Nikolai and I are spooning on his bed. He's resting his ripped and tattooed arm around my stomach just below my breasts. I can feel his warm breath on my nape delivering small sparks of electric current down my spine. 

Nikolai's presence is my safe place. Whenever I am with him, I feel like no one and nothing can ever harm me. He makes me feel invincible and at ease.

I can feel that Nikolai is comfortable with me as well. Unlike his often serious and don't effin mess with me look whenever he's around other people and his men, when it's only the two of us, he is playful, naughty and affectionate and I love every moment of it.

"Hmmm.." Murmured Nikolai, inhaling deep on my skin at the back of my right ear while planting small warm kisses. "I want you baby....." His voice is so gentle and soft, the sparks of electric current running down my spine are starting to overcome my whole body.

I can feel his warm tongue touch my now vulnerable skin in between kisses. Slowly, I can feel my body flush. My abdomen is constricting like hell in response to every sensation that Nikolai is causing my body.

Nikolai's hand explores my curvatures. From my thigh up to my breasts, his hand is running on my skin in slow motion.

He then slowly climbed on top of me while pushing my body to the bed to face him. He cups my left breast with his right hand and squeezed it gently. His beautiful green eyes are keenly observing every bit of my reaction. He parted his lips a little as his torso rubs against mine.

I inhaled deep as I try to catch my breath. At the back of my mind, I think I know what's going to happen next. Oh god, is this it? The reason in my head tells me to slow down and to stop but my heart is telling me otherwise.

While his eyes are still glued to me, I can feel his hand slowly reaching down my red lace underwear. Oh my god it is really happening. So this is it? Am I going to let go of the one thing I have been holding on to my whole life for this night and to this marvel of a man?

"Stop. Please. I'm not ready." There, I said it. The tiny voice of reason inside my head won over my heart.

I feel like small needles are pinching my eyes. The tears that are slowly forming on my eyes are already threatening to fall. "I'm sorry Nikolai." I cupped my face including my eyes as I try to speak audibly.

"Look at me. You don't have to say sorry." Nikolai said as he tries to remove my hands off of my face. Oh god, I feel more guilty right now because of his reaction. Part of me wishes he did not have to be this understanding. Part of me wants him to get mad at me for leading him to this.

"Baby please, I can't stand seeing you like this. I am sorry. Just look me in the eyes I'm begging you." I feel like my heart is being slowly crushed hearing Nikolai plead to me like this.

I can't do it. I don't want to see his face and I don't want him to see me like this. This is all my fault! I shouldn't have allowed the situation to come to this point. I should have been clear to him about this.

Next thing I know, Nikolai removed himself off of me and walked away from the bed.

"FUCK!!!!!!!" Nikolai yelled and banged the door on his way out.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My eyes flicker from the light illuminating through the curtains. As I attempt to open my eyes wider, I see a familiar silhouette. It's Nikolai, and he's sitting on the brown leather chair next to the windows. I rub my eyes to have a clearer view of my surroundings and to see clearly my Nikolai. I realized that he is looking at me observing every move I make.

I slowly step down the bed as I try to find my balance. I feel a little bit groggy from sobbing last night. I remember bawling my eyes before being lulled to sleep by my own exhaustion. 

I sat on Nikolai's lap while placing my feet on his right thigh. "Where did you go last night Nikolai?" I said as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I gave you the chance to leave. Why are you still here?"

"Did you want me to leave?"

Nikolai did not answer. Instead, he pulled me even closer to him by wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing my body against his.

"I'm sorry Nikolai."

"Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault. What happened last night got the best of me. When you wept, I thought that was it. You were leaving me."

I removed my head from his shoulder and looked at him in his eyes. Nikolai is looking down the floor. His hair is disheveled and he looks like he wasn't able to sleep at all. He's blaming himself for what happened when in fact it was me who lead him to do that last night.

"I love you Nikolai. I would never leave you. It's going to be the both of us, from here on until forever." I said as I reach for his cheek to face me. I meant every word that I said but Nikolai looks uncertain.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He said as he connects his gaze on me.

"I know exactly what I am talking about Nikolai. If you think that I will walk away the moment I find out whatever it is that you're not telling me, then you are mistaken. Never under estimate my love for you Nikolai." He stares at me like he's longing to say something.

"Tell me the truth, where did you go last night really?" I asked out of curiosity because I didn't feel him beside me last night.

A smirk slowly formed on Nikolai's face. Oh thank goodness, the playful Nikolai is slowly coming back.

"Nikolai!!!! Tell me at once or I will think the worst!!!"

"I didn't leave, I made sure the doors were locked so there's no way you can leave." Said Nikolai teasingly. I cant decipher if he's being serious or not.

"Nikolai, you are crazy you know that?"

"Did you ever consider for one second to leave me?" Asked Nikolai while pinching my chin to face him.

"Are you kidding me? Why would I do that? Minus the kookoo part, you are actually quite the catch."

I let out a wide grin at him. Nikolai smiled and shook his head as he squeezes me towards him even tighter.

