CHAPTER 43

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Her eyes widened with absolute horror and she immediately sat up with her heart thumping against her chest. She clearly understood that he wasn't exactly talking about entering the room. And deep down, she knew she liked whatever came out of that sexy mouth of his.

"We can talk tomorrow morning. I am tiered now." She said, looking everywhere but him. But he just stood there silently, staring at her without giving any reply. The room was dark, and her windows were open. The faint glow of light outside illuminated the room and she could see one side of him that was obstructing the dim light that came in. As they remained in their positions in that deafening silence listening to each other's breath, she slowly brought her gaze and locked them with his. And as soon as she did that, she felt a sharp tug in her heart when she witnessed him looking at her with intensity, hunger and...longing mixed with immense pain. Instantly she felt guilty for hurting him by throwing those harsh words at him. When they were kids, she used to run behind him, irritate him and do everything possible to gain his attention. But every time she had irritated him, he patiently handled her without yelling or fighting with her. He cared for her like that. He was so calm and patient. As she looked at him now, standing all tall, manly and handsome in front of her, all she could think of was that little neighbour boy of hers whom she fell in love with. She looked at him, slowly and carefully this time, making sure that she wasn't dreaming. Alexander stood rooted in his place and did not move an inch as he kept his unwavering gaze on her. How lucky she was to have him back with her again. The only man she had carried in her heart for an entire lifetime. The small sweet boy from her childhood was now a strong, rough, arrogant, cocky man, and she loved him. She loved him then and she loved him now. She realized that this entire life wouldn't be enough for her to love him completely, because she knew that she would crave for more. She would get greedy when it comes to him. She could somehow feel herself relax as she stared into those eyes for a longer time, and at the same time, she was clearing her head from all other negative thoughts and was becoming clearer with her resolve. She felt safe and she felt home in him. She wouldn't let him go, not now.

A small smile crept on her face when she realised that he hadn't moved an inch and just stood there with his arms folded on his chest as he held her gaze without even blinking. His trademark poker face was on, but she knew the storm inside through those eyes that she had learnt to read since she was a kid. She

"Are we having a staring competition?" she asked, without removing the smile from her face as she eased in his presence. She couldn't stop it; the smile. It was somehow there when he was around. He made her happy, he filled her. Even his thoughts were enough to bring a furious rush of heat on her cheeks and body.

He remained silent and kept looking at her without replying. After a few seconds, he spoke.

"I don't want to blink and realise that all this might just be a fucking wicked dream like the ones I had all these years before you came. I have found you after a long time Rose, I can't lose you. I can't...not now." he said, in a soft voice. And at that moment, Rose witnessed his eyes slightly glaze. He immediately turned to leave the room, but she quickly moved towards the foot of her bed and caught hold of his wrist preventing him from moving any further.

"I won't leave. I could never, and will never. "She said, as she looked up at him through her lashes. She slipped her right hand into his and locked their hands together as she cherished the heat that radiated from his palm to hers. His eyes were shut and he was taking deep breaths to control the whirlwind of emotions that stirred in him. This was the real Alexander; a man with his own insecurities, pain and fear that he kept hidden deep inside him. And for once, he let it all lose in front of her. He let her see him.

She slightly tugged his hand when he did not open his eyes. Her heart ached for the form that stood in front of her. This was the same man who was cold and ruthless to the entire world, one who did not waste a breath before he killed anyone. And today, he stood in front of her, with his eyes shut, looking all vulnerable and lonely. She decided then that she had to change herself to live with a man like him. Alexander was a package and if she couldn't accept him and love him for everything he is and forget his messed up past, things would come spiralling down soon and she did not want that.

"Alex..." she whispered again. He gulped down and she witnessed his Adams apple bobble up and then down slowly as he sat next to her, tightening his fingers around her right hand. She kept her unwavering gaze on his actions and all she saw then, was the small boy who looked lost when her mother asked him to sleep in her room after she had brought him away from his house due to the fight between his parents. He just sat there staring intensely at the wall in front of him baring his emotions to her, giving her the power to push him away.

