◆◆◆First Page of Arya's Diary◆◆◆

"Dear Diary,

Mriu's birthday is coming soon and both I and Riyansh are very excited for it. Our princess will turn 5. And just one month after that, will be our wedding anniversary.

We will complete 6 years as married couple. It still feels like a dream. Sometimes I think I am the same college girl who is sleeping in a deep slumber and dreaming this beautiful dream and one day someone would wake me up.

Then this beautiful dream would be broken while I would be rubbing my eyes and seeing the reality. But fortunately when Riyansh kisses me, I realize that this is not some happy dream but reality

I have read many stories, and like everyone else I also wondered, "What happens after the, And they lived happily ever after?" But no writer ever written actually what happens after that.

The same question hit me once when I was lying in the arms of my Riyu after we confessed to each other. Because our love story wasn't less than a fairytale to me. But he was asleep peacefully holding me in his arms, lying his head on my shoulder. And even after trying so much I could not just sleep. I was running my fingers along the sides of his face. Scrutinizing it from evey direction. Like an archaeologist does when he finds an old precious relic.

Riyansh's closed eyes and his relaxed breaths couldn't give the answers to my question. And to be honest no one could. Because some answers aren't answered through asking anyone because they are those answers that are needed to be found by the one who has questions.

Same happened with me. Gradually, I find the answer to my questions. And the answer is that after a love story ends and this line called, "And they lived happily after" comes, you have to struggle hard to really live a happily ever after life.

Your life throws many challenges at you. And having your lovers hand in your hand. You have to tackle them all. Just to live a happily ever after life.

In one movie Shah Rukh Khan says," Agar tum kisi cheez ko siddhat se chao toh puri kaynat ussey tum se milane ki koshish me lag jati hey" meaning "If you desire something from the bottom of your heart. Then whole world plots to get that thing for you."

That's true in some love stories. But you know what happens when you get that person? After getting that person "Kaynat(World)" also tries to plot against you to test you, if you really deserve that person or not. And you have to pass that test no matter what happens.

Just after the ten days of our marriage. Riyansh and I got into a big accident. I still can't believe it. How one moment we were both laughing. I was flirting with him and the next moment everything went black in front of my eyes.

I didn't open my eyes for 2 days. I was injured badly. And when I woke up, I came to know that Riyansh's condition was far worse than mine. He was battling for his life.

I was just crying the whole time. I didn't know what to do? I was determined that if something happened to him. I won't live as well. That time is still the most scary and horrible part of my life. Tears are prickling like mini poison darts in my eyes.

And my heart brims with stabbing pain remembering those days.

I would just have died seeing him in that condition if it weren't my parents and Riyu's whole family supporting me. Seeing my life who had always smiled at me suffering for his life was petrifying to me.

The 5th day he came out of danger. But doctor dropped another bomb on us, telling me, Riyansh can never be a father again in his life. I didn't want anything more than my husband's life.

Therefore at that moment it didn't matter. I just wanted him to be safe. And I was thanking everything in world for keeping him alive, to grant me, my Riyansh.

When he opened his eyes for the first time and I met him. I just confined him in my arms. Even in that condition he was trying to comfort me telling me that he was alright, he was fine while my eyes were raining on him.

And I just fainted then and there, leaning in his arms. Because I couldn't eat anything or take care of myself in that situation.

After I woke up, I had to hear a big lecture from him for not taking care of myself. And I was just grinning the whole time like an idiot seeing him talking with me. I missed that so much. I didn't tell him that he could not be a father anymore. Because I didn't want to make him worry and wanted to wait until he gets healthy.

After one month when he became healthy again. I thought that was the right time to break the news. But I didn't have courage to do it. So, like every time, I wrote him a letter.

After reading the letter, the smile of his face vanished somewhere. He loved children the most. And even before our marriage he had so many dreams about having children and he got them all shattered.

I could see him falling in depression. And I tried everything to make him feel worthy and happy. I didn't care if he can be a father or not. For me he was the same and will always be.

