CHAPTER 5

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Next day I and Gunjan come to school chatting among yourselves. I had planned to tell Gunjan everything that is happening with me and Arham, after yesterday's kiss I couldn't hold in me any longer.

But today will be my dooms day. I noticed people staring at me differently today, more than laughing they were murmuring something and pointing towards me. Gunjan felt awkward too. But I was confused.

Just then Nooren and her gang come to me and Gunjan, she smirks and folds her arms across her chest.

'I had underestimated you, Fatso' she says simply

I frown not understanding what she means, I simply walk past her

'So how does it feel after that?' she says loudly and I turn around, what is she blabbering about? Feel what? and After what?

Nooren and her gang giggled 'don't act like you are a saint...we all know that yesterday you had been....'they started laughing

I feel my heart twist, what does she mean? I really hope she doesn't mean what I am thinking. But then how will she know Arham and I kissed.

'What do you mean?' I say angrily walking towards her

Nooren flips her hair and smirks 'we all know what you have been up to...you fatso' she says

I frown, seriously not getting anything what this fool is blabbering. Nooren smiles and turns around and left

'Leave her, she is idiot' Gunjan says tugging my arm. When we enter inside our class we receive a huge shock, my fairy tale comes crashing to the ground.

There is huge poster of me kissing Arham, everywhere. But the twist is that the photo has been clicked from such an angle that only my face is seen and only back of Arham's head is seen. My heart shatter into million pieces...no this can't be happening, it's a nightmare. My gaze falls on the green board where a doodle of me is drawn and around it, are names...dirty names that they have given me.

Something that felt so magical yesterday made me feel disgusted today. I look around, there is no sign of Arham. He must be standing somewhere in the corner and laughing at me. I fell on the floor, tears started to clog my eyes. Everything is over, I feel like my life has been sucked out of me.

My horrors don't seem to end. Professor Dixit enters and looks around, he makes a disgusted face and walks up to me.

Next moment I find myself in Principal's office, my head held low with shame. My Principal is scolding my parents. From corner of my eyes I noticed my father fisting his fingers tightly under the table. I gulp.

Principal hands them my suspension letter, I am suspended for one month. My father stands up

'Sir, give us TC...she won't be studying here' he says, he looks at me with a menacing glare. I shiver with fear.

'Very good, we don't want such students here' Principal responds. Father then storms out of the room, my mother looks at me angrily and leaves too. I cry.

I come out of the room, my mother is waiting outside. With all the accusing gaze piercing me, I felt exposed, I felt naked. I kept crying silently. On my way out of the campus I saw him.

He stands there shamelessly looking at me, I couldn't read his expressions maybe because too many things were going on in my head. I feel angry at him, more than him I am mad at myself for trusting him. He is such a good actor. It was the last time I saw him.

It's so strange isn't it. This guy ruined my life, my relationship with my parents yet he is the only person about whom I think about. I have made an imaginary face of his, how he must be looking now. He must be looking handsome for sure, he had that look when as a teenager. But then why do I think of him? He must have forgotten me; I was nothing for him anyway. He must have married, maybe. Does he think of me like I think of him? I really hope miraculously I find him someday, I just want to ask him why he did what he did to me? I was just a harmless nerdy fatso minding my own business, why did he come in my life? why did he overtake my life? why can't I just I throw him out of my life....?

*

I stand in front of my Delhi home. After I had agreed for marriage to Aamir within two days I was asked to come home, within a week is my engagement with that idiot. I adjust my dupatta and ring the bell. I have dressed in a simple salwar suit, since my father is a conservative person I have packed only my Indian wear.

Soon my mother opens the door. The moment I see her, I am overwhelmed with emotions. Without wasting another second I hug my mother tight. I controlled by tears but my mother couldn't control hers and she started crying hugging me tightly.

'Aa gayi Moti' I hear my younger brother, Junaid's voice, I break the hug and find him standing few distance away from us. I smile widely, it's been three long years since I have seen him. It's difficult to explain in words my feelings then.

