I was never one who used idiomatic expressions and if I did, it was rare, however as I sat in the plane and looked out the little window, I could understand why people spoke about having their heads in the clouds.

Something was tranquilizing about being thousands of feet above sea level, above the clouds, and amidst the blue sky. Just looking at nothing but blue and white, calmed my nerves and took my mind off everything which stressed me out, the only sound heard was the steady rhythm of the airplane engine and the light chatter between Mandy and my dad.

We were on the plane for a little over two hours and another two to go, I sat quietly on the luxurious, leather seat of the private jet and aimlessly looked out the window. I checked my watch occasionally hoping to land as soon as possible.

When my father enquired about my mom's condition, I immediately knew something was wrong so without giving him an explanation, I ran upstairs and called my grandparents. My Abuela answered the call and was in tears which increased my anxiety and worry, she then went on to tell me that they found my mom unconscious on her bed with foam in her mouth. That got my anxiety levels soaring, but the good news was that she still had a pulse, so they rushed her to the hospital where it was known she had a seizure.

The doctors were still busy with her but all that was known at the moment was that she had a seizure and also apparently developed pneumonia a few days ago, it was news to Julie and my grandparents because she showed no symptoms of the illness.

Before the plane took off, I spoke to my grandfather and he told me she was stable and doing better which gave me some reassurance.

My dad surprisingly wasn't mad that I hid my mom's illness from him, instead, he was very quiet. When Abuela called him, she was on the verge of hysteria and let everything slip, he was confused but I briefed him up on the ride to the airport – I didn't tell him every detail but the important ones.

I felt someone loop their arm through mine and I looked away from the window to spot Eric on the seat next to me, he scooted closer and offered his shoulder. He was by far the sweetest sixteen-year-old boy I had ever come across.

I flashed him a tight smile and placed my head on his shoulder, I didn't know I needed it but feeling some sort of comfort from family felt good.

"Don't worry, Mils," He softly said, resting his head over mine, "She'll be fine."

I didn't respond with words, I just shut my eyes and hoped for the best. I was never religious or prayed, but ever since that phone call, I had been silently praying all the time. I prayed that she would be fine, I knew her immune system was getting weaker because of Alzheimer's, so the fact that she had to fight off a seizure and pneumonia scared me.

I exhaled and allowed myself to try and sleep, the flight was going to take a long time and staying awake thinking would only make me feel worse.

I didn't know when I drifted off to sleep but when I did, I dreamt of a five-year-old Mila – I wasn't sure if it was a memory or just a dream but it felt so real.

"More sugar, Mommy?" I asked as I stirred invisible tea in the little porcelain, teacup.

"Oh, just one more cube, thank you." My mom answered.

"Plop," I said mimicking the sound a cube of sugar would make if it were dropped into tea, I stirred some more before – with small shaky hands – handing the invisible tea to my mother.

My mom took a sip and said, "Mmm, now that is marvelous tea."

I smiled widely and took a sip from my cup too. I pouted at her and said, rather dramatically, "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to bake cookies."

My mom let out a hearty laugh, "No problem, next time I'll bring them over."

Having tea parties on Sunday afternoons was a common affair with my mom, the tea-set I was using today was a new one, I received recently for my fifth birthday from my Papa.

"Some more, please." My mom asked, sliding her cup over to me.

I picked up the little teapot and poured the faux tea into her cup. While doing so, I blurted, "Daddy is getting married."

I handed her the cup again and she didn't seem to notice the teacup and saucer, so I dropped it on the table in front of her.

"Oh." She softly said.

"To, um... to that girlfriend of his?" She asked after a moment of silence.

I nodded, "Yeah to Mandy, they asked me to be a flower girl for the wedding."

She took in a deep breath before asking, "How do you feel about all of this?"

I shrugged, "Mandy is nice," I smiled before continuing, "She buys me ice cream and paints my nails pretty colors."

"But?" My mom asked, studying my features, she knew me so well.

"I'm scared," I muttered in a small voice.

A frown set on her forehead when she asked, "For what?"

I twiddled with my thumbs and looked at her from under my lashes, "Daddy says Mandy is going to be my stepmom, and I'm scared she's going to be like Cinderella's and Snow White's stepmom."

I was feeling sad as I thought about it, "I don't want to clean Daddy's big house all by myself and then eat a poisoned apple." My eyes were wide in horror when I finished.

My mom walked around the little table and crouched down next to me, so we were eye-level with one another. She wrapped an arm around me and looked at me when she said, "I am certain Mandy is not an evil stepmom, you just said she's so nice and daddy would never allow anyone to hurt you."

"But, in the stories..." I was so convinced all stepmoms were like the ones in the stories.

"They're just stories," She replied, "We need to believe there are more good people in this world than bad."

"And do you know what the difference is between those princesses and you?" She asked.

I shrugged, "They're princesses and I'm not."

"Nonsense," She stated, "You're our little Princess Mila – no scrap that, you're a queen and I want you to never drop that crown on your head."

I touched the top of my head, "I don't have a crown."

She smiled, "You'll understand when you're older," She then changed that topic, "The difference between those Princesses and you, is their mom's died, your mommy is still here and I will never allow anyone to illtreat you."