She sighed looking at him this hurt. She knew she shouldn't have taken so many days to talk to him, but she couldn't help it. What she witnessed that day hurt her real bad. The thought of him being physically close to another woman disturbed her beyond limits and it made it hard for her to just accept and let go of his past. But she would make the efforts to do it for him. She pushed away all her thoughts and moved closer. She hugged him from the side and laid her head on his shoulder. And as soon as she did this, she could feel him tense up and draw in a sharp breath. She plastered her front closer to his side and felt his heat seep into her body. She smiled and kept a hand on his chest, right above his heart, wanting to feel the wild thumping of his heart beats that matched her own. She looked at him and found him already staring at her with a small smile.

"Planning on killing me, woman?" he asked, looking at her intensely. He kept his right hand above hers' and pressed it deeper into his chest as he took a deep breath to regain himself.

"I never knew I had this effect on you, Mr. Alexander." she said, with a teasing smile on her face. She somehow wanted him to return to his normal cocky self. She liked him like that.

"You affect me in more ways than you think of, sweetheart. Up and..." he looked back at her and smiled, his eyes twinkling with mischief "down there too...want to feel it like how you felt this?" he asked, and started moving her hand which was above his heart downwards. She pulled her hand away and playfully wacked his arm as she blushed furiously and laughed.

She felt happy, sitting next to him in the dark and feeling his heat radiate towards her. She wanted this; she just wanted this with him forever. The light from outside had cast a beautiful dim light on his face, highlighting his beautiful features. She looked at him as he laughed and spoke something. But she was too engrossed in him to hear what he spoke. She did not want to hear. She just wanted to sit there and fill her ears with his laughter and stuff her soul with his beauty. She gulped when his green eyes focused on hers and she just sat there staring at him. She would engrave this memory into her heart. One of those many beautiful moments she had and would have with Alexander. She never wanted to let go of this and would give anything to have time freeze.

They both stared at each other, breaths mingling and heart beating rapid. She looked deeper into his eyes and observed the light green specks that were clear in the faint light in the now black iris of his. She observed how his pupils dilated, expanded, contracted, and how his eyes let her into the deep dark tunnel of his soul.

"You have beautiful eyes Alex." She whispered to him and brought her left hand up to touch the side of his face with the tip of her fingers. She ran her fingers from the side of his eyebrow, down the mount of his cheek bone and slowly felt his stubble with the back of her fingers as she followed her motions with her eyes intently as she memorised him, engraving him into her.

"When was the last time I watched you this closely?" she asked, softly, as she touched his neck, caressing the sides. "Years back, when you had come home to sleep that night. You slept in my room and I went to sleep at my sisters'" she answered her own question, and smiled as she looked at him, all of him. "The only fact was that I returned back. Just to watch you sleep."

Alexander sat there, numb and stiff. His senses were aware of her warm finger tips moving across his skin, touching him with so much innocence, yet so intimately. She had never done this before. Never touched him by her own and when she spoke about their past, all he could do was sit there and question himself if he rightfully deserved her. Her soft, sensual touches were driving him insane, and made him unbelievably hard. All he wanted to do now was to push her back onto the bed, kiss her senseless and make love to her repeatedly until she couldn't take anymore. He wanted to show her that he could love her the way she deserved to be loved; moreover, he had only been able to dream about this moment. But before he could make love to her, and carry out what his heart was longing for, he had to make things clear between them and did not want her to regret anything.

She was still mesmerised by his eyes as she deeply looked into them like she had never seen it before, like it was the first time she was discovering them. He immediately shut his eyes, drew in a deep breath and started.

"Lily..." she immediately shushed him by keeping her index finger on his lips.

"Not now Alex." Her eyes pleaded. She didn't want this moment to end and wanted to cling onto it for however long she could, but he covered her finger with his hand and rested their hands on his lap.

"It has to be now Rose." He said, looking into her eyes with sincerity. He gulped before continuing. "When I touch you after this..." he trailed as he brought his right hand and placed it on her neck. "I want you to let me touch you without any regrets." He whispered as he trailed his hand downwards, lightly brushing his palm on her chest, breast, and stopped at her stomach as he put a little pressure there, making his presence known. All the while, he kept his unwavering gaze on her. Rose inhaled a sharp breath and sat listening to every single word he said. It was getting hard for her to breathe normally so she parted her lips and sucked in air greedily. This man knew how to kill a woman. He removed his hand from her stomach and covered her hand that was placed on his lap.

