Tomorrow was June first which meant it was one more sleep until I turned fifteen. I could feel the excitement building in my stomach; I was such a sucker for birthdays.

It had always been just my mom and I, my grandparents always visited in the evenings after my grandfather got back from work and stayed until after I blew out the candles. My aunt lived too far away and since she moved, my mom and she weren't that close – she did however always send a text or call.

As for my dad, well up until my fifth birthday, he used to pick me up the next day and spend the entire afternoon with me – doing whatever I wanted. But ever since the twins were born, my mom refused to see him, and he stopped that tradition. I knew he would call late in the evening or night and ask if I wanted to spend the Saturday or Sunday with him, but looking at my mom's condition, I had been declining for a while now.

It was almost seven-pm currently and I was consumed by my thoughts that I had forgotten  I had an assignment to complete. I looked back down at the open textbook on micro-organisms, I loved Biology and the current topic we were on was one of my favorites – learning about the tiny leaving organisms in our world taught me that no matter what size one was, we all played a vital part in life.

I shook away my train of thoughts and went back to taking notes from the textbook that sat in front of me. But for some reason, I couldn't concentrate and that was off for me, as I was always a dedicated scholar, but I think the excitement for my birthday was distracting me. A few years ago, I was supposed to go to Florida with my dad and his family to visit Disneyworld but my mom was having an off day, even though she convinced me she was fine, she couldn't fool me so I canceled with my dad and never went.

My mom felt awful and ever since then she made sure to make it up to me, but we never caught a break, so this year she planned for us to visit a popular amusement park in Queensbury. It wasn't close to Disneyworld or even Disneyland, but it was a day I was going to spend with my mom and we were taking a small road trip since the drive from Queens to Queensbury was a little over three hours.

I was super excited because it felt like such a long time since my mom and I were having Mila-mom time. I missed her so much, even though we lived under one roof, we stopped spending as much time with each other as we used to.

I couldn't stop the smile on my face as I thought of all the things my mom and I would do, we were going to leave at the crack of dawn and since I was an early bird, it was no issue to get up. I just hoped that my mom would get up in time, lately, she had been struggling to sleep and when she took the sleeping pills her doctor prescribed she overslept and got up very grouchy because she was always late for work.

Thinking of all that dropped my mood, I needed to be optimistic and only focus on the good things in life – that's what I was raised to think.

My attention was diverted when I heard the front door of our little, two-bedroom apartment open. My face immediately lit up because I knew my mother was home. I dropped the pencil on my desk and bolted out of my room to the living room area.

My mom, wearing her work clothes was in the kitchen, she looked really tired as she poured herself a glass of water and took a seat at the breakfast island – she didn't seem to be in a good mood so I took slow steps into the kitchen to greet her.

I hesitated for a moment before I softly said, "Hey mom."

She took a sip of water and ran her hand through her brown hair before she turned her attention to me, "Hi cariño."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, instead, her eyes were a dull green, almost brown – the spark they always had seemed to dim drastically.

I took slow steps into the kitchen, approaching her I could tell something was wrong. Her body seemed rigid which proved that she was tense, and the closer I got, I noticed that her eyes seemed bloodshot which proved she had been crying.

"How was your day?" She asked, and again her smile was forced.

I sat down on the barstool next to her, scrutinizing her features carefully. Looking at her up close told me that something was definitely wrong, and it made my stomach churn.

"What's wrong?" I asked her softly.

She ran her hand through her hair again and looked anywhere but at me before she spoke, "Nothing cariño, I just had a long day, you know how Monday's are."

I remained quiet for a moment before I spoke, "Mom, it's Friday."

She shut her eyes and I could see the strain on her face, she was fighting an internal turmoil and did her best to hide it, but I knew her better than that.

"Right," She said under her breath as she slowly opened her eyes, "I got the days mixed up."

I opened my mouth to say something, but she quickly got off her seat and grabbed her apron from the little hook which was on the wall beside the stove.

She put it over her head as she said, "What do you want for dinner? I'm thinking something simple and easy, maybe mac and cheese?"

I bit on my lip before sheepishly muttering, "Um, you texted me an hour ago and told me to order pizza, so I already called. It should be here in a bit."

She blinked rapidly twice, and I could tell she was losing her cool, she easily got frustrated with herself lately and it broke my heart to see her that way.

She hastily removed the apron and tossed it across the kitchen floor, she turned her back to me and banged her fist on the countertop. The sound startled me, and my heart sank as I took in my mothers' state.

"Puta mierda!" She cursed as she banged her hand on the counter again, "I am so sick and tired of dealing with this shit!"

I took gradual steps towards her and hesitated for a moment before I placed my hand on her shoulder. As soon as my skin got into contact with the fabric of her blouse, she immediately shrugged me off harshly.

With a gasp, she flipped around and snapped, "Don't touch me!"

I pulled my hand away and felt my heartbeat start to pick up, I was scared and worried. I knew she had bad days, but this was probably the worst I have ever seen her.