But he was disappointed in himself. I couldn't see him broken like that. I tried everything to comfort him but one day he just came to me and said, "Arya, I am sorry, I can't even give you children. I don't care whatever happened with me. But you have the right to be happy, Therefore you should divorce me." His words were heavy.

He held my hands in his hands and glanced at me,  His eyes were drowning deep in my eyes, having hopes shining brightly with a hint of misery, like his life dependent on my answer. A single tear left my eyes and with that I slapped him hardly on his cheeks with a striking sound.

Pain started flowing from my fingers through my whole hand.

I didn't even ever thought to point a finger at him. But at that moment my rage overcame me. And my fingerprints stamped on his face. His whole gorgeous face became red and shock was written all over it.

I didn't felt even a little bit of regret. My hand was hurting badly with stinging pain after slapping him. And I was breathing hardly. Some tears left his eyes but he stayed silent. He didn't even flinch just his hopeless tears left his eyes.

For many days we didn't exchange a single word to each other. We lived with each other but we were so far away. I never felt so distant from him ever, living under a same roof still being miles away from each other. Doing everything together, still not having the courage to look into each other's eyes. I slapped him, the guilt was overbearing me.

Our family knew something was wrong between us. But we didn't want to talk about it.

Then Riyansh's sisters and my parents made a plan. And one day they locked us in the same room and warned us to not open the door until we talk to each other.

And then they all went to movies. And told us they would come in the evening.

For two hours nobody said anything. Just sat with each other on the floor, having our backs pressed against the wall, passing the time. But then my patience broke and with that I broke the silence with my heavy words, "Would you have given me a divorce too if I could not have been a mother anymore?"

I looked straight at the wall in front of me carelessly with hollowness in my eyes while my heart was overflowing with gloom and my broken heart pieces were floating in grief.

Hearing my words his head suddenly turned in my direction. He stared at me with visible confusion.

"No! What are you saying? I would never done that, Arya. I love you." He uttered in urgency.

With blurry vision and tear filled eyes I looked at him. "Then why do you think... " I gulped, my words were very heavy that they could not come out of my throat.

But still I tried hard, "Then why do you think I am selfish enough to divorce you? Do I look that cheap to you?" I croaked and brushed my tears. My heart was hurting like a million arrows were pierced inside it and it was still throbbing.

"No! No! No! Arya, you are not selfish or cheap. It is just my love for you that doesn't want you to see being sad." He exclaimed and nodded his head in restlessness, sobbing hardly.

"I love you Arya, I love you." He tried to cup my cheeks in his hands but I moved back resisting his touch. I didn't want to be touched by him. His touch was degrading to my skin.

His eyes were filled with helplessness and he reached out to me. And even after my resistance, he held my cheeks in hands firmly.

"What kind of love is this which separates my love from me? What kind of love is this in front of which my love is small and my love has no value. Answer me, Answer me Riyansh" I asked him while my tears were drenching his hands.

His breaths were touching my lips while he stayed silent and didn't utter anything. He didn't have any answer to my question.

I was feeling devastated. I wanted to run away from everything, even from him at that time.

"Am I that unfortunate Riyansh that my love doesn't matter?" I broke into pain in his hands. I couldn't even breath properly. I was drunk over my tears and suffocated by my breaths.

"You understand me the most in the world. But you failed to see the love in my eyes. Am I that bad? Why did you do it with me Riyansh? Why?" I accused him while sobbing. My half shirt was drenched and his hands were washed with my tears.

My eyes were burning and my brain was pulsating in my skull due to enormous ache.

"I am sorry, Arya. I am really sorry. I didn't want to hurt you." He yelped. His sharp words were evidence of his despair.

"But you did hurt me! and you did it in the worst way possible. Do you know how was I feeling when I saw you fighting for life? Your heartbeats were keeping me breathing. I fainted 5 times and wasn't even able to sleep or eat just because I was dying there worrying for you. And you?" I looked at him with aversion.