This man just don't realize how much I love him.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Nikolai insisted in bringing me to St. Mary's even though his meeting is in the opposite direction. I tried to reason my way out of it but eventually I just let go. Nikolai is exhausting to argue with. Alexei was right when he said that when Nikolai puts his head into something, the man becomes relentless.

I remember what happened last night but my conviction towards my relationship with Nikolai remains unmoved. In fact, I love him even more. He did not force his way to me. He even blamed himself for it. I am going to do my best to work this out, no matter what.

Right next to me in the car is Nikolai. Alexei is on the front passenger seat and Yuri is the designated driver. Nikolai is scanning through some papers while I check my lesson plan for the day. I am sooo excited to meet the kids!

I let out a soft sigh as my eyes scan at this perfection of a man named Nikolai beside me. He is wearing a black suit with a vest inside. Although I know that he didn't have much sleep, he still looks a hundred percent, high and mighty. Not to mention that face. Damn that face! Perhaps when God said, let there be beautiful people, Nikolai must have been in the front row catching all the beauty that God has to offer. I giggled inside at my silly thoughts.

"Somebody's daydreaming" Alexei said. He's looking at me through the side view mirror.

I threw him a crumpled tissue paper but he just laughs it off. I can see that he is still looking at me, so I rolled my eyes on him and shifted my attention towards Nikolai's direction.

A few minutes later the black SUV pulled over in front of St. Mary's.

"Thank you daddy for bringing me to school." I said teasingly to Nikolai while wrapping my arms around his. "I love you Nikolai."

Nikolai kisses me on my lips as he grabs me tight to him. "I love you baby."

"Me and you, forever and ever." I said while looking him in the eyes. There it is again. The look of doubt painted all over his face.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Alexei: Did you tell her?

Nikolai: Do you think she would still be with me if I did?

Alexei: Brother, have a little faith in her. She might surprise you in ways you do not expect. For one, she has been putting up with you the past few days. I mean wow, that's quite an achievement don't you think?

Nikolai: Fuck off Alexei, since when did you become a love doctor?

Yuri snorted while driving.

Alexei: All I'm saying is, give her a chance. The way she sees it, you two will have a forever and ever shit, but how about you bro?

Nikolai did not say a word.

Alexei: Exactly! You can shoot me after this, but as your brother, I will say this anyway. You are being unfair to her.

★★★★★★★★

My first day at St. Mary's has been fruitful and fun as I expected. There are eight kids in my class, three girls and five boys. After class I went by the church to say a little prayer, when I got out I see Dylan, sitting on his bike, looking handsome as always.

"Hey you." I greeted him with glee.

"How's your first day?"

"It's perfect. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see the most beautiful, most bad ass woman in the world."

"I haven't been informed that you wanted to see me."

"Haha! Let's go grab some lunch?" I was about to say yes but suddenly I saw from the corner of my eye a black SUV pull over only a few meters away from us. Seconds later, I saw Alexei got out of the car. You gotta be kidding me..

"Hey Belle are you okay?" Asked Dylan.

"Uh, Dy maybe next time?"

Dylan noticed my change in mood. He gazed at the direction where the black SUV pulled over.

"What is he doing here?" Dylan looks intently at me waiting for my answer. Oh my god help me. "You said he's just your friend, why is he here?"

"Hey princess I'm sorry I'm late. Let's go?" Alexei said. Shit. Alexei you're not helping me right now, shooo! Urghh, why is he even here anyway?

Dylan looked dissapointed in me. Oh Dy, but I'm telling you the truth.

"It's not what it looks like Dy."

"Then what is it Belle?"

I just stood there, trying to figure out what to say to Dylan.

"Uhhh Dy......I'm sorry."

Dylan placed his helmet on and left me without a word. His bike hummed loud as he leaves me standing alone.

I feel like my heart is being twisted very tight. I have hurt Dylan. I feel bad for not telling him the whole truth. The only friend I have in this place, hates me. I tried so hard not to cry.

I'm trying to call Dylan while in the car with Alexei but he's not answering his phone.

"Where do you want to have lunch." Asked Alexei. He is on his phone texting.

"I'm not hungry. I want to go home."

"You are to eat lunch, the Boss' order." Of course.

"Where is Nikolai, I want to have lunch with him."

"Business meeting, with Yuri and Boris"

"Then why are you here?"

"Ouch, you could at least pretend that you don't mind being with me. It hurts." He signals a dagger to his heart. I know he is trying to lighten up the atmosphere but I'm too annoyed to care.

"I'm taking care of his most important business while he's away. By the way, that Dylan, what was he doing with you?"

"He was just checking up on me." I said as I continue my gaze outside the car.

"Why did he look upset?" Humm let me see, well because he thinks that you are my boyfriend, that I lied to him.

"I don't want to talk about it Alexei."

"Is it the time of the month again?"

"What?"

"You know the blood thing. Girls act like that when it's that time."

"No!!!"

"Okay....okay.... chill."

I shook my head and sighed in frustration. "Just bring me wherever Alexei."

He taps the shoulder of the driver and spoke Russian.