I rush to my brother and hug him too, he is hesitant for a while but hugs me back. I had fallen in his eyes all those years ago, but meeting me after so long he too couldn't control his emotions and hugged me back.

'What is all the commotion?'

I and my brother broke apart on hearing my father's voice. My father comes into the living room clad in orange long kurtha and white pyjama. He adjusts his glasses and looks at me. For split seconds I notice his expression soften but he manages to change his expression to a stern one.

My father looks at me 'Keep your bags in your room, Aasma (he turns to my mother) get her something to eat and drink.' He says, his tone is harsh but I smile sensing his love hidden in his tone.

I climb up stairs, my room is in the left side of the corridor. I open it and I am surprised to find my room exactly how it was when I left this place three years ago. I place my bag at the edge of my bed and unzip it, I take out my clothes.

As I am arranging my clothes my mother comes in carrying a tray with a cup of tea and some biscuits. She smiles warmly at me and I return the smile.

'Have this now, lunch is almost ready' she says and place the tray on the table.

'Ma, I will help you make lunch?' I ask holding her hand, she smiles and places her hand on my cheek.

'You know how to cook?' she asks, her eyebrows raised. I smile widely

'Staying alone for three years your daughter has become expert cook' I say raising my imaginary collar. My mother smiles and seeing her smile, my smile widens.

I took a hot shower bath; I feel more refreshed than I did when I showered back in my apartment. I dress myself in mint green suit and white pyjama with a dupatta hanging around my neck. I tie my hair in proper braid and climb down. My mother is busy with lunch so I go for arranging the table.

The lunch is served and the entire family sat on the four chaired dining table, the centre seat is where the head of family sits, hence my father sits there. My brother sits beside him and my mother opposite my brother and I directly opposite my father. Things can't get more awkward than this. I am nervous as I eat my food, my dad doesn't look up and only has his focus on his plate. One part of me is relieved that he isn't bothering me but other part, the part that is craving his love, feels disappointed.

*

It's evening now, I and Ma are sitting in the backyard. Sitting at a small circular table and sipping our evening tea. My mother finally opened up and started to talk normally, at first she was feeling awkward speaking to me as after so long I am standing in front of her in flesh and blood. She tells me she will introduce me to her neighbour, Najma. She warns me beforehand that she is very nosy and inquisitive. She has seen me in the magazine covers which my mother proudly shows during get together with her girlfriends. I feel glad my success has made my mother proud, all my hard work is paying off.

My phone begins to ring and I sigh as the ring tone I had assigned for Mr. Kapoor rings. He never has good news.

I excuse myself and walk little distance away from my mother.

'Maam, we have bad news' he says

And I sigh massaging my forehead with my free hand, as usual he doesn't have a good news.

'Our rank has drastically fallen. We aren't even in top ten now' he informs

My ad agency has always been on top of its game. We are the most trusted and most popular ad agency then how did our rank fall. This will cause lose to my company and I can't risk this.

'Why has our rank fallen?' I say, my voice slightly raised. I could feel Mr. Kapoor tremble on the other side.

'Maam,' (he speaks after few seconds) our marketing team is to blame. David D'Souza recently got married and he is taking many leave...'

'Fire him, what are you thinking?' I snap

'Ye...Yes...Ma'am...' he stammers from other side. I told him I am busy with some personal work and so he has to supervise the selection. I have to admit I am not much worried about the replacement because I trust my HR department, they are very efficient.

'Ma! Is Dad happy?' I ask, as I lay on bed with my head on my mother's lap while she caresses my hair. I feel like I am in heaven, so peaceful, so serene, such is the feeling is to be in mother's lap. I feel like all my worries have disappeared, like they were never there.

'Yes, Beta' she says lovingly. I smile sadly

I sit up straight, I extend my hand and place over my mother's 'Ma, have you forgiven me? has Dad forgiven me?' I ask looking directly into my mother's eyes. She smiles and held my hand tighter

'I have forgiven you, dear. You were young, you were naïve. But I am sure you would never do something that will shame us. I am sure he must have manipulated you.' she says

She sounded so confident that it made me feel guilty, I bit my lower lip.