And he just lowered his eyes in guilt. I grabbed his collars, "How dare you do that? How dare you try to snatch my lover from me when I have gotten him with such struggle. You don't have any right to do that. Not even "You" can ask me to leave you. Understand!" I yelled at him in anger, My saliva coming out of my mouth mixed with tears as I said that. I mopped my face with my sleeves.

Shaking him by his collars vigorously. My anger bulging in my veins. I became an animal in wrath.

And then out of nowhere he just forced his lips against my lips taking control over my tongue and pushing my body against his body.

And when he did that, all my anger turned into immense pain. And I sobbed kissing him. The saltiness of our tears and the sweetness of his lips mingling together. The tip of his tongue touching the end of my tongue and filling my whole mouth completely. The painful throbbing of my heart, the burning of my skin under his body made me sweat heavily and the sweat was trickling down from my neck to my stomach.

His strong need for my lips making this situation more intense than ever. His fingers were on my throat, caressing it carefully. While he kept sobbing and kissing me with all the strength he had in his body.

He could not stop even when I was out of breath and I just had to push him back to bring him to his senses and I did that. He shrieked loudly in pain and cried having his head in his palms. His painful squeals ringing in my ears and echoing inside them like large bells. I clutched my head because it would have bursted anytime soon.

"I am sorry, lioness, I am really sorry. I never thought I would hurt you like that. I never thought it in that way, Please forgive me, please." He chanted and though I was feeling merciful seeing him like that.

Still, I could never forgive him for what he did. I just turned my gaze away from him coldly. Though, I couldn't tolerate it. My heart was sinking lower in my chest. My surroundings were becoming unclear to me, they were slowly fading.

And tears kept spilling from eyes, making small tear puddles.

He came striding towards me on his knees. And kept his head on my shoulder on the side where I was looking at. And I again turned my head in another direction avoiding him.

But he looked at me and in my blurry eyes and kept his fingers on my wet lips pressing them as I gazed at him in disappointment. And begged, "I know you can't forgive me but at least give me one chance, Please!"

And then he kissed my neck taking the  skin between his lips. And sliding his tongue where he just kissed. I inhaled a deep breath feeling restless. Because, though, I was angry at him. But my body never forgets to react to him. My clothes becoming unbearable for me. They were stinging me. And I wanted to get freedom from them badly.

My whole body was adorned with goosebumps and small sweat beads while my whole face was turned into a shade of crimson red because of the heat I was feeling in my body and also because of his touches.

I became a messy puddle. He closed his eyes and brushed his nose with mine and kissed me on the lips whispering, "Please!" and pressed his soft and tender feather like drenched lips against mine.

Once again a sweet salty flavour filled in my mouth. And now I couldn't resist more. I locked my fingers in his hair and started moving with his tongue. His one hand supporting the back of my neck. Other was inside my shirt stroking my waist in up and down motion,  trying to show his affection towards me.

Taking his lips into my mouth and biting them while his body took control over me and he started pushing me to to the floor while making the kiss deeper. His hands were pinning both of my wrists and pressing them hardly on the cold floor. The coldness of floor only increased my desire for him.

He looked in my eyes and begged once more, "Please, give me a chance."

I breathed looking into his eyes, feeling betrayed by him. And looked into them for a long minute. And then said," Just because I love you. That's why I am giving you another chance. But if you ever think of doing this again. I am really gonna divorce you."

I gave him a warning glare.

"No! I won't, I would not even think of hurting you again by saying any stupid words" He retorted and started kissing me again while stripping my clothes in urgency.

And after that we took a shower together, I took some headache pill and he made something delicious for me and after eating that. We slept till the next morning, having each other in our arms, clinging on each other like there's no tomorrow.

And after that day. Everything became normal and we became a normal happy couple.

Though, I have to say Riyansh's love just increased for me after that a little bit more.

He became more caring. And tried to understand my emotions more.

To be continued...

»»————>Author's Note<————««

No love story is perfect neither people. Even the perfect ones has flaws. They just know how to hide it well. That's why if we love someone dearly we need to accept them with their flaws. Like Riyansh accepted Arya with her Dark Past and Arya accepted Riyansh knowing he can never be a father.

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