"Lilly is Vladimir's daughter. You might know that by now. That old man has the power to shake the whole damn mafia world. He was powerful, ruthless and a slaughter machine. Had his mafia groups set up in major cities around the world, with extreme caution and high world class security. And where do I come in the middle of all this?...He picked me up from the rags after my first kill." He stopped there and looked at her. She just kept her attention on him without saying anything and listened to him with patience and eagerness to know more.

 "So then I started to work for him. It wasn't any normal work that people do. I stepped into a very dangerous zone. The frustration, anger and sheer rage of not being able to save my parents from being murdered turned me into a monster. I can still remember the day I came back home only to find their bloody bodies on the floor... I started killing people, handled his side business, and learnt many ruthless things from that man. Within a few months I became another copy of Vladimir and that man was proud of me. Treated me damn well, and as a reward for everything I did, I got women, a lot of them." He stopped again, but this time he did not look at her. He was scared to find shame and disgust directed towards him. So he continued... "I got addicted to drugs, woman and power ever since I started working for him as his right hand. He took great pride in me because I was young and had accomplished many tasks. Being a fast learner was a bonus for me. He always said that I was the son he never had. He's good with the people he loves and I happened to be one of them. He had a party organised for my new position immediately after a week since I started working as his right hand, and that is when I met Lily." He gulped, mentally preparing himself to walk away from her room once he was done. 

"She...We got involved. Fucked around. Many times. And then I couldn't anymore because the lady in my mind and heart started eating up my life. I tried to forget you, but I couldn't. I know that I'm wrong in every possible way and not good enough for you, but Rose, I can't give you up. I'm a fucking selfish man. And when it comes to you, I could damage all three worlds if I ever find you with another man. I would cripple him to death." he gritted his teeth at the end of his sentence and closed his eyes when an image of Brian popped up in his head. He opened his eyes and continued without turning towards her but he knew that she was looking at him, listening to each and every word he said. "Meanwhile, when I couldn't bear not having you near me; I sent a search for you back in California hoping to somehow find you. That is when I got to know about your families' death. I felt like a piece of shit at that point. The urge to protect you intensified when this news hit me. Hired investigators to search for you but none could get any news about you. How did you even vanish like that without a fucking trace?" he asked, still staring at the wall in front of him. When he did not get any reply other than the soft sound of her breathing, he continued.

"Lily was mad by then. She knew that I always had a woman in my heart and never seemed to have a problem when I used her to reduce the intensity of you in my blood. But what I did not know was that you had already seeped into me, contaminated my blood and got into every fucking nerve and bone of mine. Shit went down since then. She created havoc around her once I stopped bedding her and wanted me more than before. She even tried to talk me into a marriage... but Vladimir knew what I had always wanted, so he talked sense to her and shifted her away from me. She was out soon and I left working for Vladimir. I stepped down and started something on my own, but I still do a few favours for him here and there...and...yeah..."he was confused now. He did not know what to say further and slowly turned his head towards her. She was still looking at him with that unreadable expression on her face. What could he say further? Lily was the one to create this havoc in-between them and he told her all about it in a nutshell.

He turned back and stared at the wall in front of them when he did not hear anything from her. They both sat in utter silence for a few minutes and he sighed as his shoulders slumped in disappointment. He knew she still wasn't ready, wasn't ready to accept him and his past, but he had to get this out soon. He did not want to hold anything back from her now. So he did what he did without any regrets as he put his past in front of her. There were still many dark things from his past but he did not want to open that up now because that was something that did not involve any woman. But she already knew that. She knew that he was a twisted soul. He felt more and more uncomfortable with time and slowly removed his hands from hers and straightened his back. Never had he felt his self confidence seep into the drain before and never had he felt so weak and worthless in front of anyone other than this one woman. She would be the death of him. He sighed and rubbed his palm over his face. He turned towards her only to find her looking at him with an unreadable expression like before. Not a single word. Not a single emotion. Why are woman so hard to read? He thought.

"Looks like it's too late. You need to sleep, I'll leave..."

"You missed the part where you fan girl'ed over me to Vladimir." She stated, with a small smile on her lips, and in one fluid motion, grabbed his face and lifted her chin to plaster her soft lips onto his warm ones.

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Hello my loves,

I hope you liked the update. Let me know about your thoughts on this chapter and the progress of the characters.

Sorry for the late update guys. I really am. I have a lot of assignments going on but I promise to get an update soon.

Thank you for all the love and support.

I love you.

Until the next time,

RLJ.


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