My mother places her hand on my shoulder 'Beta...I had always wanted to ask you this...have you...you...and...he...you both...'she asks reluctantly

If my mother had asked then I would have been confused, but today I know what she meant.

'No, Ma. I won't do anything that will shame you and Dad... (I cup her face in my palms) you all are everything to me' I say sincerely. I meant every word of it. I shouldn't have kissed him, but I got carried away. I was young, naïve and first time in love. I regret it big time. No, not the kiss. I regret trusting Arham.

*

It's five days since I have come here, my dad and I didn't interact much. It was mostly one syllable talks. It has been like this ever since that embarrassing incident back in school. I have tried to gain his attention, to have him speak some good words to me. I look at him disappointed. He is sitting on the sofa and reading his newspaper. I lower my head and slowly walk towards him carrying tray. Its 7am and Dad always has his morning tea.

'Papa' I say softly. He doesn't look at him and nods his head. 'Tea?' I say

'Place it on the table' he says and continues to read his newspaper. I sigh and placed it on the table.

I hear a door bell 'I will get it' I say and adjusting my Dupatta I make my way towards the door. In my own home I feel so unwelcomed.

I open the door and someone leaps forward hugging me tight, giggling.

'Gunjan' I say hugging her back, I am relieved to have her around. At least I won't feel like an outsider in my own home. Gunjan will be staying in my room, it is will like pyjama party for us best friends.

Gunjan has been the only one with whom I had been in touch with via mails and then mobile phones and then social media. She too had shifted from the school one month after the incident because she was being bullied way too much, for the mistake I had done. She was ridiculed and insulted.

Till date I feel guilty for making her life miserable.

A short stubby man comes, he is our servant. He picks up Gunjan's belongings and take them to my room. My mom greets Gunjan sportily, my mother hasn't met Gunjan in person but she had spoken to her through video call. My father comes into the hall where we three ladies are seated chatting. There is complete silence when we see Dad come. I had already spoken to Gunjan and requested her to get Indian wear. I am relieved to see she has accepted my request.

'Hello, Uncle' Gunjan says standing up and joining her palms together greeting my father.

'Hello. Make yourself comfortable. Aasma (he looks at my mom, my mom stands up immediately) make sure Gunjan doesn't have any complain.' He says

My mom nods her head. Even after so many years of marriage my mother still fears my dad. His temper is always high. Fortunately, I too have inherited his temper, but unfortunately I can't scare him with it.

'Dude, are you sure...? the way you described him he sounded like a total snob.' Gunjan says sitting at the edge of my bed and munching on hot Gulab Jamun. She says it so casually, maybe it must be just casual for her but for me it is my life. I am lying on the bed with my legs dangling from the edge of the bed, my eyes staring up at the ceiling. I sigh

'I don't know Gunjan,' I say placing my hands on my stomach 'I will try convincing Aamir about my desire to work. I am sure he will understand' I say. But as I say my own words sound alien to me. He didn't look sensible at all; someone one can talk sense with. He seemed to be dominating one, someone who is in their own la la land.

But then maybe my first impression of him was wrong, maybe he is a nice guy.

Gunjan places her bowl on the bed side table and lies down beside me dangling her legs alongside mine.

'Dude...'she says staring at the ceiling 'What do you think that mongoose Arham must be doing?' she says

Hearing Arham's name I freeze, my heart skips a beat on mention of his name. After so many years why does he still affect me so much?

'Dude, do you think karma got him?' Gunjan says

I really hope it has- is what my mind says, but heart says otherwise. My heart is a traitor.

Gunjan turns to face me, she props up on her elbow and smiles looking at me. I give her a what-are-thinking look

'Let's find out about him. Let's search the social media' Gunjan suggests. I stare at her for a while trying to analyse her suggestion. Few minutes later, I nod as my curiosity got better of him.

Gunjan leaps from her bed excited, I sit up straight. She gets her laptop and we logged in one of the famous social media with a fake ID.

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