"Mom," I whispered, my eyes were wide and possibly horror-struck because that is how I currently felt, "Y-you're scaring me."

Her gaze immediately softened, and realization dawned on her, she exhaled and took slow steps towards me until she wrapped her arms around me.

"Mila," She breathed, running her hands down my long hair, "I'm so sorry baby."

She pulled away and because I was already quite a bit taller than her, she stood on her tippy toes and kissed my forehead.

"Mom," I began, "What happened today? Why are you so worked up?"

She didn't respond for a long while but just gazed at me and the frustration and anger which was present in her eyes turned into sadness.

We were seated on the couch in the living room while my mom explained to me that she had been to her doctor that afternoon to collect test results for a test she had conducted a few days prior. She didn't tell me about those tests because she didn't want me to worry, but as of late things had been very difficult for her at work, she wasn't able to concentrate or focus. Her mind had been elsewhere and there were times she felt her mind would completely shut off. She would see mouths move but couldn't hear anything and that resulted in her acting out.

"Mom, I had no idea," I said, trying to keep my emotions in check, "I mean, the doctor said all of this is normal right?"

She nodded, "Yeah he did, but the tests are saying something else."

I was terrified to ask but I needed to know, my mom and I never kept secrets from each other.

"I don't want to keep you in the dark Mila," She said softly as she took my hand in hers, "I know this affects you too – possibly even more than me, which is why I am always honest with you. I don't want to hurt you cariño but this is a harsh reality that cannot be ignored."

I gulped and my heart was racing along with the churn of my stomach, I knew bad news was coming but I had to be strong – if not for me than for her.

"What does all of this mean?" My voice was almost a whisper, "And how much longer until you..." I trailed off because I just couldn't complete my sentence.

She swallowed and just like me, I could tell she was trying her best to keep it together.

"It's uncertain but with the rate, mine is progressing... there'll come a day where you'll have no choice but to put me in a home and move in with your father." She muttered.

"No!" I exclaimed and wrapped my arms around her tightly, I shut my eyes and said, "I will never leave you, mommy."

She took in a shaky breath and hugged me back and we sat in that embrace for a long moment until she pulled away. She smiled at me and tucked my hair behind my ears.

"I have always had your best interest at heart Millie, so if it becomes impossible to... to even be around me, I want you to put yourself first and live your life."

I shook my head, and I couldn't stop the tears that escaped from my eyes. Since I was ten years old, I knew this day would come, because that was when my mother was diagnosed but I never knew it would arrive too quickly.

"It's always been Mila and mom and it will be that way until the very end," I insisted and grabbed her hands in mine, "Promise me you won't mention a word about this to dad, because if you do, you know he won't hesitate for a moment to take me away from you."

She half grinned at me and cupped my cheek, "I don't want to lose you either Millie, but..." She trailed off.

I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling more tears roll down my cheeks, "Promise me, mom."

She sighed and nodded, "I promise, but you have to promise me that if things become... bad, if it becomes impossible to live with me, you will go to your father and live a life burden-free."

How could she ask that of me? Moreover, how could she refer to herself as a burden? I could never keep a promise like that, it was absurd.

"No, I will do no such thing," I insisted, "If things were reversed, you would never abandon me."

My mom was touched but I could tell by her expression she didn't agree with me, I sort of understood where she was coming from, she only wanted what she thought was best for me. But, there was no way in hell I was ever going to abandon her.

She shut her eyes for a second before she opened then and said, "Mila you need to understand that there will be a day – closer than you think, where I won't even recognize you anymore... things will become very difficult."

I shut my eyes and more tears escaped, I had seen and read of heartbreak but at that moment, I was experiencing it. My heart hurt so much, and I wished it would just stop. I wished this were all a bad dream and life would go back to normal – I had no idea why we were being punished so severely; it wasn't fair.

"You," I began with a whisper, "You're going to forget me too, aren't you?"

As soon as the question left my lips, the barrier my mom put up to keep her emotions in check broke. The pain was evident in her eyes, it was the first time she ever expressed how badly this affected her – she always put on a strong front for me but I heard her cry herself to sleep many nights.

Today, for the first time I saw tears in my mother's eyes, and it shattered my heart, her eyes welled up and her lips trembled when she kissed my hands a few times.

"Oh, Mila," she cried, "When I was diagnosed, that was my biggest fear – I was terrified I would forget my little girl," She paused and wiped away her tears, "You were the best gift life has ever given me, you give me purpose and joy. The first time I held you in my arms, I felt like I finally found the missing piece to my life, you were so little, but you became my entire world."

I smiled and cried at the same time while she spoke. I don't know why she was saying all of this to me, it wasn't the end but deep down in my heart, it felt like the beginning of it.

"I never knew love like I did the moment you wrapped your little hand around my finger, and you opened those big blue eyes of yours and looked at me. My heart was filled with so much of love that it scared me – I knew that if I ever had to lose you, it would kill me." She sniffed, "Little did I know that life would play such a cruel game and my time with you would be so limited."