That made sense, I had my mommy, something Cinderella and Snow White didn't. That's why I loved my mommy, she was so smart and always knew how to make me feel better.

I smiled widely at her, "Do you promise to never leave me?"

"Of course, I will never leave you." She answered without a second thought.

"Even when I'm a big girl and can drive my own car?" I asked.

She nodded, "Even when you're the biggest girl, I will be there. I want to see my princess grow up to be the queen you're destined to be, I want to see you graduate school and college and then I want to walk you down the aisle – because mommies can do that too."

"Aisle?" I frowned.

"When you get married one day to whomever you love." She clarified.

I scrunched my nose and felt my cheeks get a little warm, "Ew! I don't want to get married!"

She let out a hearty chuckle, "Okay, for now, no marriage talk."

I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her, "I will never leave you, mommy."

"Promise?" She asked.

I nodded, "Uh-huh," With my arms still around her neck, I pulled away to look at her, "If I go who will I have tea parties with?"

She laughed once more, her eyes always went smaller when she laughed and her nose crinkled a little at the top, "Oh dear, that would be a conundrum, wouldn't it?"

I frowned and rolled my eyes, "Mommy I'm only five, don't use such big words."

She tapped my nose affectionately, "A conundrum means a problem."

"Oh," I drawled, "So if you ever leave me, it will be a very very big codundrum."

She laughed once more before correcting me, "Conundrum."

"¿Abrazos y besos?" She asked and that was our thing when we were celebrating something or feeling a little sad.

I smiled widely at her and cheered in the English translation, "Hugs and kisses!"

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and attacked her face with tons of kisses while she laughed wholeheartedly.

She pecked my cheek, "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too mommy," I stretched my arms out wide, "This much."

"Is she asleep?" My father's voice was distinctly heard.

"Yeah, I –" Eric began but my eyes fluttered open and the glee I felt moments ago from the dream was replaced with a hollow pit of dread.

"I'm awake," I said softly.

I looked up to see my father standing above my seat, he looked a little hesitant, but he spoke after a moment of contemplation, "May we speak?"

I exhaled; I knew what he wanted to talk about, but I wasn't too sure if I wanted to speak about it. He probably had many questions, that only I could answer. I understood, as my father, he was probably concerned so I nodded.

Eric stood up and walked to sit elsewhere before my father took his seat. I didn't look at him but instead went back to looking out the window. I could feel his gaze on me as well as the hesitance – he probably didn't know how to ask questions without sounding insensitive.

He eventually cleared his throat before asking, "How long has it been since she was diagnosed?"

"Officially, it's been ten years but there were signs before that," I answered.

"Ten years," He repeated and paused for a moment, "So are you telling me for ten years you have shouldered this burden alone?"

I looked at him sharply, "It was never a burden, my mom got sick and I took care of her," I knew I was being snappy and it was most likely the anxiety speaking so I toned it down when I added, "Abuela and Papa helped as much as they could."

He sighed and appeared to be walking on eggshells around me, I knew he had a lot more to say but considering circumstances, he reserved all comments.

He removed his glasses and ran a hand over his face before putting them back on again, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I knew that question was coming, it was just a matter of when.

I shrugged and felt my heart start to weigh me down, "I... I was so scared you'd take her away from me..." I paused and glanced his way, "I thought you'd toss her in some home and separate us."

Something like hurt flashed in his eyes, "What kind of monster do you think I am?"

"Did you really think I would separate you from your mother? Especially when she got sick?"

I swallowed and answered him honestly, "I didn't know what to think, we barely spoke and because of her condition, I started canceling all our visits, so we grew further apart. I was thirteen, to me, you were always strict and uptight and most conversations we had were lectures about my safety and wellbeing."

Guilt seemed to dawn down on him, and he knew my points were valid, nothing could change the fact that he was a deadbeat dad when I probably needed him the most.

"I would've never done that," He said earnestly, "I know how attached you two are to each other – you two share the purest bond."

He was right, nothing could replace the kind of bond I had with my mother. She was my parent and best friend in one, I never craved for anything or anyone when I was with her. Even when she forgot me, we were still close and went almost every day speaking to each other. People always looked for their soulmate in a romantic sense, but my mom was mine, I couldn't imagine life without her, she was my whole world.

I lightly snorted under my breath, "What if I told you she sat and watched me drown in a pool when I was seven years old? She saw me fall into the pool and gasp for air, but she didn't move an inch."

"And then a short while after, she forgot me at the grocery store and didn't realize I was missing until a kind policeman escorted me home."

"What?" He gasped.

The look of horror and fear in his eyes told me that his previous statement was void, if he knew of all the occurrences which jeopardized my safety, he wouldn't hesitate for a second to separate us. His only link to her was me and I was the only one he cared about, if he felt anything towards my mother it was because he considered how it affected me – which in the end still meant he only cared about me not her.

"Oh when I was sixteen, for a moment she didn't recall who I was, she was threatened by me so she freaked out and kicked me out in the middle of the night," I recalled another awful event, "I had to leave because she was looking for a weapon."

