chance.

How could I be so selfish. If the tables were turned, I don't even think I would be dealing with the situation the way she did. She loves my daughter like she's her own. April could've stood her ground and told me she didn't want anything to do with this.

I'm kind of wishing she would've left, my fucking kids would still be alive!

Their blood is on my hands.

I told Brittany, that if they lost their lives, she would lose her. Well my kids are dead because of her, so you know what has to happen.

A Couple Hours Later

April's sobs now filled the room. She hasn't stopped crying since she woke up. I wanted to comfort her, but I was afraid that she wouldn't want me near her. She laid her head on my moms chest while her mom held her hand.

I glanced around at all the sad faces. Some people looked at me, I know they think this is my fault.

A knock on the door grasped all of our attention.

"Come in." Joyce said.

The door opened and a nurse came in with a clipboard and a box. "Mr. & Mrs. Powers I am so sorry for your lost. You and you're family are in my prayers. I don't want to be a bother but we have to ask what you are planning to do with your children. Are you burying them?"

April just cried harder. I took a deep breath and shook my head. "She was only 18 weeks, how big were they?" I asked.

"About the size of your fist."

"Is that two small for cremation?"

"No, we'll do whatever you want."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"But on behalf of our maternity ward, we would like to gift you two with a keepsake for your babies. Inside of this box is two hats and two blankets, two candles and a scripture. Once again I'm sorry for your loss."

I grabbed the box from her. "Thank you so much."

She gave a small smile and walked out the room. I took the box over to a table. We didn't get a chance to find out the Sex of the babies, maybe the box would tell me.

I slowly pulled the lid back and when I saw those colors my heart shattered even more and I couldn't fight back my tears.

Two boys.

Just what I wanted and now they're gone. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?! Is this karma? What is it? Why am I experiencing this pain?!

Does god hate me?

If there even is a god. He's supposed to represent love and he's supposed to comfort you. Not put you through heart breaking shit like this.

Why he have to take my kids man?

3:56am

I haven't been to sleep, neither has April. We've both been up for a full 24 hours. I've just been sitting at the end of her bed, watching her stare down at the blanket.

Her mom decided to stay but she went to get a late snack.

Me and April still haven't said a word to each other. I just think we don't know what to say.

She probably wants to yell that she hates me.

"April." I said. My voice was barely there so I don't even know if she even heard me.

But she did. Her head lifted and she looked at me, that was tuff because her eyes were swollen.

"Baby I'm sorry." I continued. "You're in this situation, because of me. We lost our babies, be.because of me." My voice cracked as tears flooded my eyes. "If you hate me I understand. If you want to leave me, I understand."

She sighed. "Now is not the time to play the blame game. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what the Fuck has happened. My sons are dead, before they even got a chance to even live. I'll never get to love on them, kiss them hold them, touch them, see them. I'll never know if they had your nose or my lips, if they'll take interest in being a barber or even doing hair. I'll never fucking know! I can't hate you because I need you! You're my husband and I just want you to comfort me and hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, even though I feel like it will never be. I need you Keith!"

I hurried out my chair and over to her. Holding her face I kissed her lips. I could feel her tears on my nose. Breaking away I pulled her in my arms. "Everything is going to be okay, we're going to get through this together. I promise."

"Why did this have to happen to us?! Why Keith, why?"

I closed my eyes and the tears fell. I wish I knew why we continued to deal with bullshit. The minute I feel like we're catching a break something pops off.

I wanna be at peace, I wanna us to live happily.

I gotta keep my wife happy because if I don't and things keep ruining our lives, she's going to leave. I've lost enough, I can't lose anymore.

"I love you Keith."

"I love you more than anything in this world April. I'm sorry about everything, I'm so sorry."

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I know it's short, I'm sorry. I just wanted to give you guys a little something.

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