I broke into a sob; my mom was strong and seeing her so weak shattered me. She was all I ever had and I her.

She shook her head and pulled me closer, she looked at me and wiped away my tears.

"You're my strong Millie Bee, right?" she asked with a forced smile, "I don't want you to ever cry, no matter what life throws at you, no matter how much it hurts, you must always look at the bright side, count your blessings and always laugh. Your smile, laughter, and personality are so unique and contagious, that it can break even the toughest of people."

"Our time together might be limited and tough times await us but from now onwards we are going to treasure every little moment we have together so that one day when you look back you will smile at these memories instead of cry that I have become a memory."

"Don't say that." I cried.

She hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head multiple times.

"My mind might forget you one day Mila, but my heart will always be connected to yours. No matter what becomes of me, nothing will ever change the fact you are my little girl." She said softly.

I nodded and even though her words made perfect sense, it still hurt like hell. But I knew she was right; I should value the time I currently had with her and make the best out of it instead of crying over the inevitable.

We pulled away and she wiped away my tears as she smiled at me, "You're almost fifteen, I don't want you to cry. We should be celebrating, and I have the best idea of how to do that."

Her smile widened, "We are going to take tons of pictures together, today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next, and every day from now onwards. We are going to capture every good and lousy moment in a picture and seal those memories forever."

I grinned at her and nodded, "I like that."

"But for now, we will dance." She stood up and offered her hand, "We will dance the night away because dance is the cure to sadness."

I was not in the mood; I had a lot to sink in. The excitement for my birthday even died down, I didn't even want to go anywhere the next day except just spend the entire day at home with my mother.

"Mom..." I trailed off, "I'm not feeling up to it."

"Nonsense," She waved me off and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the couch.

She turned on the music and a loud Spanish came on; she began moving her hips and sang along to the song. The sadness in her eyes from a moment earlier on was gone and was replaced with glee, I couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto my face. I needed to treasure these moments instead of moping.

"Come on Millie, move that butt." She smiled and twirled me around.

I gave in and in no time, we were both laughing, dancing, and singing along to the songs. It was just mom and I and I couldn't have asked for anything better. We stayed awake that entire night, ate junk food, watched a movie, my mom brought out my childhood album, and spent the whole night laughing and just enjoying each other's company.

Looking at my mom laugh at a memory we shared in a picture we were looking at warmed my heart, seeing her eyes squint and seeing her wide smile as she laughed made me realize that no matter what was to happen, I would get through this with her.

***

I was seated on one of the pool recliners in the backward of the Clarke house as I reminisced that memory. It was the first time I felt real emotional turmoil, thinking of it still brought tears to my eyes. That happened seven years ago, and the memory was so fresh in my mind, I recalled that the next morning my mom overslept and only got up later that afternoon so we never went to the amusement park. But my grandparents came over and we had a small celebration at home, I got tons of presents and we spent the entire night laughing and dancing once again.

I swallowed down a lump in my throat as I reminisced the last birthday, I truly felt happy. After that things starting going downhill and I needed to become an adult much sooner than expected.

Watching the affection shared in Mitchell's family made me miss the time I had that with my only family – my mother. It felt like eons since she hugged and showered me with as much love as Kate was given. Maybe, I was being childish and petty but seeing that not only made envious but also sad.

I was barely even seventeen when I had to grow up and take charge of life, I had to be responsible while I managed kid things like school. Taking care of my mom wasn't a burden but as time went on, it wasn't very easy either.

The last week with the Clarkes made me feel like I was in a family again, little things like having breakfast and dinner together made me happier than I could imagine. Chatting and playing Checkers with Mason and helping Carly with dinner while we had insightful conversations about my med-school journey so far filled a void in my heart. I was trying to fit into a world I didn't even belong in.

Many people in this world craved money, fortune, and luxurious things, but despite living with a family who had all of that for the last week, I never cared for those things, I craved a real family. They were almost too perfect for words and that was not because they were wealthy and affluent, it was because of the love they shared.

That is why I chose my mom, she wasn't rich financially, but she was wealthy in love – she loved me with her all.

But today it hit me that I was living an illusion, a fantasy, and a dream – this wasn't my life and never could be. And now that reality had dawned down on me, it hit me hard and my heart felt as if it cracked once more. I wanted what this family had so badly, I wanted the happiness and love they shared, I wanted my mom to kiss me and hug me as Carly did with Kate more than anything in the world.

I needed to accept the facts and stop wanting things that were out of reach, I needed to go back to my life and make the best of what I had – crying over something that I couldn't have would only result in despair and stop me from living. Besides all of that, I had to go back home to my mother, she needed me more than anything.

"There you are." I was startled out of my reverie.

I gulped and hastily wiped away the tears which escaped, I didn't want anyone to see me upset.

I was about to say something, but I felt a presence beside me, I blinked