"I sat in the apartment lobby wearing my PJ's in the middle of winter, I didn't even have my phone on me to call anyone. So, I waited until morning and thankfully she recalled who I was, and I was able to get ready for school and then work thereafter."

"Work?" He frowned, "Why did you have to go to work?"

"Mom couldn't work anymore because of her condition and my allowance from you didn't cut it for the month, so I had to do something," I answered.

For the first time, I could see an array of emotions running behind his cool façade. I could only imagine what he felt, but he felt a lot.

He removed his glasses and pressed his temples, he shook his head when he said, "You should've told me, Mila," He looked at me and I saw nothing but concern, regret, and guilt in his eyes, "I would've been there for you and Carmen, she's the mother of my child, I would've never let her suffer."

I knew that he wouldn't but I still came above her, deep down he knew that too.

"But if I told you how bad things got at times; would you have allowed me to still stay with her?" I asked.

He deeply sighed, "Mila... I..."

I shook my head and a humorless smiled played on my lips.

"I knew it," I muttered to myself.

"I wouldn't have put her in some home like an animal," He stated, "Firstly, money should've never have been an issue, I would've covered all costs, from livelihood to giving Carmen the best medical care," He sounded sincere but money was always the least of my worries, "And I would've gotten a professional to take care of her so you could go about focusing on your education and just being a kid..."

"You were an adult way before your time and it shouldn't have been that way," he said more to himself, "I never wanted that for you, I only ever wanted and still want the best for you."

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "I wish you told me, heck, my house is big enough, I would've moved you both in with me."

That caught me off guard, I never thought he would do that. Mandy and my mother had never met before and even though Mandy would occasionally ask me how she was out of politeness, I wasn't sure if having my mom live under one roof with her and my dad would've sat well with her – I couldn't expect her to compromise that much. Besides all of that, my mom would've never accepted, she refused to see my dad after he got married, I couldn't take advantage of her mental state and move her in with him.

To make him feel a little better I grinned, "Don't worry, you helped even if you didn't know about it," I told him and he seemed baffled by my words so I elaborated, "Once I was eighteen and got my trust fund, I used that money to pay for a caretaker and money was no longer an issue."

Realization seemed to dawn down on him and regret filled his gaze once more, "That's why you stayed back, when I threatened to pause outgoing transactions from that fund, you stayed for your mother's sake."

I nodded and sadness erupted in the pit of my stomach, "I barely ever touched the money for my personal use but it was the only way I could pay for mom's needs," I glanced at him and felt a lump building in my throat, "I would do anything for her."

He clenched his jaw and I could see the strain in his features, I couldn't exactly blame him for his actions, he was always in the dark but if he was more involved in our lives, he would've known all of this way before.

"Mila," He began, "If I knew, I wouldn't have held you back."

I nodded and swallowed down that awful lump, "No point in crying over spilled milk but," I looked helplessly at him, feeling like a scared little girl asking her dad for help, "Please, please pray nothing happens to her."

"I... I can't live without her, Dad," the lump was growing more and more prominent and my eyes were starting to sting, but I refused to cry, "She's all I got."

That seemed to sting, and he didn't hide his feelings well, but he didn't address it, instead, he flinched his hand to probably place it over mine but held back. I didn't blame him, for someone who never showed me any kind of affection or emotion for over a decade, it was a little awkward to suddenly start.

He nodded, "Carmen is strong and if she ever had a reason to fight, it's you," He stated, "No one matters more to her than you, I had never seen as much love in my life as the day she held you in her arms for the first time."

His words were breaking my emotional barrier brick by brick, it was becoming hard to keep it together, but I refused to break down. I had to be positive and keep telling myself that my mom was going to be fine.

Silence sat between us for a long while, he didn't move, and somehow having him next to me gave me a sort of comfort – I guessed it was his way of showing comfort. Mandy and the boys were on the seats opposite us, Dave was asleep while Eric and Mandy were chatting softly.

Mandy's gaze caught mine and she smiled reassuring at me, trying to comfort me, I tried to return the smile, but I couldn't.

"I always knew you were strong and intelligent," My dad broke the silence, I turned my neck to look his way as he continued, "But today you proved it to me, you took care of so much from such a tender age – when you didn't even need to. Instead of seeking help from me, as you rightfully could, you handled everything on your own."

I took in a shaky breath, "If I suddenly got sick, she'd do it for me too."

He nodded which told me he agreed to that.

"I'm proud of you Mila," He said with pride, "You're a strong, brave young woman." 

That warmed my heart, it was the first time he said something like that to me. The dread and anxiety I felt seconds ago were briefly replaced with warmth and affection. Hearing someone as cold as he say that, meant a great deal to me and if I was honest, no one had ever told me they were proud of me.

***

After what felt like eons, we finally landed, and my dad got two cars to collect us. One for Mandy and the boys to go home in and the other for me to be taken directly to the hospital where my mom was. He insisted on accompanying me and thought it was best Mandy went home, he wasn't too sure if my mom would want to see Mandy – I didn't like it, but I agreed with him.

The ride to the hospital was absolute torture, when I was on the plane, I was a lot more at ease. My stomach was churning, and my heart was restless, time couldn't move any slower. I was so